Rum and Popcorn - 2/4: Fishnet is a Ninja's Best Friend
TITLE: Rum and Popcorn (gift for beltenebra)
CHAPTER: 2/4 -- Fishnet is a Ninja's Best Friend
SERIES: xxxHoLic (Alternate Universe)
PAIRING: Doumeki Shizuka x Watanuki Kimihiro
DISCLAIMER: The original manga xxxHoLic is the work of CLAMP. Concept based on fanart by zelas. Characters have been adapted without authorization or approval, and I am making no profit from their use.
SUMMARY: Watanuki's best laid plans fail horribly.
RATING: PG-13
Previously...
1: Pirate vs. Ninja
[RUM AND POPCORN]
Chapter 2:
Fishnet is a Ninja's Best Friend
No pirate was going to stop him from going where he liked and seeing whom he wanted. Just because that Doumeki had picked him out and inflicted his smelly pirate self on him every time the Queen Cassandra was in port didn't mean that he had to find a new place to spend his evenings off (not that any other bar in town had the lovely Himawari-chan!) or even find a new seat!
That would be like losing.
To a pirate.
No, he definitely wasn't going to let Doumeki win.
After he'd been stunned that the pirate had decided they were "drinking buddies" and sat down next to him a second time, he just turned his back and tried not to respond. Unfortunately, the sound of the pirate's voice and the way he'd kept asking, "Popcorn!" this and "Popcorn!" that just gotten on his nerves and he'd ended up snapping back far more than he'd wanted to.
The third time that Doumeki had picked him out in the bar, he'd been downright mortified. There were limits to that kind of audacity! Didn't he have a guild to answer to? Fully in line with his own expectations, Watanuki himself had been called in for a "meeting" with the head of the local chapter of the Ninja Union. Waiting in seiza on the tatami mats outside Mistress Yuuko's chambers had never been more uncomfortable.
"So, Watanuki..." she'd begun. "I hear you've been very friendly with a certain pirate recently."
And he hadn't even been friendly at all! He wasn't friends with that stupid buccaneer. The pirate was being friendly with him. Completely different! Naturally, all of his objections had been useless. It was as if Mistress Yuuko didn't understand the distinction between the two situations at all. Him being friendly with a pirate was a ridiculous and unthinkable thing -- especially that pirate, who was especially loathsome. Did he think that a manly jaw and dark, brooding eyes would get him everything? Maybe with the local floosies (Himawari-chan, not being a floosy, was exempt), but certainly not with a ninja! That kind of behavior was intolerable, and he wasn't going to tolerate it! Lack of toleration would ascend to new heights, because obviously he hadn't been encouraging the brute before. Said pirate was forcing unwanted friendliness on him willy-nilly!
He knew better than to ask for Mistress Yuuko's help trying to get rid of the lout, of course. He could never afford it -- and damn it, he should be able to deal with one stupid pirate!
Oh, apologies. Pirate captain.
Clearly, he should be able to handle this problem, and even more clearly, that was what the Mistress must have meant when she'd told him to "Have fun next time!"
He'd prepared a disguise, he had his gear with him, and he had his eyes open. This was on.
No pirate was going to get the better of him! Least of all that Doumeki, most awfully piratey of awful pirates. Stupid Doumeki.
"Hey."
"Ah!" Watanuki screamed, jumping about two feet off the ground. He whipped around to face the horrible, stupid, and annoyingly handsome blackguard whose voice he knew too well. "Doumeki! Why you..."
Then he remembered that he was supposed to be in disguise.
"Shit," he whispered, and took his stool.
"Sorry I'm late."
Watanuki turned away from the pirate, crossing his arms over his chest. "When you decide to show up couldn't matter to me less. In fact, I'd rather you didn't come at all. Your very presence makes the glasses dirty, the water fishy, and the bar nuts stale, you... you... you..."
"Pirate?" the interloper asked.
"Precisely!" He jumped up again, shaking his fists at the ceiling. "Agh! Pirates! I hate you all!" Watanuki yelled, and turned a pointed finger on the rascal. "You all smell!" One clunky-booted foot went up on the lower rail of the barstool he'd vacated, and he found himself trapped between the pirate's leg and the bar. Then the other boot went on the bar's footrail, leaving only the tiny space between the stool and the counter for him to back out.
And that was probably just what the guy wanted, too. For him to back out, retreat, give in.
Well, I'll show him...
"That's what you get for crowding yourself away on a little boat for months at a time, you know!" Watanuki yelled, poking at the pirate's big, poofy shirt.
"Little?" Doumeki raised an eyebrow, which always made Watanuki's nose twitch. He was probably allergic to pirate eyebrows. Or something.
"Grease and sweat and no proper showers!"
"Boats are surrounded by water. Believe me," Doumeki said, catching Watanuki's leg with his own as he turned toward the bar. "I bathe. And you need to drink less tea. Caffeine's bad for you when you don't drink in moderation."
