[EXO] I Won’t Write You A Love Song
I Won’t Write You A Love Song
by mara_ciro
Pairings: Chanyeol/Lay
Rating: G
Word Count: 6,574
Summary: They were only supposed to write a song together, but Yixing ends up confessing so much more than he meant to
Notes: Written for justgetlayd. Original here.
Many, many thanks to darkyulate, yurishika, daeseol, onyu, and wykedpanda for holding my hand, listening to my rants, helping this fic make sense, and the beta-jobs.
“You want us to do what?” was the first thing Yixing had managed to say.
“With all due respect, but you have to be kidding,” Chanyeol added as they stared at the CEO with wide eyes.
Youngmin chuckled at their disbelief. “I’m completely serious. I want you both involved in the process of composing some of the songs for your next album.”
Apparently, the idea came to their CEO after fans clamored for Chanyeol and Yixing to collaborate. Several ideas had come up-a duet, a special stage, and even a sub-unit-until their manager suggested having them involved in the songwriting process for the album.
“I’m not going to lie,” Youngmin said later. “This is a huge risk, letting you compose songs for the album this early in your careers. You two better not mess this up.”
“So,” Chanyeol says, trying to fill the dead air. “How are we going to do this?”
Yixing shrugs as he strums another random chord. “I don’t know. You tell me.”
This isn’t how he envisioned working with Chanyeol at all. When they were dismissed from the CEO’s office, they initially thought they were going to be able to work with songwriters such as Yoo Youngjin or Kenzie. Instead, they were sent back to their dorm, and they were ordered to come up with something before the month ends.
They have set up camp in Chanyeol’s room for nearly two weeks (after unceremoniously kicking Kyungsoo out), listening to every single song in their computers-from Yixing’s own Jay Chou, JJ Lin, Wang Leehom, Khalil Fong, and Justin Timberlake to Chanyeol’s Radiohead, Beenzino, Primary, Paloalto, and 2NE1. They have even resorted to borrowing Luhan’s TVXQ, Baekhyun’s SNSD, and Minseok’s Adam Lambert CDs for more inspiration.
Yixing puts down his guitar and lies down on the floor. Besides having to learn choreography for their comeback, he and Chanyeol had to compose a song for their album. He doesn’t want to disappoint anyone, least of all himself. There is this unspoken agreement between them that they aren’t going to write sad songs for their album. It is already painful enough to remember how awkward Chanyeol’s face looked when he sang sad songs on Showtime.
Speaking of Chanyeol, the taller boy is just looking at him, as though hoping he’d magically sprout some ideas out of nowhere. He and Yixing stare at each other, neither of them blinking until Chanyeol just gives up and falls to the floor laughing. Yixing merely blinks and stares some more, trying to understand what is happening. Pretty soon, he just gives up and he finds himself laughing along with Chanyeol.
“I’m going to get some chocolate and chips,” Chanyeol says once they’ve both stopped laughing. “Do you want anything?”
Yixing nods. “Cake or popcorn, if Sehun and Jongin still left any.”
“Got it!” Chanyeol says as he walks out. “Maybe we’ll come up with something better once we have some food in our systems.”
Yixing merely nods as Chanyeol walks out. He sighs once the other boy is gone. He knows it’s only been days since they started doing this, but somehow this unproductive pattern has got to end soon. Besides, this is hurting his chances of actually impressing Chanyeol. Not that he has anything that he wants to prove, but seeing the resident Happy Virus’ smile makes Yixing happy. If he can be the cause of that smile, then he considers it a personal achievement.
Fine. He just really, really likes Chanyeol.
He’s liked the other boy ever since they were first grouped together to form EXO, only they were referred to as M1 and M2 back then. Chanyeol even joked that maybe they were going to be called “So Nyeon Cheon Ji,” since there were speculations of them being the male version of SNSD. That was admittedly the first thing he said that had Yixing laughing back then. Since then, there was no going back. It is rather unfortunate that Yixing will never understand the way Chanyeol’s mind works like Baekhyun does. He refuses to ask for the latter’s help, since he asks too many questions and might find out his secret. Chanyeol and him together? It was just probably some daydream.
Yixing’s eyes suddenly go wide as he looks for the first pen and paper in his sight. He finds himself scribbling things on it without stopping to breathe. He refuses to look up even as voices behind him try calling his attention. As he writes a particular word, he suddenly drops the pen and in his attempt to pick it up, he finds himself falling to the floor.
“Ouch,” he grumbles as he attempts to pick up the chair and himself back up.
A huge hand is suddenly in front of him. Yixing looks up to see Chanyeol standing over him with a hand outstretched. He accepts the warm hands as he pulls himself up, cursing his aching back as he stands. Chanyeol’s other hand reaches around to help support his back as the taller boy leads him to the bed.
“I got a hot pack for your back besides food,” he says. “You know the drill, I guess.”
Yixing lies on his stomach as Chanyeol lifts his shirt to place the hot pack. “That feels so good.” His voice is muffled by the pillow as the hot pack is put on his back.
“What was it you were so focused on that you didn’t notice me coming in?”
Yixing points to the now-abandoned desk. “I think I just came up with something. I don’t know,” he groans as he attempts to move without aggravating his back. “You might want to take a look at it?”
He slowly watches Chanyeol walk over to the desk and pick up the notebook he was writing on. His heart’s pace quickens as he realizes Chanyeol is practically reading out loud his word vomit...ish.
“Hmm…” Chanyeol says as he goes over the words Yixing wrote. He’s been staring at them for a while now, scribbling over the pages now and then; Yixing’s hot pack is beginning to cool on his back. “Hey, what do you think of this tune?”
Yixing hears the words he spewed out earlier being put to music and he actually likes the tune Chanyeol gave it. He finds himself bobbing his head to the beat. He presses his lips, lest his smile gets too wide. This whole thing could work out after all.
“Aaaaand that’s all I’ve got,” Chanyeol says as he puts down the notebook. “Where’s the next part?”
“Nowhere. I was supposed to write it when I fell off the chair,” Yixing replies.
“Oh? Hey, I think I might know what to add next. Go to sleep first.”
Yixing frowns. His back’s feeling much better and now that there’s an idea in his head, he’s not really in the mood to sleep. He slowly shifts until he’s in a proper sitting position.
“I think I have the next set of lyrics in my head now,” he explains to Chanyeol’s raised eyebrows. “Let’s see what we can do?”
Yixing stares at the fluffy white pillows as he waits for Chanyeol’s answer. This could be his and Chanyeol’s baby of sorts. Just thinking about that makes him want to smile, but he keeps the idea to himself as he doesn’t want Chanyeol getting any weird thoughts.
“Sure. What do you have in mind?”
He lets out the breath he doesn’t realize he’s been holding as he slowly scoots to make room for Chanyeol on the bed.
Yixing lies on the bed and looks at everything but Chanyeol. He isn’t sure how to feel about this. He doesn’t want to be totally useless as he listens to Chanyeol continuously hum that melody he came up with, so he taps Chanyeol’s shoulder, gesturing to the notebook Chanyeol put down on top of a magazine with Kim Yuna on the cover.
“Hey, don’t stress yourself now,” Chanyeol says as he hands him the notebook. Yixing accepts the notebook with much thanks, keeping his eyes on the pages lest he sees sparks when their fingers make contact.
Yixing focuses on his notebook as he wills the words to come out, trying his best to ignore Chanyeol’s steady breathing next to him. They have somehow developed a system: Yixing scribbles out more lyrics, and Chanyeol has the liberty to change them to fit the melody in his head. Yixing tries not to mind the sparks he feels whenever their hands touch, lest he suddenly loses focus on the task at hand. Soon, they’re surprised as they reach what they agree is the end of the song.
As Chanyeol scribbles the last word, they both look up at the same time. Yixing sees himself reflected in those dark brown eyes, and for some inexplicable reason, he feels laughter bubbling in his chest. Yixing chalks it up to relief that they finally came up with a song after so much time. He rolls over to Chanyeol who seems to have joined him in his laughter, that deep voice suddenly making him feel warm and fuzzy inside.
“We’ve done a lot today,” Chanyeol says as he starts playing with some synthing programs on his laptop. “But I don’t think I want to stop now that we’ve got something going on…”
Yixing raises an eyebrow at Chanyeol’s words. He doesn’t want to hope that Chanyeol could possibly feel the same way he does. But then again, this is the same person who could make the most obscene things have a wholesome meaning.
