Saying Goodbye in Style (oneshot)
Title: Saying Goodbye in Style
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: F.Cuz
Pairing: Gen, Seunghyun-centric
Summary: Alternate reality; Recently debuted idol Seunghyun, stage name U, lives dangerously on the edge of obscurity, his only time in the spotlight being his endless stream of scandals. He takes a few soon-to-debut trainees under his wing, but ends up being the student, not the teacher.
Author's Note: Written for kpop_olymfics. Prior to debut, LeeU (Seunghyun), made an attempt at a solo career under the stage name U which fizzled out very quickly. He's said several times that the failure had a huge impact on him because he used to never practice and goofed around a lot. This is an alternate reality in which his solo career succeeds and what kind of person he becomes as a result. I actually came up with the idea for this story and wrote it all before Seunghyun's departure from F.Cuz was announced, so this is in no way a reactionary piece.
Team/Prompt Used: Canon-AR / GD & TOP - High High
Seunghyun wakes up to the sound of his alarm mixed with the distant muttering of the television in the living room. Funny, he doesn't even remember turning it on, which isn't a good sign for how the day is going to go. A hand-written note by his clock informs him that in exactly fifteen minutes, his manager will be bursting into his apartment to rush him out the door for his schedules. Shit. If only the siren going off in his brain would obediently shut off like the electronic one in his clock.
After a brisk shower, he pulls on the first pair of jeans he can find-- thank goodness, these never fail to get his ass in the tabloids-- and a (hopefully) clean t-shirt and trudges into the kitchen-slash-living room that makes up the rest of the modest and yet modern apartment. The first thing he notices is his own name in bright red font scrolling across the screen.
Pop idol singer U gets into another sexy scandal: Whose panties could those be? The word "another" is done up huge and capitalized and bold. Seunghyun admires the efforts of whomever put such diligent work into making his life hell. The panties in question actually belonged to Seunghyun himself, used during one of those humiliating variety shows when he was forced to dress like a girl for the thousandth time. A lucky paparazzi just so happened to notice them dangling out of his car door, but Seunghyun must admit that it made one hell of a story.
Then, right on time, his manager comes bursting through the door, cellphone in hand and and waving frantically to Seunghyun to grab his bag and get going. Silently pledging to make this man stop for coffee on the way to wherever they're going, Seunghyun complies with a shrug.
"Your father is livid," his manager says in between phone calls. Thank goodness someone else is driving, because that phone hasn't stopped ringing since he collected Seunghyun that morning. Slouching comfortably in the backseat, Seunghyun sips his coffee behind his designer sunglasses and wonders what horrible mistake his manager must have made in a past life to be stuck with such a job.
A tired sigh, "Of course he is."
"Your anti-fans are declaring today an offical holiday."
"Not surprised."
The poor man turns around in his seat, defeated.
"And my album?" Seunghyun asks, feigning perfect innocence with his wide, happy smile.
"Let's not go there."
A hidden, victorious smirk, and Seunghyun takes another slow, relaxed sip. A stack of newspapers lands in his lap, and lo and behold, his name is plastered across the front page of every one of them. Rain starts to splatter gently against the windows and their car slows to steady crawl as they reach the thick of traffic. Seunghyun sets his cup gently in the holder and leafs through the papers. Only with slight relief does he note that once again his father's team of publicity reps has succeeded in keeping any pictures from being released. Nonetheless, the titles themselves are impressive:
"Idol U spotted in clubs; fans shocked."
"Rumors about U's Rapant Night Life Abound."
"Sul Wondoo once again denies son's scandals."
"Club dancer claims to be carrying U's child."
"Club dancer retracts statement, provides details on U's drinking habits."
"U to be South Korea's most scandalous idol before reaching age 20."
With every article, Seunghyun can sense his father's growing rage and his manager's growing anxiety. Somewhere deep down, he probably feels guilty, but remorse is such a waste of time. Those nights are nothing but a blur by now anyway. What's to regret? He folds the papers up neatly and sets them on the seat beside him before taking back up his cup. Over the scattered words he catches his manager muttering into his cell, the faint sound of the rain outside lulls Seunghyun into light sleep.
"U-sshi?"
Seunghyun blinks and smiles, the female host's face coming back into focus. After waiting for far too long for her to finish up with the other guest, he just shakes his head and gives a sweet apology. The host, and the fans in the audience, laugh and all is forgiven.
"You're making your comeback next week, is that right?"
Blinking fan boards create an annoying glare in the corner of his eye. "Yes, that's right," he replies smoothly. "I hope you all will look forward to it and give me lots of love." A glance at the audience, smiling so hard his cheeks hurt, and the fans shout his name and wave their signs.
The host uncrosses and recrosses her legs and gives Seunghyun a knowing smile when he has to strain a little more to keep from looking. All of these kind, seemingly innocent people are so willing to help him on the surface. "Your title track 'I'm Sorry,' has been sparking much interest. Many speculate that it's written for your fans to apologize for everything that's been happening, you know, off-stage."
There's a gasp from the audience and the other guests look amongst each other awkwardly. Seunghyun feigns a sheepish smile, licks his lips, and looks directly at the camera. "I am truly grateful for my fans and everyone who has continued to support me through this difficult time in my life. This apology is to you all, because I know it has been the hardest on all of you." Tears well up in his eyes right on time and he looks to his hands to let a few drip visibly while the camera is still focused on him.
A few fans cry out from their seats and he spies a good number of them wiping away tears of their own. Even the host looks genuinely moved when Seunghyun looks up and apologizes for being so emotional. This isn't like him, he insists. At least that much is true.
On his way off the stage when filming is over, he waves to his fans and makes a heart with his arms. They wave frantically back and scream their love for him. Backstage, the host takes his hand to let him know that, if he needs someone, she's there for him. He gives her his signature blinding smile and gently removes her hand from where it has migrated to his thigh.
"Thank you, noona, it's good to know that there are good people in our industry."
After a long and painfully hot shower, Seunghyun's skin is red and raw to the touch. He rolls his shoulders and sighs in the steamy bathroom before walking in his towel to his bedroom. His manager is already asleep in the bed and Seunghyun doesn't bother to wake him to tell him he's heading out. By now, the poor man is used to Seunghyun's nightly excursions, and in most cases it's to his benefit to claim that he knew nothing about them. Seunghyun pulls on his favorite jeans and a black t-shirt before checking his hair in the mirror. It takes him fifteen minutes to sculpt it into the perfect level of I-don't-care disarray.
He could take the car, and he considers the option for a few minutes outside of the apartment building. Deciding that his manager could use a bit of a break, he runs back upstairs to pull on a a sweat jacket-- he's going for inconspicuous tonight for the first time in months. Ah, the days of actually caring about his reputation. They feel so long ago.
Tonight he heads to his favorite bar, a small hole-in-the-wall place with dim lights and mediocre liquor but plenty of dark places for an idol to sit down and space out for a few hours. Originally he'd wanted to spend his night doing what he does best: dancing and doing belly shots with all of Seoul's available young women in some trendy club. After the unsavory encounter with the hostess, though, human interaction leaves a bad taste in his mouth. He never feels truly alone in his apartment with all of his managers and magazine pages framed on the walls and fan gifts piled in the corners of every room.
A few booths are free and Seunghyun chooses one in between a few groups of people. Solitude amongst the crowds; his favorite. A waitress sidles by and feigns interest long enough to take his drink order until she wanders back off and Seunghyun sighs, sinking into the cracked pleather of the booth. Pulling his jacket hood up over his hair, he peers around the dark bar out of habit and nothing else. This bar has a few regulars, but they're not of the smiling, laughing, hugging kind who get together intentionally. They just happen to come to the same bar, happen to be around at the same time, and now and then happen to sit at the same table and exchange a few words. Seunghyun rarely ever experiences that last part, but it isn't altogether surprising when a man walks over from the bar to sit across from Seunghyun. The waitress approaches at the same time and sets down Seunghyun's drink. She gives the stranger an appraising gaze, then a half-shrug. Apparently she doesn't deem him too suspicious, and he's able to sit down without question. Seunghyun leans into the aisle a little to stare after the waitress. She doesn't seem particularly familiar, but there are a few who know him at this bar and try to look out for him after one too many times passing out on the floor.
The stranger doesn't seem bothered by Seunghyun's last of interest. In the light of the lamp dangling above their table, Seunghyun makes out a handsome face. Not old, he looks a few years older than Seunghyun. An actor's good looks, Seunghyun would call it, not pretty like girls seem to enjoy nowadays but most definitely attractive.
"Come here often?" the man asks and Seunghyun snorts into his drink.
"You know I'm a guy, right?" Seunghyun replies. One too many mistakes of that kind have taught him to prioritize clarity over possible later amusement. "And even if I wasn't, not interested."
He laughs, low and rumbling. Seunghyun focuses on the sound and takes a sip of his drink, closing his eyes. The man's voice is so comforting Seunghyun almost doesn't hear what he says next, "Sorry, I don't know another way to start a conversation in a bar."
The earnest way the man smiles and the courteous nod he gives the waitress as she takes his order piques Seunghyun's interest. He has a broad-shouldered, tall build, and Seunghyun finds it slightly familiar, as if he's seen it from a distance before. "You've been here before, right?"
A surprised look between folded hands. "Are you trying to pick me up now?"
Seunghyun rolls his eyes and is tempted to move to another empty table. "Forget it," he grunts.
Just as he's moving to leave, that voice stops him again, "You're Seunghyun, right?"
He sits back down and squints in the dark to try and get a better look at his companion. "Are you a reporter?" His fingers tighten around his glass. He's never thrown a drink at a paparazzi before, but he's always wanted to.
"No, I'm in the industry." A hand reaches across the table in a friendly gesture. "My name is Jinchul."
As if, he inwardly scoffs. He raises his glass a little in return as he smirks into it. Not fazed in the least, Jinchul lowers his hand and lets it rest on the table. "Nice to meet you," Seunghyun says mockingly.
"Don't trust me?" Jinchul asks. Seunghyun laughs at that, his wariness fading whether by the alcohol or by this man's voice, he's not sure.
"What company are you with?" he asks instead of answering.
