Grasping at Shadows [4/5] (Suikoden II, Jowy and the Highlanders)

[puella_nerdii]

Shorter chapter this time, and then there's just one left to go. Am I actually going to finish a solo longfic for once in my fannish life? Yes. Yes I am.

And someone needs to shake Jowy and tell him if once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. Seriously.

Title: Grasping at Shadows [4/5] (AO3)
Author:

Comments

[lindenleaves]

God, Leknaat is such a troll. When someone asks me for clarification, I'm just going to say, "The understanding is in you," and see how long it takes before I get slapped

[puella_nerdii]

SHE REALLY IS. Lord, it's so hard to write intentionally vague dialogue, I swear.

I think Leknaat and Jillia were trying to say very much the same thing to him (and Riou will, too, at the very very end), that there's more to taking responsibility than self-flagellation, that while the ways in which he's willing to accuse himself and punish himself speak well of his moral sense, they don't actually gratify anyone or anything beyond his own feeling that he ought to be punished.
This is me doing another happy dance, because yes, god, that is precisely his problem. He knows he's dishonoring himself, he knows he's doing awful things, and he keeps doing them. I mean, a lot of why I love him is because of the horrible decisions he makes, but writing this fic is pretty much a constant stream of "Jowy, Jowy no, Jowy stop making decisions you are not allowed to make decisions

[lindenleaves]

Oh, I'm so glad you're writing more Jowy! Some of his most interesting decisions happen after Luca's death (including most of the ones that make me give him a hard time, so maybe you'll be able to cast him in a better light). And the band AU is still happening, too! So much good stuff on the horizon. :)

[urbanesombrero]

I must say, this is an amazing piece of work. What I like most is that it gives such a fair portrayal of Jowy and the choices he made. It's sympathetic yet scathing. And I have to think that anyone who really gets into the story of Suikoden II is going to have that internal debate about Jowy, and come to their own conclusions. I think this works so well, more than anything else I've read on the subject, because it neither condemns Jowy nor lets him off the hook. It's difficult to strike that balance for a character that inevitably evokes such strong feelings on both sides, but you do a wonderful job here

[puella_nerdii]

(hi sorry for literally replying to this two months later ahahahahaaaa)

Thank you so much! I think this story makes it pretty evident that I have a lot of feelings about Jowy, but really I'm glad you think I've found a balance here. I love the kid, and I think it's kind of heartbreaking how he convinces himself that there's no turning back from what he's done and that he has to shoulder the weight of the world all on his own, but man, he makes a lot of truly terrible decisions. And he's not nearly as isolated as he thinks he is.

Culgan and Seed have been a lot of fun to write in this! Whenever I get stuck on a particular scene, I usually just throw them in and let them talk, and suddenly things get moving again. :D Luca...well, I don't know if I'd call writing him fun (more like skin-crawling), but it's been fascinating to explore what makes him tick. He's an awful awful man, but he's an awful awful man with a lot of layers