He didn't sit down because the pirate had tripped him. No, he'd chosen to use the stool as a breakfall -- as a counter to his opponent's leg-sweep maneuver. Clearly.
"It's always so nice to see you two getting along!" Himawari's voice broke into the conversation like an angel parting storm clouds with heavenly light. (Even though what she'd said was in error. The pirate had clearly pulled some kind of wool over her eyes.) Not that a pirate like Doumeki could properly appreciate a wonderful person like Himawari-chan. "Things just aren't as much fun around here when you're not together," she went on with a smile. "So, what'll it be?"
"Bottle of rum, milady," Doumeki ordered, tipping his hat like the slick scum he was, "and two glasses."
By the time he was done staring at the brigand in utterly aghast horror for daring to order for him, the lovely Himawari-chan had disappeared, and the requested bottle of rum was in her place.
"What do you think you're doing?"
The pirate tipped a measure of rum into each glass and loosened the strap at the base of his hook-hand. "Having a drink with my friend the popcorn vendor. What does it look like?"
Watanuki snarled at the 'friend' part of the comment, but was distracted before he could reply by the fact that, under the hook, the pirate appeared to have a normal hand.
"What's with the sombrero, anyway?" Doumeki asked next. "Is it Halloween?"
"No. What's with the hook? Is that a fake?" He squinched up his nose to show the utter completeness of his disdain and leaned into the man's face. "Don't think you can convince me you're not a pirate, just because your hook-hand isn't real."
"Pirate captain. And the hook's one thing no one ever takes when they disarm you. Makes it hard to pick up a glass, though," he said, raising his measure of rum for a toast.
Watanuki turned up his nose at his own glass. "Don't expect me to drink that nasty pirate liquor of yours."
"Oh, I'm sorry. All that tea must be because you can't take a real man's drink, huh? Maybe I should tell the lady to bring you a Shirley Temple."
He stared hard at the despicable dark brooding eyes mocking him from underneath that floofy feathered hat, then even harder at the glass sitting on the bar. Well, even if it was a pirate drink, what was it really but fermented molasses that had lived in a bottle for awhile? The rum wasn't at fault. The pirates had just taken it as their own, made that poor family of booze into their unwitting pawns, just as they'd done to so many things. It wasn't the cutlass's fault if a pirate picked it up, and it wasn't the Jolly Roger's fault that a pirate ship flew it. The rum was innocent, too. Certainly it wouldn't try to poison him of its own will, and maybe Doumeki had been the one who poured it, but Himawari-chan was the one who'd brought it.
And he would drink it for her!
Watanuki picked up the glass, staring down his nose at the pirate and his stupid blank expression that certainly wasn't stoic (idiotic, maybe, but not stoic), and tossed back the whole glass in one swallow.
Now he just had to stop the burning in his throat and keep his eyes from tearing up, because he wasn't going to let Doumeki have one reason to... to...
To something.
There was definitely something he wasn't going to let Doumeki do, and as soon as the room stopped rocking back and forth, he'd decide what it was.
Whoo...
He slammed the glass down on the counter, taking his seat triumphantly. Well, sort of triumphantly. He only missed a little, and he'd gotten it right the second time, that was for sure. It was the stool's fault for dodging.
Prolly doesn't want to be around a pirate.
"So if you're a popcorn vendor," Doumeki asked, tipping some more rum into Watanuki's glass (or maybe it was his twin who'd suddenly appeared next to him, kinda hazy-like). "Why don't you ever have any popcorn?"
"Cuz I'm a good popcorn vendor," he replied, taking to his feet firmly despite the shakiness of the floor. "An' I sell it-- Whoa!"
His knees buckled, pitching him forward into something strangely hard, yet covered with something soft and... and...
Poofy.
When he looked up, there was that damn pirate's face in his face, staring over the sea of shirt ruffles he'd somehow landed in. "Don't pass out on me, now, lightweight," the ruffian said.
"Like hell," Watanuki spat back, trying to resist the piratey pirate hands that were trying to help him stand back up. "An' who are you callin' a lightweight, Cap'n Doumeki?" Then he raised his eyebrows as suddenly something about the collar caught his attention. Something odd, something faint. "Oh," he said, and leaned a little closer to where the ruffles curved around the pirate's neck. The salty musk that dripped off pirates everywhere had apparently been hiding the faintest scent of something pleasant, like cloves.
Watanuki flopped his head onto Doumeki's shoulder so that he could look the pirate in the face again, since raising up his neck was proving oddly difficult. "Y'know, hyu don' smell that bad, ak'shully."
"Gee, thanks," Doumeki replied, then looked oddly concerned. "Hey. Hey!"
Then everything started going dark and--
continued in...
3: What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor?