Jinchul laughs. The new angle of his face reveals dark circles around the man's eyes. A sure sign of an idol, but Seunghyun can never be too careful. He should at least not knowingly give material to the people his father works so hard to fend off. "CAN&J," Jinchul finally replies. Frowning, Seunghyun searches his mind for any recollection of the name. It sounds familiar, but obscure mixes of letters are common in this world and he's more than a little buzzed. He takes plenty of time to pretend to think, though, because he'd rather die than let a stranger know that Lee Seunghyun is a lightweight. "Tell you what," Jinchul continues when Seunghyun remains silent. Seunghyun's eyes flicker up for a second to watch Jinchul stand up. "Tomorrow night I'll bring the other members of my group here. How about that?"
Seunghyun wants to say that bringing a random bunch of guys won't prove shit, but his mouth feels useless. A giggle threatens to bubble up out of his throat, so he keeps his mouth firmly shut.
"Will you be here?" Jinchul asks again.
He feels himself smile, his cheeks warm. "Yeah," he says, not meaning to, and Jinchul leaves the bar.
The next day is spent at a photoshoot for his album cover. It's a little last minute considering the music itself is planned to drop in two days, but everyone assures him, as if he's concerned, that promotions will be fantastic this time. Today they take the photos, and tomorrow one will be made public as a teaser. The stylists for the shoot squeeze him into tight leather pants and his silken shirt is sheer enough to be seductive without, as they tell him, "trying too hard." Standing amongst faux black roses, he finds himself trying very hard. To stay awake.
"You weren't altogether there, were you?" his manager half-heartedly scolds him as they make their way back to the van. Back in his jeans, Seunghyun lets himself relax enough to drift to sleep in the backseat. The sound of his manager's distant grumblings makes an excellent lullaby.
Later that night, his manager once again fast asleep elsewhere, Seunghyun stands at his front door and bounces in agitation. As curious as he is about the strange man who called himself Jinchul and the potential "band members," going would mean doing what he's asked to do. Seunghyun spends his entire days doing exactly what everyone around him wants. Why the hell should he give his night to a man he barely knows?
He goes to the bar convinced that this is what he wants to do. His decision has nothing to do with the idea of seeing Jinchul again, and it definitely has nothing to do with the possibility of meeting more people like Jinchul. Without realizing it, he sits in the same booth, orders the same drink, and kicks himself when the waitress brings it to him with an amused smile. Jinchul comes walking in exactly three seconds after Seunghyun takes his first sip. He's not sure why he knows how long it takes, but those three seconds feel like forever.
Jinchul waves and Seunghyun isn't sure if he should wave back because that might come off as desperate. He goes with raising his glass again, which also serves to hide the way he smiles in return when Jinchul jogs toward him with a huge grin on his face. "You're here!" he exclaims upon reaching the table. All at once Seunghyun feels stupid, really damn stupid, because this scene is right out of one of those romantic comedies Seunghyun watches when he's inebriated but too energized to sleep late at night. He puffs out his chest and frowns at Jinchul's excitement to little effect. Jinchul is practically shining with exuberance.
Two hesitant figures appear at the entrance to the bar and Jinchul waves them over. Neither exude Jinchul positive energy; on the contrary, one gives Seunghyun a reproachful glare, not at all intimidated by the man before him, and the other has his hood drawn all the way around his face. His nervous eyes watch his two companions carefully for instruction and he visibly flinches when Seunghyun meets his eye. As timid as this one is, he sure is tall. As a matter of fact, they all are. Seunghyun's always been complimented on his height, but Jinchul is the same height or maybe a little more and the others are a good two or three inches taller.
The three of them crowd into one side of the booth and Seunghyun almost laughs at how ridiculous they look crammed in like that. He looks to the big, nervous one and nods toward the open seat on Seunghyun's side, but the other just blinks. "Comfortable?" Seunghyun asks them with a smirk.
Jinchul shrugs. "I gave up long ago trying to make these two act normal in public."
The one with the sour expression narrows his eyes at his friend. "Not wanting to sit next to suspicious people is normal, hyung." He catches Seunghyun's eye and nods, but only slightly. "Nice to meet you, sunbae. My nae is Yejun." In the light, Seunghyun admires Yejun's round, baby-like face. The other boy remains silent until Yejun jabs him in the ribs. "Be polite."
"Ch-Choi Younghak," he blurts out with an embarrassed little bow in his seat. Seunghyun waits for something more, but the boy sinks low in his seat and averts his eyes.
"Don't expect much from Younghak," Jinchul says with an apologetic look. "He doesn't talk much even around us, and we've known him for years." His smile returns and he folds his hands in on the table. "So do you believe me now?"
Seunghyun cocks his head and shrugs. "You three are weird enough to be idols, I guess." Jinchul laughs; Yejun cracks a hint of a smile. A good feeling swells inside Seunghyun's chest. The prospect of almost getting the kid to smile makes him oddly happy, like he's accomplished something. The odd thing about it is that he never feels accomplished even when finishing a recording session. He catches Younghak staring curiously at him and sticks his tongue out at the strange boy. Younghak flinches again, but less this time, quickly recovering and pulling down his hood. A good sign. Beneath the hood, Younghak has chiseled, foreign-looking features which Seunghyun knows will get him very far in their industry. A few jokes later, Seunghyun gets a smile out of the quiet boy, and the innocence in it makes Seunghyun sad somehow.
"I noticed you a few weeks ago in here," Jinchul admits toward the end of the night when he's had a few drinks and a light flush reddens the tops of his cheeks. "I didn't think it was you, but then with the rumors and scandals, I thought maybe-" He cuts off, mouth gaping. Seunghyun waves off his apology and urges him to continue. "I just wanted to meet you, you know? Start making connections, though what we could use are friends, I guess. But only if you're looking for friends, of course, sunbae," he finishes in a somewhat slurred rush. He glances at Seunghyun nervously and wipes his mouth.
Seunghyun pauses. Friends, what a novel idea. The waitress comes by with new, full glass for Jinchul and Seunghyun takes the time to stare into his. "Sounds nice," he says finally, but so quietly that Jinchul blinks and leans forward, not understanding. "I guess we can be friends," he says again with a forced smile. Jinchul gives him another exuberant grin and shakes his friends, who look similarly pleased in their own way. Yejun's frown falters and he shrugs; Younghak's small smile is almost hidden when he quickly looks to his feet.
Seunghyun's manager is sound asleep and snoring when he stumbles in the door that night, and, for once, Seunghyun falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, still laughing to himself.
The next night the four of them meet up again at the same place, same table, and do much of the same things. They drink, or rather Jinchul and Seunghyun drink while Younghak and Yejun make fun of their worsening inebriated states. Yejun in particular enjoys giving the two of them tongue twisters to fail at and pinches Jinchul's cheeks as they start to redden. Younghak brings along a camera this time, and having it in his hands seems to make him much more comfortable from the very beginning. While he may not speak much, he's taking photos constantly, which only improves Seunghyun's mood. There's nothing better than being in front of a camera, at least, one that isn't hidden in the bushes and trying to capture him doing something inappropriate. At the end of the night, Seunghyun tells them all to meet here tomorrow dressed a little nicer. There's somewhere he wants to take them.
The one thing Seunghyun will concede to the media is that they've been quite correct in claiming that clubs are by far his favorite places in the world. The pulsing bass, flashing lights and smoky air air breathe new energy into him from the moment he walks through the doors. In a club, he can pretend he knows everyone and the masses will go along with the charade. He can drink himself silly, wrap his arms around girls and say whatever he wants, and these people will love him for it. In a club there is no need for him to put on an act. Here he isn't being watched; he blends into the shifting, sweaty crowd and disappears.
His new friends, on the contrary, are the epitome of discomfort. Jinchul puts on a tough act, slapping Younghak's arm when the taller boy tries to hide behind him. Yejun glares at everyone and everything around him, and, most of all, he glares at Seunghyun, the reason behind Yejun's current unpleasant situation. A sinking feeling in his stomach makes Seunghyun want to ditch them. He doesn't owe them anything, after all, he invited them out. That feeling, however, makes him stick by them for the first painful hour of awkward hovering. He gives them one hour to get adjusted, or somewhere vaguely close to adjusted, and then he grabs Younghak by the wrist and yanks him out onto the dance floor. He sees Jinchul do the same with Yejun, and then the other two get lost in the crowd.
The terrified look in Younghak's eyes makes Seunghyun smile. Through gestures, he tells Younghak to mimic him, and then Senghyun starts dancing. As predicted, the dancer in Younghak eventually takes over for the awkward, shy boy he usually is and Younghak is laughing and jumping up and down in no time. Seunghyun finds himself laughing, too, and lets Younghak hold him back when he tries to wander off and find a girl to dance with. Younghak gives him another scared look and holds him in place, and Seunghyun is immobilized.
They squeeze through the bodies and exit the dance floor hours later to find Jinchul and Yejun waiting for them at the bar. As much as Seunghyun protests, Jinchul insists, screaming over the music, that they need to go. Something about rehearsals and preparations and at this point they'll only get an hour of sleep as best, but they need that. Seunghyun watches them leave with a frustrated frown.
Rehearsals mean nothing. What is the point in preparing so hard to debut in a market that will more than likely forget about them in a week's time? Seunghyun wants to shout all of his thoughts at them or call Jinchul and inform him, coolly and calmly, that they're really wasting their time. But he doesn't.
He doesn't want to tell them, and he has no idea why.
This is how they spend their first week as friends. Every night they meet at a different clubs, because Seunghyun knows better than to show up at the same place two nights in a row. His bar is an exception, the only exception, but he doesn't feel like taking them back there. As new and strangely fun it is to talk with his new companions, the strangeness outweighs the fun. It leaves him feeling unsettled. Partying is what he's good at, so that's just what they do. Seunghyun introduces his friends to the prettiest girls in the clubs and they dance together. He buys them the most expensive alcohol and they play drinking games. He keeps them safely within his zone of comfort and makes all of the decisions.
