I wish I was a drag queen, because I would still be fucking sexy and not have a uterus.

[queenklu]

You know what's great about being a woman? ...Nothing I can think of at this moment. BOOBS. I guess the boobs can stay. But the rest of the feminine bits can fuck off and die, kthnx. Blargh.

At some point today the BFF is coming over to talk about what day I can host a Mary Kaye party, which is...fucking great. /sarcasm. We have a mutual high

Comments

[sangre_fria]

This "friend" is one of Those Christians, who doesn't believe in dinosaurs and once told me masturbating made you pregnant.

[queenklu]

I know, bb. Luckily by that time I knew for a fact that it totally didn't. I was once at a college sex-ed thing and the people were asking about Weird Things You've Heard About Masturbation and my story got the loudest laugh. And then the woman running the thing said, "Well, maybe if you dipped your hand in a bucket of semen first?" which is not a visual I ever needed, but there you go.

SHARING IS CARING.

[sangre_fria]

If I were in your position, I would be so evil.

I would say to my BFF, "Hey, before I host this thing, you should warn Mary Kay girl. Tell her that I'm a liberal, Darwinist, gay-marriage-advocating bisexual. And if she still wants to come into my house and try to sell me some make-up, that's cool with me."

And then I could start planning to have a tea and cake party on that day instead. XD

[queenklu]

You know, except for the bisexual thing, that's fairly accurate--the thing is, the "friend" KNOWS. She knows all this, and I have yet to have a conversation with her where she didn't try to convert me. SHE BOUGHT ME SECRETLY CHRISTIAN BOOKS FOR MY BIRTHDAY, which I didn't realize until I said I'd liked the first couple books of the series and she said, "Oh yeah, you can get the rest at most Christian book stores! :D"

And I had to run away to hide my D: face. I thought the mysterious shadowy figure who kept saving the hero was MAGIC not JESUS.

[alamo_girl80]

Okay, sop I can't bring myself to watch that train wreck that Scotty made cop porn because of what you guys sad in comments. My brain is scarred enough already....

...But...He SLAPPED his dick?!?

[queenklu]

He did. He totally did. It's only eleven minutes of torture and he really really does slap his dick! AND RUN AROUND IN KHAKIS WAVING HIS GUN. He is basically the alternate reality porno version of Danno. aksdlj

[alamo_girl80]

I can't even...just...I can't...

Whoever talked him into this shit must have some serious shit on Scotty for blackmail purposes.

[queenklu]

*drags you out of the ditch* *force-feeds you chocolate* *marathons H5O with you* Feel mo' bettah?

The only good thing about that movie is getting to make fun of it. Sooooooooooooo true. SCOTTY CAAN, WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

[perspi]

Honestly, the Scott-Caan-cop-porn commentary has provided me some welcome amusement in the midst of my grading hell. WELCOME.

...no, I haven't watched the video, nor do I really intend to, I don't need such scarring. BUT THE COMMENTARY IS HI-LARIOUS, OKAY. *g*

*sends Steve over with a bag of coconut-creme Kisses and instructions to give you a massage*

That should help the womanly issues, yeah?

[queenklu]

You should watch it AFTER grading, as an After Grading Treat (and also because it will literally fry your brain and you will be able to think of nothing but Scott Caan licking at the air waaaay outside the reach of a hispanic femdom's wide open mouth while they 'make out' in the cop car. ;P

*sends Steve over with a bag of coconut-creme Kisses and instructions to give you a massage*

♥__________________________________________________________♥

[perspi]

as an After Grading Treat

I...do not think that means what you think it means...

AND STEVE LIKES TO HELP OUT LIKE THAT, OKAY. *g*

[queenklu]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

I DID NOT GET THAT UNTIL YOU SAID IT CAME OUT WRONG. OHHHHH, I AM ON TOP OF THINGS TODAY.