"Lancelot and Guinevere" Now With 100x More Ellipses...
I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF. This episode was dying to be made fun of. Anyway. It's, like, a parody-ish thing? With pictures? Let's give it a rating for fun. R.
Oh yeah, and spoiler alert. Um, obviously. And warnings for OT5-ness and all the pairings therein. Bonus points if you get the Psych and Homestar Runner references (in addition to the Star Wars, LotR, and Heroes ones).
ARTHUR: Don't go, Morgana. No really, the red and purple. It's too much. Haven't I taught you better about being a pretty pretty prince... ess?
ARTHUR: LOOK AT HOW SAD YOUR LACK OF COLOR COORDINATION HAS MADE ME.
MERLIN: Where are Gwen and Morgana going?
ARTHUR: Morgana's old man's grave.
MERLIN: The same place Uther was attacked?
ARTHUR: Yeah, do you think they're in danger?
MERLIN: Nah, they'll be fine.
10 seconds later...
MORGANA and GWEN: We're being attacked? We'd better sit on our horses looking shocked.
MORGANA: Psst... you might want to do something about that arrow sticking out of your back, nameless redshirt-caped fellow.
MORGANA: Quick, Gwen, we'll have to run towards the woods, where the bandits came from, and away from the knights of Camelot! It's the only plan that makes sense.
GWEN AND MORGANA: *are very surprisingly captured*
Meanwhile, back at the castle...
UTHER: God, what's with this girl? Every time I turn my back she's kidnapped. That makes, what, two episodes in a row?
MERLIN: Well, technically last week she just ran off to visit the... la la la, oh look, a distraction!
And back in the woods...
MORGANA: I know! I'll distract the bandits by undressing!
GWEN: I... thought this was a family show?
MORGANA: Oh, like you have any ground to stand on, Ms. I'm-going-to-run-off-with-Lancelot-after-marrying-Arthur.
MORGANA: MORGANA KEEEEELLL! Oh hey, this sword thing is pretty useful. Maybe I should have used one back when the bandits were attacking. Or with that scorpion thing.
GWEN: But then we couldn't sit around looking pretty, waiting for handsome men to rescue us.
MORGANA: Trufax.
GWEN: Oh noes, I've been injured! You'll have to go on without me.
MORGANA: You're right. It's not like they were only keeping us alive for my ransom. Oh wait... maybe you'd better take the sword.
GWEN: Shiny!
BANDIT LEADER: We'll pretend the handmaid is Lady Morgana. She totally looks like Morgana, right?
RANDOM BANDIT DUDE: I think there might be a genealogy issue...
GWEN: Oooh, do I get to wear Morgana's pretty dress? I promise never to wear it with a red cape.
ARTHUR: It's Morgana! Where's Gwen? Not that I care.
MORGANA: She didn't make it.
ARTHUR: What, like she's dead?
MORGANA: No, like I left her behind with no reason for the bandits to keep her alive.
ARTHUR: Okay. Let's go back to the castle and ask my father for permission to rescue her. We can find the trail after a good night's sleep.
MORGANA: Awesome!
MORGANA: I can't believe you're not going after Gwen! You're the most heartless, soul-sucking, stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking-
ARTHUR: Morgana! I'm going.
MORGANA: I knew that. Uh... I'd ask to come with, but Gwen and I have decided to let the handsome men do all the work. Besides, I only stick my neck out for random villagers, not best friend handmaids whom I feel oddly attracted to.
At the Moderately Evil Dude's stronghold...
MODERATELY EVIL DUDE: Have we convinced the audience we're evil yet? Perhaps we should eat raw meat and watch gladiator battles. BRING OUT THE RANCOR!
GWEN: That guy does not have NEAR enough nipples to be a rancor keeper.
MODERATELY EVIL DUDE: Did I say rancor? I meant naked mole rat.
GWEN: ...
MODERATELY EVIL DUDE: LARGE naked mole rat. Full of scariness. And evil.
GWEN: I think the rancor would have been scarier.
GWEN: Isaac MendezLancelot!? What have you done with your hair? Arthur will be so sad.
LANCELOT: Well, I did just nobly refuse to kill that dude, so I'm hoping it makes up for the hair.
GWEN: You're right, that was very noble. I feel suddenly warm and tingly.
LANCELOT: What if I promised to rescue you?
GWEN: Oh yeeaaah, talk to me, baby.
LANCELOT: Gwen! I've come to- My God, what are you wearing?
GWEN: I know I promised not to wear the red cape with the dress, but it was warm and fuzzy and I was weak! Don't tell Arthur, he'd never love me again.
LANCELOT: Arthur? Love? What?
GWEN: Nothing! Go back to the part about rescuing me. You know it gets me all hot and bothered.
Back to Arthur and Merlin...
ARTHUR: Looks like we'll have to cut through the Tunnels of MoriaAndor. There will be giant... baby rats.
MERLIN: That doesn't sound so bad.
ARTHUR: They're full of evilness. They might even try to smell you. I'd better smear berries all over you.
MERLIN: What, all over?
ARTHUR: Well, just your face.