Yejun is a problem. The only one who resists Seunghyun's plans on a regular basis, Seunghyun catches the boy watching him. Always. Yejun doesn't play his games and politely turns down any dance partners offered, choosing instead to sit on the sidelines or, more often, stick by Jinchul's side and whisper who-knows what into his ear, always staring right at Seunghyun. As a result, Seunghyun takes to blaming every inconvenient thing on him. His friends choose to go home early; Yejun must have asked for it. Jinchul doesn't play a particular drinking game with Seunghyun; Yejun must have told him not to. Younghak shyly decides not to dance with Seunghyun that night; Yejun must have commented on how it looks for two men to dance together. The most frustrating bit is that Seunghyun can't bring himself to hate Yejun for all of the supposed bad things he does. He knows that Yejun is right in what he's doing, and that's the problem. Seunghyun doesn't need nor want anyone pointing out all of his wonderfully bad decisions when he's perfectly happy making them unawares.
His manager, no, everyone points out how different Seunghyun seems these days. "You look healthier," his make-up artist comments. "Happier. Your skin even looks clearer." She says it with a smile but Seunghyun scowls.
"No recent scandal scares," his manager sighs blissfully at the end of an interview. "I'm proud of you."
It's an odd feeling, not being scolded every morning for the antics of the previous night. If there's one thing Seunghyun loathes more than anything else, it's being obedient.
The first night of the second week with his new companions, he invites them to another club. "Get ready," he chuckles into the phone. "Tonight's going to be different."
He arrives at the club an hour before the others and gives a warm greeting to the owner before reserving them a VIP table near the back. He stretches out in the seat one of the booths and stares at the ceiling, blinding with strobe lights. The air is still clean with the slight lemon scent of the cleansers the bar tender is using to scrub the wood of the bar. It's still early for club-goers, so only a few nervous guests shuffle around the area. Only first-timers go this early. Well, first-timers and Seunghyun, at least tonight. He closes his eyes as the first pulses of base echo across the dance floor. When he opens his eyes again, a group of stunning women walk through the doors, and he smiles.
Jinchul doesn't look pleased. Over the shoulder of his lovely companion, Seunghyun can see the deep lines crease his friend's forehead from across the room. He removes a hand from the girl's waist to give them a small wave and then lets it drift back to its original location. She sighs into his ear and moves a little, closing the tiny sliver of open air between them. He looks away from his approaching friends to whisper a reply before moving away, just a little, to greet them.
"Great night, isn't it?" he laughs and pulls the girl around playing by the waist. She squeals and Jinchul's frown deepens.
"Can I talk to you?" Jinchul shouts over the music. He glances at the girls. "Alone?"
Seunghyun shrugs. "Just say it here." The girl wiggles beside him and he slaps her hip, much to her surprise as she lets out another delicious sound. Seunghyun bites his lip.
Apparently Jinchul gives up, but he doesn't make a move to join the fun. Neither do the others. "I didn't know we'd have company," Jinchul shouts again. A girl behind them shouts something back and grabs her friend, Seunghyun's companion, and tries to drag her back onto the dance floor.
"What's the big deal?" he grumbles, but loud enough for Jinchul to hear. Jinchul rolls his eyes and looks ready to reply, but Seunghyun turns away before he can. His new friend on his arm, he starts back for the dance floor. The girl grabs a drink for her friend and downs it in one shot. One of the other girls passes Seunghyun a drink and he does the same. Whatever the liquor is, it burns the back of his throat and makes his eyes water. He laughs and pulls the girl against him, but is wrenched away by a tight grip on his arm. The room spins as he stumbles backward and only after a few dizzy attempts does he manage to look Jinchul in the face. "The hell?" he growls and yanks his hand free, but ends up nearly falling on his ass. Younghak manages to catch him in time and help him to his feet. The gentle way Younghak helps him balance and the nervous look in his eyes sets Seunghyun's teeth on edge. He gives his friend a sharp glare and yanks away from him, too.
"You know better than this," Jinchul says when the three of them manage to get Seunghyun somewhere quieter.
"Maybe he doesn't," Yejun interjects with a bitter laugh. Seunghyun shoots him a glare but the boy is unaffected. Younghak scoots away from Seunghyun and behind Yejun as if in fear.
"I thought you were better than this," Jinchul continues, not a trace of amusement in his voice or in his eyes. Seunghyun tries to laugh, but his throat is dry and his eyes refuse to focus.
"What the hell," he begins, then coughs. "What the hell ever gave you that idea?" He squints at Jinchul and takes a step back. "I am exactly what I appear to be." Spreading his arms wide, he turns a full circle and almost falls flat on his face. Younghak saves him again and this time he roars and shoves the boy away. The girls step out of the crowds now, confused but still drunk enough to not care. One of them grabs Seunghyun and pats his cheeks. He smiles at her in the way that always works, always, and she melts into a wide, wet-eyed smile. He turns that smile on Jinchul and gets nothing in return.
"Call me later," Jinchul says after a moment. Yejun and Younghak turn to follow him, but one of the girls darts out and grabs Jinchul by the arm.
"Come on, have fun with us!" she laughs. He smiles and politely turns her down, but she just keeps laughing and insisting. He tries to detach her hand from his arm but she holds on harder. "Come on!" she almost shouts as he continues to try and move away. He frowns and she finally lets go, but only to wrap both arms around his neck and lock lips. It takes Yejun, Younghak and Jinchul to get her off of him this time, and as they finally make their way out of the bar, Seunghyun is almost on the floor laughing.
Someone is shouting. Not any kind of normal shouting, but a long, blaring shout that never seems to end and threatens to split Seunghyun's skull right down the middle. A first attempt to open his eyes results in failure as the light burns his tired eyes. The second attempt it more successful, and he manages to make out his alarm clock resting near him in the blurry brightness. He feels around for it and shuts it off; the painful noise dies away immediately. His manager tosses something at him that feel like clothes as it lands on his back.
"Get ready," is all the older man says, softly, but with an edge that makes Seunghyun's stomach flip. The apartment is stifling and silent as Seunghyun wanders around and showers, dresses, pulls on his hat and sunglasses, grabs his thermos of coffee.
His manages doesn't say a word until they're halfway to their first appointment. "I thought you were finally done with all that?" When Seunghyun doesn't answer, he adds, "Some girls brought you home last night. What are you going to to if someone saw you? Or got pictures?"
Seunghyun remains silent. He sips his coffee and stares out the window. He doesn't know what his manager is so surprised, after all, he's known Seunghyun for years now. This is what life is, what it's always been, what it always will be. This is the path Seunghyun has chosen and nothing is going to change it.
But that doesn't stop him from checking his cell phone throughout the car ride. And before the interview. And while getting changed. And after the interview. And as often as he can the rest of the day.
Jinchul doesn't call, but Seunghyun refuses to do it himself. Instead, around ten at night, the usual time he'd be meeting up with them at the bar, he gets a text:
Debut coming up. Too busy to go out for a while.
PS. Please don't bother the others.
A lump forms in Seunghyun's throat and no matter how many times he tries, he can't clear it. His eyes water but he attributes that to his constant yawning. Being in bed at this time of night is unusual, but then again, he has a debut coming up. Maybe he should take it easy, too. But only for tonight, because he'd rather die than let anything Jinchul says affect him. That's not how Lee Seunghyun works.
The next day, his mini-album drops on the internet. Fans everywhere celebrate and send messages to his online cafe about how much they love it. Anti-fans write in with the usual hate mail, but that's never bothered him. Honestly, he finds the fans more disturbing than the antis the majority of the time. He knows his music sucks. Everyone knows his music sucks. And yet, these select few fans always write in with their endless, incoherent praise. All of the idols he's met have told him that this is when he's supposed to be grateful and moved by their support. Instead he feels nauseous as he watches more and more people waste their money on his shitty product.
"Congratulations," everyone says to him. Even his father calls in a cheerful greeting that morning to show his support. Meanwhile Seunghyun wants to go back to bed.
The only good thing to happen all day is a single text message; not from Jinchul, but from Younghak. How he'd managed to get Seunghyun's number, the world may never know.
can we meet???
The bar-- their bar now-- is dark and quiet as usual when Seunghyun arrives. For once, he's the one looking around the tables at the backs of the customers' heads for the familiar giant. He finds Younghak seated near the back, his hood drawn with huge sunglasses covering the rest of what's left exposed of his face. He nods deferentially to Seunghyun as he takes his seat. The boy's fingers drum on the table anxiously as he visibly struggles with his words.
"Please don't be mad at Jinchul-hyung," he manages after a few failed tries.
Seunghyun shrugs. "Why would I be mad at him?"
Younghak pauses. "But you are mad."
"I am not." He frowns when Younghak's mouth twitches to hold back a smile.
"Hyung was right; you're like a kid." He snaps his mouth shut as soon as the words leave his mouth.
Seunghyun almost laughs. "Excuse me?"
"W-We're your friends, sunbae," Younghak mumbles quickly. "He's worried about you."
A familiar figure steps into the bar. With a heavy jacket, dark glasses and a not-so well-hidden camera, the man screams paparazzi. Seunghyun carefully moves to sit next to Younghak in the other booth where the man can't see his face. Younghak hasn't noticed the man and Seunghyun doesn't want to alarm the poor guy, so he just smiles as if it's no big deal. He puts an arm around Younghak's big shoulders and smiles.
"Friends, huh?" he asks quietly. Younghak nods fervently and smiles back. "That's a nice thought." He breathes the words to himself so that Younghak can't hear them. Then, looking up at the dusty light fixture hanging over the table, he says, louder this time, "I don't need that."
Younghak says nothing.
"I don't need friends," he repeats with a tired smile. "And I don't need anyone to worry about me." He cocks his head at Younghak. "Why are you worried, Younghak? Do you like me?"
"Of course I do, sunbae," Younghak mumbles, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
Seunghyun smiles and pats his friend's hand. "You like me?" Younghak nods. "Do you like me a lot?"
A happy grin brightens the boy's face and Seunghyun almost feels guilty. "You're very cool, sunbae."
"You know," Seunghyun continues without acknowledging the compliment. "In this industry, guys sometimes like each other, you know, really like each other." The body next to him stiffens, finally understanding. "Things can get confusing living with other guys, Younghak." He leans his head on Younghak's shoulder. "Are you confused?"
Younghak swallows and looks away. Unfortunately the only thing to look at is the dirty bar wall and his gaze drifts back to Seunghyun, flinching when he meets Seunghyun's gaze, and then back to his hand, which Seunghyun continues to hold in his own on the table. "I'm very confused, sunbae."
