A Fine Mess [slash-fiction: D.Gray-Man]: part 1/1
This is my very first attempt at fiction in general, let alone fanfiction, let alone slash. All comments are welcome.
Title: A fine mess
Pairing: Lavi/Kanda
Rated: NC-17
Warnings: Heavy petting, non-con
Disclaimer: No money is changing hands over this fandom work.
Length: 4381
From a fanfic request on dgmkinkmeme:Anyone/Kanda, and Kanda's hair. I'm not picky on pairings, so have at that part. I would like to see Kanda getting turned on by someone innocently massaging his scalp, brushing his hair, or something of that nature. Bonus win points if it's an exasperated Komui.
* * *
Lenalee carefully placed her lunch tray at her favorite table in the main dining room. She smiled, and breathed out a deep sigh. “It’s so nice to have had such a peaceful morning at Headquarters for once, isn’t it, Lavi?”
The redhead shook himself free of his daydreaming and put on his trademark winning smile. “Eh, maybe, but there’s nothing like a good disaster to get’cher blood pumping!” He had only been at the Order for a few days, but already had seen two explosions and one fire that had taken hours to put out. It’s a good thing that the walls were made of meter-thick stone! Having a room so near the Science Department had sure kept him on his toes.
Lenalee giggled and picked up her chopsticks. After glancing around at the tables of busy finders, scientists, and support staff, she turned to Lavi in a conspiratorial fashion. “Don’t say that! You’ll jinx us, and summon the greatest trouble yet!”
Lavi puffed out his chest and folded his hands behind his head. “Nah, I don’t believe in that kinda stuff. But if it helps, I’ll knock on some wood to remove the jinx!” With a flourish and an exaggerated dazed expression, he rapped his knuckles against his own head. He was rewarded with another giggle as Lenalee picked up her teacup.
An earthshattering kaboom knocked the cup from her hands as debris started raining down on all the nearby tables. Amid gasps and screams, Komui’s voice rang out from the (now slightly enlarged) doorway, the sound of grinding gears and the smell of motor oil started to fill the room as the dust began to clear. “Everybody, meet the newest member of the Black Order! Say hello to… KOMURIN!”
Lavi’s chair fell to the ground as he jumped back, grasping his hammer tightly in both hands. The Science Department staff had been exchanging nervous whispers about Komui’s newest project, but the man had to be insane to design something this strong, and then casually ignore the structural damage it caused. Almost as an afterthought, he placed his body between the monstrosity and Lenalee. Don’t forget about being Lavi, just because you let yourself be surprised, he reminded himself. “Lenalee, run!”
When Lavi realized that the place had erupted in applause and cheering, and that Lenalee was calling out her congratulations and had run up to her brother to give him a big hug, his confusion grew. With a metallic groan, Komurin took a bow. Komui’s grin grew so wide that it threatened to split his face. In a booming voice, he announced “This miraculous invention has the power to fight alongside the exorcists! It’s dazzling array of anti-Akuma weaponry will turn even the toughest Akuma into easy pickings for them!”
Suddenly, an ocular device extended from the monstrosity and began scanning the crowd. It quickly locked onto a table in the back of the room, and the hulking mass began lumbering past the cheering onlookers. Lavi quickly noted the mild look of surprise on Komui’s face, and began studying the machine’s target.
One solitary figure in the room seemed completely unimpressed with the scene unfolding before him. A casual tilt of his head made his ebony ponytail shift slightly. His elegant hands moved with a deadly grace to wrap delicately around a small teacup, and lifted it to his perfectly curved lips. Lavi’s mind memorized every detail even as he puzzled wildly about the utter lack of expression on the exorcist’s face. He had heard that Kanda had nerves of iron, but had disregarded the stories as a wild exaggeration. After all, it had taken Lavi only 27 seconds to goad him into a rage when they were first introduced, and he had been trying ever since to break that record. Lavi couldn’t help but wonder if Kanda would be that much fun in bed, too.
Now, all Lavi could do was stare in apprehension as “Komurin” bounded up to Kanda and began scanning him. A flash of irritation crossed the swordsman’s face, and he set his teacup down with deliberate slowness. A screechy, staticy voice erupted from the mechanical monster. “Exorcist… Kanda Yu. Mission… assist.. exorcists…” Heh, so that was the guy’s first name! Kanda’s sidelong glance at the source of the annoyance held the promise of danger, and Lavi noticed the slow movements Kanda made under the table to grasp his weapon.
A gaping maw suddenly formed in the front of the metal beast, and two appendages shot forward towards Kanda’s face. Flashing an angry look that would later be all-to-familiar to Lavi, Kanda jerked his head back just in time to avoid being run through. Gods, he’s being attacked! Lavi leapt up onto the nearest table and began dancing his way toward the scene, commanding his hammer to “grow, Grow, GROW!” all the while. The crowd began to gasp and murmur, and Lavi could hear at least one shriek. There’s no way this can turn out well! Lavi thought, as he leapt closer one table at a time.
“Assist… exorcist… “ The metal appendages of Komui’s newest calamity whirred right past Kanda’s face and stopped right over his tray. The swordsman had backed off into a ready stance, eyes still flashing defiance at the monstrosity that had dared to interrupt his lunch. He doesn’t even have to move to look as dangerous as hell! Lavi thought, screeching to a halt just within striking range of the machine.
Though the bulk of it had ceased moving, the quiet whine at the opening that had formed in it was somehow even more ominous. Delicate, razor sharp teeth extended from the edges of this “mouth,” and the shining appendages probed along the edge of Kanda’s abandoned tray, knocking over his tea. “Assist… exorcist… to… eat…” The “arms” shot out into the soba noodles on the plate, twining them into comical fists and yanking the noodly appendages back toward the machine’s waiting mouth.
