Serpentine 4/65
First Chapter, Previous Chapter
As a side note, I was at a Celebration of Life for my recently deceased uncle when I wrote up the notes for the next three chapters. This means I was super drunk. He introduced me to whiskey, you see, so there was more beer than we could fit in two coolers, two bottles of tequila, three different brands of whiskey, and the last of the moonshine he liked to experiment with.
RIP Uncle Terry. I hope they have alcohol in heaven.
Serpentine: Chapter Four
In Which Anita, Despite Being a Fan of Westerns, Fails At Geography
Anita opens the chapter in true Anita fashion. This means she has another case of the poor-mes while advocating abusive relationships. I kid you not: "Maybe having her BFF put her on the ground had put things into perspective for Dixie, or maybe she was one of those people who responded better to bad treatment than good. If I'd known getting physical with her would have fixed the problem, I'd have done it sooner, or asked Donna to do it." (p.35)
I have to admit, despite my years as a fan of AB:VH (yes, I still consider myself a fan, I write freaking fanfiction and do my best not to outright bash characters) this bit surprised me. Anita has always been an abusive she-man woman hater waving the flag of male chauvisim (I'm remembering you, Wheelchair Wanda, you poor, poor woman) but this is the first time I can remember her outright saying such bullshit. Dixie is a civilian. There is no reason she should be scared of a LEO except this one is Anita Blake. And Anita makes the term police brutality look tame.
Dixie is a DAMN GOOD FRIEND to not drop Donna like the sack of evil potatoes she's turned into. More on that later.
Anyway, Anita manages to find a dress that fits over the melons strapped to her chest but it has a bow in the back. Antia suddenly reveals a never before seen vendetta against bows but she will suffer the indignity of it because she's just that nice. As the seamstress takes a stupid long time to mark a hemline Nicky points out how it is getting late and they need to go.
It is at this point where Dixie resets her bitch-o-meter and starts questioning shit. Because, you see, Anita isn't supposed to be in New Mexico. At all. Obsidian Butterfly is an Ancient Vampire Goddess who can do the same power-drinking trick that Anita pulled out of her ass to kill Chimera and the Mother of All Darkness. The same goddess who forbid the 'princess' from ever stepping foot in her territory again on pain of death.
The weirdest thing to me was that Donna was the one to provide this background knowledge. Donna is a civilian. Also, if Donna knew this, WHY THE FUCK did she have Anita FLY into New Mexico for a goddamn dress fitting when it could quite possibly mean Antia's death? Possibly, Mirror!Donna actually wants Anita dead but can't do the deed herself. For reasons?
Edward shows up as the last of the pins are placed, and Anita uses the mirrors to watch him while questioning the existence of southern cowboys. Not gonna lie, I read that and started screaming about the stupidty of LKH. My brother laughed at me. How the hell does Anita not know about southern cowboys? That's where most of the supposed westerns she marathons takes place! The goddamn south! I would stop there but my inner fashionista kept screaming at Edward's description.
Edward is wearing white on black. That's right, "...the white cowboy hat, the white short-sleeved dress shirt, and the cowboy boots. But the undershirt that showed at the neck was black, tucked into black jeans, and the cowboy boots were black too." (p.37)
Hey, Edward, Jean-Claude called and he wants to color scheme back!
There's a bunch of PDA, followed by Dixie complaining about being single. Nicky is very meh about it all and never actually claims to be Anita's lover. Everyone else asserts that for him. What he does admit to is not feeling left out by not being claimed as a fiancé. He wants no part of that pit.
Edward is there because he brought Anita's bag of weapons that she can take on the plane home, because she apparently got Air Marshall training before 9/11 (p.40). My SoD, already broken, has been ground to a fine powder by this statement. Anita, like her author, has a notorious fear of flying. After much drunken grumbling with my brother we did a wikiwalk and discovered that the Air Marshalls were founded in 1961, however their numbers were limited by congress to around 50 members pre 9/11. Those who recieved the necessary training were then deployed to a field office.
So, I want to know, with such limited positions available, why the hell would they train some rando college girl who isn't even going to continue with the career? Waste of resources.