4: "Unorthodox Acts of War" -- [ full version: NC-17] [ edited version: PG-13]
CHAPTER: 2/4 -- Fishnet is a Ninja's Best Friend
SERIES: xxxHoLic (Alternate Universe)
PAIRING: Doumeki Shizuka x Watanuki Kimihiro
DISCLAIMER: The original manga xxxHoLic is the work of CLAMP. Concept based on fanart by zelas. Characters have been adapted without authorization or approval, and I am making no profit from their use.
SUMMARY: Watanuki's best laid plans fail horribly.
RATING: PG-13
Previously...
1: Pirate vs. Ninja
[RUM AND POPCORN]
Chapter 2:
Fishnet is a Ninja's Best Friend
No pirate was going to stop him from going where he liked and seeing whom he wanted. Just because that Doumeki had picked him out and inflicted his smelly pirate self on him every time the Queen Cassandra was in port didn't mean that he had to find a new place to spend his evenings off (not that any other bar in town had the lovely Himawari-chan!) or even find a new seat!
That would be like losing.
To a pirate.
No, he definitely wasn't going to let Doumeki win.
After he'd been stunned that the pirate had decided they were "drinking buddies" and sat down next to him a second time, he just turned his back and tried not to respond. Unfortunately, the sound of the pirate's voice and the way he'd kept asking, "Popcorn!" this and "Popcorn!" that just gotten on his nerves and he'd ended up snapping back far more than he'd wanted to.
The third time that Doumeki had picked him out in the bar, he'd been downright mortified. There were limits to that kind of audacity! Didn't he have a guild to answer to? Fully in line with his own expectations, Watanuki himself had been called in for a "meeting" with the head of the local chapter of the Ninja Union. Waiting in seiza on the tatami mats outside Mistress Yuuko's chambers had never been more uncomfortable.
"So, Watanuki..." she'd begun. "I hear you've been very friendly with a certain pirate recently."
And he hadn't even been friendly at all! He wasn't friends with that stupid buccaneer. The pirate was being friendly with him. Completely different! Naturally, all of his objections had been useless. It was as if Mistress Yuuko didn't understand the distinction between the two situations at all. Him being friendly with a pirate was a ridiculous and unthinkable thing -- especially that pirate, who was especially loathsome. Did he think that a manly jaw and dark, brooding eyes would get him everything? Maybe with the local floosies (Himawari-chan, not being a floosy, was exempt), but certainly not with a ninja! That kind of behavior was intolerable, and he wasn't going to tolerate it! Lack of toleration would ascend to new heights, because obviously he hadn't been encouraging the brute before. Said pirate was forcing unwanted friendliness on him willy-nilly!
He knew better than to ask for Mistress Yuuko's help trying to get rid of the lout, of course. He could never afford it -- and damn it, he should be able to deal with one stupid pirate!
Oh, apologies. Pirate captain.
Clearly, he should be able to handle this problem, and even more clearly, that was what the Mistress must have meant when she'd told him to "Have fun next time!"
He'd prepared a disguise, he had his gear with him, and he had his eyes open. This was on.
No pirate was going to get the better of him! Least of all that Doumeki, most awfully piratey of awful pirates. Stupid Doumeki.
"Hey."
"Ah!" Watanuki screamed, jumping about two feet off the ground. He whipped around to face the horrible, stupid, and annoyingly handsome blackguard whose voice he knew too well. "Doumeki! Why you..."
Then he remembered that he was supposed to be in disguise.
"Shit," he whispered, and took his stool.
"Sorry I'm late."
Watanuki turned away from the pirate, crossing his arms over his chest. "When you decide to show up couldn't matter to me less. In fact, I'd rather you didn't come at all. Your very presence makes the glasses dirty, the water fishy, and the bar nuts stale, you... you... you..."
"Pirate?" the interloper asked.
"Precisely!" He jumped up again, shaking his fists at the ceiling. "Agh! Pirates! I hate you all!" Watanuki yelled, and turned a pointed finger on the rascal. "You all smell!" One clunky-booted foot went up on the lower rail of the barstool he'd vacated, and he found himself trapped between the pirate's leg and the bar. Then the other boot went on the bar's footrail, leaving only the tiny space between the stool and the counter for him to back out.
And that was probably just what the guy wanted, too. For him to back out, retreat, give in.
Well, I'll show him...
"That's what you get for crowding yourself away on a little boat for months at a time, you know!" Watanuki yelled, poking at the pirate's big, poofy shirt.
"Little?" Doumeki raised an eyebrow, which always made Watanuki's nose twitch. He was probably allergic to pirate eyebrows. Or something.
"Grease and sweat and no proper showers!"
"Boats are surrounded by water. Believe me," Doumeki said, catching Watanuki's leg with his own as he turned toward the bar. "I bathe. And you need to drink less tea. Caffeine's bad for you when you don't drink in moderation."