Lavi started laughing and shaking his head, trying to think of a quick joke for the assembled crowd. His laugh died when he glanced back at Kanda. Lavi had expected to hear an exasperated groan at the ridiculous violation of his lunch, or at least some creative cursing. Instead, Kanda’s flashing eyes had turned ominously blank, and his face froze into an expressionless block of ice as he lifted his activated weapon.
Lavi could feel the hair on the back of his neck stand up, and his heart leap into his throat. He gripped his hammer tighter as a cold sweat threatened his hold on his weapon. Faster than his eye could follow, the robot was diced into ribbons of ruined metal. Lavi was still helplessly frozen in place when the final explosion slammed something into his face, knocked him off his feet and threw him back painfully into the table behind him.
For the second time in as many minutes, the dust began to clear in the dining room. People were rushing up to Lavi and grabbing at his arms to pull him to the nearest chair, gasping their concern. He heard a woman’s voice squeal out Kanda’s name (That was Johnny, Senior Scientist, Lavi’s brain helpfully supplied. She’s about five meters away, closing fast). Loudest of all, Komui’s wails of grief over the destruction of his precious robot echoed through the room.
Still dazed, Lavi tried to wipe the dust off his face, and noticed that there wasn’t just dust there. It fells like some kind of… plaster? No, glue! And it’s hardening fast! Quickly tearing his hand from his cheek before it set there, Lavi successfully fought back panic when he discovered that his eye opened just fine, and he realized that his breathing was unimpeded.
He flashed a wide grin at his nearest helper (Sandy, a housekeeper, age 20) as the science team shoed her away. Relieved that the danger was over, Lavi settled comfortably back into his clown persona. “What impressive power, Komui! Too bad Komurin revealed its only weakness so easily! Who’da thought it would be soba noodles?!” Lavi’s laughter turned into side-splitting roars when he turned to glance at Kanda.
Lavi had hardened glue on his cheek, shirt, and left hand, but now he saw that he had gotten off easy. Kanda’s mouth was sealed shut with layers of what looked like melted wax, which ran down his chest in stiff sheets. His hands were locked into fists. Miraculously, his sword had made it safely back into sheath before the glue compartment had exploded. Clumps of the stuff splattered his hair, gluing a wide curtain of his ruined ponytail to his chin and shoulder. Kanda was practically giving himself a hernia trying to curse through his gag, and Lavi started pounding the nearest table in mirth. “What a cute statue! I just want to give you a big hug now!”
Kanda may not have been able to move his arms, but he quickly proved that he had not been rendered harmless. Only Lenalee’s quick intervention saved Lavi from a vicious kick to the head. Her own kick to Kanda’s leg spun him off balance. “Enough, both of you! This isn’t funny, Lavi! What are we going to do!” She drew her fists up to her chin in an expression of distress, and Lavi stifled his giggles.
“Okay, we need to take both of you to the Science Department. We can remove the substance with a special solvent.” Reever shuffled over with a clipboard, his rumpled lab coat spotted with fresh coffee stains. It seemed that someone had woken him up at his desk rather suddenly to deal with this latest fiasco. Glancing around the room, he murmured Johnny’s name and waved her over. Two young apprentice scientists followed her like baby geese (Flora and Sulinn, chemistry specialists, and both single, Lavi’s tireless brain cheerfully quipped).
Looking down at Kanda, who was struggling in an undignified fashion on the floor, Reever shot a worried look to Lenalee. She pulled on a look of determination, nodded once and pulled Kanda to his feet. Ah, it seems that the lion can be tamed by the princess, Lavi smiled, relieved to know that someone would be able to stand between him and certain death once Kanda was freed from his prison of glue. Though Lavi spent the entire walk to the Science Department flirting outrageously with Flora and Sulinn, he still managed to keep a healthy distance away from Kanda.
He didn’t actually have a death wish, after all.
* * *
They were seated facing each other with their knees almost touching, over a tarp. Lavi marveled at how impossibly beautiful Kanda was, and couldn’t help but feel slow thrills of warmth at the near-contact they shared. Not surprisingly, all four women were fawning over Kanda, carefully wiping the glue with rags soaked with something that smelled vaguely of kerosene. The damned stuff was proving extremely difficult to remove, for which Lavi was unreservedly thankful. It also might have been an effective weapon against the Akuma, after all. I’d love to see their guns clogged up with this. Gods, his ears are even gorgeous!
Somehow, Kanda seemed oblivious to all the attention he was getting. Flora was running her rag way too gently down the side of his face, even after the glue on his cheek and neck was finally gone. Sulinn blushed furiously as she to pried open the buckles holding Kanda’s jacket closed, barely restraining herself from running her hands over his bare chest. Lenalee clasped her hand over Kanda’s shoulder for long minutes, seeming to have forgotten that the rag was even there. Even Johnny seemed to lose focus whenever he glanced at her.
Lavi had long since noticed that the ladies were completely neglecting Kanda’s clenched fists and covered mouth. Maybe they were also entranced by the fact that Kanda was sitting there dumb and passive for once in his life. Yes, this really is a unique opportunity, thought Lavi, as he fought to keep his grin light and innocent.
Determined to keep Kanda’s guard down, Lavi worked the small crowd relentlessly, telling jokes and amusing stories, and sliding in complements to the scientists wherever he could. He rounded off his consonants a little more, and kept his voice at a pleasing cadence. Lenalee frequently made eye contact with Kanda, who seemed to be calming down despite the uncomfortably close contact. He had almost seemed to doze off when something startled him and he started fidgeting.