“That sounded so wrong, didn’t it?” Chanyeol asks, bursting into laughter again. Yixing smiles as he picks up his guitar, strumming it blindly as he waits for Chanyeol to calm down. He likes looking at Chanyeol like this, looking so happy and at ease. Although the others (and probably the fans) think it’s creepy, Yixing actually finds Chanyeol’s derpy faces cute.
Chanyeol sings out a note, and Yixing tests it against their guitars and other composing software, making sure it sounds as they think it should. Finding the tune is easy, but apparently, the arrangement is what they can’t agree upon.
“Let’s have some fun!” Chanyeol says as he starts playing with his synthesizers. Yixing frowns. There’s something about this syntho-pop version Chanyeol’s doing that doesn’t sit well with him. It’s probably how bubblegummy and fake it all sounds to his ears. He opens his mouth to protest, but he sees Chanyeol enjoying himself and he can’t bring himself to burst that happy bubble.
He stares at the guitar that’s still in his hands as he ignores Chanyeol’s comments about worrying that there wasn’t a rap part for the non-vocals of the group.
“This probably won’t be a title track anyway,” Yixing says once Chanyeol’s done rambling. “The most we can hope for is that they actually put the song in the album.”
Chanyeol groans as he puts down his headphones. “You’re right… But so far, I’m pretty happy with this. How about you?”
Yixing bites his lips before he answers. If this were some other song, maybe he wouldn’t be griping about it sounding so fake and saccharine. But this song was their baby in a way, and he didn’t want to upset an obviously thrilled Chanyeol. Besides, they were running out of time, and they had no time to come up with another song. He likes this one; he just wishes the song isn’t so dubstep-like.
“It’s… great,” he says. Yixing curses at himself for not being able to come up with anything better than that. “This is our first time collaborating, and for two idiots who were asked by the higher ups to compose a song just for the heck if it, I think we did an awesome job.” He chuckles as he watches Chanyeol head over to the other bed.
“Xingxing, I’ll go to sleep first. You still staying up?”
Yixing blindly strums his guitar as he nods. When he hears Chanyeol’s loud sniffling and even louder breathing, he knows the other one has fallen asleep. Xingxing… This is the first time Chanyeol’s ever called him with that nickname.
He looks at his guitar and at the notes they came up with. He strums the first note, and then it hits him! It sounds better like this. He gets carried away as finishes the rest of the song. Being with Chanyeol like this is already like a dream in itself. When this project is over, it’s back to reality for them both-Yixing goes back to dancing, playing guitar, and midnight conversations with Lu Han, while Chanyeol goes back to his old routine as he resumes filming for that variety show he’ll be participating in.
Yixing sighs as he looks at Chanyeol once more. He knows that writing a song isn’t enough to be able to confess his feelings, especially for someone as oblivious as Chanyeol. He notices Chanyeol’s lips look parted. He’s always wondered how it would feel to kiss those lips. He shakes the thought out of his mind, as he knows his sleeping bandmate might not appreciate it. The urge to kiss him is still there, so Yixing settles for a peck on the forehead.
“Good night, Chanyeol. Sweet dreams.”
“It sounds too depressing,” Chanyeol says the next day. They had been excused from dance practice this week now that their song’s deadline is creeping on them. Yixing has just finished playing his acoustic rendition of their song, and is now waiting for Chanyeol’s verdict.
“What do you mean too depressing?” Yixing asks, his eyes squinting, as he shields himself using his guitar.
“Love is supposed to be happy, and make us feel like we can do anything. Especially in a song like this one, where we talk about daydreaming,” Chanyeol says.
Yixing decides to just stare at Chanyeol. He wonders if Chanyeol’s ever been truly in love. The kind of love that both thrills and terrifies him. This love, if he can call it that, is something that’s a bit of a risk. It could affect their dynamics as a group if he confesses. It’s better this way, not to say a thing. He’d rather leave this unsaid and have Chanyeol by his side, even if it’s just for a minute, than lose him forever.
“But like in all daydreams, you have to wake up and go back to reality,” Yixing says, finally finding his voice. “Not everything has a happy ending, Chanyeol. We know that all too well.”
“Not if it’s a love worth fighting for,” Chanyeol insists as he puts a hand on Yixing’s shoulder. “It’s like a fairy tale, isn’t it? It all starts with a dream, and you work towards changing things from make-believe to reality. Love is like that, I suppose. You know it’s worth it, so you might as well be happy fighting for it.”
The proximity between them makes him want to blush, but there’s a battle of sorts to be won and Yixing can’t afford to let his usual scatter-brained self take over.
“Besides,” Chanyeol continues, trying to stare straight into Yixing’s eyes. “This song’s talking about possibilities, so why do we have to sound so glum? It’s already your daydream wherein you’re giving yourself a happy ending as it is.”
Yixing shakes his head. “Sure, you fight, but sometimes you lose. In fact, you lose more battles than you win, no matter how carefully you pick them. Love isn’t always rainbows and butterflies like you want to believe it is. And that’s what I want the song to say. I’m- I mean we’re all free to dream that we’d have a happy ending, but it doesn’t mean we can actually achieve it. Reality always has to come to play, you realize that you can’t make the one you want stay. Once the dream is over, you wake up, he-she is gone.”
Chanyeol looks taken aback. Yixing doesn’t blame him; after all, he hardly lets anyone know what he’s thinking unless your name was Lu Han or Soojung. Yixing realizes that he practically spilled his deep dark secret to Chanyeol, and there is nothing more he wants than to have the floor below them swallow him whole and never come back.
“Hey, Xingxing, don’t be bitter now, OK?” Chanyeol says, patting him on the back. “Just because whoever this person is can’t see how awesome you are doesn’t mean no one ever will.”
Yixing finds himself leaning into Chanyeol’s touch. Maybe he can still hope? No, he doesn’t want to set himself up for severe disappointment. Despite these thoughts, he still lets himself smile a little.
“But I still prefer my version,” Chanyeol says, pouting as he pokes Yixing’s dimple.
“Duh. Of course you would,” Yixing says, chuckling. “Just as I prefer mine.”
They stare at each other before dissolving into laughter. Yixing wondered if their laughing at the most random things and the most unpredictable times was a good sign that things could work between them. He doesn’t want to look into it, at least, until this project is complete.
“I know who can resolve this great debate for us,” Chanyeol says once they’ve sobered up. “And let’s make a bet as for whose version is chosen.”
Yixing feels himself smirking. He’s not a huge fan of petty things like these, but if it’s a way for them to get even closer, then so be it. He honestly hoped the members prefer his version. After all, only heaven knows what sort of dares Chanyeol is capable of coming up with.
“If I win, you have to grant me three wishes,” Chanyeol said, smirking back at Yixing.
Yixing raises his eyebrows as he tries not to laugh. “Chanyeol, I’m not one of the SNSD members.”
“They said to tell them my wish, but they won’t grant it, so you’re my next best option,” Chanyeol says, chuckling.
Yixing rolls his eyes at this. “Fine. Whatever. But if I win, you have to be my personal slave for a week!” He has no idea what made him say that, but that’s the first thing he can come up with at the top of his head.
He sees Chanyeol looking down at him, smiling like he’s so sure he’ll win. He sticks out a hand for Yixing to shake. “Deal?”
“Deal.”
They gather the other members in the living room one night after dinner.
“This better be important,” Jongin grumbles as he lies on Lu Han’s lap. “My back hurts and I want to sleep.”
Yixing looks at Chanyeol for help as the other members voice their assent. He hates it when the members are acting like a bunch of spoiled brats. Oh no, he’s beginning to sound like Junmyeon or Minseok, who happen to be the only other members who aren’t contributing to the ongoing riot besides Chanyeol and himself.
“Everyone shut up!” Chanyeol shouts, with his hands cupped over his mouth. Once everyone else has settled down, he continues. “Yixing and I have been working on a song for the next album, and we all need to know what you think.”
“Oh, is that the case?” Baekhyun says as he looks back and forth between Chanyeol and Yixing, before shrugging. “Let’s hear it then.”
