Honesty Is Honestly The Hardest Thing - 26/29
Title: Honesty Is Honestly The Hardest Thing
Pairing: Gen....almost definitely going to stay gen...I'll let you know otherwise.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: This exists in the same land as the Clangers. Only difference is I wish they were real whereas this....definitely do not wish it was real.
Warning: This chapter gets really nasty. Please, if you have any triggers, please note that this is not a nice chapter on so many levels - Violence, homophobia, humiliation, threat of sexual violence.
Authors Note: Okay, this is the chapter!! The attack happens here. This was hard to write and I'm not that happy with it but I never will be so it's going up as it is. Sorry.
Summery: One event can change the life of everyone involved. It's an idea that everyone knows but it's not something anyone actually understands until it happens to them.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11 , Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25
Monday 11:02pm
The arms wrapped around his body pulled him further and further into the alley behind the bar. His hands had been in his pockets when he’d been grabbed and the way he was being held, one strong arm wrapped around his chest, limited his movement further and stopped him from releasing them. A hand was pushed hard against his mouth preventing his screams, and god was he screaming, from being heard. He was trapped!
Adam tried to get his footing but he was being pulled backwards and his feet kept falling out from under him. He was barely supporting any of his own weight and it was making any escape attempt impossible. Someone had to be able to hear this! He needed Lady D to hear him, he needed someone to hear him!
As the entrance to the alley got further and further away he knew his chance of escaping unharmed grew slimmer and slimmer. As panic overruled his thoughts Adam struggled harder, using his size and athleticism to kick and elbow any part of the body holding him. Nothing worked! He was pulled past the fire escape of the bar, Cassidy was in there, help was in there! Someone had to hear, fuck please someone had to hear! He kicked the dumpster as he was pulled past it but the noise from inside the bar covered the sound it made. He was going to die! Please don’t let him die!
Suddenly Adam was thrown to the ground, the pavement scraping his hands as he reached out to catch himself. He had barely hit the ground when pain exploded everywhere and took over his world. There were so many hands and feet. They were everywhere, he didn’t know where to hit back, and he couldn’t get back up. He was surrounded. No time to think, no time to plan, Adam curled up into a ball and tried to protect as much as possible. His sides, his arms, his legs, his back; it all hurt. He couldn’t catch his breath. He was going to die.
Then it stopped. It stopped! Were they gone? Was that it?
Adam lay on the ground panting. He needed to breathe, he needed to breathe! His head was fuzzy, the world was spinning. Slowly crawling to his hands and knees he sucked in a lung-full of air and started coughing. Fuck that hurt. He was trying to support himself but his arms wouldn’t stop shaking.
His arm was kicked out from under him and he went crashing back to the ground. A groan of pain left his mouth as his abused body hit the concrete. He squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to cope with the wave that washed over him but it was too much. He could hear the laughter around him; they were still there. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
A hand was in his hair and he was being pulled roughly to his knees. His eyes shot open and a masked man stood in front of him. His gaze darted from side to side, seeing more and more people around him. How many were there!?! The hand in his hair stopped him from turning his head.
“Let me the fuck go!”
He tried to sound strong, to sound angry, but he couldn’t stop the quiver in his voice.
A fist met his face and everything went black.
Adam could hear a rumble of noise around him but it all blurred together: conversation, laughter, the beat of music, the sound of cars in the street not too far away. His sight fell in and out of focus as he tried to hold onto something, anything. He wanted to scream, to call for help, but all his strength was going into bringing the world back into view. But as his sight returned and he saw the glint of metal in front of him he wondered if maybe he was better not knowing.
As he became fully aware of his surroundings again he realised he was still on his knees but the hand in his hair had been removed. It had been replaced by hands, so many hands, holding his arms painfully tight. There were too many hands on him; too many bodies surrounded him. He had nowhere to go.
Adam’s head was slumped, his chin resting against his chest and his hair covering his face, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of the blade that was being held at eye level. The blade looked sharp, it looked large. It was large! He felt it touch his cheek and he quickly turned his head to the side, trying to get as far away from the blade as his limited movement would allow. His breathing sped up.
Laughter sounded around him. This was fun for them! This was entertainment.
“...think you can do anything you like you dis...”
The man holding the knife was crouched so that he was at the same height. He was talking and Adam thought that it might be important to listen. He didn’t want to make the man even angrier!
“...real man would let someone fuck him up at ass.”
The knife started trailing down his shirt, occasionally tearing the material and cutting into the skin beneath it. Adam tried to pull away but the hands held him steady. The blade reached his navel and paused for a second before continuing its decent.
“I saw the nail polish, I know you like to be fucked don’t you you fucking fag! You want to be a woman I’ll help make you one.”
Laughter surrounded him but Adam barely heard it as the knife rested on his groin. He held as still as possible. How did this happen? How did he get here?