What now? thought Lavi. I really doubt that my story of riding an elephant in India is what got his attention like that. Trying to keep everyone distracted so he could continue to observe, he launched into a colorful description of smacking his head on trees and dropping the reins. Sulinn laughed, Lenalee giggled, and Flora smiled as she finally tugged Kanda’s hair free from his shoulder and ran her fingers through the loose strands.
Kanda blushed furiously and twisted in his seat. He glared at Flora as he stood up, pushing his knees into Lavi’s chair and almost landing in his lap. Lavi’s breath hitched at the sudden contact. The ladies all gasped and shied away from Kanda’s suddenly angry expression.
Lenalee recovered first, and put her fists to her hips indignantly. “What is it now!” Kanda closed his eyes briefly, took a deep breath, and used his new-found freedom of movement in his neck to gesture toward Komui’s office. “You want… Komui?” Lenalee asked, and Kanda rewarded her with a decisive nod. “What for?” Sulinn whispered something in her ear about possibly needing to go to the bathroom. Kanda looked exasperated, but Lenalee’s expression softened. “Alright then, I’ll go get him.” Lenalee shook her head and walked out of the room.
Kanda let out another long breath through his nose, and turned away from the women. With nowhere else to go on the small tarp, this put him standing squarely between Lavi’s knees, facing him, giving Lavi an unimpeded view of his exquisite stomach… and the front of his pants. Lavi’s eyes grew wide and he clutched the sides of his chair. I never thought I’d be this close to Kanda’s erection! Lavi grineed as he felt a brief, small shudder against his knees. It was all he could do not to grin evilly and call out “Strike!”
Komui blustered into the room, scattering hastily drawn blueprints. “What now? I’m a busy man.” He crossed his arms and gazed levelly at Kanda through his glasses. “Do you need help to attend to… personal matters?” Kanda shook his head. “You’re hungry? In pain?” Kanda shook his head again, slower this time, clearly miserable. Komui considered the situation, resting his chin in his hand. Taking note of Kanda’s relative state of undress, he sighed. “You would like some privacy from the women while you are not fully dressed?” Kanda seemed to think briefly, and then answered with a decisive nod. Komui let out a huge sigh, and clasped his hands onto the sides of his hat. Mumbling something about prudish kids, he shoed the blushing ladies out of the lab, leaving only himself, Kanda, and Lavi as the door shut with a resounding finality.
Kanda sat back down in his chair, and Komui leaned against the nearest lab bench. “You know, Kanda, it’s not fair to waste my time with this when you had three perfectly capable chemists to wait on you. When Kanda didn’t reply, or even look up, Komui shook his head. “I suppose it can’t be helped at this point. At least they managed to get your hair free before you fired them.” Kanda spared Komui a quick, worried glance before carefully schooling his expression back to indifference.
Lavi couldn’t resist. “I think that might have been the problem, Komui…” Kanda immediately tensed and fixed a worried glare at Lavi. Lavi smiled wider, and gazed right back, savoring the tension. “Kanda here seems to be quite… touchy about his hair.” Kanda’s eyes bugged out, and Lavi grinned, winked at Kanda, and finally looked up at Komui with as innocent an expression as he could muster. “It’s a simple matter of vanity. You’re the only one in the whole Order who can do his own hair as beautifully as Kanda does his.”
That earned a small smile from Komui. “Is that so?” He bent down to look at Kanda more carefully, and Kanda’s eyes showed a quiet pleading. Shaking his head again, Komui started toward the door. “In that case, I’m going to need a few tools.” He turned to look at Kanda one last time before he walked out. “I’m only going to do your hair this once, you understand. I really don’t have time for this…” The door closed quietly behind him.
Kanda immediately flashed a warning look at Lavi. Lavi leaned back in his chair with a sly smile on his face. “Don’t worry… Yuu,” Lavi drawled. He could see Kanda flinch at the use of his first name, and his heart leapt at the discovery of a new button to push. “I’ll keep your… weakness… just between the two of us.” Lavi reveled in the muffled protest that issued forth, and the wild look of denial on Kanda’s face. When the door opened and Komui strode in carrying an armload of hair styling implements, Lavi couldn’t help but laugh at Kanda’s stricken panic.
Komui dumped his huge collection of hairstyling implements on the lab bench behind Kanda and started pawing through them. Lavi called out a greeting and tried desperately to hide the laughter in his voice when he saw the wild-eyed look in Kanda’s eyes. He was clearly trying to think of some way to escape, but the glue held his arms tightly to the sides of his coat. Lavi tried to keep his voice as light and soothing as possible. “So, Director, what’s the first step in the process of a perfect hairdo?” Lavi folded his arms behind him and leaned back to watch the show.
Komui was obviously enjoying his teaching role. He smiled softly and prepared to demonstrate. “Normally, Lavi, I would start with an oil treatment, followed by a thorough washing, though we don’t exactly have the time today.” He finally chose a wide tooth comb and turned around to face Kanda’s back. His expression fell as he examined the bits of dissolved goo remaining in Kanda’s hair.
There was no way that Lavi would settle for the abridged version if he had any say in the matter. Noticing Komui’s concern, he shrugged. “Eh, efficiency is a fine goal, but I kinda thought that if you were gonna do something like this, you should do it right. Besides, maybe your young fan here could learn a thing or two from the ol’ master?” Kanda glared at Lavi with a slow-burning hatred, and Lavi smiled back.
Komui contemplated for a while, and sighed. “Perhaps you’re right, Lavi. It wouldn’t be fair to bind up this leftover sealant in with his hair, anyway. And you have to admit that the odor of the solvent isn’t the best.” He turned around and started rummaging through his bottles of lotions and potions. Kanda’s shoulders slumped forward in a rare gesture of defeat, and he closed his eyes. Lavi felt the muscles in his face ache from suppressing yet another grin.
