Why I'm a Feminist

[puella_nerdii]

Return from wedding (which was lovely; when I get my hands on pictures, I'll share a few, because damn I looked hot in that dress) and am launched straight into finals. Le sob.

Anyway -- this is something I wrote about half a month ago on the Hetalia anon meme, to answer the following question: what has feminism done for you? And/or how much

Comments

[hakucho_cygnus]

feminism isn't about hating men or putting them down but about giving women the same access to the kinds of privileges men get and don't think twice about, that women have done and continue to do really cool things, and that women's work -- whatever that encompasses -- should be celebrated instead of demeaned.EXACTLY. :D

[hakucho_cygnus]

Oh yeah, when are your finals finished?

[puella_nerdii]

The thread in question is here.

I think that's a good point. I understand the context fueling a lot of statements and philosophies that earlier generations of feminists ascribed to, like the one you quoted, and I understand the deep frustration and hurt many of these women experienced (or at least I recognize it -- I empathize even if I can't quite sympathize), but I really don't like the dichotomous model of gender underlying a lot of earlier arguments, so I can't fully ascribe to those theories. (If that makes sense.) The whole women VERSUS men thing -- and that gets tossed around a lot in our society -- makes me deeply uncomfortable because it suggests that gender is fixed and immutable, and that there are always certain qualities you have to ascribe to it, and it's such an essentialist view of what it means to be a man or what it means to be a woman, you know

[pinstripesuit]

I didn't realize the word for it until I was in college, but looking back I can see that I was raised quite feminist by my mom. Whether she did this knowingly, or it was the result of raising a very independent, artist daughter, I'm not sure.

I never actually thought about my gender too much growing up, unless it was pointed out to me (usually citing the perceived limitations of). And even then I was quick to dismiss them. My mom told me I could do whatever I wanted, and I was involved in a lot of activities as a kid: ballet, soccer, softball, Girl Scouts, art classes. I did anything and everything I could, and she never tried to hold me back.

I had plenty of awesome older female role models as a kid, various teachers and art instructors. My mom had a subscription to American Girl magazine for me, and got me the teen version of Our Bodies, Ourselves when I was around 10. I had tons of science books, and my parents knew better than to try to force me into dresses or do anything I didn't want to do (which I think is more of a

[puella_nerdii]

It does make sense, and I think that's a good way to think about it. And it's awesome that your mom gave you the freedom to explore who you wanted to be without imposing too many limitations. (Also, seriously, you sound kind of like me when I was a kid, at least with the activities listed -- though I'd have to substitute theatre for art classes. I was a mean fullback, though.)

And I remember American Girl. I think I still have lord knows how many years' worth of back issues of that saved somewhere...I'm a bit of a pack rat, what can I say.

[pinstripesuit]

I think part of what lead to my mom giving me so much freedom is that she was the eldest in a family with five kids, and spent most of her teen years helping raise her siblings (including a set of identical twins). She didn't even want to have children when she got married at first, but she wanted to give her own kids the opportunities she never had, like pursuing our own interests, and - for where I am now - getting a change to live on our own before settling down into any kind of relationship.

I really wished I saved my old copies of American Girl- and Highlights! So much awesome stuff in them.

I also read Matilda by Roaul Dahl over and over as a kid.

[puella_nerdii]

MATILDA! YES! Matilda was one of my favorite books ever, growing up. I saw so much of myself in her, I think; I spent most of my childhood buried in books. I was (and am) also a big Tamora Pierce fan, and I think her novels really expanded my views of what women could do and be. She's one of my writer heroes.

I remember Highlights! I don't know if I have any of them saved, though, but I suddenly have this yen to see those old Goofus and Gallant strips.

Definitely a smart move on your mom's part! My mom was the youngest, so she wasn't as involved with raising her own siblings, but she believes pretty strongly that all of us should live on our own before we settle down -- which is basically what I'm doing in my apartment now, and I'm learning a lot about what I need to do if I want to look after myself.

[choffman]

I'm not sure I can fully answer that question. As a woman, I'd probably have much the same response as you, but... that really doesn't apply entirely.

I guess most of all, I have to look at it historically. Feminists didn't only fight for women's rights; lobbying for the end to bans on interracial marriage, for gay and trans rights and all forms of equality affect everyone, I think, and from that standpoint I'd say feminism has done a lot for our maturity as a global species.

