Power Rangers: Whole (15/?), Billy/Tommy, R.
Title: Whole, chapter fifteen
Author: vandonovan
Pairing: Billy/Tommy, background Skull/Kim, Adam/Rocky, Jason/Zack and Aisha/OMC
Word count: 5,309 (this chapter)
Rating: R
Era: MMPR AU after "The Green Candle" where Tommy never becomes the White Ranger. (Picks up in 1999.)
Warnings: adult language, sexual situations/innuendo, AU, potential spoilers through Space, may contain triggering content, please read at your own risk.
Summary: Six years after losing his Green Ranger powers, Tommy has been consumed by inner darkness and a destructive lifestyle. Can Billy bring Tommy back or will his attempts strain the Rangers too much as they face the return of an old enemy?
Notes: Super special thanks to azelmaroark for both playing beta and helping me create and cultivate this monster. ♥
Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.
Chapter fifteen:
“Do you and Adam kiss when you have sex?”
“What?” Rocky hits his head on the top of the pillowfort when he sits up, nearly knocking the whole thing over. “What kind of question is that?”
Relieved, Tommy lets out his breath. “Man. Billy and I were kissing last night and it was really great until he started talking about sex. Talk about a total mood killer, right?”
Although he lies back down, Rocky stares at him. “I was just surprised by the question is all.” His eyes narrow slightly. “You mean you’re used to having sex without kissing?” He frowns. “No offense, Tommy, but that’s weird.” He folds his arms in front of him, turning his attention back to the television. “Adam and I don’t usually kiss as much as I’d like during sex, but he’s always so tired these days he just wants to get it over with and go to bed.” He glances at Tommy. “It helps him get to sleep, you know.”
For all the things he and Rocky have discussed, this is the closest they’ve gotten to really tackling the subject of sex. Although it makes Tommy’s skin crawl, he wants-needs-to know more. “So you want to kiss Adam when you have sex?”
“Well, of course. What kind of weird sex were you having?”
Tommy rubs the back of his neck, feeling cold despite his sweater. “Usually guys would grab my hair and fu-do me from behind.” His eyes unfocus, trying to remember and when he does he shakes his head to clear the unpleasant memories away. “I don’t really remember. I used a lot of coke when I had to have sex and was usually pretty out of it.”
Rocky’s staring at him again. “Coke?”
“Cocaine, Rocky.”
It’s obvious the moment Rocky gets it. His face lights up and pushes back into a sitting position again. “Oh.”
“What do you use?”
He blinks a few times. “Huh?”
“When you have to have sex with Adam.”
Rocky blinks a few more times. “Oh, uh. Astroglide?”
Tommy can’t help but chuckle. “No, I mean, for your head; so it doesn’t bother you so much. A mixture of coke and alcohol usually put me under long enough.”
Rocky just stares at him again. Slowly, he shakes his head. “We don’t use any drugs. I’m not really sure you should. That doesn’t sound safe.”
It’s Tommy turn to stare, and he does for quite a while. The thought of Rocky submitting to Adam’s seemingly voracious sexual appetite every night without something to dull it at all astounds him. The thought that Rocky can kiss him during such trauma upsets him even more so. “How do you stand it?”
“Stand what? I love having sex with Adam. Why would I want to block that out?”
Frowning, Tommy draws his knees to his chest and hugs them. He doesn’t look at Rocky anymore, staring instead at the cartoons on the television. For once, it feels like their pillowfort has been infiltrated.
“Anyway, sex might not be an issue for me pretty soon.” Rocky flops back down. He glances over, and even though Tommy does nothing to encourage him, continues. “I was right: Adam thinks we should be allowed to see other people. What he really means is he should be allowed to see other people. He knows I’m not interested in anyone else.”
The news astonishes Tommy enough to snap out of his funk. “What? Are you serious?”
“Yeah. It’s not so bad. I mean, I was getting all these crazy thoughts in my head, like Adam freaking out over the press seeing we live together and kicking me out and stuff. Turns out he just wants to be allowed to occasionally bring a girl home.” He keeps his tone upbeat. “We’ve already set up an extra bed in the office, so I’ll still have a place to sleep when he does.”
Tommy can hardly speak. “I can’t believe you’d agree to that.”
Rocky shrugs. “What choice do I have?”
“You could say no?”
“What, and lose Adam for good? No, thank you.”
“Even if he’s sleeping with other people?”
“It’s better than him dumping me, isn’t it? It makes him happy and I get to keep him. How can I complain? He’s never liked being with a guy before. He considers himself straight, you know, not even bi. That’s always been there between us. Even when it’s really great, he’s got this animosity about the fact I’m not a girl. It’s why we don’t usually go out to places together. People wouldn’t understand that he’s in a relationship with a guy but isn’t attracted to men.”
