Rum and Popcorn - 3/4: What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor?
TITLE: Rum and Popcorn (gift for beltenebra)
CHAPTER: 3/4 -- What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor?
SERIES: xxxHoLic (Alternate Universe)
PAIRING: Doumeki Shizuka x Watanuki Kimihiro
DISCLAIMER: The original manga xxxHoLic is the work of CLAMP. Concept based on fanart by zelas. Characters have been adapted without authorization or approval, and I am making no profit from their use.
SUMMARY: Doumeki understands why he's still finding Watanuki every month, but Watanuki hasn't the foggiest idea.
RATING: PG-13
Previously...
1: Pirate vs. Ninja
2: Fishnet is a Ninja's Best Friend
[RUM AND POPCORN]
Chapter 3:
What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor?
He took his seat as usual when he came in for his night in port. Well, first night in port. There was time to take two days leave, which was just as well. If he had to put Watanuki to bed so he could sleep it off again, he rather wanted to be around in the morning to make sure the ninja woke up. Kunogi, the barmaid, had told him the rooms over the bar were safe, and that she'd give the guy her best hangover remedy in the morning if he needed it. He'd be fine, she'd said. Still, it had been a relief to see the same old black-and-fishnet ensemble sitting next to an empty stool at the counter when he walked in the door.
Who'd have thought just one glass of rum would do him? Maybe there really was something to all that Pirate/Ninja nonsense. He'd never seen much reason behind it, just a bunch of brigands and spies feuding for centuries until no one even knew why. Ninja didn't particularly get in his way when he was working on the seas, and he was never anywhere near where they did their own business. All the talk that ninja and pirates were 'natural enemies' that he'd heard from his fellow pirates as he worked his way up from the rigging to the captain's bunk had just seemed like talk. But who was to say that there wasn't some deep-down incompatibilty that meant this ninja couldn't tolerate 'pirate liquor'? His ninja put a lot more stock in that talk than Doumeki ever had, clearly.
Could even be psychosomatic. Watanuki was pretty high-strung.
Nah, Doumeki thought as he scanned the black-clad figure perched on the stool next to him. He's damn skinny. Probably just a lightweight.
Even an obsession with hating pirates couldn't make you pass out drunk from one glass, right?
Watanuki turned to face him, scowling like there was no tomorrow.
Should I say I'm sorry? It's not like I made him drink it.
He'd just provoked him a little.
Looking more upset by the second, the ninja turned away again and examined the bottles lining the back wall with a great deal of interest.
"Thank you," the man in black said at last, shooting him a sidelong glance that told Doumeki the topic was closed.
He shrugged. Getting a drunk friend off the decks and into bed was the least you could do.
An instant later, the ninja was pushing something down the bar towards him -- something he was certain hadn't been there before. He would have smelled it, even if he could have missed seeing a quart-sized, red-striped container of steaming, butter yellow popcorn. The words 'Hot' and 'Fresh' emblazoned on the side were clearly no lie, which was impressive for something that must have been whipped out of some hidden location with no popcorn cooker nearby. Possibly more impressive was the bulk of the thing, which he would have expected to show in the ninja's outfit. It was the kind of clothing he'd ordinarily describe as 'leaving nothing to the imagination', but imagination was all he had to go on if he wanted to guess where the popcorn had been stashed. No bag, no pouch, no nothing -- except a weapon belt over some pants that he was pretty sure couldn't possibly have pockets in them.
"Hey!" Watanuki snapped his fingers over by his face, calling Doumeki's attention away from the view positioned rather closer to the barstool. "I very kindly saved you some," he said in a rather brusque fashion. "Take it. And you'd better like it, because I make the best popcorn on the planet."
Doumeki took the carton and picked up a few kernels. "Don't mind if I do."
Turned out the ninja didn't make empty boasts. That was some damn good popcorn.
"Not bad," he said, taking another handful.
"As you can see, it's the popcorn of a top-notch popcorn vendor. Now do you admit that that's what I am?"
"Never said you weren't," he answered with a shrug.
"I hate you. Did you know that?" the ninja spat from his perch.
Doumeki dropped his hook off his hand and onto the counter, then grabbed another handful of popcorn. "Hadn't heard," he said, and proceeded to make short work of the carton.
"How are you boys doing tonight?" the barmaid asked, showing up with a smile. "Can I get you anything?"