After a few silent, long long, seconds the knife pulled away from his groin and the hand moved to his fly. Feeling the hand on his belt buckle Adam’s shaking increased.
“You want me to make you a girl? That it? Look at me when I’m talking to you fag.”
He was going to be raped, and cut, and murdered. Adam’s frantic mind tried to find some way out of the situation but there was nothing.
The man’s other hand, the one not currently struggling with his belt, cupped Adam’s face and pulled it so that he was looking straight at him. The hand on his belt stilled.
“Fucking hell!”
Without being able to see the man’s face Adam had no idea what he was thinking but the hand had stopped; that was all that mattered at the moment.
“What is it?”
The voice came from somewhere to Adam’s left but he didn’t care who. As long as they were talking amongst themselves they weren’t focusing on him. He tried to centre his breathing so he didn’t pass out. If he passed out he might never get the chance to wake up.
“It’s the Idol fag, the one who kissed a dude on the AMA’s.”
That caught Adam’s attention. He nearly laughed at the surprise in the voice. They hadn’t known who he was! He was simply another gay man who needed to be taught a lesson. Was it strange that it was a relief to know that he’d been attacked because he was gay, not because he was him? But how did this change the situation? Did it change anything?
“What?”
“Fuck boys, we hit the motherload.”
Shit! That didn’t sound promising.
“Lambert right? Adam Lambert?”
“Yeah him. The dude with the makeup.”
Shit! Shit! Shit!!
The hand on his face roughly pushed his head up so that the others could get a good look. He felt like a piece of property, a piece of meat, being turned this way and that so that everyone could get a good look; could see their prize. But god, if it meant he wasn’t going to die it was a good thing right? Maybe they’d want money instead, shit what if they decided to kidnap him for ransom?
“My girlfriend loves him.”
“So does my daughter.”
Adam felt someone let go of his arm and saw another body move in front of him.
“I remember what this one likes.”
There was laughter in the voice, like he was telling a joke at a dinner table; an amusing tale of getting lost in the car on holiday or something. Not beating a man in an alleyway.
Then a hand was in his hair and his head was being pulled forward into the man’s crotch. As his face collided with the material he tried not to breathe. He pulled and pulled desperate to get away. Please not this! His panic grew and his breaths became more and more erratic. He was going to hyperventilate. As he struggled he could once again hear the laughter around him. They were amused! They found this funny! They found his terror hysterical.
Suddenly his head was released and he sprung back, desperate to get as far away from the man as possible. The hands holding him let him drop to the ground but the feet surrounding him meant he still had no escape.
A foot kicked him in the face and he was flipped onto his back by the force. The pounding in his head once again made focusing on the world around him hard but the unmistakeable sound of zippers opening could not be ignored. Adam pleaded to all and every deity to save him from this; to stop this. He couldn’t do this! He wouldn’t live through this, with this. He’d rather die.
But the hands he expected to feel on his body never appeared. Instead he felt water running down his face and hitting his hands. He felt his jeans soaking up the liquid as it hit. It wasn’t raining? It took a few seconds for the smell to hit him, to realise what was happening. He curled into a ball and he retreated into his mind.
Adam wondered how Kris was doing in Vegas. He hoped that the gig had been a success and that he was enjoying himself. Kris seemed to spend a lot of time in Vegas these days, playing the blues bars and watching other musicians. It would be nice to see Kris play there one of these days. He wondered how Cassidy’s date was going? He had liked Adam Two but wasn’t sure that he was what Cassidy was looking for. But a fun date didn’t have to lead to anything more serious than a fun night if it didn’t work out. He wondered if he had any food in his house for tomorrow lunch. After all, you didn’t need much for lunch did you!
Slowly coming back to the real world Adam became aware that he was alone. No one was surrounding him, no one was hitting him, no one was urinating on him. The muffled sound of the music coming from the bar filled the alley. The sound of people walking along the road past the entrance entered his consciousness. He couldn’t let people see him like this, he couldn’t! Slowly, painfully and quietly Adam pulled himself behind the dumpster. He reached the wall and raised himself into a sitting position. What if they came back? He needed something to defend himself with like he hadn’t done the first time. Why hadn’t he the first time? Looking around he saw nothing but empty bottles that had fallen out of the dumpster. Grabbing the nearest one he turned he head away and smashed it against the wall. The feeling of shattered glass falling across the skin of his hand barely registered.
He couldn’t stay here, he didn’t want to stay here. He wanted to go home!
Without thinking he reached into his jean pocket he pulled his phone out. Not broken! It wasn’t broken!! He dialled the first number he could think of.
Sitting leaning against the wall Adam listened as it rang. Please pick up! Please!
A click followed by a familiar voice reached Adam’s ear.
“Hey.”
Adam let out a sob of relief.
“Adam?”