More to the point, I love women. From my point of view any guy who doesn't, and doesn't inherently want to worship the ground they walk on is probably pretty gay and should go embrace his homosexuality so I can have more women. That's beside the point. I love women more when I can relate to them and when I don't feel like I have to do everything for them. Being in an equal relationship (from an academic point of view, as well as my own personal opinion) can only benefit a couple. People are more emotionally and psychologically stable and fulfilled when they're

[puella_nerdii]

*nod* Good point about the historical perspective -- and I know my initial involvement in feminism has led me to a participate in a lot of other activist movements, which has been such an enlightening experience.

And yes yes yes to the third paragraph of yours. It's interesting how a lot of people are quick to equate (apparent) misandry with lesbianism, but there's no similar assumption that misogynists are gay. Unequal relationships are fun in fiction, but considerably less so in real life. It goes in both directions, I think; my relationship before the one I'm in now was a profoundly unequal one where my ex expected that he'd be the one to take care of me and provide for me, and well, it made me feel like I was taking advantage of him. So having someone do, or attempt to do, everything for you really does hurt both people. I'm in an equal relationship now, and I'm so much happier for it.

[choffman]

I'm hesitant to call myself feminist - just because there's a lot of misconception about a guy calling himself that and it's even more questionable from a transguy - but when I was much younger (thirteen or fourteen) and trying to decide what to believe about the world the tack I found most helpful was studying the history of popluar movements. It's the primary reason I never converted to Christianity even though I flirted with the idea for a while (raised atheist, still mainly atheist though scientifically unwilling to totally rule out the possibility of a higher power since no one can strictly prove it).

Anyway, tl;dr, but my motivations for ascribing to what I do lay mainly on the merits of what good the people involved with said movements have done for the world, and whether it has moved us any closer to the ideal (equal, understanding, peaceful, harmonic) planet that I think we should all aspire to create. I think feminists and feminist ideals have done a lot to that end.

[a_white_rain]

I'm a feminist. However, I've not always identified with feminist movements and there's plenty of 'isms' in the feminist movements in general that I feel we need to address. I'm also profoundly uncomfortable with feminist telling women that yes, you are a feminist. Especially if they've got legitimate issues with the things feminists have stood for. Like, racism.

However, it's a label and movement that does work for me and I proudly am involved with. Which often means I have tons of issues with some mainstream feminism and talk about it.

I also often find myself erring on the side of 'radical' feminism. Or, at least understand and appreciate where the ideas come from even if I don't agree they'd work or whatever.

[puella_nerdii]

That's largely how I feel about radical feminism, too. My main issue with radical feminism mostly stems from the seventies and the decision of some women to appropriate and redefine the term "lesbian," which made me profoundly uncomfortable. A lesbian is not the rage of all women condensed to the point of explosion, and straight women really don't have the right to redefine an identity that women-loving-women have been harassed, assaulted, and killed for. But that particular brand of headdeskiness seems to have subsided, thankfully

[picnicbird]

The word 'feminist' has so many strings attached to it -- conjures images of the myths of bra-burning, or perhaps even hippie culture. Perhaps (most commonly, I've noted) of a certain type of woman -- and if you're a girl who likes makeup and dresses like I do, it just doesn't seem congruous to the brand of feminist that (for some odd reason) many still envision. On one hand, it's great to discover what sort of feminist you are -- but on the other hand, it gets ridiculous when all these negative connotations get stuck onto it. (Usually by political conservatives.) Feminism is never, ever a bad thing, and it pains me when girls especially believe they shouldn't be feminist due to misconceptions of the word.

Feminism is what a man or woman chooses to make of it. What stands despite the many different ways to go about being a proactive feminist or passive one is that every modern girl living in modern society should consider herself a feminist. I stand by that.

[puella_nerdii]

I'm with you completely there. *grin* And there's not one right way to be a feminist any more than there's one right way to be a woman. I admit, there was a point in time where I thought that being a feminist and Strong Woman (TM) meant rejecting everything stereotypically feminine, but I've calmed down considerably since then. And hey, I look cute in skirts -- I just like having the freedom to wear pants when I feel like it.