He raised an eyebrow at his companion. "Did you want some tea?"
His nose twitching furiously, and the ninja swiveled his barstool so he was facing the pirate and crossed his legs and arms. "If you're implying that I'm not up to your high-seas drinking habits, think again! That was a fluke, last time. A previously unknown and never again to be seen convergence of forces, and besides which, I hadn't had dinner yet. You won't get me like that again! Whatever you're planning to imbibe, I assure you, I am more than up to the challenge." Turning to the barmaid while pointing a finger at Doumeki's face, Watanuki declared, "I will have what he's having."
Doumeki removed his hat and set it on the bar, considering the dilemma of picking something out for his lightweight ninja friend.
Meanwhile, said ninja scoffed, and dared him, "Do your worst!"
So, if he picked something that wasn't booze, two things would happen: the man in black sitting next to him would probably think he'd just been insulted, and he wouldn't be drunk enough to deal with the fall-out.
On the other hand, if he ordered something strong and Watanuki passed out, that was it for the night. It wasn't as if there was anything (or even anyone) else he felt like doing. It was better if the ninja didn't fall over unconscious after one glass of whatever.
Then, of course, there was the chance that his reaction to rum was related to a deep-seated hatred of all things pirate...
Maybe 'ninja liquor'? At the very least, Watanuki might be familiar with how much of it he could and could not drink at once, and act accordingly.
"Well?" the ninja asked, looking more impatient than usual.
Doumeki turned from his companion to the barmaid, turning the base of his detached hook idly. "Sake, if you please, milady. Cold."
She was turning to leave -- despite the livid, agape expression on his barmate -- when the ninja struck the bar, yelling, "Just one moment!"
He could feel every eye in the establishment turning to watch.
"Sake? Sake!? Are you insane?" Watanuki yelled. If there had been any truth to the rumors that ninja schools taught you to shoot fire from your eyes and sprout poisoned claws from your fingers, he'd probably have been a severely lacerated and dosed pile of cinders by now.
He wasn't, so there was a pretty good chance that those rumors were as exaggerated as the reports that pirates had knives for teeth, rabies (which was ridiculous because, as previously stated, boats are surrounded by water), and a hard-coded inability to speak without saying "Arrrrrrgh!"
"A pirate can drink anything he pleases," Doumeki answered. "It's a perk."
The ninja frowned, and one of his eyebrows looked like it might jump off his face, it was twitching so hard. "Of course you can drink sake. Anyone and everyone should appreciate the goodness of sake! But with popcorn!?" His companion did a now-familiar but always entertaining jig of enraged frustration, throwing clenched fists up at the ceiling. "The flavors don't complement each other at all! Quite the opposite! I knew you were an idiot and a cretin the moment I saw your hat, but this is a new low. I would at least have assumed you had enough civilization in you as not to make so basic a mistake as that." Leaning intently over the bar, pointing again at Doumeki, Watanuki informed the barmaid, "He will have an ale. The Belgian wheat you have on tap, I should think. Please, Himawari-chan! Don't let his uncouth manners put a frown on your lovely face!"
Kunogi laughed and turned to him. "Which will it be, then?"
"After a recommendation like that," Doumeki answered with a shrug, "I guess I'll have an ale."
"All right. Two ales, coming right up."
"Thanks again, darling," he added with a wink as she walked away.
Watanuki, meanwhile had decided to give him another death glare. He hadn't thought popcorn and sake were that bad a match.
"What?" he asked the ninja.
Slowly, his companion leaned in toward his face. "I think I see your game now. All these months, I've been oh so confused as to why you've decided to force your horrible company on me, but now I see! This is about Himawari-chan, isn't it? Always calling her, "milady" this, and "darling" that, tipping your big poofy hat and flaunting your swords and, oh, did I mention that you're a pirate captain? I should have realized it earlier. Well, you can't have her! Himawari-chan is an innocent, beautiful soul, not to be taken in by a pirate like you! Certainly not while I'm here to defend her!"
"Relax," he said, rolling his eyes. "I'm not after your barmaid."
The ninja's nose twitched. "Well, you must be after something," he replied quietly, examining Doumeki with suspicion.
As a pirate, he'd never been uncertain about what it was he wanted, nor about grabbing it when he saw it sail by. That was another of the perks of the job, after all: taking what you pleased, and not listening to any who'd say you nay. Sometimes people put up an impressive fight, and maybe this'd be one of those times, but what kind of pirate captain would he be if he hestitated?