Adam sucked in a shaky breath.
“Kris!”
Part 27
Pairing: Gen....almost definitely going to stay gen...I'll let you know otherwise.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: This exists in the same land as the Clangers. Only difference is I wish they were real whereas this....definitely do not wish it was real.
Warning: This chapter gets really nasty. Please, if you have any triggers, please note that this is not a nice chapter on so many levels - Violence, homophobia, humiliation, threat of sexual violence.
Authors Note: Okay, this is the chapter!! The attack happens here. This was hard to write and I'm not that happy with it but I never will be so it's going up as it is. Sorry.
Summery: One event can change the life of everyone involved. It's an idea that everyone knows but it's not something anyone actually understands until it happens to them.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11 , Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25
Monday 11:02pm
The arms wrapped around his body pulled him further and further into the alley behind the bar. His hands had been in his pockets when he’d been grabbed and the way he was being held, one strong arm wrapped around his chest, limited his movement further and stopped him from releasing them. A hand was pushed hard against his mouth preventing his screams, and god was he screaming, from being heard. He was trapped!
Adam tried to get his footing but he was being pulled backwards and his feet kept falling out from under him. He was barely supporting any of his own weight and it was making any escape attempt impossible. Someone had to be able to hear this! He needed Lady D to hear him, he needed someone to hear him!
As the entrance to the alley got further and further away he knew his chance of escaping unharmed grew slimmer and slimmer. As panic overruled his thoughts Adam struggled harder, using his size and athleticism to kick and elbow any part of the body holding him. Nothing worked! He was pulled past the fire escape of the bar, Cassidy was in there, help was in there! Someone had to hear, fuck please someone had to hear! He kicked the dumpster as he was pulled past it but the noise from inside the bar covered the sound it made. He was going to die! Please don’t let him die!
Suddenly Adam was thrown to the ground, the pavement scraping his hands as he reached out to catch himself. He had barely hit the ground when pain exploded everywhere and took over his world. There were so many hands and feet. They were everywhere, he didn’t know where to hit back, and he couldn’t get back up. He was surrounded. No time to think, no time to plan, Adam curled up into a ball and tried to protect as much as possible. His sides, his arms, his legs, his back; it all hurt. He couldn’t catch his breath. He was going to die.
Then it stopped. It stopped! Were they gone? Was that it?
Adam lay on the ground panting. He needed to breathe, he needed to breathe! His head was fuzzy, the world was spinning. Slowly crawling to his hands and knees he sucked in a lung-full of air and started coughing. Fuck that hurt. He was trying to support himself but his arms wouldn’t stop shaking.
His arm was kicked out from under him and he went crashing back to the ground. A groan of pain left his mouth as his abused body hit the concrete. He squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to cope with the wave that washed over him but it was too much. He could hear the laughter around him; they were still there. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
A hand was in his hair and he was being pulled roughly to his knees. His eyes shot open and a masked man stood in front of him. His gaze darted from side to side, seeing more and more people around him. How many were there!?! The hand in his hair stopped him from turning his head.
“Let me the fuck go!”
He tried to sound strong, to sound angry, but he couldn’t stop the quiver in his voice.
A fist met his face and everything went black.
Adam could hear a rumble of noise around him but it all blurred together: conversation, laughter, the beat of music, the sound of cars in the street not too far away. His sight fell in and out of focus as he tried to hold onto something, anything. He wanted to scream, to call for help, but all his strength was going into bringing the world back into view. But as his sight returned and he saw the glint of metal in front of him he wondered if maybe he was better not knowing.
As he became fully aware of his surroundings again he realised he was still on his knees but the hand in his hair had been removed. It had been replaced by hands, so many hands, holding his arms painfully tight. There were too many hands on him; too many bodies surrounded him. He had nowhere to go.
Adam’s head was slumped, his chin resting against his chest and his hair covering his face, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of the blade that was being held at eye level. The blade looked sharp, it looked large. It was large! He felt it touch his cheek and he quickly turned his head to the side, trying to get as far away from the blade as his limited movement would allow. His breathing sped up.
Laughter sounded around him. This was fun for them! This was entertainment.
“...think you can do anything you like you dis...”
The man holding the knife was crouched so that he was at the same height. He was talking and Adam thought that it might be important to listen. He didn’t want to make the man even angrier!
“...real man would let someone fuck him up at ass.”
The knife started trailing down his shirt, occasionally tearing the material and cutting into the skin beneath it. Adam tried to pull away but the hands held him steady. The blade reached his navel and paused for a second before continuing its decent.
“I saw the nail polish, I know you like to be fucked don’t you you fucking fag! You want to be a woman I’ll help make you one.”
Laughter surrounded him but Adam barely heard it as the knife rested on his groin. He held as still as possible. How did this happen? How did he get here?