They perform Chanyeol’s version first. Despite his initial dislike for it, he has to admit that this version is growing on him. After all, it fits Chanyeol’s personality-cheerful yet one finds substance in him once they bother digging deep beyond the handsome face and childlike playfulness. As they perform the song, for some reason he can already visualize how they will be dividing parts among the members. He smiles despite himself, wondering what his version says about himself.
He sees the other members bopping their heads to the beat, and the hard-to-please Baekhyun and Jongdae seem impressed. He hopes they would be, as they are most likely going to be singing majority of the lines. He notices that even grumpy Jongin’s now smiling as he taps his fingers to the beat, and he knows that Jongin’s probably got some choreography in mind as they listen to the song. At the rate this is going, he’s going to have to put up a good fight in order to make the members take his side over Chanyeol’s.
“Yours is up, Xingxing,” Chanyeol says, wrapping an arm around Yixing’s shoulders. He notices both Baekhyun and Lu Han looking at them with raised eyebrows. He tries not to blush as he picks up his guitar, and Chanyeol’s not letting him go.
Yixing tries his best to ignore everyone else in the room and just focus on the task at hand. He can attest to himself that this version was written from the very bottom of his heart, and that he’s put almost everything he has in this. He tries not to look too deeply in Chanyeol’s eyes as he sings. He can’t give himself away now, not in front of everyone. He purposely ignores Lu Han’s cautious gaze. It is one he’s all too familiar with, and he’s thankful that Soojung’s not around to make kissy faces at him. But what almost throws him off-guard is a knowing smile on Baekhyun’s lips. He shakes it off as he continues to pour what he feels into the song, without looking at the source of all these feelings. It’s almost impossible when said source is inches from him.
“Oh you could just pretend to be with her all day, remember the feeling when you first held hands today,” they sing together. Yixing dares to look up from his guitar to look at Chanyeol, whose face looks concentrated on his guitar. He hears Lu Han, Jongin, and Sehun throw in some random clapping in time with the beat, and he notices Chanyeol exchanging glances with him and nodding at Lu Han, Sehun, and Jongin’s direction.
Are they actually communicating mentally and agreeing that the clapping can be thrown in the recording? Yixing sure hopes so, as this is one step closer to actually understanding the enigma that is Park Chanyeol.
“Do that again!” they chorus at the end of the song as Sehun and Jongin just exchange glances while Lu Han just raises an eyebrow.
Chanyeol’s head nods like an overexcited puppy as they oblige. “That’s perfect!” he says. “That is IF it’s Yixing’s version we’ll be putting in the album.”
Yixing groans. This is the moment of truth. He hides himself (or at least whatever he can hide) behind his guitar while Chanyeol is perched on his chair behind his synthesizers. “So, what’s the verdict?” Chanyeol asks the rest of the group who just blankly stare back.
Junmyeon sighs when no one reacts. “I’ll do this.” Yixing and Chanyeol just exchange glances. After all, this is what Junmyeon does best, and no one is man enough to get in the way or be uncooperative trolls once he has his leader-mode on.
“Shut your eyes and raise your hand when I say so. Chanyeol and Yixing aren’t allowed to vote, by the way. All in favor of Chanyeol’s version to be put in the album, raise your hands!”
Yixing shuts his eyes as the other members raise their hands, not wanting to see how many people don’t like his version.
He hears a loud sigh from Junmyeon. “Looks like we have a unanimous decision. Congratulations, Chanyeol. Looks like your version is the one we all prefer.”
By the time Yixing opens his eyes, Chanyeol is doing this weird little dance that has him smiling despite himself.
“But why?” he asks before he can filter what he feels and what he wants to say. Yixing can’t help but wonder what is wrong with his acoustic version. He felt it was a lot more honest than Chanyeol’s synthpop one, and that he poured every ounce of feeling into it.
“Sorry Xingxing,” Lu Han says as he puts an arm around his best friend. “Yours was nice… but I found that it sounded too raw for all of us to sing.”
Jongin walks up to Yixing, nodding. “Yeah, besides, your version’s going to make us all sound bad. At least with Chanyeol’s version, autotune can help hide how awful we non-vocal line people actually sound!”
“Speak for yourself, Jongin,” Yixing grumbles, the feeling of defeat rankling him. “Besides, aren’t you guys sick of hearing too much syntho-pop or dubstep-like music already?”
“Looks like everyone’s into it these days. I mean, have you HEARD our comeback track yet?” Jongdae points out, waving the CD with a demo of their new carrier single.
“That’s what I was talking about. This could be a breath of fresh air among all that fake-sounding synth-pop music out there,” Yixing grumbles. “Besides, at least with this version, we only have to bring guitars and no one worries about lugging around a synthesizer and a computer.”
Yixing knows he sounds stupid at this point, but he’s too tired and proud to care. He’s not in the mood to lose, especially if what they’re betting about is something that matters so much. He doesn’t really care about having to grant Chanyeol three wishes, whatever they are. They’re most likely just going to be petty little things like doing his chores, performing a stupid dare, or revealing an incriminating secret. All he wants is for his hardwork and feelings to be appreciated by the right person. Was that too much to ask for? He sighs as he runs his fingers through his hair. He runs through more excuses in his head, and none of them sound plausible enough even for him.
“You know what?” Baekhyun says, breaking the silence. “There’s something Yixing’s not telling us.”
“What?” the other members turn to look at Baekhyun, who is now smirking.
“I think,” Baekhyun says, pausing for dramatic effect and pointing a finger at Yixing. “I think Yixing wants to sing his version so badly because he wrote it for someone special.”
Yixing feels himself reaching his breaking point. All his feelings and hard work are being put to waste as his bandmates make fun of him. He knows Baekhyun doesn’t mean anything nasty with his words, but they just hit too close to home.
“So what if I wrote that for someone special?” he shouts before he can stop himself. It’s uncharacteristic of him to let out his innermost thoughts, and he knows the other members are thinking the same thing. He catches Lu Han’s surprised stare, and he can feel the other members exchanging awkward looks with each other.
“It’s difficult, OK?” he continues, unable to shut up at this point. Everything just wants to come out and there’s no going back, and his bandmates’ heavy gazes aren’t helping him feel better at all. “It’s hard letting out everything you feel in a song and having the people closest to you not realize that. I mean, I have nothing against Chanyeol’s version, but… I just feel like, if my version’s not good enough for you, how will it be perfect for that special someone?”
“Yixing, I’m-” Baekhyun says but Yixing shakes his head, smiling.
“It’s my fault,” Yixing says, calming down a little bit. “I shouldn’t have yelled like that. Maybe I’ll feel better when I wake up tomorrow.”
Yixing stays in his original room that night, locking out anyone who isn’t named Lu Han. (He would have locked out his roommate, but he’s not in the mood to mess with an irate best friend.) He tosses and turns in his bed as he stares at the wall. He couldn’t believe he almost blurted out his feelings for Chanyeol to everyone in the group. He isn’t sure where to go from here, now that the song is done. All they have to do is to fine-tune it before submitting it to the higher-ups for evaluation. If it makes it to the album, then good. If not, Yixing isn’t sure if he’d want to try writing another song. Not after his first attempt at a collaboration is going to be a flop before it can even happen.
Yixing manages to avoid Chanyeol and thinking about the song for the next few days, as they have to catch up with what they’ve missed in dance rehearsals and recording the other songs for the album. He almost forgets about the whole thing completely and assumes Chanyeol has taken it upon himself to finish the song. He wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case, after all, it is Chanyeol’s version the members prefer.
Three days before they decide to pass the song to the CEO, Chanyeol pulls Yixing into the room they’ve been sharing ever since they started this song. Yixing sits on the bed next to Chanyeol, carefully keeping his distance, as always, waiting to find out why he was dragged in here.
He catches Chanyeol looking at him, almost as though seeing him for the first time. Chanyeol hardly looks at anyone that way unless-. No, he better stop thinking before he can encourage his deepest delusions.
Chanyeol clears his throat, breaking the awkward yet peaceful silence. “You know what, I haven’t claimed any of my three wishes yet,” he says, smiling as he wraps an arm around Yixing’s shoulders.
Yixing reflexively shakes Chanyeol’s arm off him,wondering what on earth the giant wanted from him. “Do we have to do this now?” Yixing groans. It’s been a long day of dance practice, and all he wants to do is sleep.