Doumeki grabbed a fistful of black shirt roughly and pulled, stealing a kiss while the ninja crashed against him. He had to assume Watanuki didn't dislike it as much as he'd expected the ninja would, since the scramble for balance ended with his 'drinking buddy' braced against his leg instead of flipping out and aghast on the other side of the room.
The complaining whine escaping from Watanuki's throat, compared to the other objections he'd seen registered over the course of their acquaintance, couldn't possibly represent actual distaste. He'd experienced a wide range of objections, and that barely indicated mild annoyance. His ninja's serious complaints always involved far more gesticulation than whining.
That was close enough to permission for him.
Unfortunately, the instant he switched his focus to enjoying his prize, the man in question managed to push away. Standing at arms length, with his breath coming in ragged gasps and his face flushing red, Doumeki had to admit it -- this wasn't a sight he was going to get tired of this any time soon.
"What do you think you're doing?" the ninja demanded.
"You wanted to know what I was after," Doumeki answered with a shrug.
Turns out, if someone who's already red blushed more, he turned purple. He wouldn't have guessed that. And he doubted that Watanuki would appreciate the help if he picked the ninja's jaw up off of the floor, so he just kept waiting for some sign of motion or thought.
His friend stayed frozen until Kunogi came over with the mugs and set them down on the counter.
"You two are just so cute!" she said with a smile. "It's almost like Romeo and Juliet."
The ninja's eyes tracked her, the man himself still silent in disbelief, as she walked away. Once she'd gone far enough at last that those fiery black eyes turned back towards him, Watanuki let out a sigh that definitely bordered on 'annoyed'.
"This is your fault."
"You're the one holding on to me," Doumeki reminded him.
A blink of an eye later, Watanuki was sitting on his own stool, glowering at the top of the bar. He whispered, "Shit," into his ale and took the tiniest of sips.
Doumeki grinned and took a swallow of his own. That had gone about ten times better than he'd expected.
continued in...
4: "Unorthodox Acts of War" -- [ full version: NC-17] [ edited version: PG-13]
*******************************************
imifumei informs me that sake and popcorn are a perfectly acceptable combination. Mea culpa.
CHAPTER: 3/4 -- What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor?
SERIES: xxxHoLic (Alternate Universe)
PAIRING: Doumeki Shizuka x Watanuki Kimihiro
DISCLAIMER: The original manga xxxHoLic is the work of CLAMP. Concept based on fanart by zelas. Characters have been adapted without authorization or approval, and I am making no profit from their use.
SUMMARY: Doumeki understands why he's still finding Watanuki every month, but Watanuki hasn't the foggiest idea.
RATING: PG-13
Previously...
1: Pirate vs. Ninja
2: Fishnet is a Ninja's Best Friend
[RUM AND POPCORN]
Chapter 3:
What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor?
He took his seat as usual when he came in for his night in port. Well, first night in port. There was time to take two days leave, which was just as well. If he had to put Watanuki to bed so he could sleep it off again, he rather wanted to be around in the morning to make sure the ninja woke up. Kunogi, the barmaid, had told him the rooms over the bar were safe, and that she'd give the guy her best hangover remedy in the morning if he needed it. He'd be fine, she'd said. Still, it had been a relief to see the same old black-and-fishnet ensemble sitting next to an empty stool at the counter when he walked in the door.
Who'd have thought just one glass of rum would do him? Maybe there really was something to all that Pirate/Ninja nonsense. He'd never seen much reason behind it, just a bunch of brigands and spies feuding for centuries until no one even knew why. Ninja didn't particularly get in his way when he was working on the seas, and he was never anywhere near where they did their own business. All the talk that ninja and pirates were 'natural enemies' that he'd heard from his fellow pirates as he worked his way up from the rigging to the captain's bunk had just seemed like talk. But who was to say that there wasn't some deep-down incompatibilty that meant this ninja couldn't tolerate 'pirate liquor'? His ninja put a lot more stock in that talk than Doumeki ever had, clearly.
Could even be psychosomatic. Watanuki was pretty high-strung.
Nah, Doumeki thought as he scanned the black-clad figure perched on the stool next to him. He's damn skinny. Probably just a lightweight.
Even an obsession with hating pirates couldn't make you pass out drunk from one glass, right?