"There's no reason to be," Seunghyun sighs. "Look at me, Younghak."
Very reluctantly, Younghak turns away from his hands. This close, Seunghyun can see the boy's eyes even through his dark sunglasses. Seunghyun gives his friend his signature heart-melting smile and watches the blush creep onto Younghak's cheeks. The boy's ears turn bright red.
"I like you very much, Younghak," he mumbles against his friend's lips before pressing them together lightly. As amusing as it is, there's nothing exciting about the contact except for the panicked beating of Younghak's heart which Seunghyun can feel through the boy's sweatshirt. The poor guy; he made it way too easy. Younghak's eyes are squeezed shut so Seunghyun can stare straight at him and smile against his lips at the reaction.
A bright flash of light illuminates the wall behind Younghak's face and Seunghyun's heart stops. He whirls around to watch the man-- the paparazzi whom he'd so easily forgotten-- sprint out of the bar. He turns to Younghak and blinks. Younghak just stares back, too lost in his own confusion to understand what just happened.
"Tell Jinchul that I'm sorry," Seunghyun mumbles as he slides out of the booth and walks away.
He doesn't sleep that night. His eyes flutter closed every few seconds, but nothing follows; not peaceful darkness, not dreams, nothing. When his alarm goes off, he opens his eyes for the thousandth time and rises out of bed without so much as a yawn. He pulls on his clothes but doesn't pay attention to what he picks out, and his manager gives him an incredulous look as they go to leave. "You're ready?" he asks and gives Seunghyun's clothes another one-over. Seunghyun shrugs and leaves the apartment first so that his manager has to rush back inside to grab the forgotten daily thermos of caffeine.
"Want to talk about it?" is his manager's next question. Everyone who's known Seunghyun long enough knows that, more often than not, Seunghyun deals with his bad moods by himself. He prefers to block everyone else out for days and, sure enough, it'll be like nothing had happened, so when Seunghyun shakes his head his manager turns back around and that's the last he asks about it.
Today he doesn't have time to obsessively check his cell for messages. Their first stop is yet another interview, where Seunghyun puts on his best nervous and yet excited act for his upcoming comeback. He waves and smiles at the fans who crowd outside the venue and knows he'll look perfect in their photos. Then it's off to the make-up artist and salon, where they try out the styling for his debut performance. The heavy eyeliner hides his eye bags well and the costume only needs a bit of adjusting, so they go ahead and check the outfits for the second, third and fourth performances as well. Every single person involved is practically glowing in excitement, but for Seunghyun it's exhausting just trying to keep a smile on his face through it all.
After a quick dinner in the car, his first meal of the day, he's shuttled off to the dance studio for rehearsal. In the hours they spend practicing, Seunghyun never once gets the routine completely correct. For any other idol, this would be blasphemy, but at this point expecting good choreography out of U seems to be too much even for the harshest media. Hell, once he'd stopped dancing for a good minute of a performance and he was complimented on his talent for improvisation. In truth, he'd sprained his ankle jumping off of a table in a club the night before. So his back-up dancers only shake their heads and poke fun at his constant mistakes. He smiles back and shrugs.
"Seunghyun-ah, check this out," one of the dancers calls during one of their breaks. He has a computer balanced on his knees where he sits leaning against the mirrored wall. Seunghyun scoots across the floor to look over his friend's shoulder. "These guys are debuting tomorrow night; same night you're going on."
The colors hurt his eyes; that's his first observation. There is every color imaginable flashing across his retinas as a catchy tune keeps beat in the background, muffled by the laptop's speakers. A line of four boys dance across the screen, dressed to kill. Literally. Seunghyun would kill anyone who dared try to force him into anything that horrifying. Then a face flashes into view, followed by another, and Seunghyun's jaw drops. The laugh that escapes him is so loud and so unexpected that at first he thinks it must be from someone else, but everyone in the room is staring at him and his stomach is aching as more and more laughter bubbles out of his mouth.
"Sorry, sorry," he wheezes and gets to his feet. He smiles, still laughing, but insists that he's okay when some of them offer to help him walk. He stumbles to the bathroom and throws his head back, happy tears streaming from his eyes. It takes him twenty minutes to get under control and re-join his dancers, but not before he sends Jinchul a quick text.
Tell Yejun that his hair better still be curly tomorrow night.
Even though he knows he shouldn't, Seunghyun goes to the bar that night. Part of him hopes that one or all three of his friends will be there; part of him hopes that he'll get a moment alone. The moment he steps through the door, it becomes apparent that he will get neither as a man beckons him toward a table. Not just any man, but the man with the camera from the other night. Even in the improved light and without his hat and heavy coat, Seunghyun recognizes the man's face.
"Don't look at me like that," the man grumbles at Seunghyun's scowl. Seunghyun takes a seat across from the man and crosses his arms. "You want the photographs, don't you?"
Panic jolts through Seunghyun and it must show on his face because the paparazzi smirks. "What do you want for them? I'll give you all the money you want."
He shakes his head. "Money is good and all, but not much fun." He pulls a stack of photos out of his jacket pocket and spreads them out on the table. There are Seunghyun and Younghak, faces clear and in focus. Seunghyun winces. "These pictures are priceless and you know it."
Seunghyun sighs, "So what the hell do you want?"
The man frowns. "I'll get right to the point. Your fans are too strong for me. In these photos they could easily claim you to be some other woman, with your sunglasses and hat and sweatshirt. I don't want speculation. I want photos that are obviously you. Can you imagine how great it would be to be the guy who finally managed to publish you?"
"Even if you had better shots, my dad would stop you."
"Not if he didn't know I had them, and this is where you come in." He meets Seunghyun's eye and grins. "And since I'm sure you'd hate to see these pictures of your friend published, or these-" He pulls out another set, these of Jinchul and the girl from the club. Seunghyun bites the inside of his cheek and sinks into his seat. "I thought you'd be willing to help."
Seunghyun swallows. "I'm listening."
"Give me some of those pictures your father has kept from being published; any of them, as long as they're good ones, and you know what I mean." He pulls out a cigarette and lights it. "As long as they're good, clear shots of you and definitely worth my time, these photos of your friends will disappear. Starting a scandal about some group who hasn't debuted yet is beneath me."
"I'm sure," Seunghyun scoffs, but then man only shrugs in return.
"Do we have a deal?"
"On one condition," he replies and smiles when the man's eyes narrow. "It's a small one. Don't publish anything until after my first comeback performance. Let me get through that day and then you're free to do whatever you want."
His eyebrows raise in surprise, "I had no idea U gave a shit about anything in his career." He shrugs again. "I agree, though. It'll have more of an impact if you've garnered some spotlight already anyway."
"Give me your e-mail."
The man slides his business card across the table and rises to go. "If I don't have those pictures by the day after your performance, I'll just publish the ones I have." With one last smirk, the paparazzi slouches down the aisle and out of the bar. A waitress comes by and asks Seunghyun if he needs anything, glancing at the door with concern. He assures her that he's fine gets up to leave.
Yejun's hair turns out to be how Seunghyun finds the three of them in the crowded waiting room. The idols are cramped together and getting ready to record, and it's only by chance that over his hair stylist's shoulder he spies an unmistakable curly head bobbing a little bit above the other idols. The boy visibly jumps when Seunghyun calls his name.
"Sunbae," Yejun replies with a respectful little bow, not trying to hide his obvious lack of enthusiasm.
Seunghyun ignores it and looks around behind his friend. "Are the others here, too?"
"Please stop moving," the hair stylist scolds him and he pouts. Yejun cracks a smile and promises to lead Seunghyun to them when he's done.
The awkward silence between them while Seunghyun finishes getting his hair done doesn't damper his thrill at seeing Yejun again. He glances at the boy anxiously over and over again in the mirror, looking for some kind of indication that Younghak may have come home crying like Seunghyun had so expected, but Yejun just looks tired and bored. The first one he spies through the crowd as they make their way through is Younghak, partially because he stands a few inches taller than most in the room and partially because of the obnoxiously bright blue jacket he has on. Then Seunghyun spots Jinchul and decides that maybe Younghak's jacket is so obnoxious, and then he takes another look at Yejun and can't keep the grin from spreading across his face.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Yejun grumbles before he wanders away to their make-up artist. Younghak bows awkwardly and avoids Seunghyun's eyes, but his smile is still there. Jinchul looks surprised but not displeased, so obviously Younghak hasn't told anyone about their secret meeting at the bar. He's not sure whether to be relieved or even more embarrassed.
"How did I not realize we'd end up here together?" Jinchul comments with a forced laugh.
Seunghyun just smiles and nods. "It didn't occur to me either." His voices catches a little as he adds, quieter, "I'm glad."
The smile that spreads across Jinchul's face makes Seunghyun's throat tighten. "Thanks for everything, sunbae." He looks ready to say more, but a boy touches his shoulder from behind and he turns to speak to him. Seunghyun glances at the boy: bright clothes in a similar style, strange hair, make-up.
"Your fourth member?" Seunghyun asks Younghak. He vaguely remembers them mentioning they had a fourth, but it was one of those offhand comments which Seunghyun never gave much thought.
Younghak nods and Jinchul grabs the boy roughly around the shoulders and drags him forward. The boy blushes and makes an exaggerated bow. His name enters Seunghyun's ears and is forgotten instantaneously. Yejun steps up beside Younghak and leans against his friend, the four of them making an intensely colored and laughable line-up. As funny-looking as they are, they look happy, and for a split second Seunghyun wonders if he'd be happier in that line.
"How about this," he says quickly, interrupting his thoughts. "I can teach you all how to greet other groups properly without looking too uncool."
Jinchul rolls his eyes. "I don't know if we should take lessons from you."
"Just trust me on this one," he laughs. "My dad taught me how important it is not to look too humble or shy when you make your first greeting. You have to be confident." And so he spends a few minutes showing the right amount to bow, the right kind of smile to have on their face, the right tone of voice to use. "You'll understand later how important it is to make a stylish first impression."
His three friends look dubious, but they grin and pretend to practice their new technique while Seunghyun laughs at them. By the time his manger is calling him back to finish preparing, Younghak has even opened up enough to put an arm around Seunghyun's shoulders. When he moves away from his friends, he feels his smile fade. He throws them a wave over his shoulder.