“I certainly don’t understand! He’s into you, isn’t he?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, I think so? It’s like, I’m the one guy and we’ve known each other so long it’s like . . . I’m almost not even a guy to him. That what he says, sometimes. ‘You’re not a guy to me, you’re Rocky.’ I sort of get it.”
“I don’t.”
“I’m the same way, really. Like, okay, I do find some guys attractive, and I like girls too, you know? But Adam’s the only one for me and it wouldn’t matter to me if he had girl parts or boy parts or whatever. That’s not what I’m into. It’s Adam. I could make us work no matter what.”
Tommy hugs his knees a bit harder. “Man.” He shivers. “I know you love him, but it sounds to me like Adam treats you like crap.”
To his surprise, Rocky doesn’t jump to defend Adam. “It used to be better. The war took a lot out of him, and then his job and all his night classes took the rest.” He plays with the tassel on one of the throw pillows. “I’ve only ever wanted him to be happy.”
“Even if that means leaving you for some girl he just met?”
“Yes.” Rocky sighs. “It’s not like I didn’t know; it’s what he’s always said he wanted.”
“Man, and here I am complaining about sex and stuff. You’ve got it way worse.”
“That’s not true. We’re both going through stuff.” He shrugs. “The hardest part for me will be staying there and seeing this girl give him all the things I never could. I’ve done so much for Adam, but just because the way he’s wired, it’s never, ever going to be enough. I think that’s part of why we don’t kiss as much anymore. The novelty has worn off.”
“What novelty?”
Rocky shrugs. “I don’t know. He’s got all these masculinity issues. He used to get picked on a lot when he was a kid, you know? So I think he enjoyed having a jock be all submissive to him.”
“Who, you? You’re not a jock!”
“Well, close enough. I looked enough like one of the guys who’d beat him up back in junior high, but I wasn’t. He knew I could hurt him, but didn’t. I think he liked that I was strong, but he could trust me. It made him feel superior, and I’ve always been fine with that.”
“And now you think that novelty has worn off.”
“Yeah. Maybe it wouldn’t have if we had to keep our identities.”
Tommy squeezes his knees again. “You must be mad at Billy.”
“No. Not really. Sometimes I think I am, but I understand why he did it. Adam’s already a lot happier. If I’m mad at anyone, it’s at Zordon for making us keep it a secret for so long in the first place.” He shrugs. “But then, I might never have been with Adam in the first place if we hadn’t.”
“We’re just a pair of messes, aren’t we?”
“No way. Billy really likes you.” Rocky rolls onto his side to face Tommy, propping his head up on his hand. “You’ll figure out sex and kissing eventually. Believe me, it’ll be worth the wait.”
“You really don’t use anything when you have sex?”
“Not drugs, no.”
“But . . . doesn’t it hurt?”
“No. Not if he’s doing it right. It feels amazing.”
Tommy wants to flop back down on the pillows and watch more cartoons with Rocky, but he can’t seem to let go of his knees. Maybe it’s different with Rocky and Adam. Maybe there’s something wrong with Tommy that makes it hurt. He can’t imagine having sex with Billy, and he can’t imagine sex not being completely horrid.
In the back of his mind, he remembers Billy talking about sex the second time they kissed. Eventually Billy will want it.
Tommy’s not sure what he’ll do when Billy’s patience runs out.
--
In the morning, Tommy wakes to strange voices in the living room. He dresses quickly and brushes his hair before sneaking down the hallway to peek into the room. Billy’s talking to two men in the living room, staring down at a large unfolded piece of paper on the dining room table. Both of the men are tall and broad, but dressed in the clothes of laymen.
Itching under the turtleneck he’s just pulled on, Tommy pushes his sleeves up to his forearms and says, “Hey. What’s going on here?”
Both men spin around, surprised.
Billy straightens out. If he’s mad at Tommy for intruding, it doesn’t show. “Good morning. Did we wake you?”
“Not really.” Tommy takes a few steps closer, looking the men over. “Who are these guys?”
“This is Phil and Ramone. I’ve contracted them to install a gate in the front yard. Hopefully that will keep at least some of the fans at bay.”
“Oh.” Uncertainty that Tommy hadn’t even realized he was harboring fades. “Nice to meet you both. I’m Tommy.” Although they remain dumbfounded, Tommy shakes both of their hands.
“I don’t have time to make breakfast, so you’re on your own this morning,” Billy says, returning his attention to the blueprints. “When you finish, I need you to start packing.”
A jolt of shock courses through Tommy. “Wait, what?”
“I got a suitcase down from the attic earlier and put it by your door. I think all of your clothes should fit into it. Make sure you take all your sweaters.”