“Here, I have it.” Komui pulled out a glass decanter with a light amber liquid in it. “Lavender in almond oil. It’s formulated for longer hair than mine, anyway, but that’s a story for another time…” Komui smiled briefly as he poured the sweet-smelling concoction over Kanda’s head. Kanda sat up straight and tried to cross his arms over his chest to complete the look of indifference, but his façade shattered completely when Komui slowly plunged his hands deep into the forest of his hair and started massaging the oil in.
“This treatment is particularly healthy for the roots of the hair and the scalp itself,” Komui explained, running his hands firmly up the sides of Kanda’s head and bunching them at the crown. Kanda began squirming furiously and jerking his head back and forth. Lavi surreptitiously inched his chair even closer so he could hold Kanda’s knees between his, impeding his escape. Komui frowned. “This isn’t supposed to hurt…”
Lavi piped up immediately. “Nah, I’m sure doesn’t hurt. That strange kerosene stuff just makes the skin a little sensitive, is all. This is probably doing him a world of good after those harsh chemicals we’ve been soaked in.” Lavi leaned forward and looked directly at Kanda’s face. Kanda shuddered and shook his head vigorously. Komui looked conflicted, so Lavi kept at it. “Besides, I’m sure you’ve seen this guy react to pain. It doesn’t look anything like this, does it?” Lavi held his hands up in an innocent shrug, trying not to lose himself in the image of Kanda struggling so close to him.
“Hm, I suppose not…” Komui resumed the scalp massage in a slower, gentler fashion, which made Kanda gasp through his nose and spasm. Frowning, Komui pulled his hands out slowly, and was rewarded with a quiet, low moan from Kanda, followed by more twitching. Lavi shook his head. He had never dreamed that he would see Kanda so incredibly, helplessly turned on. He fought to control his own breathing, and resisted the urge to run his foot up the side of the swordsman’s leg.
Komui’s brow knit in a look of frustration. “You’re going to have to hold still, Kanda. This is tough enough without you squirming everywhere.” The look of embarrassment on Kanda’s face only got worse and he hung his head. Lavi watched a bead of scented oil run down his cheek and drip onto his perfectly chiseled chest. Lavi couldn’t help but gasp at what was quite possibly the hottest thing he had even seen in his life. Just when Lavi had managed to regain his composure and was starting to encourage Komui to continue, Komui snapped a look at him. “There’s nothing for it. Kanda, if you won’t stop wiggling, I’m going to have to ask Lavi to hold you still.
It took all of Lavi’s self control to keep his face from burning darker than his hair, and he covered his sudden hard swallow with a fake cough. Kanda’s eyes had flown so far open that it was amazing that they didn’t fall out, and he jerked back away from Lavi, slamming into the back of the chair. Komui shook his head again in irritation, and seemed ready to leave. Lavi cast about furiously for the right thing to say. “Eh, that might be a good idea after all, chief. Can’t have him knocking something over. It would be a shame to stop now that your hands are all messy, anyway.”
Lavi took a quick breath to steady his nerves and gracefully pounced. He straddled Kanda’s lap and hooked his feet behind the chair, pinning Kanda’s arms even more securely against his sides. Kanda rewarded him with a look of total incredulity. Lavi smiled down at him as he gently snaked his hands up Kanda’s neck to hold his head still. Kanda shuddered at his touch, and Lavi responded by clenching his feet together even tighter. By the gods, even if I can’t walk for a month because of a charley horse, it will still be worth it! The feel of warm oil suffusing the thick black silk was even better than Lavi had imagined, and he suddenly had a new appreciation for Kanda’s predicament.
Kanda could only let out furious, strangled moans as Lavi held him still. In a moment of inspiration, Lavi looked over Kanda’s shoulder and said “I can finish this part, if you want to get the stuff ready for the next step. Wouldn’t want to keep you here longer than necessary…” He ran his fingers up Kanda’s neck and leaned in to whisper into his ear. “do we, Yuu?” The sharp increase in Kanda’s breathing rate and his throbbing hard erection was all the answer that Lavi needed, and he almost cried out in response.
Instead, Lavi pulled Kanda’s face against his chest with one hand, and pulled the other hand firmly through the mass of oiled hair. He could feel more than hear Kanda cry out as if in pain, and felt a shiver go through his body. Oh, I have died and gone to heaven! Lavi pulled both of his hands free and ran them both into Kanda’s hair, bunching up great fists full of the stuff as he worked his fingers through the man’s scalp, hoping to intensify the reaction. Kanda began to sob helplessly behind his gag, and ground his hips against Lavi’s. Lavi clutched at Kanda’s hair, and cried out, blood pounding through his ears. He freed one oil-slicked hand and started groping down the front of Kanda’s pants when the cold water hit him.
The sensation of ice-cold needles spraying into the side of his body made him lose his leg-hold. Lavi slipped unceremoniously onto the floor and stared up in wide-eyed shock. Komui stood over the two of them with a grim look in his eye and a fire-hose in his hands. Kanda struggled into a standing position, facing away from Komui, water beading all over his oiled hair. He looked like a whipped puppy. Lavi shouted a protest and raised his hands in a vain attempt to protect himself from the punishing spray. Komui switched the hose off, and dropped it to the floor. He picked up a nearby rag and started cleaning the spray off his glasses.
For a long moment, there was no sound in the room but the two exorcists panting. Komui finally looked up. “You seem to have no need of me here,” he said, tightly. “I’m going to leave now. You’re not going to leave until you have cleaned up this entire room… and yourselves as well.” He surveyed the area disapprovingly. “Please be thorough. The chemistry team has actual work to do in here.” He unceremoniously picked up his bag of hair supplies on the way out, and shut the door gently enough to make Lavi wince.