Tomorrow everything will be different, but at least for tonight, he can be their good sunbae.
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: F.Cuz
Pairing: Gen, Seunghyun-centric
Summary: Alternate reality; Recently debuted idol Seunghyun, stage name U, lives dangerously on the edge of obscurity, his only time in the spotlight being his endless stream of scandals. He takes a few soon-to-debut trainees under his wing, but ends up being the student, not the teacher.
Author's Note: Written for kpop_olymfics. Prior to debut, LeeU (Seunghyun), made an attempt at a solo career under the stage name U which fizzled out very quickly. He's said several times that the failure had a huge impact on him because he used to never practice and goofed around a lot. This is an alternate reality in which his solo career succeeds and what kind of person he becomes as a result. I actually came up with the idea for this story and wrote it all before Seunghyun's departure from F.Cuz was announced, so this is in no way a reactionary piece.
Team/Prompt Used: Canon-AR / GD & TOP - High High
Seunghyun wakes up to the sound of his alarm mixed with the distant muttering of the television in the living room. Funny, he doesn't even remember turning it on, which isn't a good sign for how the day is going to go. A hand-written note by his clock informs him that in exactly fifteen minutes, his manager will be bursting into his apartment to rush him out the door for his schedules. Shit. If only the siren going off in his brain would obediently shut off like the electronic one in his clock.
After a brisk shower, he pulls on the first pair of jeans he can find-- thank goodness, these never fail to get his ass in the tabloids-- and a (hopefully) clean t-shirt and trudges into the kitchen-slash-living room that makes up the rest of the modest and yet modern apartment. The first thing he notices is his own name in bright red font scrolling across the screen.
Pop idol singer U gets into another sexy scandal: Whose panties could those be? The word "another" is done up huge and capitalized and bold. Seunghyun admires the efforts of whomever put such diligent work into making his life hell. The panties in question actually belonged to Seunghyun himself, used during one of those humiliating variety shows when he was forced to dress like a girl for the thousandth time. A lucky paparazzi just so happened to notice them dangling out of his car door, but Seunghyun must admit that it made one hell of a story.
Then, right on time, his manager comes bursting through the door, cellphone in hand and and waving frantically to Seunghyun to grab his bag and get going. Silently pledging to make this man stop for coffee on the way to wherever they're going, Seunghyun complies with a shrug.
"Your father is livid," his manager says in between phone calls. Thank goodness someone else is driving, because that phone hasn't stopped ringing since he collected Seunghyun that morning. Slouching comfortably in the backseat, Seunghyun sips his coffee behind his designer sunglasses and wonders what horrible mistake his manager must have made in a past life to be stuck with such a job.
A tired sigh, "Of course he is."
"Your anti-fans are declaring today an offical holiday."
"Not surprised."
The poor man turns around in his seat, defeated.
"And my album?" Seunghyun asks, feigning perfect innocence with his wide, happy smile.
"Let's not go there."
A hidden, victorious smirk, and Seunghyun takes another slow, relaxed sip. A stack of newspapers lands in his lap, and lo and behold, his name is plastered across the front page of every one of them. Rain starts to splatter gently against the windows and their car slows to steady crawl as they reach the thick of traffic. Seunghyun sets his cup gently in the holder and leafs through the papers. Only with slight relief does he note that once again his father's team of publicity reps has succeeded in keeping any pictures from being released. Nonetheless, the titles themselves are impressive:
"Idol U spotted in clubs; fans shocked."
"Rumors about U's Rapant Night Life Abound."
"Sul Wondoo once again denies son's scandals."
"Club dancer claims to be carrying U's child."
"Club dancer retracts statement, provides details on U's drinking habits."
"U to be South Korea's most scandalous idol before reaching age 20."
With every article, Seunghyun can sense his father's growing rage and his manager's growing anxiety. Somewhere deep down, he probably feels guilty, but remorse is such a waste of time. Those nights are nothing but a blur by now anyway. What's to regret? He folds the papers up neatly and sets them on the seat beside him before taking back up his cup. Over the scattered words he catches his manager muttering into his cell, the faint sound of the rain outside lulls Seunghyun into light sleep.
"U-sshi?"
Seunghyun blinks and smiles, the female host's face coming back into focus. After waiting for far too long for her to finish up with the other guest, he just shakes his head and gives a sweet apology. The host, and the fans in the audience, laugh and all is forgiven.
"You're making your comeback next week, is that right?"
Blinking fan boards create an annoying glare in the corner of his eye. "Yes, that's right," he replies smoothly. "I hope you all will look forward to it and give me lots of love." A glance at the audience, smiling so hard his cheeks hurt, and the fans shout his name and wave their signs.
The host uncrosses and recrosses her legs and gives Seunghyun a knowing smile when he has to strain a little more to keep from looking. All of these kind, seemingly innocent people are so willing to help him on the surface. "Your title track 'I'm Sorry,' has been sparking much interest. Many speculate that it's written for your fans to apologize for everything that's been happening, you know, off-stage."
There's a gasp from the audience and the other guests look amongst each other awkwardly. Seunghyun feigns a sheepish smile, licks his lips, and looks directly at the camera. "I am truly grateful for my fans and everyone who has continued to support me through this difficult time in my life. This apology is to you all, because I know it has been the hardest on all of you." Tears well up in his eyes right on time and he looks to his hands to let a few drip visibly while the camera is still focused on him.
A few fans cry out from their seats and he spies a good number of them wiping away tears of their own. Even the host looks genuinely moved when Seunghyun looks up and apologizes for being so emotional. This isn't like him, he insists. At least that much is true.
On his way off the stage when filming is over, he waves to his fans and makes a heart with his arms. They wave frantically back and scream their love for him. Backstage, the host takes his hand to let him know that, if he needs someone, she's there for him. He gives her his signature blinding smile and gently removes her hand from where it has migrated to his thigh.
"Thank you, noona, it's good to know that there are good people in our industry."
After a long and painfully hot shower, Seunghyun's skin is red and raw to the touch. He rolls his shoulders and sighs in the steamy bathroom before walking in his towel to his bedroom. His manager is already asleep in the bed and Seunghyun doesn't bother to wake him to tell him he's heading out. By now, the poor man is used to Seunghyun's nightly excursions, and in most cases it's to his benefit to claim that he knew nothing about them. Seunghyun pulls on his favorite jeans and a black t-shirt before checking his hair in the mirror. It takes him fifteen minutes to sculpt it into the perfect level of I-don't-care disarray.
He could take the car, and he considers the option for a few minutes outside of the apartment building. Deciding that his manager could use a bit of a break, he runs back upstairs to pull on a a sweat jacket-- he's going for inconspicuous tonight for the first time in months. Ah, the days of actually caring about his reputation. They feel so long ago.
Tonight he heads to his favorite bar, a small hole-in-the-wall place with dim lights and mediocre liquor but plenty of dark places for an idol to sit down and space out for a few hours. Originally he'd wanted to spend his night doing what he does best: dancing and doing belly shots with all of Seoul's available young women in some trendy club. After the unsavory encounter with the hostess, though, human interaction leaves a bad taste in his mouth. He never feels truly alone in his apartment with all of his managers and magazine pages framed on the walls and fan gifts piled in the corners of every room.
A few booths are free and Seunghyun chooses one in between a few groups of people. Solitude amongst the crowds; his favorite. A waitress sidles by and feigns interest long enough to take his drink order until she wanders back off and Seunghyun sighs, sinking into the cracked pleather of the booth. Pulling his jacket hood up over his hair, he peers around the dark bar out of habit and nothing else. This bar has a few regulars, but they're not of the smiling, laughing, hugging kind who get together intentionally. They just happen to come to the same bar, happen to be around at the same time, and now and then happen to sit at the same table and exchange a few words. Seunghyun rarely ever experiences that last part, but it isn't altogether surprising when a man walks over from the bar to sit across from Seunghyun. The waitress approaches at the same time and sets down Seunghyun's drink. She gives the stranger an appraising gaze, then a half-shrug. Apparently she doesn't deem him too suspicious, and he's able to sit down without question. Seunghyun leans into the aisle a little to stare after the waitress. She doesn't seem particularly familiar, but there are a few who know him at this bar and try to look out for him after one too many times passing out on the floor.
The stranger doesn't seem bothered by Seunghyun's last of interest. In the light of the lamp dangling above their table, Seunghyun makes out a handsome face. Not old, he looks a few years older than Seunghyun. An actor's good looks, Seunghyun would call it, not pretty like girls seem to enjoy nowadays but most definitely attractive.
"Come here often?" the man asks and Seunghyun snorts into his drink.
"You know I'm a guy, right?" Seunghyun replies. One too many mistakes of that kind have taught him to prioritize clarity over possible later amusement. "And even if I wasn't, not interested."
He laughs, low and rumbling. Seunghyun focuses on the sound and takes a sip of his drink, closing his eyes. The man's voice is so comforting Seunghyun almost doesn't hear what he says next, "Sorry, I don't know another way to start a conversation in a bar."
The earnest way the man smiles and the courteous nod he gives the waitress as she takes his order piques Seunghyun's interest. He has a broad-shouldered, tall build, and Seunghyun finds it slightly familiar, as if he's seen it from a distance before. "You've been here before, right?"
A surprised look between folded hands. "Are you trying to pick me up now?"
Seunghyun rolls his eyes and is tempted to move to another empty table. "Forget it," he grunts.
Just as he's moving to leave, that voice stops him again, "You're Seunghyun, right?"
He sits back down and squints in the dark to try and get a better look at his companion. "Are you a reporter?" His fingers tighten around his glass. He's never thrown a drink at a paparazzi before, but he's always wanted to.
"No, I'm in the industry." A hand reaches across the table in a friendly gesture. "My name is Jinchul."
As if, he inwardly scoffs. He raises his glass a little in return as he smirks into it. Not fazed in the least, Jinchul lowers his hand and lets it rest on the table. "Nice to meet you," Seunghyun says mockingly.
"Don't trust me?" Jinchul asks. Seunghyun laughs at that, his wariness fading whether by the alcohol or by this man's voice, he's not sure.
"What company are you with?" he asks instead of answering.