Watanuki turned to face him, scowling like there was no tomorrow.
Should I say I'm sorry? It's not like I made him drink it.
He'd just provoked him a little.
Looking more upset by the second, the ninja turned away again and examined the bottles lining the back wall with a great deal of interest.
"Thank you," the man in black said at last, shooting him a sidelong glance that told Doumeki the topic was closed.
He shrugged. Getting a drunk friend off the decks and into bed was the least you could do.
An instant later, the ninja was pushing something down the bar towards him -- something he was certain hadn't been there before. He would have smelled it, even if he could have missed seeing a quart-sized, red-striped container of steaming, butter yellow popcorn. The words 'Hot' and 'Fresh' emblazoned on the side were clearly no lie, which was impressive for something that must have been whipped out of some hidden location with no popcorn cooker nearby. Possibly more impressive was the bulk of the thing, which he would have expected to show in the ninja's outfit. It was the kind of clothing he'd ordinarily describe as 'leaving nothing to the imagination', but imagination was all he had to go on if he wanted to guess where the popcorn had been stashed. No bag, no pouch, no nothing -- except a weapon belt over some pants that he was pretty sure couldn't possibly have pockets in them.
"Hey!" Watanuki snapped his fingers over by his face, calling Doumeki's attention away from the view positioned rather closer to the barstool. "I very kindly saved you some," he said in a rather brusque fashion. "Take it. And you'd better like it, because I make the best popcorn on the planet."
Doumeki took the carton and picked up a few kernels. "Don't mind if I do."
Turned out the ninja didn't make empty boasts. That was some damn good popcorn.
"Not bad," he said, taking another handful.
"As you can see, it's the popcorn of a top-notch popcorn vendor. Now do you admit that that's what I am?"
"Never said you weren't," he answered with a shrug.
"I hate you. Did you know that?" the ninja spat from his perch.
Doumeki dropped his hook off his hand and onto the counter, then grabbed another handful of popcorn. "Hadn't heard," he said, and proceeded to make short work of the carton.
"How are you boys doing tonight?" the barmaid asked, showing up with a smile. "Can I get you anything?"
He raised an eyebrow at his companion. "Did you want some tea?"
His nose twitching furiously, and the ninja swiveled his barstool so he was facing the pirate and crossed his legs and arms. "If you're implying that I'm not up to your high-seas drinking habits, think again! That was a fluke, last time. A previously unknown and never again to be seen convergence of forces, and besides which, I hadn't had dinner yet. You won't get me like that again! Whatever you're planning to imbibe, I assure you, I am more than up to the challenge." Turning to the barmaid while pointing a finger at Doumeki's face, Watanuki declared, "I will have what he's having."
Doumeki removed his hat and set it on the bar, considering the dilemma of picking something out for his lightweight ninja friend.
Meanwhile, said ninja scoffed, and dared him, "Do your worst!"
So, if he picked something that wasn't booze, two things would happen: the man in black sitting next to him would probably think he'd just been insulted, and he wouldn't be drunk enough to deal with the fall-out.
On the other hand, if he ordered something strong and Watanuki passed out, that was it for the night. It wasn't as if there was anything (or even anyone) else he felt like doing. It was better if the ninja didn't fall over unconscious after one glass of whatever.
Then, of course, there was the chance that his reaction to rum was related to a deep-seated hatred of all things pirate...
Maybe 'ninja liquor'? At the very least, Watanuki might be familiar with how much of it he could and could not drink at once, and act accordingly.
"Well?" the ninja asked, looking more impatient than usual.
Doumeki turned from his companion to the barmaid, turning the base of his detached hook idly. "Sake, if you please, milady. Cold."
She was turning to leave -- despite the livid, agape expression on his barmate -- when the ninja struck the bar, yelling, "Just one moment!"
He could feel every eye in the establishment turning to watch.
"Sake? Sake!? Are you insane?" Watanuki yelled. If there had been any truth to the rumors that ninja schools taught you to shoot fire from your eyes and sprout poisoned claws from your fingers, he'd probably have been a severely lacerated and dosed pile of cinders by now.
He wasn't, so there was a pretty good chance that those rumors were as exaggerated as the reports that pirates had knives for teeth, rabies (which was ridiculous because, as previously stated, boats are surrounded by water), and a hard-coded inability to speak without saying "Arrrrrrgh!"