* * *
Title: A fine mess
Pairing: Lavi/Kanda
Rated: NC-17
Warnings: Heavy petting, non-con
Disclaimer: No money is changing hands over this fandom work.
Length: 4381
From a fanfic request on dgmkinkmeme:Anyone/Kanda, and Kanda's hair. I'm not picky on pairings, so have at that part. I would like to see Kanda getting turned on by someone innocently massaging his scalp, brushing his hair, or something of that nature. Bonus win points if it's an exasperated Komui.
* * *
Lenalee carefully placed her lunch tray at her favorite table in the main dining room. She smiled, and breathed out a deep sigh. “It’s so nice to have had such a peaceful morning at Headquarters for once, isn’t it, Lavi?”
The redhead shook himself free of his daydreaming and put on his trademark winning smile. “Eh, maybe, but there’s nothing like a good disaster to get’cher blood pumping!” He had only been at the Order for a few days, but already had seen two explosions and one fire that had taken hours to put out. It’s a good thing that the walls were made of meter-thick stone! Having a room so near the Science Department had sure kept him on his toes.
Lenalee giggled and picked up her chopsticks. After glancing around at the tables of busy finders, scientists, and support staff, she turned to Lavi in a conspiratorial fashion. “Don’t say that! You’ll jinx us, and summon the greatest trouble yet!”
Lavi puffed out his chest and folded his hands behind his head. “Nah, I don’t believe in that kinda stuff. But if it helps, I’ll knock on some wood to remove the jinx!” With a flourish and an exaggerated dazed expression, he rapped his knuckles against his own head. He was rewarded with another giggle as Lenalee picked up her teacup.
An earthshattering kaboom knocked the cup from her hands as debris started raining down on all the nearby tables. Amid gasps and screams, Komui’s voice rang out from the (now slightly enlarged) doorway, the sound of grinding gears and the smell of motor oil started to fill the room as the dust began to clear. “Everybody, meet the newest member of the Black Order! Say hello to… KOMURIN!”
Lavi’s chair fell to the ground as he jumped back, grasping his hammer tightly in both hands. The Science Department staff had been exchanging nervous whispers about Komui’s newest project, but the man had to be insane to design something this strong, and then casually ignore the structural damage it caused. Almost as an afterthought, he placed his body between the monstrosity and Lenalee. Don’t forget about being Lavi, just because you let yourself be surprised, he reminded himself. “Lenalee, run!”
When Lavi realized that the place had erupted in applause and cheering, and that Lenalee was calling out her congratulations and had run up to her brother to give him a big hug, his confusion grew. With a metallic groan, Komurin took a bow. Komui’s grin grew so wide that it threatened to split his face. In a booming voice, he announced “This miraculous invention has the power to fight alongside the exorcists! It’s dazzling array of anti-Akuma weaponry will turn even the toughest Akuma into easy pickings for them!”
Suddenly, an ocular device extended from the monstrosity and began scanning the crowd. It quickly locked onto a table in the back of the room, and the hulking mass began lumbering past the cheering onlookers. Lavi quickly noted the mild look of surprise on Komui’s face, and began studying the machine’s target.
One solitary figure in the room seemed completely unimpressed with the scene unfolding before him. A casual tilt of his head made his ebony ponytail shift slightly. His elegant hands moved with a deadly grace to wrap delicately around a small teacup, and lifted it to his perfectly curved lips. Lavi’s mind memorized every detail even as he puzzled wildly about the utter lack of expression on the exorcist’s face. He had heard that Kanda had nerves of iron, but had disregarded the stories as a wild exaggeration. After all, it had taken Lavi only 27 seconds to goad him into a rage when they were first introduced, and he had been trying ever since to break that record. Lavi couldn’t help but wonder if Kanda would be that much fun in bed, too.
Now, all Lavi could do was stare in apprehension as “Komurin” bounded up to Kanda and began scanning him. A flash of irritation crossed the swordsman’s face, and he set his teacup down with deliberate slowness. A screechy, staticy voice erupted from the mechanical monster. “Exorcist… Kanda Yu. Mission… assist.. exorcists…” Heh, so that was the guy’s first name! Kanda’s sidelong glance at the source of the annoyance held the promise of danger, and Lavi noticed the slow movements Kanda made under the table to grasp his weapon.
A gaping maw suddenly formed in the front of the metal beast, and two appendages shot forward towards Kanda’s face. Flashing an angry look that would later be all-to-familiar to Lavi, Kanda jerked his head back just in time to avoid being run through. Gods, he’s being attacked! Lavi leapt up onto the nearest table and began dancing his way toward the scene, commanding his hammer to “grow, Grow, GROW!” all the while. The crowd began to gasp and murmur, and Lavi could hear at least one shriek. There’s no way this can turn out well! Lavi thought, as he leapt closer one table at a time.
“Assist… exorcist… “ The metal appendages of Komui’s newest calamity whirred right past Kanda’s face and stopped right over his tray. The swordsman had backed off into a ready stance, eyes still flashing defiance at the monstrosity that had dared to interrupt his lunch. He doesn’t even have to move to look as dangerous as hell! Lavi thought, screeching to a halt just within striking range of the machine.
Though the bulk of it had ceased moving, the quiet whine at the opening that had formed in it was somehow even more ominous. Delicate, razor sharp teeth extended from the edges of this “mouth,” and the shining appendages probed along the edge of Kanda’s abandoned tray, knocking over his tea. “Assist… exorcist… to… eat…” The “arms” shot out into the soba noodles on the plate, twining them into comical fists and yanking the noodly appendages back toward the machine’s waiting mouth.