Jinchul laughs. The new angle of his face reveals dark circles around the man's eyes. A sure sign of an idol, but Seunghyun can never be too careful. He should at least not knowingly give material to the people his father works so hard to fend off. "CAN&J," Jinchul finally replies. Frowning, Seunghyun searches his mind for any recollection of the name. It sounds familiar, but obscure mixes of letters are common in this world and he's more than a little buzzed. He takes plenty of time to pretend to think, though, because he'd rather die than let a stranger know that Lee Seunghyun is a lightweight. "Tell you what," Jinchul continues when Seunghyun remains silent. Seunghyun's eyes flicker up for a second to watch Jinchul stand up. "Tomorrow night I'll bring the other members of my group here. How about that?"
Seunghyun wants to say that bringing a random bunch of guys won't prove shit, but his mouth feels useless. A giggle threatens to bubble up out of his throat, so he keeps his mouth firmly shut.
"Will you be here?" Jinchul asks again.
He feels himself smile, his cheeks warm. "Yeah," he says, not meaning to, and Jinchul leaves the bar.
The next day is spent at a photoshoot for his album cover. It's a little last minute considering the music itself is planned to drop in two days, but everyone assures him, as if he's concerned, that promotions will be fantastic this time. Today they take the photos, and tomorrow one will be made public as a teaser. The stylists for the shoot squeeze him into tight leather pants and his silken shirt is sheer enough to be seductive without, as they tell him, "trying too hard." Standing amongst faux black roses, he finds himself trying very hard. To stay awake.
"You weren't altogether there, were you?" his manager half-heartedly scolds him as they make their way back to the van. Back in his jeans, Seunghyun lets himself relax enough to drift to sleep in the backseat. The sound of his manager's distant grumblings makes an excellent lullaby.
Later that night, his manager once again fast asleep elsewhere, Seunghyun stands at his front door and bounces in agitation. As curious as he is about the strange man who called himself Jinchul and the potential "band members," going would mean doing what he's asked to do. Seunghyun spends his entire days doing exactly what everyone around him wants. Why the hell should he give his night to a man he barely knows?
He goes to the bar convinced that this is what he wants to do. His decision has nothing to do with the idea of seeing Jinchul again, and it definitely has nothing to do with the possibility of meeting more people like Jinchul. Without realizing it, he sits in the same booth, orders the same drink, and kicks himself when the waitress brings it to him with an amused smile. Jinchul comes walking in exactly three seconds after Seunghyun takes his first sip. He's not sure why he knows how long it takes, but those three seconds feel like forever.
Jinchul waves and Seunghyun isn't sure if he should wave back because that might come off as desperate. He goes with raising his glass again, which also serves to hide the way he smiles in return when Jinchul jogs toward him with a huge grin on his face. "You're here!" he exclaims upon reaching the table. All at once Seunghyun feels stupid, really damn stupid, because this scene is right out of one of those romantic comedies Seunghyun watches when he's inebriated but too energized to sleep late at night. He puffs out his chest and frowns at Jinchul's excitement to little effect. Jinchul is practically shining with exuberance.
Two hesitant figures appear at the entrance to the bar and Jinchul waves them over. Neither exude Jinchul positive energy; on the contrary, one gives Seunghyun a reproachful glare, not at all intimidated by the man before him, and the other has his hood drawn all the way around his face. His nervous eyes watch his two companions carefully for instruction and he visibly flinches when Seunghyun meets his eye. As timid as this one is, he sure is tall. As a matter of fact, they all are. Seunghyun's always been complimented on his height, but Jinchul is the same height or maybe a little more and the others are a good two or three inches taller.
The three of them crowd into one side of the booth and Seunghyun almost laughs at how ridiculous they look crammed in like that. He looks to the big, nervous one and nods toward the open seat on Seunghyun's side, but the other just blinks. "Comfortable?" Seunghyun asks them with a smirk.
Jinchul shrugs. "I gave up long ago trying to make these two act normal in public."
The one with the sour expression narrows his eyes at his friend. "Not wanting to sit next to suspicious people is normal, hyung." He catches Seunghyun's eye and nods, but only slightly. "Nice to meet you, sunbae. My nae is Yejun." In the light, Seunghyun admires Yejun's round, baby-like face. The other boy remains silent until Yejun jabs him in the ribs. "Be polite."
"Ch-Choi Younghak," he blurts out with an embarrassed little bow in his seat. Seunghyun waits for something more, but the boy sinks low in his seat and averts his eyes.
"Don't expect much from Younghak," Jinchul says with an apologetic look. "He doesn't talk much even around us, and we've known him for years." His smile returns and he folds his hands in on the table. "So do you believe me now?"
Seunghyun cocks his head and shrugs. "You three are weird enough to be idols, I guess." Jinchul laughs; Yejun cracks a hint of a smile. A good feeling swells inside Seunghyun's chest. The prospect of almost getting the kid to smile makes him oddly happy, like he's accomplished something. The odd thing about it is that he never feels accomplished even when finishing a recording session. He catches Younghak staring curiously at him and sticks his tongue out at the strange boy. Younghak flinches again, but less this time, quickly recovering and pulling down his hood. A good sign. Beneath the hood, Younghak has chiseled, foreign-looking features which Seunghyun knows will get him very far in their industry. A few jokes later, Seunghyun gets a smile out of the quiet boy, and the innocence in it makes Seunghyun sad somehow.
"I noticed you a few weeks ago in here," Jinchul admits toward the end of the night when he's had a few drinks and a light flush reddens the tops of his cheeks. "I didn't think it was you, but then with the rumors and scandals, I thought maybe-" He cuts off, mouth gaping. Seunghyun waves off his apology and urges him to continue. "I just wanted to meet you, you know? Start making connections, though what we could use are friends, I guess. But only if you're looking for friends, of course, sunbae," he finishes in a somewhat slurred rush. He glances at Seunghyun nervously and wipes his mouth.
Seunghyun pauses. Friends, what a novel idea. The waitress comes by with new, full glass for Jinchul and Seunghyun takes the time to stare into his. "Sounds nice," he says finally, but so quietly that Jinchul blinks and leans forward, not understanding. "I guess we can be friends," he says again with a forced smile. Jinchul gives him another exuberant grin and shakes his friends, who look similarly pleased in their own way. Yejun's frown falters and he shrugs; Younghak's small smile is almost hidden when he quickly looks to his feet.
Seunghyun's manager is sound asleep and snoring when he stumbles in the door that night, and, for once, Seunghyun falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, still laughing to himself.
The next night the four of them meet up again at the same place, same table, and do much of the same things. They drink, or rather Jinchul and Seunghyun drink while Younghak and Yejun make fun of their worsening inebriated states. Yejun in particular enjoys giving the two of them tongue twisters to fail at and pinches Jinchul's cheeks as they start to redden. Younghak brings along a camera this time, and having it in his hands seems to make him much more comfortable from the very beginning. While he may not speak much, he's taking photos constantly, which only improves Seunghyun's mood. There's nothing better than being in front of a camera, at least, one that isn't hidden in the bushes and trying to capture him doing something inappropriate. At the end of the night, Seunghyun tells them all to meet here tomorrow dressed a little nicer. There's somewhere he wants to take them.
The one thing Seunghyun will concede to the media is that they've been quite correct in claiming that clubs are by far his favorite places in the world. The pulsing bass, flashing lights and smoky air air breathe new energy into him from the moment he walks through the doors. In a club, he can pretend he knows everyone and the masses will go along with the charade. He can drink himself silly, wrap his arms around girls and say whatever he wants, and these people will love him for it. In a club there is no need for him to put on an act. Here he isn't being watched; he blends into the shifting, sweaty crowd and disappears.
His new friends, on the contrary, are the epitome of discomfort. Jinchul puts on a tough act, slapping Younghak's arm when the taller boy tries to hide behind him. Yejun glares at everyone and everything around him, and, most of all, he glares at Seunghyun, the reason behind Yejun's current unpleasant situation. A sinking feeling in his stomach makes Seunghyun want to ditch them. He doesn't owe them anything, after all, he invited them out. That feeling, however, makes him stick by them for the first painful hour of awkward hovering. He gives them one hour to get adjusted, or somewhere vaguely close to adjusted, and then he grabs Younghak by the wrist and yanks him out onto the dance floor. He sees Jinchul do the same with Yejun, and then the other two get lost in the crowd.
The terrified look in Younghak's eyes makes Seunghyun smile. Through gestures, he tells Younghak to mimic him, and then Senghyun starts dancing. As predicted, the dancer in Younghak eventually takes over for the awkward, shy boy he usually is and Younghak is laughing and jumping up and down in no time. Seunghyun finds himself laughing, too, and lets Younghak hold him back when he tries to wander off and find a girl to dance with. Younghak gives him another scared look and holds him in place, and Seunghyun is immobilized.
They squeeze through the bodies and exit the dance floor hours later to find Jinchul and Yejun waiting for them at the bar. As much as Seunghyun protests, Jinchul insists, screaming over the music, that they need to go. Something about rehearsals and preparations and at this point they'll only get an hour of sleep as best, but they need that. Seunghyun watches them leave with a frustrated frown.
Rehearsals mean nothing. What is the point in preparing so hard to debut in a market that will more than likely forget about them in a week's time? Seunghyun wants to shout all of his thoughts at them or call Jinchul and inform him, coolly and calmly, that they're really wasting their time. But he doesn't.
He doesn't want to tell them, and he has no idea why.
This is how they spend their first week as friends. Every night they meet at a different clubs, because Seunghyun knows better than to show up at the same place two nights in a row. His bar is an exception, the only exception, but he doesn't feel like taking them back there. As new and strangely fun it is to talk with his new companions, the strangeness outweighs the fun. It leaves him feeling unsettled. Partying is what he's good at, so that's just what they do. Seunghyun introduces his friends to the prettiest girls in the clubs and they dance together. He buys them the most expensive alcohol and they play drinking games. He keeps them safely within his zone of comfort and makes all of the decisions.