"A pirate can drink anything he pleases," Doumeki answered. "It's a perk."
The ninja frowned, and one of his eyebrows looked like it might jump off his face, it was twitching so hard. "Of course you can drink sake. Anyone and everyone should appreciate the goodness of sake! But with popcorn!?" His companion did a now-familiar but always entertaining jig of enraged frustration, throwing clenched fists up at the ceiling. "The flavors don't complement each other at all! Quite the opposite! I knew you were an idiot and a cretin the moment I saw your hat, but this is a new low. I would at least have assumed you had enough civilization in you as not to make so basic a mistake as that." Leaning intently over the bar, pointing again at Doumeki, Watanuki informed the barmaid, "He will have an ale. The Belgian wheat you have on tap, I should think. Please, Himawari-chan! Don't let his uncouth manners put a frown on your lovely face!"
Kunogi laughed and turned to him. "Which will it be, then?"
"After a recommendation like that," Doumeki answered with a shrug, "I guess I'll have an ale."
"All right. Two ales, coming right up."
"Thanks again, darling," he added with a wink as she walked away.
Watanuki, meanwhile had decided to give him another death glare. He hadn't thought popcorn and sake were that bad a match.
"What?" he asked the ninja.
Slowly, his companion leaned in toward his face. "I think I see your game now. All these months, I've been oh so confused as to why you've decided to force your horrible company on me, but now I see! This is about Himawari-chan, isn't it? Always calling her, "milady" this, and "darling" that, tipping your big poofy hat and flaunting your swords and, oh, did I mention that you're a pirate captain? I should have realized it earlier. Well, you can't have her! Himawari-chan is an innocent, beautiful soul, not to be taken in by a pirate like you! Certainly not while I'm here to defend her!"
"Relax," he said, rolling his eyes. "I'm not after your barmaid."
The ninja's nose twitched. "Well, you must be after something," he replied quietly, examining Doumeki with suspicion.
As a pirate, he'd never been uncertain about what it was he wanted, nor about grabbing it when he saw it sail by. That was another of the perks of the job, after all: taking what you pleased, and not listening to any who'd say you nay. Sometimes people put up an impressive fight, and maybe this'd be one of those times, but what kind of pirate captain would he be if he hestitated?
Doumeki grabbed a fistful of black shirt roughly and pulled, stealing a kiss while the ninja crashed against him. He had to assume Watanuki didn't dislike it as much as he'd expected the ninja would, since the scramble for balance ended with his 'drinking buddy' braced against his leg instead of flipping out and aghast on the other side of the room.
The complaining whine escaping from Watanuki's throat, compared to the other objections he'd seen registered over the course of their acquaintance, couldn't possibly represent actual distaste. He'd experienced a wide range of objections, and that barely indicated mild annoyance. His ninja's serious complaints always involved far more gesticulation than whining.
That was close enough to permission for him.
Unfortunately, the instant he switched his focus to enjoying his prize, the man in question managed to push away. Standing at arms length, with his breath coming in ragged gasps and his face flushing red, Doumeki had to admit it -- this wasn't a sight he was going to get tired of this any time soon.
"What do you think you're doing?" the ninja demanded.
"You wanted to know what I was after," Doumeki answered with a shrug.
Turns out, if someone who's already red blushed more, he turned purple. He wouldn't have guessed that. And he doubted that Watanuki would appreciate the help if he picked the ninja's jaw up off of the floor, so he just kept waiting for some sign of motion or thought.
His friend stayed frozen until Kunogi came over with the mugs and set them down on the counter.
"You two are just so cute!" she said with a smile. "It's almost like Romeo and Juliet."
The ninja's eyes tracked her, the man himself still silent in disbelief, as she walked away. Once she'd gone far enough at last that those fiery black eyes turned back towards him, Watanuki let out a sigh that definitely bordered on 'annoyed'.
"This is your fault."
"You're the one holding on to me," Doumeki reminded him.
A blink of an eye later, Watanuki was sitting on his own stool, glowering at the top of the bar. He whispered, "Shit," into his ale and took the tiniest of sips.
Doumeki grinned and took a swallow of his own. That had gone about ten times better than he'd expected.
continued in...
4: "Unorthodox Acts of War" -- [ full version: NC-17] [ edited version: PG-13]
*******************************************
imifumei informs me that sake and popcorn are a perfectly acceptable combination. Mea culpa.