“Wish number one, I want to hear your version of our song one last time,” Chanyeol whispers, handing him his guitar.
Yixing frowns at Chanyeol while he strums the song’s opening chords. What on earth Chanyeol is going to gain from this? A lullaby perhaps? But Chanyeol doesn’t look like he is heading off to dreamland any time soon. Instead, he has this intense look in his eyes that almost makes Yixing want to blush.
“Baby hear me out. Will you marry me tonight? We're in this make believe reality, and baby it's just you and me,” Yixing sings as he tries to rein his feelings. “Cause when tonight she holds you tight, you wonder if this fantasy is right. Cause when reality comes to play, you realize you couldn't make her stay.”
Chanyeol joins in at the chorus, and Yixing wonders what brought this on. He shrugs and goes along with it. He knows that Chanyeol will never be his and that soon, they’ll be going back to the way they were before this song was written. They may have gotten closer, and Yixing supposes this is enough. Right now, they’re in this bubble of their songwriting world, and once they turn the song over to their CEO, it’s going to be over. That’s the reality he’s about to face, so he makes the most of these last few nights he can actually stay in this makeshift world with Chanyeol.
“And I couldn't believe we're dreaming. I couldn't believe we're leaving this world for one with more fantasy, just you and me, so that tonight we both can finally be.”
They sound good together, whether they’re musically compatible or not. Maybe he should just give up on Chanyeol completely. He’s not even sure if he can keep this sort of friendship they’ve developed over the course of writing a song. They’re two completely different people, and he has no idea what could keep them together even if things work out.
“Cause when it’s over, you’ve got to make sure that it’s you who’ll be with her.”
Yixing ends the song with the clapping pattern Sehun, Jongin, and Lu Han came up with the night they presented their songs to the group, but he doesn’t get the chuckle he expected from Chanyeol. Instead, he sees Chanyeol staring at him as though seeing him for the first time.
“Is there something on my face?” Yixing asks Chanyeol, who shakes his head.
“What do you think will happen if the one being daydreamed about likes the daydreamer?” Chanyeol whispers, embracing his tucked legs. “Reality would be much better than fantasy, right?”
Yixing frowns. What is Chanyeol talking about? Are they going to be philosophical now? At this time of night, right after he just practically poured all his feelings into that song again? “It… it would be unbelievable, but ideal. I’d really-I mean-the daydreamer would probably like that a lot,” he says, looking anywhere but at Chanyeol’s eyes.
“But have we ever considered what the subject being daydreamed about thinks?” Chanyeol asks, gently forcing Yixing’s face to look up.
Yixing shakes his head, wondering what on earth Chanyeol inhaled earlier at dinner. Since when did Chanyeol decide to delve into the song’s story?
“I-I mean,” Chanyeol says, biting his lips before continuing. “Wouldn’t it be nice if we-they-actually got together? They can finally stop daydreaming and they can be sure they’re with each other.”
Yixing blinks and discreetly pinches himself with the hand not holding on to his guitar. What is happening here? “We never really know what’s in the ‘girl’s’ head, since we’re limited. We only know one story… the daydreamer’s.”
“That’s why I’m asking what if?” Chanyeol says, patiently, as though he is talking to a child. He chuckles. “There’s more than one side to every story, and maybe I should tell you the other side to this daydreamer’s tale.”
Yixing tilts his head while Chanyeol lays the guitar on the unoccupied bed. Is there some kind of joke he’s missing out on?
“I wish to God that you can see the world in my eyes. So you can realize that you’re the guy in my mind. And I don't mind if I don't make it out alive, cause I knew right from the start that you’re such a fan killer,” Chanyeol sings, staring straight into Yixing’s eyes.
Yixing isn’t sure if he wants to laugh at the changed lyrics or to pinch himself. He has to be dreaming. Park Chanyeol just confessed to him using a song they wrote together. He loathes to break the giddy feelings bursting inside him, but he knows he has to make sure this isn’t some sick joke.
“Who are you and what did you do to the real Park Chanyeol?”
Chanyeol stares at Yixing before he bursts out laughing. “I wasn’t possessed by aliens, and I don’t think anyone put anything weird in my dinner,” he says once he’s done laughing. He looks more serious than Yixing has ever seen him.
“I was hoping the song was going to be enough, but I guess I have to spell it out for you. Zhang Yixing. I like you. I’ve liked you ever since… I don’t even know anymore. I think the way you dance is spell-binding; the sound of your voice is something I can listen to all day; and your determination to succeed just captivates me and inspires me to be my best. Funnily enough, I think your delayed reactions are irreplaceable, and your forgetfulness is just a part of you I’m willing to live with. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I’m inexplicably in love with you.”
Yixing still can’t believe this. He’s been in love with Chanyeol for the longest time, and he definitely can’t match Chanyeol’s confession. He’s already confessed more than he wants to admit in that song.
“I’ve wanted to confess, but I needed to know if you liked me back,” Chanyeol says, smiling sheepishly as he scratches. the back of his head.
“WHAT?” Yixing asks, his eyes growing wide.
“Yeah,” Chanyeol says, blushing. “When you said you wrote that song for someone special, I was jealous. I wondered who it could have been. Baekhyun kind of spelled it out for me, and seeing that look in your eyes earlier when you looked at me… It’s exactly the way I look at you.”
“I… I…” Yixing says, still at a loss for words. This wasn’t how he wanted to confess or be confessed to at all. But he wasn’t complaining. He couldn’t help but wonder how he got to be so lucky.
“Now on to my next wish,” Chanyeol says, with a boyish grin and his eyes shining in mischief. Yixing gulps as he wonders what’s going on in the other boy’s mind.
“Be my boyfriend?”
How can he say no to Chanyeol’s embarrassed smile? He nods as he wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s shoulders, burying his head in his new boyfriend’s neck. He savors the warmth Chanyeol gives him as he feels a pair of arms wrap themselves around his waist.
“I still have one last wish, Yixing,” Chanyeol says as he strokes Yixing’s cheek with his fingers.
“What is it?” Yixing asks, peering into Chanyeol’s eyes as he tries to guess what it is.
“Kiss me.”
This feels all too surreal to him. He and Chanyeol are together, officially. Yixing laughs as he takes Chanyeol’s face in his hands and does the one thing he’s dreamt of for so long. He leans in, finally feeling and tasting those lips he’s been dreaming of-and they turn out to be even softer and sweeter than he ever imagined.
EPILOGUE:
No matter what convincing Yixing tried, they end up submitting Chanyeol’s version to the CEO.
“Think of it this way, your version is our song, which makes it even more special,” Chanyeol says numerous times to a pouting Yixing. He grudgingly agrees and sighs as he discreetly holds Chanyeol’s hand as they wait for management’s decision regarding the song. It turns out that both Yoo Youngmin and Lee Sooman were impressed by the song, and the rest of the creative team behind their comeback not only voted for it to be included to the album but for it to be the track they perform before the carrier single on music shows.
Chanyeol and Yixing find themselves in the CEO’s office again, back where all of this started.
“Congratulations on your first song, boys. You’ve both exceeded my expectations,” Youngmin says the minute they step in.
“Thank you, Sir,” they say as they bow before taking a seat.
“Due to the success of your first song, I think it’s a good idea to let you both write more songs for your repackaged album, and probably albums for other groups in the future.”
Yixing and Chanyeol stare at each other with wide eyes. It was rare for the CEO to recognize their efforts, let alone compliment them, so Yixing felt as though he had won the Olympics upon hearing this. He bites his lips as he tries to keep his expression neutral.
“And one last thing,” the CEO says before they leave. “Go easy on the PDA.”
All three of them stare at each other before Yixing and Chanyeol exit his office, laughing.
“Here we go again?” Yixing asks, the minute they step back in the dorms.
“I guess so,” Chanyeol shrugs.
“Let’s get started?” Yixing chuckles. “What song do we do this time? A ballad? An acoustic number? Dubstep?” He cringes at the last suggestion as he racks his brains for more ideas.
“Calm down… We have all the time in the world,” Chanyeol says, wrapping his arms around Yixing. “Now, just shut up and kiss me.”
Yixing stands on tiptoes and shuts his eyes as he complies.