MERLIN: No, really, smear them anywhere you like.
MERLIN: Do these tunnels seem oddly familiar to you? I feel like I might have been here before... like, for a photo shoot.
ARTHUR: What was that? I got distracted by the berry juice rolling down your neck. You really should have someone lick that off for you.
MERLIN: Arthur, can we talk about our feelings? It's just that. Well. And sometimes. Um, how do two men have sex?
ARTHUR: You're right, I think I'm in love with Gwen.
Back at the Moderately Evil Dude's stronghold...
LANCELOT: I'm Lancelot, I'm here to rescue you!
GWEN: Aren't you a little short for a knight?
LANCELOT: What?
LANCELOT: You go on, I'll buy you time by sacrificing my own life.
GWEN: Okay! I'll never forget this. I'll even name one of my children with Arthur after you.
LANCELOT: You're not going to try to talk me out of it?
GWEN: Ta ta!
LANCELOT: What is it, leave your friends to die day?
GWEN: Oh hi, Lancelot. Any chance you could rescue me again?
LANCELOT: At least we'll die together, facing the... giant, scary naked mole rat of evilness?
GWEN: To be fair, they'd already used griffins and gargoyles and hippogriffs. They were sort of running out of mythical creatures.
ARTHUR: Gwen! My love! And Lancelot, what have you done with your hair?
GWEN: Lancelot, sweetie, don't be mad.
MERLIN: Awkward turtle.
GWEN: Say, Merlin looks oddly compelling in his rogue wear. Maybe I shouldn't have written him off first season.
MERLIN: Wow, Arthur and Lancelot are really good with their swords.
GWEN: Nevermind.
LANCELOT: I'll stay behind to fight them off.
MERLIN: Oh, honestly! *ownz0rs with magic*
LANCELOT: Huh, you didn't leave me behind.
MERLIN: So... Arthur has feelings for Gwen. And you have feelings for Gwen. Does anyone have feelings for me? Circle: y/n.
LANCELOT: Tell Gwen she's changed me forever.
MERLIN: Like a game of telephone? Awesome.
MERLIN: So, I know things didn't work out between you and Gwen, but I was thinking... You and Lancelot like Gwen, and I get strangely turned on whenever I polish your sword, and Lancelot and I shared a bed that one time last season, and I sort of like Gwen if I pretend she doesn't have girly bits, so maybe we could all just, you know. I'm pretty sure Gwen would be up for it, especially if we invited Morgana.
ARTHUR: Shut up and let me sulk, Merlin.
ARTHUR: Somebody's here to see you.
MORGANA: Gwen! You brought back my favorite dress!
ARTHUR: Huh, maybe Merlin had a good point about that fivesome thing.
Oh yeah, and spoiler alert. Um, obviously. And warnings for OT5-ness and all the pairings therein. Bonus points if you get the Psych and Homestar Runner references (in addition to the Star Wars, LotR, and Heroes ones).
ARTHUR: Don't go, Morgana. No really, the red and purple. It's too much. Haven't I taught you better about being a pretty pretty prince... ess?
ARTHUR: LOOK AT HOW SAD YOUR LACK OF COLOR COORDINATION HAS MADE ME.
MERLIN: Where are Gwen and Morgana going?
ARTHUR: Morgana's old man's grave.
MERLIN: The same place Uther was attacked?
ARTHUR: Yeah, do you think they're in danger?
MERLIN: Nah, they'll be fine.
10 seconds later...
MORGANA and GWEN: We're being attacked? We'd better sit on our horses looking shocked.
MORGANA: Psst... you might want to do something about that arrow sticking out of your back, nameless redshirt-caped fellow.
MORGANA: Quick, Gwen, we'll have to run towards the woods, where the bandits came from, and away from the knights of Camelot! It's the only plan that makes sense.
GWEN AND MORGANA: *are very surprisingly captured*
Meanwhile, back at the castle...
UTHER: God, what's with this girl? Every time I turn my back she's kidnapped. That makes, what, two episodes in a row?
MERLIN: Well, technically last week she just ran off to visit the... la la la, oh look, a distraction!
And back in the woods...
MORGANA: I know! I'll distract the bandits by undressing!
GWEN: I... thought this was a family show?
MORGANA: Oh, like you have any ground to stand on, Ms. I'm-going-to-run-off-with-Lancelot-after-marrying-Arthur.
MORGANA: MORGANA KEEEEELLL! Oh hey, this sword thing is pretty useful. Maybe I should have used one back when the bandits were attacking. Or with that scorpion thing.
GWEN: But then we couldn't sit around looking pretty, waiting for handsome men to rescue us.
MORGANA: Trufax.
GWEN: Oh noes, I've been injured! You'll have to go on without me.
MORGANA: You're right. It's not like they were only keeping us alive for my ransom. Oh wait... maybe you'd better take the sword.
GWEN: Shiny!
BANDIT LEADER: We'll pretend the handmaid is Lady Morgana. She totally looks like Morgana, right?
RANDOM BANDIT DUDE: I think there might be a genealogy issue...
GWEN: Oooh, do I get to wear Morgana's pretty dress? I promise never to wear it with a red cape.