After a few silent, long long, seconds the knife pulled away from his groin and the hand moved to his fly. Feeling the hand on his belt buckle Adam’s shaking increased.
“You want me to make you a girl? That it? Look at me when I’m talking to you fag.”
He was going to be raped, and cut, and murdered. Adam’s frantic mind tried to find some way out of the situation but there was nothing.
The man’s other hand, the one not currently struggling with his belt, cupped Adam’s face and pulled it so that he was looking straight at him. The hand on his belt stilled.
“Fucking hell!”
Without being able to see the man’s face Adam had no idea what he was thinking but the hand had stopped; that was all that mattered at the moment.
“What is it?”
The voice came from somewhere to Adam’s left but he didn’t care who. As long as they were talking amongst themselves they weren’t focusing on him. He tried to centre his breathing so he didn’t pass out. If he passed out he might never get the chance to wake up.
“It’s the Idol fag, the one who kissed a dude on the AMA’s.”
That caught Adam’s attention. He nearly laughed at the surprise in the voice. They hadn’t known who he was! He was simply another gay man who needed to be taught a lesson. Was it strange that it was a relief to know that he’d been attacked because he was gay, not because he was him? But how did this change the situation? Did it change anything?
“What?”
“Fuck boys, we hit the motherload.”
Shit! That didn’t sound promising.
“Lambert right? Adam Lambert?”
“Yeah him. The dude with the makeup.”
Shit! Shit! Shit!!
The hand on his face roughly pushed his head up so that the others could get a good look. He felt like a piece of property, a piece of meat, being turned this way and that so that everyone could get a good look; could see their prize. But god, if it meant he wasn’t going to die it was a good thing right? Maybe they’d want money instead, shit what if they decided to kidnap him for ransom?
“My girlfriend loves him.”
“So does my daughter.”
Adam felt someone let go of his arm and saw another body move in front of him.
“I remember what this one likes.”
There was laughter in the voice, like he was telling a joke at a dinner table; an amusing tale of getting lost in the car on holiday or something. Not beating a man in an alleyway.
Then a hand was in his hair and his head was being pulled forward into the man’s crotch. As his face collided with the material he tried not to breathe. He pulled and pulled desperate to get away. Please not this! His panic grew and his breaths became more and more erratic. He was going to hyperventilate. As he struggled he could once again hear the laughter around him. They were amused! They found this funny! They found his terror hysterical.
Suddenly his head was released and he sprung back, desperate to get as far away from the man as possible. The hands holding him let him drop to the ground but the feet surrounding him meant he still had no escape.
A foot kicked him in the face and he was flipped onto his back by the force. The pounding in his head once again made focusing on the world around him hard but the unmistakeable sound of zippers opening could not be ignored. Adam pleaded to all and every deity to save him from this; to stop this. He couldn’t do this! He wouldn’t live through this, with this. He’d rather die.
But the hands he expected to feel on his body never appeared. Instead he felt water running down his face and hitting his hands. He felt his jeans soaking up the liquid as it hit. It wasn’t raining? It took a few seconds for the smell to hit him, to realise what was happening. He curled into a ball and he retreated into his mind.
Adam wondered how Kris was doing in Vegas. He hoped that the gig had been a success and that he was enjoying himself. Kris seemed to spend a lot of time in Vegas these days, playing the blues bars and watching other musicians. It would be nice to see Kris play there one of these days. He wondered how Cassidy’s date was going? He had liked Adam Two but wasn’t sure that he was what Cassidy was looking for. But a fun date didn’t have to lead to anything more serious than a fun night if it didn’t work out. He wondered if he had any food in his house for tomorrow lunch. After all, you didn’t need much for lunch did you!
Slowly coming back to the real world Adam became aware that he was alone. No one was surrounding him, no one was hitting him, no one was urinating on him. The muffled sound of the music coming from the bar filled the alley. The sound of people walking along the road past the entrance entered his consciousness. He couldn’t let people see him like this, he couldn’t! Slowly, painfully and quietly Adam pulled himself behind the dumpster. He reached the wall and raised himself into a sitting position. What if they came back? He needed something to defend himself with like he hadn’t done the first time. Why hadn’t he the first time? Looking around he saw nothing but empty bottles that had fallen out of the dumpster. Grabbing the nearest one he turned he head away and smashed it against the wall. The feeling of shattered glass falling across the skin of his hand barely registered.
He couldn’t stay here, he didn’t want to stay here. He wanted to go home!
Without thinking he reached into his jean pocket he pulled his phone out. Not broken! It wasn’t broken!! He dialled the first number he could think of.
Sitting leaning against the wall Adam listened as it rang. Please pick up! Please!
A click followed by a familiar voice reached Adam’s ear.
“Hey.”
Adam let out a sob of relief.
“Adam?”
Adam sucked in a shaky breath.
“Kris!”
Part 27