Chapter ends with Dixie being a bit of a badass: "If you are going to marry him, I'll be there, and when she finds out you are a cheating son of a bitch, I'll be there to hold her hand, just like I did after Frank died." And with that, she left. (p.41)
As a side note, I was at a Celebration of Life for my recently deceased uncle when I wrote up the notes for the next three chapters. This means I was super drunk. He introduced me to whiskey, you see, so there was more beer than we could fit in two coolers, two bottles of tequila, three different brands of whiskey, and the last of the moonshine he liked to experiment with.
RIP Uncle Terry. I hope they have alcohol in heaven.
Serpentine: Chapter Four
In Which Anita, Despite Being a Fan of Westerns, Fails At Geography
Anita opens the chapter in true Anita fashion. This means she has another case of the poor-mes while advocating abusive relationships. I kid you not: "Maybe having her BFF put her on the ground had put things into perspective for Dixie, or maybe she was one of those people who responded better to bad treatment than good. If I'd known getting physical with her would have fixed the problem, I'd have done it sooner, or asked Donna to do it." (p.35)
I have to admit, despite my years as a fan of AB:VH (yes, I still consider myself a fan, I write freaking fanfiction and do my best not to outright bash characters) this bit surprised me. Anita has always been an abusive she-man woman hater waving the flag of male chauvisim (I'm remembering you, Wheelchair Wanda, you poor, poor woman) but this is the first time I can remember her outright saying such bullshit. Dixie is a civilian. There is no reason she should be scared of a LEO except this one is Anita Blake. And Anita makes the term police brutality look tame.
Dixie is a DAMN GOOD FRIEND to not drop Donna like the sack of evil potatoes she's turned into. More on that later.
Anyway, Anita manages to find a dress that fits over the melons strapped to her chest but it has a bow in the back. Antia suddenly reveals a never before seen vendetta against bows but she will suffer the indignity of it because she's just that nice. As the seamstress takes a stupid long time to mark a hemline Nicky points out how it is getting late and they need to go.
It is at this point where Dixie resets her bitch-o-meter and starts questioning shit. Because, you see, Anita isn't supposed to be in New Mexico. At all. Obsidian Butterfly is an Ancient Vampire Goddess who can do the same power-drinking trick that Anita pulled out of her ass to kill Chimera and the Mother of All Darkness. The same goddess who forbid the 'princess' from ever stepping foot in her territory again on pain of death.
The weirdest thing to me was that Donna was the one to provide this background knowledge. Donna is a civilian. Also, if Donna knew this, WHY THE FUCK did she have Anita FLY into New Mexico for a goddamn dress fitting when it could quite possibly mean Antia's death? Possibly, Mirror!Donna actually wants Anita dead but can't do the deed herself. For reasons?
Edward shows up as the last of the pins are placed, and Anita uses the mirrors to watch him while questioning the existence of southern cowboys. Not gonna lie, I read that and started screaming about the stupidty of LKH. My brother laughed at me. How the hell does Anita not know about southern cowboys? That's where most of the supposed westerns she marathons takes place! The goddamn south! I would stop there but my inner fashionista kept screaming at Edward's description.
Edward is wearing white on black. That's right, "...the white cowboy hat, the white short-sleeved dress shirt, and the cowboy boots. But the undershirt that showed at the neck was black, tucked into black jeans, and the cowboy boots were black too." (p.37)
Hey, Edward, Jean-Claude called and he wants to color scheme back!
There's a bunch of PDA, followed by Dixie complaining about being single. Nicky is very meh about it all and never actually claims to be Anita's lover. Everyone else asserts that for him. What he does admit to is not feeling left out by not being claimed as a fiancé. He wants no part of that pit.
Edward is there because he brought Anita's bag of weapons that she can take on the plane home, because she apparently got Air Marshall training before 9/11 (p.40). My SoD, already broken, has been ground to a fine powder by this statement. Anita, like her author, has a notorious fear of flying. After much drunken grumbling with my brother we did a wikiwalk and discovered that the Air Marshalls were founded in 1961, however their numbers were limited by congress to around 50 members pre 9/11. Those who recieved the necessary training were then deployed to a field office.
So, I want to know, with such limited positions available, why the hell would they train some rando college girl who isn't even going to continue with the career? Waste of resources.
Chapter ends with Dixie being a bit of a badass: "If you are going to marry him, I'll be there, and when she finds out you are a cheating son of a bitch, I'll be there to hold her hand, just like I did after Frank died." And with that, she left. (p.41)