The blood in Tommy’s ears is suddenly so loud he can hardly hear anything else. Where will he go? What will he do? Adam’ll never let him stay with Rocky; not now. “Did I do something wrong?”
Billy stares at him funny. “Not that I’m aware of.”
“Then why’re you kicking me out?”
Billy’s face changes dramatically. He leaves the blueprints on the table, going to him. “No. I’m not kicking you out. I’m sorry, you misunderstood me.” He glances briefly at Phil and Ramone. “We’re going on a trip. It’s going to take a few days to install the fence. I thought it’d be better if we weren’t home until it’s done.” He grips Tommy’s arms and gives them a squeeze. “I’m not kicking you out. I would never do that.”
Tommy can see Phil and Ramone giving each other glances, but he doesn’t care. It’s like the world has suddenly stopped spinning. “Jesus, Billy.” He gasps a little. “Don’t scare me like that.”
“I’m sorry. I really am. I phrased that badly.” He manages a smile. “We’ll only be gone a few days. You don’t have to pack everything. It’s going to be cold though, so you’ll want your sweaters.”
--
‘Some place cold’ turns out to be Aisha’s uncle’s cabin in the mountains, which suits Tommy just fine. The thought of waking up and not hearing fans and autograph seekers outside the front door is welcome news. The temperature in the mountains is perfect too, and the leaves have begun changing with the onset of autumn, which they never quite manage to do in Angel Grove.
“And, this should be it.” Billy slows the car in front of a modest little cabin and double checks the address. “Sure looks cozy.”
“And empty. Look, our nearest neighbor’s way down that driveway.”
Billy grins. “Yes, I thought you’d like that.” He pulls the car into the driveway and parks. Getting out, Billy starts unloading their bags. “It will be impossible to go completely unnoticed up here, but Aisha tells me her reception from the locals has been completely different than what she gets when she’s down in the valley. I don’t mind a bit of fame, but it’d be nice if they kept it to a respectable distance.”
“No kidding.” Tommy hefts the heavier of the suitcases. “Man, I thought those two fencing guys were about to jump out of their skin when I showed up this morning.”
Billy locks the car and starts toward the front door. “Well, I failed to mention I had someone living with me. They might have thought you were a crazy fan who followed them in.”
Tommy frowns as Billy fishes the cabin key out of his pocket. “I’m sorry, man. You probably didn’t want anyone to know I’m living with you, and now those two guys are gonna go blab it all over town.” He shakes his head. “I can’t do anything right.”
“That’s not true at all.” The door opens and Billy is distracted for a moment, looking for the light switch. “I don’t care who knows. Really, I don’t. They’ve seen you with Adam and Rocky already. They’ll figure it out eventually.” He glances around the inside of the cabin. “This is really nice.”
Tommy pulls the door closed behind him before taking in the main room. “Whoa.” It’s quite big, with several plush couches facing a panoramic window, overlooking the mountain view. Pine trees slope away as far as he can see, and although there’s no snow yet, he can feel the chill in the air. “That’s beautiful.”
“Looks like the kitchen is that way, so the bedroom should be over here.” Billy traverses a small hall and opens another door. “Very nice. Come see.”
Tommy leaves the suitcase in the foyer and follows Billy. There’s just one bedroom, but it’s almost twice as big as Billy’s back home. The area with the bed is raised and there’s a sunken living room with a fireplace on one side and more windows facing the mountains on the other. Tommy blinks several times. “Wow. Aisha’s uncle sure is nice letting us use this place.” He takes a few tentative steps and then flops out on the big bed.
“I’ll be sure to send him a thank you card.” After hesitating a few moments, Billy slips off his shoes and joins Tommy on the bed. He rolls on his side, looking Tommy over. “Did you really think I was kicking you out earlier?”
It feels absolutely silly to think of now. “I’d just woken up. Everything’s confusing then.”
Reaching out, Billy puts his hand on Tommy’s chest. “I keep my promises, and that’s one I really promise. I’ll never kick you out.”
It sounds so true when Billy says it that Tommy almost believes him. He doesn’t want to ruin this vacation, but he wants to kiss Billy and is afraid to. He mulls over his words a few seconds before gathering his strength. “You’ll want sex someday and . . . and I don’t know if I can do it. Not without drugs or something.”
Billy blinks at him a few times. “I don’t expect sex to come from this.”
“That doesn’t mean you don’t want it. You did last time we . . .”
“It’s an involuntary reaction. I apologize if it upset you.” He gently removes his hand. “But I mean it when I say I don’t expect sex. Not now and not ever. I’d love for you to be healthy and not fear sex, but I’ll never, ever expect it of you. I knew that going in.” He gives Tommy a brief kiss and curls up next to him. “This is more than enough.”
