Comments | quelartistic: Captive Voice (9)

nashidesei in quelartistic

Captive Voice (9)

Jul 02, 2006 00:21

Title: Captive Voice
Fandom: Jak and Daxter (Jak II)
Rating: M
Pairing: Erol/Jak
Warnings: Torture, Extreme Violence, Implied Rape, Attempted Suicide.
Chapter: 9/13
Notes: I don’t actually have much to say here, except that this chapter was frelling frustrating to write. Nobody wanted to behave at all. Oh well, it turned out okay, I guess.
( Read more... )

pairing: jak/erol, rating: m, character: daxter, character: erol, character: jak, fandom: jak and daxter, sub-fandom: renegade, fic: captive voice

Comments 7

lastres0rt July 2 2006, 14:06:28 UTC

*claps*

Sounds like the beginning of the end . . .

tehsongsong July 5 2006, 01:41:31 UTC

I saw the link to this in jak_fanfics and thought it might be interesting. I was delightfully surprised to find that this story is far more than interesting. I have to commend you on your writting; very believable, very coherent and perfectly in character. I've found an odd typo here and there, but aside that your writing style is exquisite. All the actions and events seem like they could have fit in with the game stories, which is something that a lot of fanfiction lacks, I find... not that fanfiction has to be straightly by-the-game based, but with the type of story that you're writing here it makes a bit more sense to write something relatively close canon-wise.

I would also like to commend you on writing a story that isn't a pairing. As much as I enjoy pairings (and I'm reeally big on Jak/Erol) and such, it is so nice to see a story that isn't one. Most of the time it's just... there, and nothing else really happens in the story besides, "Oh! Jak yearns for Torn, but denies his feelings blah blah blah". Reading stories with a plot ( ... )

nashidesei July 7 2006, 00:08:22 UTC

^____^ You have no idea how happy it made me to get this comment. Okay, you may have an idea, but the fact remains that it was a serious buzz to get a comment from someone other than my two or three regular readers, particularly one as thought-out and well-worded as this one ( ... )

demishock July 6 2006, 01:57:41 UTC

Sorry for the lateness... again! I'm cutting close to my bedtime with this... *dies*

I love your attention to detail, if I haven't mentioned that recently. Things like giving an explanation for Gol's weights, and the mention of the beginnings of Jak's facial hair and his combing the rest of it; the little things like that are what I think makes your stories so enjoyable to me. Nothing ever feels like it's in there just to be in there.

I do so love the ear-perking. ^______^

And *gasp* you made mention of the brief period between the end of TPL and Jak II! Because even with Keira's knack for all things mechanical, she couldn't have figured out that Rift Gate/Rider in less than a day. XD

Ah, escape plan. I was hoping for him even though I knew the outcome wouldn't be in his favor. *sigh* It sucks that it took over a year for him to finally work himself up to trying to escape again. The fact that, for that span of time in between, he had little to no hope of escaping is just heartrendingly sad. ; . ;

There was no hero left in him now ( ... )

demishock July 6 2006, 01:57:55 UTC

...They dump the dead prisoners' bodies in the Water Slums? O.O! Good lord... No wonder all their drinking water comes from an outside source... ugh... *shudders*

They missed each other by such a tiny fraction... UGH! If only Dax had realized what was going on... pesticide blast to the FACE, Erol. The FACE!!!

I love Jak's and Daxter's reactions to the almost-presence of each other that they each feel. They're so in-tune with one another...

It was probably just a rat anyway OUCH. x . x

And for some reason that made his heart sink. DOUBLE OUCH. x___x You're killing me, here, Nashi... Can I even call you that...? XD

The mixing of eco types here is very well-done. GOD, that would suck... (understatement of the century...) First we had blue and super-speed... now we have red and super-pain... I don't want to think about what yellow+dark would do. >And I take it by Erol's comment that in your Jak-universe, everyone can channel eco to some degree? I wonder how Erol'd take to the dark eco experiments ( ... )

nashidesei July 6 2006, 02:27:35 UTC

Thank you very much for catching the typos! My own eyes tend to brush over pronouns and all that, so I really appreciate a pair of fresh eyes picking them up! (I recently acquired a beta, but her Life decided to bite her and she's not online much anymore, so I decided not to bother her ( ... )

confusion anonymous February 19 2009, 03:27:54 UTC

Wait...dark eco makes you float...but Mia didn't wear weights.
I'm confused...how dose it make you float?