-30-
Bonus notes: The song I had Yixing and Chanyeol compose was “Hey Daydreamer” by Somedaydream. True enough, there is a synth-pop version, which ended up being the official version, and the acoustic one.
by mara_ciro
Pairings: Chanyeol/Lay
Rating: G
Word Count: 6,574
Summary: They were only supposed to write a song together, but Yixing ends up confessing so much more than he meant to
Notes: Written for justgetlayd. Original here.
Many, many thanks to darkyulate, yurishika, daeseol, onyu, and wykedpanda for holding my hand, listening to my rants, helping this fic make sense, and the beta-jobs.
“You want us to do what?” was the first thing Yixing had managed to say.
“With all due respect, but you have to be kidding,” Chanyeol added as they stared at the CEO with wide eyes.
Youngmin chuckled at their disbelief. “I’m completely serious. I want you both involved in the process of composing some of the songs for your next album.”
Apparently, the idea came to their CEO after fans clamored for Chanyeol and Yixing to collaborate. Several ideas had come up-a duet, a special stage, and even a sub-unit-until their manager suggested having them involved in the songwriting process for the album.
“I’m not going to lie,” Youngmin said later. “This is a huge risk, letting you compose songs for the album this early in your careers. You two better not mess this up.”
“So,” Chanyeol says, trying to fill the dead air. “How are we going to do this?”
Yixing shrugs as he strums another random chord. “I don’t know. You tell me.”
This isn’t how he envisioned working with Chanyeol at all. When they were dismissed from the CEO’s office, they initially thought they were going to be able to work with songwriters such as Yoo Youngjin or Kenzie. Instead, they were sent back to their dorm, and they were ordered to come up with something before the month ends.
They have set up camp in Chanyeol’s room for nearly two weeks (after unceremoniously kicking Kyungsoo out), listening to every single song in their computers-from Yixing’s own Jay Chou, JJ Lin, Wang Leehom, Khalil Fong, and Justin Timberlake to Chanyeol’s Radiohead, Beenzino, Primary, Paloalto, and 2NE1. They have even resorted to borrowing Luhan’s TVXQ, Baekhyun’s SNSD, and Minseok’s Adam Lambert CDs for more inspiration.
Yixing puts down his guitar and lies down on the floor. Besides having to learn choreography for their comeback, he and Chanyeol had to compose a song for their album. He doesn’t want to disappoint anyone, least of all himself. There is this unspoken agreement between them that they aren’t going to write sad songs for their album. It is already painful enough to remember how awkward Chanyeol’s face looked when he sang sad songs on Showtime.
Speaking of Chanyeol, the taller boy is just looking at him, as though hoping he’d magically sprout some ideas out of nowhere. He and Yixing stare at each other, neither of them blinking until Chanyeol just gives up and falls to the floor laughing. Yixing merely blinks and stares some more, trying to understand what is happening. Pretty soon, he just gives up and he finds himself laughing along with Chanyeol.
“I’m going to get some chocolate and chips,” Chanyeol says once they’ve both stopped laughing. “Do you want anything?”
Yixing nods. “Cake or popcorn, if Sehun and Jongin still left any.”
“Got it!” Chanyeol says as he walks out. “Maybe we’ll come up with something better once we have some food in our systems.”
Yixing merely nods as Chanyeol walks out. He sighs once the other boy is gone. He knows it’s only been days since they started doing this, but somehow this unproductive pattern has got to end soon. Besides, this is hurting his chances of actually impressing Chanyeol. Not that he has anything that he wants to prove, but seeing the resident Happy Virus’ smile makes Yixing happy. If he can be the cause of that smile, then he considers it a personal achievement.
Fine. He just really, really likes Chanyeol.
He’s liked the other boy ever since they were first grouped together to form EXO, only they were referred to as M1 and M2 back then. Chanyeol even joked that maybe they were going to be called “So Nyeon Cheon Ji,” since there were speculations of them being the male version of SNSD. That was admittedly the first thing he said that had Yixing laughing back then. Since then, there was no going back. It is rather unfortunate that Yixing will never understand the way Chanyeol’s mind works like Baekhyun does. He refuses to ask for the latter’s help, since he asks too many questions and might find out his secret. Chanyeol and him together? It was just probably some daydream.
Yixing’s eyes suddenly go wide as he looks for the first pen and paper in his sight. He finds himself scribbling things on it without stopping to breathe. He refuses to look up even as voices behind him try calling his attention. As he writes a particular word, he suddenly drops the pen and in his attempt to pick it up, he finds himself falling to the floor.
“Ouch,” he grumbles as he attempts to pick up the chair and himself back up.
A huge hand is suddenly in front of him. Yixing looks up to see Chanyeol standing over him with a hand outstretched. He accepts the warm hands as he pulls himself up, cursing his aching back as he stands. Chanyeol’s other hand reaches around to help support his back as the taller boy leads him to the bed.
“I got a hot pack for your back besides food,” he says. “You know the drill, I guess.”
Yixing lies on his stomach as Chanyeol lifts his shirt to place the hot pack. “That feels so good.” His voice is muffled by the pillow as the hot pack is put on his back.
“What was it you were so focused on that you didn’t notice me coming in?”
Yixing points to the now-abandoned desk. “I think I just came up with something. I don’t know,” he groans as he attempts to move without aggravating his back. “You might want to take a look at it?”
He slowly watches Chanyeol walk over to the desk and pick up the notebook he was writing on. His heart’s pace quickens as he realizes Chanyeol is practically reading out loud his word vomit...ish.
“Hmm…” Chanyeol says as he goes over the words Yixing wrote. He’s been staring at them for a while now, scribbling over the pages now and then; Yixing’s hot pack is beginning to cool on his back. “Hey, what do you think of this tune?”
Yixing hears the words he spewed out earlier being put to music and he actually likes the tune Chanyeol gave it. He finds himself bobbing his head to the beat. He presses his lips, lest his smile gets too wide. This whole thing could work out after all.
“Aaaaand that’s all I’ve got,” Chanyeol says as he puts down the notebook. “Where’s the next part?”
“Nowhere. I was supposed to write it when I fell off the chair,” Yixing replies.
“Oh? Hey, I think I might know what to add next. Go to sleep first.”
Yixing frowns. His back’s feeling much better and now that there’s an idea in his head, he’s not really in the mood to sleep. He slowly shifts until he’s in a proper sitting position.
“I think I have the next set of lyrics in my head now,” he explains to Chanyeol’s raised eyebrows. “Let’s see what we can do?”
Yixing stares at the fluffy white pillows as he waits for Chanyeol’s answer. This could be his and Chanyeol’s baby of sorts. Just thinking about that makes him want to smile, but he keeps the idea to himself as he doesn’t want Chanyeol getting any weird thoughts.
“Sure. What do you have in mind?”
He lets out the breath he doesn’t realize he’s been holding as he slowly scoots to make room for Chanyeol on the bed.
Yixing lies on the bed and looks at everything but Chanyeol. He isn’t sure how to feel about this. He doesn’t want to be totally useless as he listens to Chanyeol continuously hum that melody he came up with, so he taps Chanyeol’s shoulder, gesturing to the notebook Chanyeol put down on top of a magazine with Kim Yuna on the cover.
“Hey, don’t stress yourself now,” Chanyeol says as he hands him the notebook. Yixing accepts the notebook with much thanks, keeping his eyes on the pages lest he sees sparks when their fingers make contact.
Yixing focuses on his notebook as he wills the words to come out, trying his best to ignore Chanyeol’s steady breathing next to him. They have somehow developed a system: Yixing scribbles out more lyrics, and Chanyeol has the liberty to change them to fit the melody in his head. Yixing tries not to mind the sparks he feels whenever their hands touch, lest he suddenly loses focus on the task at hand. Soon, they’re surprised as they reach what they agree is the end of the song.
As Chanyeol scribbles the last word, they both look up at the same time. Yixing sees himself reflected in those dark brown eyes, and for some inexplicable reason, he feels laughter bubbling in his chest. Yixing chalks it up to relief that they finally came up with a song after so much time. He rolls over to Chanyeol who seems to have joined him in his laughter, that deep voice suddenly making him feel warm and fuzzy inside.
“We’ve done a lot today,” Chanyeol says as he starts playing with some synthing programs on his laptop. “But I don’t think I want to stop now that we’ve got something going on…”
Yixing raises an eyebrow at Chanyeol’s words. He doesn’t want to hope that Chanyeol could possibly feel the same way he does. But then again, this is the same person who could make the most obscene things have a wholesome meaning.
