This Ain't No Heaven
Title: This Ain't No Heaven
Chapter: 1/?
Pairing: Changkyu (main), YunJae, YooSu
Genre: Romance, Humour
Rating: PG-13
Length: Chaptered
Summary: AU, Angels and Demons. Kyuhyun’s never been the most conventional angel, but breaking into Hell, and falling in love with a demon, is a bit much even for him.
Leeteuk-hyung was going to kill him.
…Well, okay, no he wasn’t, because Teukie-hyung didn’t believe in killing. No, he would simply put him in the Bad Angel Corner until he felt guilty for his actions (which he never would - you’d think they’d know better by now).
Seriously though, of all the things he had done in his life, this had to be the worst (or best, depending on who you were asking - Kyuhyun himself was quite proud of his grand plan). It was worse than the time he had snapped Eunhyuk’s harp; worse than the time he had painted Heechul’s wings red (way worse, considering the fact that Heechul had actually liked that). Basically, it beat any evil thing he had ever done, and anything he would do in the distant future.
Kyuhyun was going to break into Hell.
…
Changmin was seriously bored. He had been lounging around, desperately thinking of something to do, but nothing seemed to be coming to mind. No, his subconscious seemed keen on boring him to death, and Changmin had no idea why.
He considered vandalising Minho’s house (and anything else he could find that belonged to said individual), but he’d already tormented his best friend enough in the past year. He could shave of all of Jaejoong’s hair - that would be sure to get a reaction.
Except Jaejoong would surely kill him, and wouldn’t even be punished for it - Yunho, their supposedly fearless King, was completely, utterly, and probably perpetually, whipped.
Changmin rolled his eyes. Relationships - they were nothing but traps, ebbing away at a person’s dignity. Yoochun, for god sake, was a former revolutionary (granted, he was a little…slow), but he still couldn't escape Junsu’s influence (of course, Junsu couldn’t hurt a puppy, so it didn’t really mean much).
The point was - love only benefitted one person. Their was the one who wore the pants in the relationship, and then there was the unlucky sap who became a pathetic, blubbering, flower-buying (cough cough, Yoochun) mess.
Yes - he would never fall in love. Changmin nodded to himself, pleased with this decision, and proceeded to TP the house in front of him (call it childish, but he was bored).
…
A man bumped into him. He turned, looking behind him, and blinked in bewilderment when he was met with an empty space.
Kyuhyun snorted. “Idiot,” he muttered.
The man shook his head and turned away, continuing his journey. Kyuhyun watched him leave, an amused smirk on his lips. No wonder those demons found it so fun to play with humans - humans couldn’t see them, after all, so the utter torment they could inflict was endless. It made Kyuhyun giddy just thinking about it.
“Now,” he murmured, “I just need to find that damn portal…”
It had to be here somewhere. Demons were constantly entering and leaving the human realm; there was no other way to do this other than through a portal.
…Or he could just follow some poor pathetic sap of a demon, who had been too clueless to hide his true form from a bunch of equally pathetic humans, let alone a great angel like himself - in other words, the pathetic sap a few feet in front of him.
The demon - if he was even worthy of the title - had either thought that the humans wouldn’t think horns and a tail (which Kyuhyun had always thought would be great for poking eyes out) were strange, or he had absolutely no idea how to use a cloaking charm.
Or he was an absolute idiot - which might explain both possibilities. Yes - Kyuhyun was sticking with that one.
With a smile, he followed the rogue demon, who was currently humming some tune (Kyuhyun could catch the words ‘burning’ and ‘exploding’). For a brief moment Kyuhyun pondered how the demon hadn’t noticed his presence (his angel aura, after all, was pulsing), but, with his empathy tingling (sometimes, the ability to sense emotions was just awesome), Kyuhyun could sense that the guy was hugely and sickeningly in love.
It was…well, sickening, really.
The demon paused, a (sickening) smile spreading across his face, and tapped the air in front of him three times with his tail. A portal opened up, and the demon skipped merrily on his way.
Kyuhyun followed him, not even bothering to be stealthy. Seriously, he was almost disappointed - he’d been anticipating a bit of a struggle, perhaps a bit of demon-bludgeoning. As it turned out, he didn’t even need to use his baseball bat (he’d picked it up from a nearby human store - Leeteuk-hyung would have made him sit in the Bad Angel Corner if he’d dared keep any weapons at home).
As Kyuhyun’s feet landed on the bare, earthy ground, he looked around, and frowned. Hell was very…foresty. Where was the fire? And…the rest of the fire. Seriously. Wasn’t that all Hell consisted off? (then again, the numerous books in the Grand Heavenly Library were written by authors who had never stepped foot in Hell, so what would they know?).
“Uh…”
Kyuhyun glanced up, and realised that the demon (who Kyuhyun had silently dubbed ‘Forehead’ because…well, there were foreheads, and there were foreheads…and this guy had a forehead) was staring at him, his eyes wide.
“You feel strange,” Forehead told him. His eyes grew larger still. “Wait…you’re not an - ?”
“ - angel?” Kyuhyun smiled pleasantly. “Of course not. Why would an angel be in Hell?”
Forehead nodded. “Of course, of course,” he replied, looking relieved. He didn’t seem to find it even the slightest bit strange that Kyuhyun knew what he was going to say before he had said it. Instead, he held up a bouquet of roses, a sappy smile spreading across his face.
“These are for my husband, Junsu,” he told Kyuhyun, his eyes shining. “He loves them, but they only have them in the human realm. Sad, right?”
Kyuhyun could feel Forehead’s emotions practically bursting; he bit back a mocking laugh, and nodded his head slowly.
“Yes,” he said, “sure thing.” He then walked off, and sighed in relief when he had put some distance between himself and Forehead. His wings, which had been folded uncomfortably behind him, spread out, and he stretched them with a satisfied sigh.
Now…time to explore.
…
Changmin was halfway through a fabulous rendition of Love in the Ice (that annoying human song Yoochun kept serenading Junsu with, that Changmin would never in a million years admit to liking because…well, it was a human song), when he first caught sight of the angel.
Then, well, there was a long pause.
“…You’re an angel,” Changmin said, at last.
“No, of course not,” the angel replied, shooting him a pleasant, placating smile. “What would an angel be doing in Hell?”
“Oh shut up,” Changmin retorted, his eyes narrowing threateningly. Behind him, his tail twitched, standing upright. “I’m not an idiot - I can see your goddamn wings!”
“Don’t use God’s name in vain,” the angel told him, smiling cheekily.
“That’s the most insincere thing I’ve heard today,” Changmin snorted, and was slightly surprised; after all, weren’t angel’s supposed to be genuinely offended by that sort of thing?
“Seriously though,” he continued, “why are you here?”
“I got bored,” the angel replied. “I was curious. Is that so bad?” He skipped forward. “Do you guys have any landmarks here? Maybe a sea of fire?” He shot Changmin a hopeful expression. “Come on, show me around - I’m eager to learn.”
“…Goodbye,” Changmin said after a moment of consideration (which lasted precisely half a second).
“Hey!” the angel protested, as Changmin walked away. “I’m new here! I need a tour guide! Hello!”