(Untitled)

[raisedinabox]

So it occurred to me, I don't think I've ever been part of a moderately sized group of intelligent people before where there was only one person writing a novel or a screenplay. God knows we've got enough free time for it, so I was wondering if anyone other than the Marquis was working on anything? I mean, between the floods and the ports and the

Comments

Spam

[stopthat_destro]

[Rex just stepped out for like five minutes to take a message on his communicator, only to return to TREACHERY. He can practically smell his awesome soap being used.]

Hey!

[With a scowl and fists clenched, he stomps over to the shower in use and slams his palm on the tile to get the occupant's attention.]

You're using my soap!

Spam

[raisedinabox]

[Jesus Christ, seriously? Jim recognizes Rex's voice immediately, and for a moment, he actually considers the possibility that among his many other neurosis? Rex had some kind of insane obsessive control issue over his soap. Then he reflects. This is Rex. It's far more likely that this is just the excuse of the week to harass Jim about something, and he is so sick of it by now. So instead of considerately returning the soap, like an adult, he peers around the side of the shower at Rex, GLORIOUS, LUXURIANT SUDS STILL FILLING HIS HAIR, and replies:]

You're joking, right? It's soap.

Spam

[stopthat_destro]

[JIM.  Of course it's Jim Profit.  Jim, who is so obsessively jealous of his former wardens' clear preference for Rex that he now resorts to even trying to smell like him.

Sickening.  And, not to mention, unhealthy.  Rex narrows his eyes.]

It's not just soap; it's my soap.  It's extra moisturizing, and it smells nice, and why on Earth would you steal my soap?

[He holds out his hand.]

Give it back.  Use your own... clunky... yuppie soap.

Spam

[raisedinabox]

[Jim frowns slowly, and considers explaining that if soap is just lying around in the communal showers then he doesn't consider it to be stealing, and that his soap happens to be very fine, organic yuppie soap, thank you very much.]

[But Rex was being a jerk.]

[So instead, Jim just stared at him, working up a fine lather from the soap in his hands, before retreating back into the shower.]

Spam

[stopthat_destro]

[Rex stares incredulously at Jim's affront, his casual disregard for Rex's ownership of his soap. The soap bar that he arrived with, that magically replenished every month. HIS GODDAMN SOAP. He stalks back and looks around the stalls, finding a discarded loofah in one of them. Somebody's gross, abandoned loofah. He picks it up, pulls Jim's curtain aside and FLINGS IT AT JIM.]

That soap is for recovering burn victims ONLY! My skin has unique needs!

Spam

[raisedinabox]

[The problem with throwing things at Jim in the shower is that his life of various traumatic episodes has left him with literally no shame about his body. Which means that while you might feel uncomfortable about having a naked man jerking the shower head off the wall and spraying you with it? He feels perfectly comfortable doing it.] I don't know if you've noticed this, Rex, but during your time on board, you've made a pretty full recovery. I think you could safely transition onto normal soap now.

[He lowers the shower head now, looking completely innocent.]

But if you have any doubts, I'm sure you could find a Doctor willing to cater to your needs.

[Because you always can, can't you.]

Spam

[stopthat_destro]

[Gasp! Meanwhile, prudish Rex is just wearing pajama pants, and he's momentarily horrified when they get wet with the spray, because then the fabric gets clingy and you can SEE OUTLINES.]

You don't know that! And what the hell do YOU need it for? It's quite clear that you're burn free! [So disgustingly clear...]

Oh, certainly. [He reaches in and grabs the shampoo so that he can SQUIRT IT IN YOUR FACE.] And I'm sure somebody will check up on you when this is through-- OH WAIT, you only have one friend!

Spam

[raisedinabox]

I need it to wash with. [DUH. Jim wasn't really considering this a fight at this point. It's more like a childish argument punctuated by a loofa and a shower spray, that is, until Rex squirts fucking shampoo in his eyes! That actually hurts!

Jim gives a pained yelp and puts a hand over his eyes, before retaliating by-- throwing the soap at Rex? NO! Jim MALICIOUSLY DROPS THE SOAP ON TOP OF THE DRAIN, AND MASHES HIS FOOT DOWN ON IT!]

Spam

[stopthat_destro]

You have your own-- [GAAAAASP! It's on now, dick. Enjoy a wet, slippery tackle. Rex doesn't even care about outlines or nudity now.]

Re: Spam

[raisedinabox]

[And since Jim is still half blind and covered in soap? HE GOES DOWN! BUT FUCK IT, since we're fighting now, he's going to try and punch Rex in the face:] Does no one here ever get tired of going into hysterics about ridiculous petty nonsense?

Spam

[stopthat_destro]

[While Jim is half-blind with shampoo, Rex is half-blind with RAGE.  Still, he's able to see that fist coming and try to squirm out of the way in time, so that glances him but doesn't catch him full on.]

Shower harassment isn't petty!  I'm sick of you people stealing my things!

[LIKE HIS HAIR.  His amazing hair...  Oh, and his life.  That was something he lost in this damned shower, too.  ANYWAY, Rex decides to go for the gold and tries to shove Jim's face against the shower drain.  THAT'S WHERE THE PUBES END UP, BRO.]

Spam

[raisedinabox]

Shower harassment? I don't suppose the definition of that would stretch to attacking someone for using your soap, would it?

[Jim managed to blurt out, but he was a little off balance from his failed punch. The heel of his palm skidded painfully across the tiles as Rex shoved his face against the drain, STILL CLOGGED WITH DELICIOUS CHUNKS OF CRUSHED SOAP.

This was ridiculous. Jim braced his hands against the floor, coughing up water, and shoved himself up against Rex, trying to knock the other man off him.]

Spam

[stopthat_destro]

Use? You stole--

[Rex doesn't get the rest out as he's shoved off of Jim and lands on his bony butt with a yelp. Damn Jim's slipperyness.]

Spam

[raisedinabox]

If I had stolen your worthless soap, then you would never find out who did it!

[He rolls onto his side, and kicks out one leg, aiming for Rex's stomach.]

[Or his balls, whatever, you deserve it Rex.]

Spam

[stopthat_destro]

If it's so worthless, you wouldn't have used it when it clearly belonged to somebody! It was sitting on my TOWEL! [That towel with a Cobra insignia embroidered on one corner.

Ow, that kick to the stomach hurt. But that didn't stop Rex from grabbing the other man's leg and, well, BITING ON IT. Rex fights dirty.]

Re: Spam

[raisedinabox]

People leave their towels lying around in here all the time, it was just soap! [How was Jim to know that towel belonged to someone who DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO SHARE?

And what the hell, Rex? Jim catches his breath at the feeling of teeth sinking into his ankle, and tries to jerk his leg back, if he's lucky he might manage to take a tooth back with him in the process.]