Lavi started laughing and shaking his head, trying to think of a quick joke for the assembled crowd. His laugh died when he glanced back at Kanda. Lavi had expected to hear an exasperated groan at the ridiculous violation of his lunch, or at least some creative cursing. Instead, Kanda’s flashing eyes had turned ominously blank, and his face froze into an expressionless block of ice as he lifted his activated weapon.
Lavi could feel the hair on the back of his neck stand up, and his heart leap into his throat. He gripped his hammer tighter as a cold sweat threatened his hold on his weapon. Faster than his eye could follow, the robot was diced into ribbons of ruined metal. Lavi was still helplessly frozen in place when the final explosion slammed something into his face, knocked him off his feet and threw him back painfully into the table behind him.
For the second time in as many minutes, the dust began to clear in the dining room. People were rushing up to Lavi and grabbing at his arms to pull him to the nearest chair, gasping their concern. He heard a woman’s voice squeal out Kanda’s name (That was Johnny, Senior Scientist, Lavi’s brain helpfully supplied. She’s about five meters away, closing fast). Loudest of all, Komui’s wails of grief over the destruction of his precious robot echoed through the room.
Still dazed, Lavi tried to wipe the dust off his face, and noticed that there wasn’t just dust there. It fells like some kind of… plaster? No, glue! And it’s hardening fast! Quickly tearing his hand from his cheek before it set there, Lavi successfully fought back panic when he discovered that his eye opened just fine, and he realized that his breathing was unimpeded.
He flashed a wide grin at his nearest helper (Sandy, a housekeeper, age 20) as the science team shoed her away. Relieved that the danger was over, Lavi settled comfortably back into his clown persona. “What impressive power, Komui! Too bad Komurin revealed its only weakness so easily! Who’da thought it would be soba noodles?!” Lavi’s laughter turned into side-splitting roars when he turned to glance at Kanda.
Lavi had hardened glue on his cheek, shirt, and left hand, but now he saw that he had gotten off easy. Kanda’s mouth was sealed shut with layers of what looked like melted wax, which ran down his chest in stiff sheets. His hands were locked into fists. Miraculously, his sword had made it safely back into sheath before the glue compartment had exploded. Clumps of the stuff splattered his hair, gluing a wide curtain of his ruined ponytail to his chin and shoulder. Kanda was practically giving himself a hernia trying to curse through his gag, and Lavi started pounding the nearest table in mirth. “What a cute statue! I just want to give you a big hug now!”
Kanda may not have been able to move his arms, but he quickly proved that he had not been rendered harmless. Only Lenalee’s quick intervention saved Lavi from a vicious kick to the head. Her own kick to Kanda’s leg spun him off balance. “Enough, both of you! This isn’t funny, Lavi! What are we going to do!” She drew her fists up to her chin in an expression of distress, and Lavi stifled his giggles.
“Okay, we need to take both of you to the Science Department. We can remove the substance with a special solvent.” Reever shuffled over with a clipboard, his rumpled lab coat spotted with fresh coffee stains. It seemed that someone had woken him up at his desk rather suddenly to deal with this latest fiasco. Glancing around the room, he murmured Johnny’s name and waved her over. Two young apprentice scientists followed her like baby geese (Flora and Sulinn, chemistry specialists, and both single, Lavi’s tireless brain cheerfully quipped).
Looking down at Kanda, who was struggling in an undignified fashion on the floor, Reever shot a worried look to Lenalee. She pulled on a look of determination, nodded once and pulled Kanda to his feet. Ah, it seems that the lion can be tamed by the princess, Lavi smiled, relieved to know that someone would be able to stand between him and certain death once Kanda was freed from his prison of glue. Though Lavi spent the entire walk to the Science Department flirting outrageously with Flora and Sulinn, he still managed to keep a healthy distance away from Kanda.
He didn’t actually have a death wish, after all.
* * *
They were seated facing each other with their knees almost touching, over a tarp. Lavi marveled at how impossibly beautiful Kanda was, and couldn’t help but feel slow thrills of warmth at the near-contact they shared. Not surprisingly, all four women were fawning over Kanda, carefully wiping the glue with rags soaked with something that smelled vaguely of kerosene. The damned stuff was proving extremely difficult to remove, for which Lavi was unreservedly thankful. It also might have been an effective weapon against the Akuma, after all. I’d love to see their guns clogged up with this. Gods, his ears are even gorgeous!
Somehow, Kanda seemed oblivious to all the attention he was getting. Flora was running her rag way too gently down the side of his face, even after the glue on his cheek and neck was finally gone. Sulinn blushed furiously as she to pried open the buckles holding Kanda’s jacket closed, barely restraining herself from running her hands over his bare chest. Lenalee clasped her hand over Kanda’s shoulder for long minutes, seeming to have forgotten that the rag was even there. Even Johnny seemed to lose focus whenever he glanced at her.
Lavi had long since noticed that the ladies were completely neglecting Kanda’s clenched fists and covered mouth. Maybe they were also entranced by the fact that Kanda was sitting there dumb and passive for once in his life. Yes, this really is a unique opportunity, thought Lavi, as he fought to keep his grin light and innocent.
Determined to keep Kanda’s guard down, Lavi worked the small crowd relentlessly, telling jokes and amusing stories, and sliding in complements to the scientists wherever he could. He rounded off his consonants a little more, and kept his voice at a pleasing cadence. Lenalee frequently made eye contact with Kanda, who seemed to be calming down despite the uncomfortably close contact. He had almost seemed to doze off when something startled him and he started fidgeting.