He didn't sit down because the pirate had tripped him. No, he'd chosen to use the stool as a breakfall -- as a counter to his opponent's leg-sweep maneuver. Clearly.
"It's always so nice to see you two getting along!" Himawari's voice broke into the conversation like an angel parting storm clouds with heavenly light. (Even though what she'd said was in error. The pirate had clearly pulled some kind of wool over her eyes.) Not that a pirate like Doumeki could properly appreciate a wonderful person like Himawari-chan. "Things just aren't as much fun around here when you're not together," she went on with a smile. "So, what'll it be?"
"Bottle of rum, milady," Doumeki ordered, tipping his hat like the slick scum he was, "and two glasses."
By the time he was done staring at the brigand in utterly aghast horror for daring to order for him, the lovely Himawari-chan had disappeared, and the requested bottle of rum was in her place.
"What do you think you're doing?"
The pirate tipped a measure of rum into each glass and loosened the strap at the base of his hook-hand. "Having a drink with my friend the popcorn vendor. What does it look like?"
Watanuki snarled at the 'friend' part of the comment, but was distracted before he could reply by the fact that, under the hook, the pirate appeared to have a normal hand.
"What's with the sombrero, anyway?" Doumeki asked next. "Is it Halloween?"
"No. What's with the hook? Is that a fake?" He squinched up his nose to show the utter completeness of his disdain and leaned into the man's face. "Don't think you can convince me you're not a pirate, just because your hook-hand isn't real."
"Pirate captain. And the hook's one thing no one ever takes when they disarm you. Makes it hard to pick up a glass, though," he said, raising his measure of rum for a toast.
Watanuki turned up his nose at his own glass. "Don't expect me to drink that nasty pirate liquor of yours."
"Oh, I'm sorry. All that tea must be because you can't take a real man's drink, huh? Maybe I should tell the lady to bring you a Shirley Temple."
He stared hard at the despicable dark brooding eyes mocking him from underneath that floofy feathered hat, then even harder at the glass sitting on the bar. Well, even if it was a pirate drink, what was it really but fermented molasses that had lived in a bottle for awhile? The rum wasn't at fault. The pirates had just taken it as their own, made that poor family of booze into their unwitting pawns, just as they'd done to so many things. It wasn't the cutlass's fault if a pirate picked it up, and it wasn't the Jolly Roger's fault that a pirate ship flew it. The rum was innocent, too. Certainly it wouldn't try to poison him of its own will, and maybe Doumeki had been the one who poured it, but Himawari-chan was the one who'd brought it.
And he would drink it for her!
Watanuki picked up the glass, staring down his nose at the pirate and his stupid blank expression that certainly wasn't stoic (idiotic, maybe, but not stoic), and tossed back the whole glass in one swallow.
Now he just had to stop the burning in his throat and keep his eyes from tearing up, because he wasn't going to let Doumeki have one reason to... to...
To something.
There was definitely something he wasn't going to let Doumeki do, and as soon as the room stopped rocking back and forth, he'd decide what it was.
Whoo...
He slammed the glass down on the counter, taking his seat triumphantly. Well, sort of triumphantly. He only missed a little, and he'd gotten it right the second time, that was for sure. It was the stool's fault for dodging.
Prolly doesn't want to be around a pirate.
"So if you're a popcorn vendor," Doumeki asked, tipping some more rum into Watanuki's glass (or maybe it was his twin who'd suddenly appeared next to him, kinda hazy-like). "Why don't you ever have any popcorn?"
"Cuz I'm a good popcorn vendor," he replied, taking to his feet firmly despite the shakiness of the floor. "An' I sell it-- Whoa!"
His knees buckled, pitching him forward into something strangely hard, yet covered with something soft and... and...
Poofy.
When he looked up, there was that damn pirate's face in his face, staring over the sea of shirt ruffles he'd somehow landed in. "Don't pass out on me, now, lightweight," the ruffian said.
"Like hell," Watanuki spat back, trying to resist the piratey pirate hands that were trying to help him stand back up. "An' who are you callin' a lightweight, Cap'n Doumeki?" Then he raised his eyebrows as suddenly something about the collar caught his attention. Something odd, something faint. "Oh," he said, and leaned a little closer to where the ruffles curved around the pirate's neck. The salty musk that dripped off pirates everywhere had apparently been hiding the faintest scent of something pleasant, like cloves.
Watanuki flopped his head onto Doumeki's shoulder so that he could look the pirate in the face again, since raising up his neck was proving oddly difficult. "Y'know, hyu don' smell that bad, ak'shully."
"Gee, thanks," Doumeki replied, then looked oddly concerned. "Hey. Hey!"
Then everything started going dark and--
continued in...
3: What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor?
4: "Unorthodox Acts of War" -- [ full version: NC-17] [ edited version: PG-13]