“That sounded so wrong, didn’t it?” Chanyeol asks, bursting into laughter again. Yixing smiles as he picks up his guitar, strumming it blindly as he waits for Chanyeol to calm down. He likes looking at Chanyeol like this, looking so happy and at ease. Although the others (and probably the fans) think it’s creepy, Yixing actually finds Chanyeol’s derpy faces cute.
Chanyeol sings out a note, and Yixing tests it against their guitars and other composing software, making sure it sounds as they think it should. Finding the tune is easy, but apparently, the arrangement is what they can’t agree upon.
“Let’s have some fun!” Chanyeol says as he starts playing with his synthesizers. Yixing frowns. There’s something about this syntho-pop version Chanyeol’s doing that doesn’t sit well with him. It’s probably how bubblegummy and fake it all sounds to his ears. He opens his mouth to protest, but he sees Chanyeol enjoying himself and he can’t bring himself to burst that happy bubble.
He stares at the guitar that’s still in his hands as he ignores Chanyeol’s comments about worrying that there wasn’t a rap part for the non-vocals of the group.
“This probably won’t be a title track anyway,” Yixing says once Chanyeol’s done rambling. “The most we can hope for is that they actually put the song in the album.”
Chanyeol groans as he puts down his headphones. “You’re right… But so far, I’m pretty happy with this. How about you?”
Yixing bites his lips before he answers. If this were some other song, maybe he wouldn’t be griping about it sounding so fake and saccharine. But this song was their baby in a way, and he didn’t want to upset an obviously thrilled Chanyeol. Besides, they were running out of time, and they had no time to come up with another song. He likes this one; he just wishes the song isn’t so dubstep-like.
“It’s… great,” he says. Yixing curses at himself for not being able to come up with anything better than that. “This is our first time collaborating, and for two idiots who were asked by the higher ups to compose a song just for the heck if it, I think we did an awesome job.” He chuckles as he watches Chanyeol head over to the other bed.
“Xingxing, I’ll go to sleep first. You still staying up?”
Yixing blindly strums his guitar as he nods. When he hears Chanyeol’s loud sniffling and even louder breathing, he knows the other one has fallen asleep. Xingxing… This is the first time Chanyeol’s ever called him with that nickname.
He looks at his guitar and at the notes they came up with. He strums the first note, and then it hits him! It sounds better like this. He gets carried away as finishes the rest of the song. Being with Chanyeol like this is already like a dream in itself. When this project is over, it’s back to reality for them both-Yixing goes back to dancing, playing guitar, and midnight conversations with Lu Han, while Chanyeol goes back to his old routine as he resumes filming for that variety show he’ll be participating in.
Yixing sighs as he looks at Chanyeol once more. He knows that writing a song isn’t enough to be able to confess his feelings, especially for someone as oblivious as Chanyeol. He notices Chanyeol’s lips look parted. He’s always wondered how it would feel to kiss those lips. He shakes the thought out of his mind, as he knows his sleeping bandmate might not appreciate it. The urge to kiss him is still there, so Yixing settles for a peck on the forehead.
“Good night, Chanyeol. Sweet dreams.”
“It sounds too depressing,” Chanyeol says the next day. They had been excused from dance practice this week now that their song’s deadline is creeping on them. Yixing has just finished playing his acoustic rendition of their song, and is now waiting for Chanyeol’s verdict.
“What do you mean too depressing?” Yixing asks, his eyes squinting, as he shields himself using his guitar.
“Love is supposed to be happy, and make us feel like we can do anything. Especially in a song like this one, where we talk about daydreaming,” Chanyeol says.
Yixing decides to just stare at Chanyeol. He wonders if Chanyeol’s ever been truly in love. The kind of love that both thrills and terrifies him. This love, if he can call it that, is something that’s a bit of a risk. It could affect their dynamics as a group if he confesses. It’s better this way, not to say a thing. He’d rather leave this unsaid and have Chanyeol by his side, even if it’s just for a minute, than lose him forever.
“But like in all daydreams, you have to wake up and go back to reality,” Yixing says, finally finding his voice. “Not everything has a happy ending, Chanyeol. We know that all too well.”
“Not if it’s a love worth fighting for,” Chanyeol insists as he puts a hand on Yixing’s shoulder. “It’s like a fairy tale, isn’t it? It all starts with a dream, and you work towards changing things from make-believe to reality. Love is like that, I suppose. You know it’s worth it, so you might as well be happy fighting for it.”
The proximity between them makes him want to blush, but there’s a battle of sorts to be won and Yixing can’t afford to let his usual scatter-brained self take over.
“Besides,” Chanyeol continues, trying to stare straight into Yixing’s eyes. “This song’s talking about possibilities, so why do we have to sound so glum? It’s already your daydream wherein you’re giving yourself a happy ending as it is.”
Yixing shakes his head. “Sure, you fight, but sometimes you lose. In fact, you lose more battles than you win, no matter how carefully you pick them. Love isn’t always rainbows and butterflies like you want to believe it is. And that’s what I want the song to say. I’m- I mean we’re all free to dream that we’d have a happy ending, but it doesn’t mean we can actually achieve it. Reality always has to come to play, you realize that you can’t make the one you want stay. Once the dream is over, you wake up, he-she is gone.”
Chanyeol looks taken aback. Yixing doesn’t blame him; after all, he hardly lets anyone know what he’s thinking unless your name was Lu Han or Soojung. Yixing realizes that he practically spilled his deep dark secret to Chanyeol, and there is nothing more he wants than to have the floor below them swallow him whole and never come back.
“Hey, Xingxing, don’t be bitter now, OK?” Chanyeol says, patting him on the back. “Just because whoever this person is can’t see how awesome you are doesn’t mean no one ever will.”
Yixing finds himself leaning into Chanyeol’s touch. Maybe he can still hope? No, he doesn’t want to set himself up for severe disappointment. Despite these thoughts, he still lets himself smile a little.
“But I still prefer my version,” Chanyeol says, pouting as he pokes Yixing’s dimple.
“Duh. Of course you would,” Yixing says, chuckling. “Just as I prefer mine.”
They stare at each other before dissolving into laughter. Yixing wondered if their laughing at the most random things and the most unpredictable times was a good sign that things could work between them. He doesn’t want to look into it, at least, until this project is complete.
“I know who can resolve this great debate for us,” Chanyeol says once they’ve sobered up. “And let’s make a bet as for whose version is chosen.”
Yixing feels himself smirking. He’s not a huge fan of petty things like these, but if it’s a way for them to get even closer, then so be it. He honestly hoped the members prefer his version. After all, only heaven knows what sort of dares Chanyeol is capable of coming up with.
“If I win, you have to grant me three wishes,” Chanyeol said, smirking back at Yixing.
Yixing raises his eyebrows as he tries not to laugh. “Chanyeol, I’m not one of the SNSD members.”
“They said to tell them my wish, but they won’t grant it, so you’re my next best option,” Chanyeol says, chuckling.
Yixing rolls his eyes at this. “Fine. Whatever. But if I win, you have to be my personal slave for a week!” He has no idea what made him say that, but that’s the first thing he can come up with at the top of his head.
He sees Chanyeol looking down at him, smiling like he’s so sure he’ll win. He sticks out a hand for Yixing to shake. “Deal?”
“Deal.”
They gather the other members in the living room one night after dinner.
“This better be important,” Jongin grumbles as he lies on Lu Han’s lap. “My back hurts and I want to sleep.”
Yixing looks at Chanyeol for help as the other members voice their assent. He hates it when the members are acting like a bunch of spoiled brats. Oh no, he’s beginning to sound like Junmyeon or Minseok, who happen to be the only other members who aren’t contributing to the ongoing riot besides Chanyeol and himself.
“Everyone shut up!” Chanyeol shouts, with his hands cupped over his mouth. Once everyone else has settled down, he continues. “Yixing and I have been working on a song for the next album, and we all need to know what you think.”
“Oh, is that the case?” Baekhyun says as he looks back and forth between Chanyeol and Yixing, before shrugging. “Let’s hear it then.”