Yejun is a problem. The only one who resists Seunghyun's plans on a regular basis, Seunghyun catches the boy watching him. Always. Yejun doesn't play his games and politely turns down any dance partners offered, choosing instead to sit on the sidelines or, more often, stick by Jinchul's side and whisper who-knows what into his ear, always staring right at Seunghyun. As a result, Seunghyun takes to blaming every inconvenient thing on him. His friends choose to go home early; Yejun must have asked for it. Jinchul doesn't play a particular drinking game with Seunghyun; Yejun must have told him not to. Younghak shyly decides not to dance with Seunghyun that night; Yejun must have commented on how it looks for two men to dance together. The most frustrating bit is that Seunghyun can't bring himself to hate Yejun for all of the supposed bad things he does. He knows that Yejun is right in what he's doing, and that's the problem. Seunghyun doesn't need nor want anyone pointing out all of his wonderfully bad decisions when he's perfectly happy making them unawares.
His manager, no, everyone points out how different Seunghyun seems these days. "You look healthier," his make-up artist comments. "Happier. Your skin even looks clearer." She says it with a smile but Seunghyun scowls.
"No recent scandal scares," his manager sighs blissfully at the end of an interview. "I'm proud of you."
It's an odd feeling, not being scolded every morning for the antics of the previous night. If there's one thing Seunghyun loathes more than anything else, it's being obedient.
The first night of the second week with his new companions, he invites them to another club. "Get ready," he chuckles into the phone. "Tonight's going to be different."
He arrives at the club an hour before the others and gives a warm greeting to the owner before reserving them a VIP table near the back. He stretches out in the seat one of the booths and stares at the ceiling, blinding with strobe lights. The air is still clean with the slight lemon scent of the cleansers the bar tender is using to scrub the wood of the bar. It's still early for club-goers, so only a few nervous guests shuffle around the area. Only first-timers go this early. Well, first-timers and Seunghyun, at least tonight. He closes his eyes as the first pulses of base echo across the dance floor. When he opens his eyes again, a group of stunning women walk through the doors, and he smiles.
Jinchul doesn't look pleased. Over the shoulder of his lovely companion, Seunghyun can see the deep lines crease his friend's forehead from across the room. He removes a hand from the girl's waist to give them a small wave and then lets it drift back to its original location. She sighs into his ear and moves a little, closing the tiny sliver of open air between them. He looks away from his approaching friends to whisper a reply before moving away, just a little, to greet them.
"Great night, isn't it?" he laughs and pulls the girl around playing by the waist. She squeals and Jinchul's frown deepens.
"Can I talk to you?" Jinchul shouts over the music. He glances at the girls. "Alone?"
Seunghyun shrugs. "Just say it here." The girl wiggles beside him and he slaps her hip, much to her surprise as she lets out another delicious sound. Seunghyun bites his lip.
Apparently Jinchul gives up, but he doesn't make a move to join the fun. Neither do the others. "I didn't know we'd have company," Jinchul shouts again. A girl behind them shouts something back and grabs her friend, Seunghyun's companion, and tries to drag her back onto the dance floor.
"What's the big deal?" he grumbles, but loud enough for Jinchul to hear. Jinchul rolls his eyes and looks ready to reply, but Seunghyun turns away before he can. His new friend on his arm, he starts back for the dance floor. The girl grabs a drink for her friend and downs it in one shot. One of the other girls passes Seunghyun a drink and he does the same. Whatever the liquor is, it burns the back of his throat and makes his eyes water. He laughs and pulls the girl against him, but is wrenched away by a tight grip on his arm. The room spins as he stumbles backward and only after a few dizzy attempts does he manage to look Jinchul in the face. "The hell?" he growls and yanks his hand free, but ends up nearly falling on his ass. Younghak manages to catch him in time and help him to his feet. The gentle way Younghak helps him balance and the nervous look in his eyes sets Seunghyun's teeth on edge. He gives his friend a sharp glare and yanks away from him, too.
"You know better than this," Jinchul says when the three of them manage to get Seunghyun somewhere quieter.
"Maybe he doesn't," Yejun interjects with a bitter laugh. Seunghyun shoots him a glare but the boy is unaffected. Younghak scoots away from Seunghyun and behind Yejun as if in fear.
"I thought you were better than this," Jinchul continues, not a trace of amusement in his voice or in his eyes. Seunghyun tries to laugh, but his throat is dry and his eyes refuse to focus.
"What the hell," he begins, then coughs. "What the hell ever gave you that idea?" He squints at Jinchul and takes a step back. "I am exactly what I appear to be." Spreading his arms wide, he turns a full circle and almost falls flat on his face. Younghak saves him again and this time he roars and shoves the boy away. The girls step out of the crowds now, confused but still drunk enough to not care. One of them grabs Seunghyun and pats his cheeks. He smiles at her in the way that always works, always, and she melts into a wide, wet-eyed smile. He turns that smile on Jinchul and gets nothing in return.
"Call me later," Jinchul says after a moment. Yejun and Younghak turn to follow him, but one of the girls darts out and grabs Jinchul by the arm.
"Come on, have fun with us!" she laughs. He smiles and politely turns her down, but she just keeps laughing and insisting. He tries to detach her hand from his arm but she holds on harder. "Come on!" she almost shouts as he continues to try and move away. He frowns and she finally lets go, but only to wrap both arms around his neck and lock lips. It takes Yejun, Younghak and Jinchul to get her off of him this time, and as they finally make their way out of the bar, Seunghyun is almost on the floor laughing.
Someone is shouting. Not any kind of normal shouting, but a long, blaring shout that never seems to end and threatens to split Seunghyun's skull right down the middle. A first attempt to open his eyes results in failure as the light burns his tired eyes. The second attempt it more successful, and he manages to make out his alarm clock resting near him in the blurry brightness. He feels around for it and shuts it off; the painful noise dies away immediately. His manager tosses something at him that feel like clothes as it lands on his back.
"Get ready," is all the older man says, softly, but with an edge that makes Seunghyun's stomach flip. The apartment is stifling and silent as Seunghyun wanders around and showers, dresses, pulls on his hat and sunglasses, grabs his thermos of coffee.
His manages doesn't say a word until they're halfway to their first appointment. "I thought you were finally done with all that?" When Seunghyun doesn't answer, he adds, "Some girls brought you home last night. What are you going to to if someone saw you? Or got pictures?"
Seunghyun remains silent. He sips his coffee and stares out the window. He doesn't know what his manager is so surprised, after all, he's known Seunghyun for years now. This is what life is, what it's always been, what it always will be. This is the path Seunghyun has chosen and nothing is going to change it.
But that doesn't stop him from checking his cell phone throughout the car ride. And before the interview. And while getting changed. And after the interview. And as often as he can the rest of the day.
Jinchul doesn't call, but Seunghyun refuses to do it himself. Instead, around ten at night, the usual time he'd be meeting up with them at the bar, he gets a text:
Debut coming up. Too busy to go out for a while.
PS. Please don't bother the others.
A lump forms in Seunghyun's throat and no matter how many times he tries, he can't clear it. His eyes water but he attributes that to his constant yawning. Being in bed at this time of night is unusual, but then again, he has a debut coming up. Maybe he should take it easy, too. But only for tonight, because he'd rather die than let anything Jinchul says affect him. That's not how Lee Seunghyun works.
The next day, his mini-album drops on the internet. Fans everywhere celebrate and send messages to his online cafe about how much they love it. Anti-fans write in with the usual hate mail, but that's never bothered him. Honestly, he finds the fans more disturbing than the antis the majority of the time. He knows his music sucks. Everyone knows his music sucks. And yet, these select few fans always write in with their endless, incoherent praise. All of the idols he's met have told him that this is when he's supposed to be grateful and moved by their support. Instead he feels nauseous as he watches more and more people waste their money on his shitty product.
"Congratulations," everyone says to him. Even his father calls in a cheerful greeting that morning to show his support. Meanwhile Seunghyun wants to go back to bed.
The only good thing to happen all day is a single text message; not from Jinchul, but from Younghak. How he'd managed to get Seunghyun's number, the world may never know.
can we meet???
The bar-- their bar now-- is dark and quiet as usual when Seunghyun arrives. For once, he's the one looking around the tables at the backs of the customers' heads for the familiar giant. He finds Younghak seated near the back, his hood drawn with huge sunglasses covering the rest of what's left exposed of his face. He nods deferentially to Seunghyun as he takes his seat. The boy's fingers drum on the table anxiously as he visibly struggles with his words.
"Please don't be mad at Jinchul-hyung," he manages after a few failed tries.
Seunghyun shrugs. "Why would I be mad at him?"
Younghak pauses. "But you are mad."
"I am not." He frowns when Younghak's mouth twitches to hold back a smile.
"Hyung was right; you're like a kid." He snaps his mouth shut as soon as the words leave his mouth.
Seunghyun almost laughs. "Excuse me?"
"W-We're your friends, sunbae," Younghak mumbles quickly. "He's worried about you."
A familiar figure steps into the bar. With a heavy jacket, dark glasses and a not-so well-hidden camera, the man screams paparazzi. Seunghyun carefully moves to sit next to Younghak in the other booth where the man can't see his face. Younghak hasn't noticed the man and Seunghyun doesn't want to alarm the poor guy, so he just smiles as if it's no big deal. He puts an arm around Younghak's big shoulders and smiles.
"Friends, huh?" he asks quietly. Younghak nods fervently and smiles back. "That's a nice thought." He breathes the words to himself so that Younghak can't hear them. Then, looking up at the dusty light fixture hanging over the table, he says, louder this time, "I don't need that."
Younghak says nothing.
"I don't need friends," he repeats with a tired smile. "And I don't need anyone to worry about me." He cocks his head at Younghak. "Why are you worried, Younghak? Do you like me?"
"Of course I do, sunbae," Younghak mumbles, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
Seunghyun smiles and pats his friend's hand. "You like me?" Younghak nods. "Do you like me a lot?"
A happy grin brightens the boy's face and Seunghyun almost feels guilty. "You're very cool, sunbae."
"You know," Seunghyun continues without acknowledging the compliment. "In this industry, guys sometimes like each other, you know, really like each other." The body next to him stiffens, finally understanding. "Things can get confusing living with other guys, Younghak." He leans his head on Younghak's shoulder. "Are you confused?"
Younghak swallows and looks away. Unfortunately the only thing to look at is the dirty bar wall and his gaze drifts back to Seunghyun, flinching when he meets Seunghyun's gaze, and then back to his hand, which Seunghyun continues to hold in his own on the table. "I'm very confused, sunbae."
"There's no reason to be," Seunghyun sighs. "Look at me, Younghak."