ARTHUR: It's Morgana! Where's Gwen? Not that I care.
MORGANA: She didn't make it.
ARTHUR: What, like she's dead?
MORGANA: No, like I left her behind with no reason for the bandits to keep her alive.
ARTHUR: Okay. Let's go back to the castle and ask my father for permission to rescue her. We can find the trail after a good night's sleep.
MORGANA: Awesome!
MORGANA: I can't believe you're not going after Gwen! You're the most heartless, soul-sucking, stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking-
ARTHUR: Morgana! I'm going.
MORGANA: I knew that. Uh... I'd ask to come with, but Gwen and I have decided to let the handsome men do all the work. Besides, I only stick my neck out for random villagers, not best friend handmaids whom I feel oddly attracted to.
At the Moderately Evil Dude's stronghold...
MODERATELY EVIL DUDE: Have we convinced the audience we're evil yet? Perhaps we should eat raw meat and watch gladiator battles. BRING OUT THE RANCOR!
GWEN: That guy does not have NEAR enough nipples to be a rancor keeper.
MODERATELY EVIL DUDE: Did I say rancor? I meant naked mole rat.
GWEN: ...
MODERATELY EVIL DUDE: LARGE naked mole rat. Full of scariness. And evil.
GWEN: I think the rancor would have been scarier.
GWEN: Isaac MendezLancelot!? What have you done with your hair? Arthur will be so sad.
LANCELOT: Well, I did just nobly refuse to kill that dude, so I'm hoping it makes up for the hair.
GWEN: You're right, that was very noble. I feel suddenly warm and tingly.
LANCELOT: What if I promised to rescue you?
GWEN: Oh yeeaaah, talk to me, baby.
LANCELOT: Gwen! I've come to- My God, what are you wearing?
GWEN: I know I promised not to wear the red cape with the dress, but it was warm and fuzzy and I was weak! Don't tell Arthur, he'd never love me again.
LANCELOT: Arthur? Love? What?
GWEN: Nothing! Go back to the part about rescuing me. You know it gets me all hot and bothered.
Back to Arthur and Merlin...
ARTHUR: Looks like we'll have to cut through the Tunnels of MoriaAndor. There will be giant... baby rats.
MERLIN: That doesn't sound so bad.
ARTHUR: They're full of evilness. They might even try to smell you. I'd better smear berries all over you.
MERLIN: What, all over?
ARTHUR: Well, just your face.
MERLIN: No, really, smear them anywhere you like.
MERLIN: Do these tunnels seem oddly familiar to you? I feel like I might have been here before... like, for a photo shoot.
ARTHUR: What was that? I got distracted by the berry juice rolling down your neck. You really should have someone lick that off for you.
MERLIN: Arthur, can we talk about our feelings? It's just that. Well. And sometimes. Um, how do two men have sex?
ARTHUR: You're right, I think I'm in love with Gwen.
Back at the Moderately Evil Dude's stronghold...
LANCELOT: I'm Lancelot, I'm here to rescue you!
GWEN: Aren't you a little short for a knight?
LANCELOT: What?
LANCELOT: You go on, I'll buy you time by sacrificing my own life.
GWEN: Okay! I'll never forget this. I'll even name one of my children with Arthur after you.
LANCELOT: You're not going to try to talk me out of it?
GWEN: Ta ta!
LANCELOT: What is it, leave your friends to die day?
GWEN: Oh hi, Lancelot. Any chance you could rescue me again?
LANCELOT: At least we'll die together, facing the... giant, scary naked mole rat of evilness?
GWEN: To be fair, they'd already used griffins and gargoyles and hippogriffs. They were sort of running out of mythical creatures.
ARTHUR: Gwen! My love! And Lancelot, what have you done with your hair?
GWEN: Lancelot, sweetie, don't be mad.
MERLIN: Awkward turtle.
GWEN: Say, Merlin looks oddly compelling in his rogue wear. Maybe I shouldn't have written him off first season.
MERLIN: Wow, Arthur and Lancelot are really good with their swords.
GWEN: Nevermind.
LANCELOT: I'll stay behind to fight them off.
MERLIN: Oh, honestly! *ownz0rs with magic*
LANCELOT: Huh, you didn't leave me behind.
MERLIN: So... Arthur has feelings for Gwen. And you have feelings for Gwen. Does anyone have feelings for me? Circle: y/n.
LANCELOT: Tell Gwen she's changed me forever.
MERLIN: Like a game of telephone? Awesome.
MERLIN: So, I know things didn't work out between you and Gwen, but I was thinking... You and Lancelot like Gwen, and I get strangely turned on whenever I polish your sword, and Lancelot and I shared a bed that one time last season, and I sort of like Gwen if I pretend she doesn't have girly bits, so maybe we could all just, you know. I'm pretty sure Gwen would be up for it, especially if we invited Morgana.
ARTHUR: Shut up and let me sulk, Merlin.
ARTHUR: Somebody's here to see you.
MORGANA: Gwen! You brought back my favorite dress!
ARTHUR: Huh, maybe Merlin had a good point about that fivesome thing.