Instinctively, Tommy puts an arm around Billy. “I don’t understand why. You’re the leader of the Power Rangers. You could have anybody. Why pick someone you can never really be with?”
Without moving Tommy’s arm, Billy rolls over to face him. “First of all, ‘never’ is a very long time. Second, you’re rating sex much too high. Sex does not make a relationship more, or less, legitimate. While our society may be obsessed with copulation, I find it to be a relatively trivial part of what makes a relationship. It’s like a cat lover falling for someone who has allergies. One flaw doesn’t negate the rest of you.”
The words catch Tommy’s breath in his throat. Billy sounds so sincere. How easy it would be to believe him, and how devastating to later discover he didn’t mean it. He has to swallow before he can speak again. “The rest of me is also pretty flawed.”
Grinning, Billy sits up enough to kiss him again. “Well, no body’s perfect.”
Tommy wants to protest, but with Billy’s mouth on his, his brain absolutely refuses to engage, so for now he closes his eyes and lets his hands and mouth do the thinking.
--
About the only thing not amazing in the cabin is the pantry, which has obviously stood empty since summer. Knowing this, Billy doesn’t let the pleasant make out session on the bed last until evening, as nice as that could be. Instead, he wraps it up in time for lunch, which they have at an amazing mom and pop café. Tommy marvels at his soda, which is made with cane sugar and comes in a glass bottle, and Billy tells him he’s certain hot chocolate this delicious means it was made with milk and real chocolate in a sauce pan.
Billy isn’t recognized until they make it to the local grocery store, or if he was, no one made a fuss. It’s not the locals who stop in their tracks to stare, but other tourists. If Tommy notices, he doesn’t say anything. He just pulls two bags of pasta noodles off the shelf and compares them. “What’s . . . ore-gan-o?”
The simple question puts Billy at ease, allowing him to focus on Tommy instead of the tourists. “It’s a type of spice.” Leaving their mostly empty cart, he goes to stand close to Tommy, reading around his shoulder. He points. “Get that one.”
“How did you decide which?”
Billy shrugs. “I liked the way you said oregano.”
Blushing slightly, Tommy glances over at him. Noticing someone approaching, he says, “Hey.”
Turning, Billy sees a kid, probably about seven, hesitantly inching his way closer. His eyes widen when he realizes he’s been spotted. Then, taking his time to draw up all of his courage, he says, “Are you a Power Ranger?”
Billy has to laugh. He can see some of the adults lingering now, surreptitiously watching him, waiting for his reply. “Yes. My name is Billy.”
“I’m Robbie.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Robbie.” Billy bends down to shake the bewildered child’s hand. “Are you here on vacation with your parents?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’m here on vacation, too. It’s a beautiful place, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Does this mean if there’s a monster attack, you won’t go stop it?”
“No.” Billy straightens up. “My friends and I will stop the monster. We can travel really fast.”
One of the adults breaks away from the rest. “Robbie, come along. We don’t want to keep him from his shopping.” Catching Billy’s eyes, she gives a flustered smile. “We’re all very big fans. Thank you.”
As she leads her son away, Billy notices several of the others nodding their heads in agreement. He keeps smiling. While he appreciates this more than the autograph-seeking mob in Angel Grove, it nevertheless makes him want to go and hide.
Returning to Tommy, he murmurs, “I’m not cut out for this celebrity stuff.”
“I thought you handled it really well.”
Billy quickly adds a vinegar based pesto to their cart. “Do you want some more bottled sodas? I saw they had some when we came in.”
Tommy follows him down the aisle, wisely changing topics with him. “I thought you didn’t want me drinking soda.”
“All rules can be a little bent when you’re on vacation.”
They’re stared at as they continue shopping, but Billy keeps the pace up enough that no one bothers them again until they’re standing in line to check out. There, he’s coerced into signing a few autographs before politely hurrying out.
There are people in the parking lot with cameras, but Billy ignores them as he heads for their car. They’re not paparazzi and he’s not in the mood to cause a fuss. Tommy, on the other hand, can’t help but smile when people wave to them.
When they’re back in the car, Billy says, “You’d be so much better at this than I am.”
“What? No way. You were polite and tactful to everyone.”
“And you’re naturally charismatic.”
“What? I haven’t even done anything.”
Billy laughs. “Just the way you smile at everyone.” He glances over. In his white turtleneck sweater and his face framed in shiny curls, Tommy’s downright gorgeous. There’s no doubt in Billy’s mind that by the time they make it back to Angel Grove, the news stations will have picked up on Tommy and begun their speculation in earnest.
The pasta takes much longer to cook than anticipated due to the altitude and the sun sets while Billy’s trying to figure everything out. Tommy gets the fireplace going in the bedroom, and they eventually bring all the food there, eating on the large fur rug.