They perform Chanyeol’s version first. Despite his initial dislike for it, he has to admit that this version is growing on him. After all, it fits Chanyeol’s personality-cheerful yet one finds substance in him once they bother digging deep beyond the handsome face and childlike playfulness. As they perform the song, for some reason he can already visualize how they will be dividing parts among the members. He smiles despite himself, wondering what his version says about himself.
He sees the other members bopping their heads to the beat, and the hard-to-please Baekhyun and Jongdae seem impressed. He hopes they would be, as they are most likely going to be singing majority of the lines. He notices that even grumpy Jongin’s now smiling as he taps his fingers to the beat, and he knows that Jongin’s probably got some choreography in mind as they listen to the song. At the rate this is going, he’s going to have to put up a good fight in order to make the members take his side over Chanyeol’s.
“Yours is up, Xingxing,” Chanyeol says, wrapping an arm around Yixing’s shoulders. He notices both Baekhyun and Lu Han looking at them with raised eyebrows. He tries not to blush as he picks up his guitar, and Chanyeol’s not letting him go.
Yixing tries his best to ignore everyone else in the room and just focus on the task at hand. He can attest to himself that this version was written from the very bottom of his heart, and that he’s put almost everything he has in this. He tries not to look too deeply in Chanyeol’s eyes as he sings. He can’t give himself away now, not in front of everyone. He purposely ignores Lu Han’s cautious gaze. It is one he’s all too familiar with, and he’s thankful that Soojung’s not around to make kissy faces at him. But what almost throws him off-guard is a knowing smile on Baekhyun’s lips. He shakes it off as he continues to pour what he feels into the song, without looking at the source of all these feelings. It’s almost impossible when said source is inches from him.
“Oh you could just pretend to be with her all day, remember the feeling when you first held hands today,” they sing together. Yixing dares to look up from his guitar to look at Chanyeol, whose face looks concentrated on his guitar. He hears Lu Han, Jongin, and Sehun throw in some random clapping in time with the beat, and he notices Chanyeol exchanging glances with him and nodding at Lu Han, Sehun, and Jongin’s direction.
Are they actually communicating mentally and agreeing that the clapping can be thrown in the recording? Yixing sure hopes so, as this is one step closer to actually understanding the enigma that is Park Chanyeol.
“Do that again!” they chorus at the end of the song as Sehun and Jongin just exchange glances while Lu Han just raises an eyebrow.
Chanyeol’s head nods like an overexcited puppy as they oblige. “That’s perfect!” he says. “That is IF it’s Yixing’s version we’ll be putting in the album.”
Yixing groans. This is the moment of truth. He hides himself (or at least whatever he can hide) behind his guitar while Chanyeol is perched on his chair behind his synthesizers. “So, what’s the verdict?” Chanyeol asks the rest of the group who just blankly stare back.
Junmyeon sighs when no one reacts. “I’ll do this.” Yixing and Chanyeol just exchange glances. After all, this is what Junmyeon does best, and no one is man enough to get in the way or be uncooperative trolls once he has his leader-mode on.
“Shut your eyes and raise your hand when I say so. Chanyeol and Yixing aren’t allowed to vote, by the way. All in favor of Chanyeol’s version to be put in the album, raise your hands!”
Yixing shuts his eyes as the other members raise their hands, not wanting to see how many people don’t like his version.
He hears a loud sigh from Junmyeon. “Looks like we have a unanimous decision. Congratulations, Chanyeol. Looks like your version is the one we all prefer.”
By the time Yixing opens his eyes, Chanyeol is doing this weird little dance that has him smiling despite himself.
“But why?” he asks before he can filter what he feels and what he wants to say. Yixing can’t help but wonder what is wrong with his acoustic version. He felt it was a lot more honest than Chanyeol’s synthpop one, and that he poured every ounce of feeling into it.
“Sorry Xingxing,” Lu Han says as he puts an arm around his best friend. “Yours was nice… but I found that it sounded too raw for all of us to sing.”
Jongin walks up to Yixing, nodding. “Yeah, besides, your version’s going to make us all sound bad. At least with Chanyeol’s version, autotune can help hide how awful we non-vocal line people actually sound!”
“Speak for yourself, Jongin,” Yixing grumbles, the feeling of defeat rankling him. “Besides, aren’t you guys sick of hearing too much syntho-pop or dubstep-like music already?”
“Looks like everyone’s into it these days. I mean, have you HEARD our comeback track yet?” Jongdae points out, waving the CD with a demo of their new carrier single.
“That’s what I was talking about. This could be a breath of fresh air among all that fake-sounding synth-pop music out there,” Yixing grumbles. “Besides, at least with this version, we only have to bring guitars and no one worries about lugging around a synthesizer and a computer.”
Yixing knows he sounds stupid at this point, but he’s too tired and proud to care. He’s not in the mood to lose, especially if what they’re betting about is something that matters so much. He doesn’t really care about having to grant Chanyeol three wishes, whatever they are. They’re most likely just going to be petty little things like doing his chores, performing a stupid dare, or revealing an incriminating secret. All he wants is for his hardwork and feelings to be appreciated by the right person. Was that too much to ask for? He sighs as he runs his fingers through his hair. He runs through more excuses in his head, and none of them sound plausible enough even for him.
“You know what?” Baekhyun says, breaking the silence. “There’s something Yixing’s not telling us.”
“What?” the other members turn to look at Baekhyun, who is now smirking.
“I think,” Baekhyun says, pausing for dramatic effect and pointing a finger at Yixing. “I think Yixing wants to sing his version so badly because he wrote it for someone special.”
Yixing feels himself reaching his breaking point. All his feelings and hard work are being put to waste as his bandmates make fun of him. He knows Baekhyun doesn’t mean anything nasty with his words, but they just hit too close to home.
“So what if I wrote that for someone special?” he shouts before he can stop himself. It’s uncharacteristic of him to let out his innermost thoughts, and he knows the other members are thinking the same thing. He catches Lu Han’s surprised stare, and he can feel the other members exchanging awkward looks with each other.
“It’s difficult, OK?” he continues, unable to shut up at this point. Everything just wants to come out and there’s no going back, and his bandmates’ heavy gazes aren’t helping him feel better at all. “It’s hard letting out everything you feel in a song and having the people closest to you not realize that. I mean, I have nothing against Chanyeol’s version, but… I just feel like, if my version’s not good enough for you, how will it be perfect for that special someone?”
“Yixing, I’m-” Baekhyun says but Yixing shakes his head, smiling.
“It’s my fault,” Yixing says, calming down a little bit. “I shouldn’t have yelled like that. Maybe I’ll feel better when I wake up tomorrow.”
Yixing stays in his original room that night, locking out anyone who isn’t named Lu Han. (He would have locked out his roommate, but he’s not in the mood to mess with an irate best friend.) He tosses and turns in his bed as he stares at the wall. He couldn’t believe he almost blurted out his feelings for Chanyeol to everyone in the group. He isn’t sure where to go from here, now that the song is done. All they have to do is to fine-tune it before submitting it to the higher-ups for evaluation. If it makes it to the album, then good. If not, Yixing isn’t sure if he’d want to try writing another song. Not after his first attempt at a collaboration is going to be a flop before it can even happen.
Yixing manages to avoid Chanyeol and thinking about the song for the next few days, as they have to catch up with what they’ve missed in dance rehearsals and recording the other songs for the album. He almost forgets about the whole thing completely and assumes Chanyeol has taken it upon himself to finish the song. He wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case, after all, it is Chanyeol’s version the members prefer.
Three days before they decide to pass the song to the CEO, Chanyeol pulls Yixing into the room they’ve been sharing ever since they started this song. Yixing sits on the bed next to Chanyeol, carefully keeping his distance, as always, waiting to find out why he was dragged in here.
He catches Chanyeol looking at him, almost as though seeing him for the first time. Chanyeol hardly looks at anyone that way unless-. No, he better stop thinking before he can encourage his deepest delusions.
Chanyeol clears his throat, breaking the awkward yet peaceful silence. “You know what, I haven’t claimed any of my three wishes yet,” he says, smiling as he wraps an arm around Yixing’s shoulders.
Yixing reflexively shakes Chanyeol’s arm off him,wondering what on earth the giant wanted from him. “Do we have to do this now?” Yixing groans. It’s been a long day of dance practice, and all he wants to do is sleep.
“Wish number one, I want to hear your version of our song one last time,” Chanyeol whispers, handing him his guitar.