What now? thought Lavi. I really doubt that my story of riding an elephant in India is what got his attention like that. Trying to keep everyone distracted so he could continue to observe, he launched into a colorful description of smacking his head on trees and dropping the reins. Sulinn laughed, Lenalee giggled, and Flora smiled as she finally tugged Kanda’s hair free from his shoulder and ran her fingers through the loose strands.
Kanda blushed furiously and twisted in his seat. He glared at Flora as he stood up, pushing his knees into Lavi’s chair and almost landing in his lap. Lavi’s breath hitched at the sudden contact. The ladies all gasped and shied away from Kanda’s suddenly angry expression.
Lenalee recovered first, and put her fists to her hips indignantly. “What is it now!” Kanda closed his eyes briefly, took a deep breath, and used his new-found freedom of movement in his neck to gesture toward Komui’s office. “You want… Komui?” Lenalee asked, and Kanda rewarded her with a decisive nod. “What for?” Sulinn whispered something in her ear about possibly needing to go to the bathroom. Kanda looked exasperated, but Lenalee’s expression softened. “Alright then, I’ll go get him.” Lenalee shook her head and walked out of the room.
Kanda let out another long breath through his nose, and turned away from the women. With nowhere else to go on the small tarp, this put him standing squarely between Lavi’s knees, facing him, giving Lavi an unimpeded view of his exquisite stomach… and the front of his pants. Lavi’s eyes grew wide and he clutched the sides of his chair. I never thought I’d be this close to Kanda’s erection! Lavi grineed as he felt a brief, small shudder against his knees. It was all he could do not to grin evilly and call out “Strike!”
Komui blustered into the room, scattering hastily drawn blueprints. “What now? I’m a busy man.” He crossed his arms and gazed levelly at Kanda through his glasses. “Do you need help to attend to… personal matters?” Kanda shook his head. “You’re hungry? In pain?” Kanda shook his head again, slower this time, clearly miserable. Komui considered the situation, resting his chin in his hand. Taking note of Kanda’s relative state of undress, he sighed. “You would like some privacy from the women while you are not fully dressed?” Kanda seemed to think briefly, and then answered with a decisive nod. Komui let out a huge sigh, and clasped his hands onto the sides of his hat. Mumbling something about prudish kids, he shoed the blushing ladies out of the lab, leaving only himself, Kanda, and Lavi as the door shut with a resounding finality.
Kanda sat back down in his chair, and Komui leaned against the nearest lab bench. “You know, Kanda, it’s not fair to waste my time with this when you had three perfectly capable chemists to wait on you. When Kanda didn’t reply, or even look up, Komui shook his head. “I suppose it can’t be helped at this point. At least they managed to get your hair free before you fired them.” Kanda spared Komui a quick, worried glance before carefully schooling his expression back to indifference.
Lavi couldn’t resist. “I think that might have been the problem, Komui…” Kanda immediately tensed and fixed a worried glare at Lavi. Lavi smiled wider, and gazed right back, savoring the tension. “Kanda here seems to be quite… touchy about his hair.” Kanda’s eyes bugged out, and Lavi grinned, winked at Kanda, and finally looked up at Komui with as innocent an expression as he could muster. “It’s a simple matter of vanity. You’re the only one in the whole Order who can do his own hair as beautifully as Kanda does his.”
That earned a small smile from Komui. “Is that so?” He bent down to look at Kanda more carefully, and Kanda’s eyes showed a quiet pleading. Shaking his head again, Komui started toward the door. “In that case, I’m going to need a few tools.” He turned to look at Kanda one last time before he walked out. “I’m only going to do your hair this once, you understand. I really don’t have time for this…” The door closed quietly behind him.
Kanda immediately flashed a warning look at Lavi. Lavi leaned back in his chair with a sly smile on his face. “Don’t worry… Yuu,” Lavi drawled. He could see Kanda flinch at the use of his first name, and his heart leapt at the discovery of a new button to push. “I’ll keep your… weakness… just between the two of us.” Lavi reveled in the muffled protest that issued forth, and the wild look of denial on Kanda’s face. When the door opened and Komui strode in carrying an armload of hair styling implements, Lavi couldn’t help but laugh at Kanda’s stricken panic.
Komui dumped his huge collection of hairstyling implements on the lab bench behind Kanda and started pawing through them. Lavi called out a greeting and tried desperately to hide the laughter in his voice when he saw the wild-eyed look in Kanda’s eyes. He was clearly trying to think of some way to escape, but the glue held his arms tightly to the sides of his coat. Lavi tried to keep his voice as light and soothing as possible. “So, Director, what’s the first step in the process of a perfect hairdo?” Lavi folded his arms behind him and leaned back to watch the show.
Komui was obviously enjoying his teaching role. He smiled softly and prepared to demonstrate. “Normally, Lavi, I would start with an oil treatment, followed by a thorough washing, though we don’t exactly have the time today.” He finally chose a wide tooth comb and turned around to face Kanda’s back. His expression fell as he examined the bits of dissolved goo remaining in Kanda’s hair.
There was no way that Lavi would settle for the abridged version if he had any say in the matter. Noticing Komui’s concern, he shrugged. “Eh, efficiency is a fine goal, but I kinda thought that if you were gonna do something like this, you should do it right. Besides, maybe your young fan here could learn a thing or two from the ol’ master?” Kanda glared at Lavi with a slow-burning hatred, and Lavi smiled back.
Komui contemplated for a while, and sighed. “Perhaps you’re right, Lavi. It wouldn’t be fair to bind up this leftover sealant in with his hair, anyway. And you have to admit that the odor of the solvent isn’t the best.” He turned around and started rummaging through his bottles of lotions and potions. Kanda’s shoulders slumped forward in a rare gesture of defeat, and he closed his eyes. Lavi felt the muscles in his face ache from suppressing yet another grin.