When they’re finished, Tommy lounges back, satiated. “It came out quite good, considering.”
Billy arches an eyebrow. “ ‘Considering’ what?”
“Uh.” Tommy sits back up. “Nothing. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Of course not.” He chuckles. “I know I’m not the most exceptional chef in the world, or even on the Ranger team. I’m just glad you liked it. Or at least pretended you did.”
“It really was great. The company was even better.”
In the firelight, Tommy’s really beautiful and Billy finds it hard to stop smiling. “Come on, I want to show you something.”
He grabs his coat and the big quilt off the foot of the bed. After making sure Tommy’s pulled on his coat as well, he slides one of the doors open, stepping out onto a patio.
“Wait up, Billy. I can hardly see anything. Maybe we should get a flashlight.”
“Your eyes will adjust. Just follow the sound of my voice, but be careful. There are a few steps here.” He takes them easily and finds himself on gently sloping ground. “Here, give me your hand.”
Once Tommy does, Billy helps him down the steps, but doesn’t let go. They pick their way through the undergrowth and trees for several minutes.
By the time they reach the clearing, Billy’s eyes have adjusted to the darkness so much that he can pick out all of the individual trees surrounding the clearing. When he turns back to look at Tommy, he can see the wonder and confusion on his face. “Just a few more seconds.”
Releasing Tommy’s hand, he spreads the blanket out on the grass and nettles and then stretches out on it. Without needed to be prompted, Tommy soon follows suit.
Despite the coats, it’s cold and Billy takes great pleasure in being able to curl up next to Tommy. The way Tommy’s arm so easily fits around him just feels right. “Well?” Billy says, pressing his ear to Tommy’s chest. “What do you think?” He gestures at the sky.
Overheard, a massive ribbon of stars stretches across the sky-the spectacular view of the Milky Way visible only from places as unpolluted by light as the mountains.
“Oh wow,” Tommy breathes. He draws a deep breath, drinking the view in. “It’s so beautiful.” When he lets his breath out, it steams in the cold air. “I’ve never seen so many stars.”
“It’s hard to believe all of this is up there every night, but we’ve filled our cities with so much light pollution we can’t even begin to glimpse it. Sad, isn’t it?”
Tommy shrugs slightly. “We wouldn’t appreciate it so much if we saw it all the time.” He gives Billy a little squeeze. “It wouldn’t be worth the trek out to the middle of the forest in the cold.”
Such a simple statement gives Billy a pause. “You’re right.” He laughs at how simply Tommy just turned his whole thought of the situation on its head. He takes a deep breath of his own, as if breathing in the starlight. “I used to want to travel through the stars.”
“Sounds awfully lonely.”
“We know we’re not alone. Statistically speaking, it’s almost guaranteed there are other intelligent life forms within our own galaxy.”
“Yeah. I just hope they’re not all like Rita and Zedd.”
Billy tilts his head, amazed that he can listen to the beating of Tommy’s heart while staring up at the slowly rotating sky. “I know they aren’t. There are some aliens out there, curled up on the ground, staring into the Milky Way and contemplating us right now.”
Tommy makes a soft noise in the back of his throat, and for a moment they lie there in silence, contemplating contemplations. “What made you change your mind?”
“About what?”
“Wanting to travel the stars. You said you used to want to.”
It’s something of a sensitive subject, and Billy finds himself shift in Tommy’s embrace. “It’s funny, really. I could have never really had the opportunity without Zordon’s help, and yet it’s becoming a Power Ranger that’s really tied me to the Earth and convinced me I could never really leave.”
“You don’t think you’ll ever retire like Jason and the others did?”
“Who’s to say? So long as there are monsters attacking the world, the Rangers need a strong leader. As fond as I am of the others, none of them are truly cut out to be fulltime leaders. Perhaps someday . . . if I found someone I really felt I could trust the Power to . . .”
“You weren’t exactly Power Ranger leader material when I first met you.” Tommy says it hesitantly, as if expecting Billy to protest.
“No, I wasn’t. I’ve come a long way and I’m good at what I do, but I’m the leader only because I have to be. If Jason came back, I would gladly and gratefully return control to him.”
“I can’t believe Jason gave it up, but not you. I would have never guessed it.”
It’s Billy turn to shrug. “Jason had a reason to give it up. Several, in fact.”
“You mean Zack.”
Billy takes another breath. “I used to lie out in my backyard with my father when I was a boy. He was an astronomer, you know. He taught me the names of all the stars and most of the constellations. After he died, I often wondered what the point of being a Power Ranger was if I couldn’t protect the people important to me. Funny how that works, isn’t it? I had no one to retire for and yet I still lost probably the most important person to me.” It feels like the thin air is getting to him; his chest hurts. “He never even knew I was a Power Ranger.”