Very reluctantly, Younghak turns away from his hands. This close, Seunghyun can see the boy's eyes even through his dark sunglasses. Seunghyun gives his friend his signature heart-melting smile and watches the blush creep onto Younghak's cheeks. The boy's ears turn bright red.
"I like you very much, Younghak," he mumbles against his friend's lips before pressing them together lightly. As amusing as it is, there's nothing exciting about the contact except for the panicked beating of Younghak's heart which Seunghyun can feel through the boy's sweatshirt. The poor guy; he made it way too easy. Younghak's eyes are squeezed shut so Seunghyun can stare straight at him and smile against his lips at the reaction.
A bright flash of light illuminates the wall behind Younghak's face and Seunghyun's heart stops. He whirls around to watch the man-- the paparazzi whom he'd so easily forgotten-- sprint out of the bar. He turns to Younghak and blinks. Younghak just stares back, too lost in his own confusion to understand what just happened.
"Tell Jinchul that I'm sorry," Seunghyun mumbles as he slides out of the booth and walks away.
He doesn't sleep that night. His eyes flutter closed every few seconds, but nothing follows; not peaceful darkness, not dreams, nothing. When his alarm goes off, he opens his eyes for the thousandth time and rises out of bed without so much as a yawn. He pulls on his clothes but doesn't pay attention to what he picks out, and his manager gives him an incredulous look as they go to leave. "You're ready?" he asks and gives Seunghyun's clothes another one-over. Seunghyun shrugs and leaves the apartment first so that his manager has to rush back inside to grab the forgotten daily thermos of caffeine.
"Want to talk about it?" is his manager's next question. Everyone who's known Seunghyun long enough knows that, more often than not, Seunghyun deals with his bad moods by himself. He prefers to block everyone else out for days and, sure enough, it'll be like nothing had happened, so when Seunghyun shakes his head his manager turns back around and that's the last he asks about it.
Today he doesn't have time to obsessively check his cell for messages. Their first stop is yet another interview, where Seunghyun puts on his best nervous and yet excited act for his upcoming comeback. He waves and smiles at the fans who crowd outside the venue and knows he'll look perfect in their photos. Then it's off to the make-up artist and salon, where they try out the styling for his debut performance. The heavy eyeliner hides his eye bags well and the costume only needs a bit of adjusting, so they go ahead and check the outfits for the second, third and fourth performances as well. Every single person involved is practically glowing in excitement, but for Seunghyun it's exhausting just trying to keep a smile on his face through it all.
After a quick dinner in the car, his first meal of the day, he's shuttled off to the dance studio for rehearsal. In the hours they spend practicing, Seunghyun never once gets the routine completely correct. For any other idol, this would be blasphemy, but at this point expecting good choreography out of U seems to be too much even for the harshest media. Hell, once he'd stopped dancing for a good minute of a performance and he was complimented on his talent for improvisation. In truth, he'd sprained his ankle jumping off of a table in a club the night before. So his back-up dancers only shake their heads and poke fun at his constant mistakes. He smiles back and shrugs.
"Seunghyun-ah, check this out," one of the dancers calls during one of their breaks. He has a computer balanced on his knees where he sits leaning against the mirrored wall. Seunghyun scoots across the floor to look over his friend's shoulder. "These guys are debuting tomorrow night; same night you're going on."
The colors hurt his eyes; that's his first observation. There is every color imaginable flashing across his retinas as a catchy tune keeps beat in the background, muffled by the laptop's speakers. A line of four boys dance across the screen, dressed to kill. Literally. Seunghyun would kill anyone who dared try to force him into anything that horrifying. Then a face flashes into view, followed by another, and Seunghyun's jaw drops. The laugh that escapes him is so loud and so unexpected that at first he thinks it must be from someone else, but everyone in the room is staring at him and his stomach is aching as more and more laughter bubbles out of his mouth.
"Sorry, sorry," he wheezes and gets to his feet. He smiles, still laughing, but insists that he's okay when some of them offer to help him walk. He stumbles to the bathroom and throws his head back, happy tears streaming from his eyes. It takes him twenty minutes to get under control and re-join his dancers, but not before he sends Jinchul a quick text.
Tell Yejun that his hair better still be curly tomorrow night.
Even though he knows he shouldn't, Seunghyun goes to the bar that night. Part of him hopes that one or all three of his friends will be there; part of him hopes that he'll get a moment alone. The moment he steps through the door, it becomes apparent that he will get neither as a man beckons him toward a table. Not just any man, but the man with the camera from the other night. Even in the improved light and without his hat and heavy coat, Seunghyun recognizes the man's face.
"Don't look at me like that," the man grumbles at Seunghyun's scowl. Seunghyun takes a seat across from the man and crosses his arms. "You want the photographs, don't you?"
Panic jolts through Seunghyun and it must show on his face because the paparazzi smirks. "What do you want for them? I'll give you all the money you want."
He shakes his head. "Money is good and all, but not much fun." He pulls a stack of photos out of his jacket pocket and spreads them out on the table. There are Seunghyun and Younghak, faces clear and in focus. Seunghyun winces. "These pictures are priceless and you know it."
Seunghyun sighs, "So what the hell do you want?"
The man frowns. "I'll get right to the point. Your fans are too strong for me. In these photos they could easily claim you to be some other woman, with your sunglasses and hat and sweatshirt. I don't want speculation. I want photos that are obviously you. Can you imagine how great it would be to be the guy who finally managed to publish you?"
"Even if you had better shots, my dad would stop you."
"Not if he didn't know I had them, and this is where you come in." He meets Seunghyun's eye and grins. "And since I'm sure you'd hate to see these pictures of your friend published, or these-" He pulls out another set, these of Jinchul and the girl from the club. Seunghyun bites the inside of his cheek and sinks into his seat. "I thought you'd be willing to help."
Seunghyun swallows. "I'm listening."
"Give me some of those pictures your father has kept from being published; any of them, as long as they're good ones, and you know what I mean." He pulls out a cigarette and lights it. "As long as they're good, clear shots of you and definitely worth my time, these photos of your friends will disappear. Starting a scandal about some group who hasn't debuted yet is beneath me."
"I'm sure," Seunghyun scoffs, but then man only shrugs in return.
"Do we have a deal?"
"On one condition," he replies and smiles when the man's eyes narrow. "It's a small one. Don't publish anything until after my first comeback performance. Let me get through that day and then you're free to do whatever you want."
His eyebrows raise in surprise, "I had no idea U gave a shit about anything in his career." He shrugs again. "I agree, though. It'll have more of an impact if you've garnered some spotlight already anyway."
"Give me your e-mail."
The man slides his business card across the table and rises to go. "If I don't have those pictures by the day after your performance, I'll just publish the ones I have." With one last smirk, the paparazzi slouches down the aisle and out of the bar. A waitress comes by and asks Seunghyun if he needs anything, glancing at the door with concern. He assures her that he's fine gets up to leave.
Yejun's hair turns out to be how Seunghyun finds the three of them in the crowded waiting room. The idols are cramped together and getting ready to record, and it's only by chance that over his hair stylist's shoulder he spies an unmistakable curly head bobbing a little bit above the other idols. The boy visibly jumps when Seunghyun calls his name.
"Sunbae," Yejun replies with a respectful little bow, not trying to hide his obvious lack of enthusiasm.
Seunghyun ignores it and looks around behind his friend. "Are the others here, too?"
"Please stop moving," the hair stylist scolds him and he pouts. Yejun cracks a smile and promises to lead Seunghyun to them when he's done.
The awkward silence between them while Seunghyun finishes getting his hair done doesn't damper his thrill at seeing Yejun again. He glances at the boy anxiously over and over again in the mirror, looking for some kind of indication that Younghak may have come home crying like Seunghyun had so expected, but Yejun just looks tired and bored. The first one he spies through the crowd as they make their way through is Younghak, partially because he stands a few inches taller than most in the room and partially because of the obnoxiously bright blue jacket he has on. Then Seunghyun spots Jinchul and decides that maybe Younghak's jacket is so obnoxious, and then he takes another look at Yejun and can't keep the grin from spreading across his face.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Yejun grumbles before he wanders away to their make-up artist. Younghak bows awkwardly and avoids Seunghyun's eyes, but his smile is still there. Jinchul looks surprised but not displeased, so obviously Younghak hasn't told anyone about their secret meeting at the bar. He's not sure whether to be relieved or even more embarrassed.
"How did I not realize we'd end up here together?" Jinchul comments with a forced laugh.
Seunghyun just smiles and nods. "It didn't occur to me either." His voices catches a little as he adds, quieter, "I'm glad."
The smile that spreads across Jinchul's face makes Seunghyun's throat tighten. "Thanks for everything, sunbae." He looks ready to say more, but a boy touches his shoulder from behind and he turns to speak to him. Seunghyun glances at the boy: bright clothes in a similar style, strange hair, make-up.
"Your fourth member?" Seunghyun asks Younghak. He vaguely remembers them mentioning they had a fourth, but it was one of those offhand comments which Seunghyun never gave much thought.
Younghak nods and Jinchul grabs the boy roughly around the shoulders and drags him forward. The boy blushes and makes an exaggerated bow. His name enters Seunghyun's ears and is forgotten instantaneously. Yejun steps up beside Younghak and leans against his friend, the four of them making an intensely colored and laughable line-up. As funny-looking as they are, they look happy, and for a split second Seunghyun wonders if he'd be happier in that line.
"How about this," he says quickly, interrupting his thoughts. "I can teach you all how to greet other groups properly without looking too uncool."
Jinchul rolls his eyes. "I don't know if we should take lessons from you."
"Just trust me on this one," he laughs. "My dad taught me how important it is not to look too humble or shy when you make your first greeting. You have to be confident." And so he spends a few minutes showing the right amount to bow, the right kind of smile to have on their face, the right tone of voice to use. "You'll understand later how important it is to make a stylish first impression."
His three friends look dubious, but they grin and pretend to practice their new technique while Seunghyun laughs at them. By the time his manger is calling him back to finish preparing, Younghak has even opened up enough to put an arm around Seunghyun's shoulders. When he moves away from his friends, he feels his smile fade. He throws them a wave over his shoulder.
Tomorrow everything will be different, but at least for tonight, he can be their good sunbae.