“Here, I have it.” Komui pulled out a glass decanter with a light amber liquid in it. “Lavender in almond oil. It’s formulated for longer hair than mine, anyway, but that’s a story for another time…” Komui smiled briefly as he poured the sweet-smelling concoction over Kanda’s head. Kanda sat up straight and tried to cross his arms over his chest to complete the look of indifference, but his façade shattered completely when Komui slowly plunged his hands deep into the forest of his hair and started massaging the oil in.
“This treatment is particularly healthy for the roots of the hair and the scalp itself,” Komui explained, running his hands firmly up the sides of Kanda’s head and bunching them at the crown. Kanda began squirming furiously and jerking his head back and forth. Lavi surreptitiously inched his chair even closer so he could hold Kanda’s knees between his, impeding his escape. Komui frowned. “This isn’t supposed to hurt…”
Lavi piped up immediately. “Nah, I’m sure doesn’t hurt. That strange kerosene stuff just makes the skin a little sensitive, is all. This is probably doing him a world of good after those harsh chemicals we’ve been soaked in.” Lavi leaned forward and looked directly at Kanda’s face. Kanda shuddered and shook his head vigorously. Komui looked conflicted, so Lavi kept at it. “Besides, I’m sure you’ve seen this guy react to pain. It doesn’t look anything like this, does it?” Lavi held his hands up in an innocent shrug, trying not to lose himself in the image of Kanda struggling so close to him.
“Hm, I suppose not…” Komui resumed the scalp massage in a slower, gentler fashion, which made Kanda gasp through his nose and spasm. Frowning, Komui pulled his hands out slowly, and was rewarded with a quiet, low moan from Kanda, followed by more twitching. Lavi shook his head. He had never dreamed that he would see Kanda so incredibly, helplessly turned on. He fought to control his own breathing, and resisted the urge to run his foot up the side of the swordsman’s leg.
Komui’s brow knit in a look of frustration. “You’re going to have to hold still, Kanda. This is tough enough without you squirming everywhere.” The look of embarrassment on Kanda’s face only got worse and he hung his head. Lavi watched a bead of scented oil run down his cheek and drip onto his perfectly chiseled chest. Lavi couldn’t help but gasp at what was quite possibly the hottest thing he had even seen in his life. Just when Lavi had managed to regain his composure and was starting to encourage Komui to continue, Komui snapped a look at him. “There’s nothing for it. Kanda, if you won’t stop wiggling, I’m going to have to ask Lavi to hold you still.
It took all of Lavi’s self control to keep his face from burning darker than his hair, and he covered his sudden hard swallow with a fake cough. Kanda’s eyes had flown so far open that it was amazing that they didn’t fall out, and he jerked back away from Lavi, slamming into the back of the chair. Komui shook his head again in irritation, and seemed ready to leave. Lavi cast about furiously for the right thing to say. “Eh, that might be a good idea after all, chief. Can’t have him knocking something over. It would be a shame to stop now that your hands are all messy, anyway.”
Lavi took a quick breath to steady his nerves and gracefully pounced. He straddled Kanda’s lap and hooked his feet behind the chair, pinning Kanda’s arms even more securely against his sides. Kanda rewarded him with a look of total incredulity. Lavi smiled down at him as he gently snaked his hands up Kanda’s neck to hold his head still. Kanda shuddered at his touch, and Lavi responded by clenching his feet together even tighter. By the gods, even if I can’t walk for a month because of a charley horse, it will still be worth it! The feel of warm oil suffusing the thick black silk was even better than Lavi had imagined, and he suddenly had a new appreciation for Kanda’s predicament.
Kanda could only let out furious, strangled moans as Lavi held him still. In a moment of inspiration, Lavi looked over Kanda’s shoulder and said “I can finish this part, if you want to get the stuff ready for the next step. Wouldn’t want to keep you here longer than necessary…” He ran his fingers up Kanda’s neck and leaned in to whisper into his ear. “do we, Yuu?” The sharp increase in Kanda’s breathing rate and his throbbing hard erection was all the answer that Lavi needed, and he almost cried out in response.
Instead, Lavi pulled Kanda’s face against his chest with one hand, and pulled the other hand firmly through the mass of oiled hair. He could feel more than hear Kanda cry out as if in pain, and felt a shiver go through his body. Oh, I have died and gone to heaven! Lavi pulled both of his hands free and ran them both into Kanda’s hair, bunching up great fists full of the stuff as he worked his fingers through the man’s scalp, hoping to intensify the reaction. Kanda began to sob helplessly behind his gag, and ground his hips against Lavi’s. Lavi clutched at Kanda’s hair, and cried out, blood pounding through his ears. He freed one oil-slicked hand and started groping down the front of Kanda’s pants when the cold water hit him.
The sensation of ice-cold needles spraying into the side of his body made him lose his leg-hold. Lavi slipped unceremoniously onto the floor and stared up in wide-eyed shock. Komui stood over the two of them with a grim look in his eye and a fire-hose in his hands. Kanda struggled into a standing position, facing away from Komui, water beading all over his oiled hair. He looked like a whipped puppy. Lavi shouted a protest and raised his hands in a vain attempt to protect himself from the punishing spray. Komui switched the hose off, and dropped it to the floor. He picked up a nearby rag and started cleaning the spray off his glasses.
For a long moment, there was no sound in the room but the two exorcists panting. Komui finally looked up. “You seem to have no need of me here,” he said, tightly. “I’m going to leave now. You’re not going to leave until you have cleaned up this entire room… and yourselves as well.” He surveyed the area disapprovingly. “Please be thorough. The chemistry team has actual work to do in here.” He unceremoniously picked up his bag of hair supplies on the way out, and shut the door gently enough to make Lavi wince.
* * *