“Billy . . . Man, I’m sorry.”
Shaking his head, Billy curls up closer. “It’s all right. I cut myself off from a lot of human interaction after the war and bottled all of my emotions up. I had to, in order to function. It’s good to finally air them.” He smiles and presses his cheek to Tommy’s chest. “It’s good to have someone to air them to.”
Tommy softly strokes Billy’s hair.
Moments later, a brilliant meteorite cuts across the sky. “Look, a shooting star!” Tommy gasps. It’s impossible to miss, but he points with his free hand anyway. When even the green tail has faded, he drops his hand with a contended sigh. “Make a wish.”
Billy doesn’t believe in the magic of shooting stars, but while Tommy’s staring into the sky, Billy looks up at his profile and, smiling, makes a wish.
--
Billy sleeps better than he has in weeks and it isn’t until he wakes up to Tommy wafting a mug of freshly brewed coffee near his nose that he realizes why. There’s no stress in the mountains; not even the distant roar of traffic on the street. The solitude is an escape from the pressures of the world, and Billy’s body has relaxed in a way it never does in Angel Grove.
And there’s Tommy, smiling at him from behind his sexy eyeglasses, holding out a mug of coffee for him. After pulling on his own glasses, Billy sits up and takes the mug gratefully, knowing he’ll never forget how perfect this moment is. “Thanks.” He takes a sip without moving his eyes off Tommy’s face. He’s the other key to the deep rest Billy experienced. Despite sharing the bed together, Billy didn’t wake once to one of Tommy’s nightmares. There was no thrashing in the bed or tortured whimpers. “Slept well?”
“Oh yeah.” Tommy crawls over Billy to get back in bed, burrowing under the covers beside him for warmth.
“You’re freezing.” Billy takes another sip of his coffee-it’s too strong, but not bad-and sets it aside so he can rub Tommy’s hands between his.
“Haha, yeah. Good thing you’re still warm.” He nuzzles Billy’s bare shoulder with his nose. “It snowed a little last night. Not much, but enough to dust over everything. It’s really beautiful.” He looks up at Billy. Behind his glasses, his eyes shine. “It’s so perfect up here.”
A deep sense of yearning opens in Billy’s heart and he kisses Tommy, a little frightened by just how deep and intense the feeling is.
After a few minutes of kissing, Tommy’s properly warmed up again and Billy returns to his coffee, which has cooled considerably. They stay snuggled up in the bed, watching the snow flurries as the wind blows it off the trees.
“Almost wish we didn’t have to get out of bed at all,” Billy says, once the coffee is gone.
Tommy nuzzles him again. “Why do we?”
“Well, for one, my bladder is reaching critical mass. As for the other, I told Aisha we’d meet her for lunch today.” He stretches and holds back a yawn. “And tomorrow we’ll probably want to head home before dark.”
“Mmm.” Tommy buries his face in his pillow for several seconds. “Do we really have to go back tomorrow?”
“I’ve got things I should be doing. You’ve got therapy.”
“Can’t we cancel them?” He sits up slightly. “I haven’t felt this good in . . . ever.”
Billy stares at him in wonder. “You want to cancel your Monday therapy?”
“That’s all right, isn’t it? I’m allowed to skip sometimes, aren’t I?”
“Yes, if you’re comfortable with doing so.” It occurs to him only then it just might be that being up in the peaceful tranquility of the mountains is better therapy than seeing Brian twice in one week. “Well, I don’t see why we have to rush home. We’ll ask Aisha at lunch if we can extend our stay. I’ll give Brian a call afterward to let him know you won’t be in on Monday.”
The way Tommy’s face lights up is worth it even if he wasn’t already looking forward to extending the trip. He stretches up and kisses Billy. “You’re the best boyfriend ever.”
Billy’s not sure that he is, but he’s too busy grinning over the use of the word boyfriend to protest.
Author: vandonovan
Pairing: Billy/Tommy, background Skull/Kim, Adam/Rocky, Jason/Zack and Aisha/OMC
Word count: 5,309 (this chapter)
Rating: R
Era: MMPR AU after "The Green Candle" where Tommy never becomes the White Ranger. (Picks up in 1999.)
Warnings: adult language, sexual situations/innuendo, AU, potential spoilers through Space, may contain triggering content, please read at your own risk.
Summary: Six years after losing his Green Ranger powers, Tommy has been consumed by inner darkness and a destructive lifestyle. Can Billy bring Tommy back or will his attempts strain the Rangers too much as they face the return of an old enemy?
Notes: Super special thanks to azelmaroark for both playing beta and helping me create and cultivate this monster. ♥
Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.
Chapter fifteen:
“Do you and Adam kiss when you have sex?”
“What?” Rocky hits his head on the top of the pillowfort when he sits up, nearly knocking the whole thing over. “What kind of question is that?”