Yixing frowns at Chanyeol while he strums the song’s opening chords. What on earth Chanyeol is going to gain from this? A lullaby perhaps? But Chanyeol doesn’t look like he is heading off to dreamland any time soon. Instead, he has this intense look in his eyes that almost makes Yixing want to blush.
“Baby hear me out. Will you marry me tonight? We're in this make believe reality, and baby it's just you and me,” Yixing sings as he tries to rein his feelings. “Cause when tonight she holds you tight, you wonder if this fantasy is right. Cause when reality comes to play, you realize you couldn't make her stay.”
Chanyeol joins in at the chorus, and Yixing wonders what brought this on. He shrugs and goes along with it. He knows that Chanyeol will never be his and that soon, they’ll be going back to the way they were before this song was written. They may have gotten closer, and Yixing supposes this is enough. Right now, they’re in this bubble of their songwriting world, and once they turn the song over to their CEO, it’s going to be over. That’s the reality he’s about to face, so he makes the most of these last few nights he can actually stay in this makeshift world with Chanyeol.
“And I couldn't believe we're dreaming. I couldn't believe we're leaving this world for one with more fantasy, just you and me, so that tonight we both can finally be.”
They sound good together, whether they’re musically compatible or not. Maybe he should just give up on Chanyeol completely. He’s not even sure if he can keep this sort of friendship they’ve developed over the course of writing a song. They’re two completely different people, and he has no idea what could keep them together even if things work out.
“Cause when it’s over, you’ve got to make sure that it’s you who’ll be with her.”
Yixing ends the song with the clapping pattern Sehun, Jongin, and Lu Han came up with the night they presented their songs to the group, but he doesn’t get the chuckle he expected from Chanyeol. Instead, he sees Chanyeol staring at him as though seeing him for the first time.
“Is there something on my face?” Yixing asks Chanyeol, who shakes his head.
“What do you think will happen if the one being daydreamed about likes the daydreamer?” Chanyeol whispers, embracing his tucked legs. “Reality would be much better than fantasy, right?”
Yixing frowns. What is Chanyeol talking about? Are they going to be philosophical now? At this time of night, right after he just practically poured all his feelings into that song again? “It… it would be unbelievable, but ideal. I’d really-I mean-the daydreamer would probably like that a lot,” he says, looking anywhere but at Chanyeol’s eyes.
“But have we ever considered what the subject being daydreamed about thinks?” Chanyeol asks, gently forcing Yixing’s face to look up.
Yixing shakes his head, wondering what on earth Chanyeol inhaled earlier at dinner. Since when did Chanyeol decide to delve into the song’s story?
“I-I mean,” Chanyeol says, biting his lips before continuing. “Wouldn’t it be nice if we-they-actually got together? They can finally stop daydreaming and they can be sure they’re with each other.”
Yixing blinks and discreetly pinches himself with the hand not holding on to his guitar. What is happening here? “We never really know what’s in the ‘girl’s’ head, since we’re limited. We only know one story… the daydreamer’s.”
“That’s why I’m asking what if?” Chanyeol says, patiently, as though he is talking to a child. He chuckles. “There’s more than one side to every story, and maybe I should tell you the other side to this daydreamer’s tale.”
Yixing tilts his head while Chanyeol lays the guitar on the unoccupied bed. Is there some kind of joke he’s missing out on?
“I wish to God that you can see the world in my eyes. So you can realize that you’re the guy in my mind. And I don't mind if I don't make it out alive, cause I knew right from the start that you’re such a fan killer,” Chanyeol sings, staring straight into Yixing’s eyes.
Yixing isn’t sure if he wants to laugh at the changed lyrics or to pinch himself. He has to be dreaming. Park Chanyeol just confessed to him using a song they wrote together. He loathes to break the giddy feelings bursting inside him, but he knows he has to make sure this isn’t some sick joke.
“Who are you and what did you do to the real Park Chanyeol?”
Chanyeol stares at Yixing before he bursts out laughing. “I wasn’t possessed by aliens, and I don’t think anyone put anything weird in my dinner,” he says once he’s done laughing. He looks more serious than Yixing has ever seen him.
“I was hoping the song was going to be enough, but I guess I have to spell it out for you. Zhang Yixing. I like you. I’ve liked you ever since… I don’t even know anymore. I think the way you dance is spell-binding; the sound of your voice is something I can listen to all day; and your determination to succeed just captivates me and inspires me to be my best. Funnily enough, I think your delayed reactions are irreplaceable, and your forgetfulness is just a part of you I’m willing to live with. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I’m inexplicably in love with you.”
Yixing still can’t believe this. He’s been in love with Chanyeol for the longest time, and he definitely can’t match Chanyeol’s confession. He’s already confessed more than he wants to admit in that song.
“I’ve wanted to confess, but I needed to know if you liked me back,” Chanyeol says, smiling sheepishly as he scratches. the back of his head.
“WHAT?” Yixing asks, his eyes growing wide.
“Yeah,” Chanyeol says, blushing. “When you said you wrote that song for someone special, I was jealous. I wondered who it could have been. Baekhyun kind of spelled it out for me, and seeing that look in your eyes earlier when you looked at me… It’s exactly the way I look at you.”
“I… I…” Yixing says, still at a loss for words. This wasn’t how he wanted to confess or be confessed to at all. But he wasn’t complaining. He couldn’t help but wonder how he got to be so lucky.
“Now on to my next wish,” Chanyeol says, with a boyish grin and his eyes shining in mischief. Yixing gulps as he wonders what’s going on in the other boy’s mind.
“Be my boyfriend?”
How can he say no to Chanyeol’s embarrassed smile? He nods as he wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s shoulders, burying his head in his new boyfriend’s neck. He savors the warmth Chanyeol gives him as he feels a pair of arms wrap themselves around his waist.
“I still have one last wish, Yixing,” Chanyeol says as he strokes Yixing’s cheek with his fingers.
“What is it?” Yixing asks, peering into Chanyeol’s eyes as he tries to guess what it is.
“Kiss me.”
This feels all too surreal to him. He and Chanyeol are together, officially. Yixing laughs as he takes Chanyeol’s face in his hands and does the one thing he’s dreamt of for so long. He leans in, finally feeling and tasting those lips he’s been dreaming of-and they turn out to be even softer and sweeter than he ever imagined.
EPILOGUE:
No matter what convincing Yixing tried, they end up submitting Chanyeol’s version to the CEO.
“Think of it this way, your version is our song, which makes it even more special,” Chanyeol says numerous times to a pouting Yixing. He grudgingly agrees and sighs as he discreetly holds Chanyeol’s hand as they wait for management’s decision regarding the song. It turns out that both Yoo Youngmin and Lee Sooman were impressed by the song, and the rest of the creative team behind their comeback not only voted for it to be included to the album but for it to be the track they perform before the carrier single on music shows.
Chanyeol and Yixing find themselves in the CEO’s office again, back where all of this started.
“Congratulations on your first song, boys. You’ve both exceeded my expectations,” Youngmin says the minute they step in.
“Thank you, Sir,” they say as they bow before taking a seat.
“Due to the success of your first song, I think it’s a good idea to let you both write more songs for your repackaged album, and probably albums for other groups in the future.”
Yixing and Chanyeol stare at each other with wide eyes. It was rare for the CEO to recognize their efforts, let alone compliment them, so Yixing felt as though he had won the Olympics upon hearing this. He bites his lips as he tries to keep his expression neutral.
“And one last thing,” the CEO says before they leave. “Go easy on the PDA.”
All three of them stare at each other before Yixing and Chanyeol exit his office, laughing.
“Here we go again?” Yixing asks, the minute they step back in the dorms.
“I guess so,” Chanyeol shrugs.
“Let’s get started?” Yixing chuckles. “What song do we do this time? A ballad? An acoustic number? Dubstep?” He cringes at the last suggestion as he racks his brains for more ideas.
“Calm down… We have all the time in the world,” Chanyeol says, wrapping his arms around Yixing. “Now, just shut up and kiss me.”
Yixing stands on tiptoes and shuts his eyes as he complies.
-30-
Bonus notes: The song I had Yixing and Chanyeol compose was “Hey Daydreamer” by Somedaydream. True enough, there is a synth-pop version, which ended up being the official version, and the acoustic one.