Relieved, Tommy lets out his breath. “Man. Billy and I were kissing last night and it was really great until he started talking about sex. Talk about a total mood killer, right?”
Although he lies back down, Rocky stares at him. “I was just surprised by the question is all.” His eyes narrow slightly. “You mean you’re used to having sex without kissing?” He frowns. “No offense, Tommy, but that’s weird.” He folds his arms in front of him, turning his attention back to the television. “Adam and I don’t usually kiss as much as I’d like during sex, but he’s always so tired these days he just wants to get it over with and go to bed.” He glances at Tommy. “It helps him get to sleep, you know.”
For all the things he and Rocky have discussed, this is the closest they’ve gotten to really tackling the subject of sex. Although it makes Tommy’s skin crawl, he wants-needs-to know more. “So you want to kiss Adam when you have sex?”
“Well, of course. What kind of weird sex were you having?”
Tommy rubs the back of his neck, feeling cold despite his sweater. “Usually guys would grab my hair and fu-do me from behind.” His eyes unfocus, trying to remember and when he does he shakes his head to clear the unpleasant memories away. “I don’t really remember. I used a lot of coke when I had to have sex and was usually pretty out of it.”
Rocky’s staring at him again. “Coke?”
“Cocaine, Rocky.”
It’s obvious the moment Rocky gets it. His face lights up and pushes back into a sitting position again. “Oh.”
“What do you use?”
He blinks a few times. “Huh?”
“When you have to have sex with Adam.”
Rocky blinks a few more times. “Oh, uh. Astroglide?”
Tommy can’t help but chuckle. “No, I mean, for your head; so it doesn’t bother you so much. A mixture of coke and alcohol usually put me under long enough.”
Rocky just stares at him again. Slowly, he shakes his head. “We don’t use any drugs. I’m not really sure you should. That doesn’t sound safe.”
It’s Tommy turn to stare, and he does for quite a while. The thought of Rocky submitting to Adam’s seemingly voracious sexual appetite every night without something to dull it at all astounds him. The thought that Rocky can kiss him during such trauma upsets him even more so. “How do you stand it?”
“Stand what? I love having sex with Adam. Why would I want to block that out?”
Frowning, Tommy draws his knees to his chest and hugs them. He doesn’t look at Rocky anymore, staring instead at the cartoons on the television. For once, it feels like their pillowfort has been infiltrated.
“Anyway, sex might not be an issue for me pretty soon.” Rocky flops back down. He glances over, and even though Tommy does nothing to encourage him, continues. “I was right: Adam thinks we should be allowed to see other people. What he really means is he should be allowed to see other people. He knows I’m not interested in anyone else.”
The news astonishes Tommy enough to snap out of his funk. “What? Are you serious?”
“Yeah. It’s not so bad. I mean, I was getting all these crazy thoughts in my head, like Adam freaking out over the press seeing we live together and kicking me out and stuff. Turns out he just wants to be allowed to occasionally bring a girl home.” He keeps his tone upbeat. “We’ve already set up an extra bed in the office, so I’ll still have a place to sleep when he does.”
Tommy can hardly speak. “I can’t believe you’d agree to that.”
Rocky shrugs. “What choice do I have?”
“You could say no?”
“What, and lose Adam for good? No, thank you.”
“Even if he’s sleeping with other people?”
“It’s better than him dumping me, isn’t it? It makes him happy and I get to keep him. How can I complain? He’s never liked being with a guy before. He considers himself straight, you know, not even bi. That’s always been there between us. Even when it’s really great, he’s got this animosity about the fact I’m not a girl. It’s why we don’t usually go out to places together. People wouldn’t understand that he’s in a relationship with a guy but isn’t attracted to men.”
“I certainly don’t understand! He’s into you, isn’t he?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, I think so? It’s like, I’m the one guy and we’ve known each other so long it’s like . . . I’m almost not even a guy to him. That what he says, sometimes. ‘You’re not a guy to me, you’re Rocky.’ I sort of get it.”
“I don’t.”
“I’m the same way, really. Like, okay, I do find some guys attractive, and I like girls too, you know? But Adam’s the only one for me and it wouldn’t matter to me if he had girl parts or boy parts or whatever. That’s not what I’m into. It’s Adam. I could make us work no matter what.”
Tommy hugs his knees a bit harder. “Man.” He shivers. “I know you love him, but it sounds to me like Adam treats you like crap.”
To his surprise, Rocky doesn’t jump to defend Adam. “It used to be better. The war took a lot out of him, and then his job and all his night classes took the rest.” He plays with the tassel on one of the throw pillows. “I’ve only ever wanted him to be happy.”
“Even if that means leaving you for some girl he just met?”
“Yes.” Rocky sighs. “It’s not like I didn’t know; it’s what he’s always said he wanted.”
“Man, and here I am complaining about sex and stuff. You’ve got it way worse.”
“That’s not true. We’re both going through stuff.” He shrugs. “The hardest part for me will be staying there and seeing this girl give him all the things I never could. I’ve done so much for Adam, but just because the way he’s wired, it’s never, ever going to be enough. I think that’s part of why we don’t kiss as much anymore. The novelty has worn off.”
“What novelty?”
Rocky shrugs. “I don’t know. He’s got all these masculinity issues. He used to get picked on a lot when he was a kid, you know? So I think he enjoyed having a jock be all submissive to him.”
“Who, you? You’re not a jock!”
“Well, close enough. I looked enough like one of the guys who’d beat him up back in junior high, but I wasn’t. He knew I could hurt him, but didn’t. I think he liked that I was strong, but he could trust me. It made him feel superior, and I’ve always been fine with that.”
“And now you think that novelty has worn off.”
“Yeah. Maybe it wouldn’t have if we had to keep our identities.”
Tommy squeezes his knees again. “You must be mad at Billy.”
“No. Not really. Sometimes I think I am, but I understand why he did it. Adam’s already a lot happier. If I’m mad at anyone, it’s at Zordon for making us keep it a secret for so long in the first place.” He shrugs. “But then, I might never have been with Adam in the first place if we hadn’t.”
“We’re just a pair of messes, aren’t we?”
“No way. Billy really likes you.” Rocky rolls onto his side to face Tommy, propping his head up on his hand. “You’ll figure out sex and kissing eventually. Believe me, it’ll be worth the wait.”
“You really don’t use anything when you have sex?”
“Not drugs, no.”
“But . . . doesn’t it hurt?”
“No. Not if he’s doing it right. It feels amazing.”
Tommy wants to flop back down on the pillows and watch more cartoons with Rocky, but he can’t seem to let go of his knees. Maybe it’s different with Rocky and Adam. Maybe there’s something wrong with Tommy that makes it hurt. He can’t imagine having sex with Billy, and he can’t imagine sex not being completely horrid.
In the back of his mind, he remembers Billy talking about sex the second time they kissed. Eventually Billy will want it.
Tommy’s not sure what he’ll do when Billy’s patience runs out.
--
In the morning, Tommy wakes to strange voices in the living room. He dresses quickly and brushes his hair before sneaking down the hallway to peek into the room. Billy’s talking to two men in the living room, staring down at a large unfolded piece of paper on the dining room table. Both of the men are tall and broad, but dressed in the clothes of laymen.
Itching under the turtleneck he’s just pulled on, Tommy pushes his sleeves up to his forearms and says, “Hey. What’s going on here?”
Both men spin around, surprised.
Billy straightens out. If he’s mad at Tommy for intruding, it doesn’t show. “Good morning. Did we wake you?”
“Not really.” Tommy takes a few steps closer, looking the men over. “Who are these guys?”
“This is Phil and Ramone. I’ve contracted them to install a gate in the front yard. Hopefully that will keep at least some of the fans at bay.”
“Oh.” Uncertainty that Tommy hadn’t even realized he was harboring fades. “Nice to meet you both. I’m Tommy.” Although they remain dumbfounded, Tommy shakes both of their hands.
“I don’t have time to make breakfast, so you’re on your own this morning,” Billy says, returning his attention to the blueprints. “When you finish, I need you to start packing.”
A jolt of shock courses through Tommy. “Wait, what?”
“I got a suitcase down from the attic earlier and put it by your door. I think all of your clothes should fit into it. Make sure you take all your sweaters.”
The blood in Tommy’s ears is suddenly so loud he can hardly hear anything else. Where will he go? What will he do? Adam’ll never let him stay with Rocky; not now. “Did I do something wrong?”
Billy stares at him funny. “Not that I’m aware of.”
“Then why’re you kicking me out?”
Billy’s face changes dramatically. He leaves the blueprints on the table, going to him. “No. I’m not kicking you out. I’m sorry, you misunderstood me.” He glances briefly at Phil and Ramone. “We’re going on a trip. It’s going to take a few days to install the fence. I thought it’d be better if we weren’t home until it’s done.” He grips Tommy’s arms and gives them a squeeze. “I’m not kicking you out. I would never do that.”
Tommy can see Phil and Ramone giving each other glances, but he doesn’t care. It’s like the world has suddenly stopped spinning. “Jesus, Billy.” He gasps a little. “Don’t scare me like that.”
“I’m sorry. I really am. I phrased that badly.” He manages a smile. “We’ll only be gone a few days. You don’t have to pack everything. It’s going to be cold though, so you’ll want your sweaters.”
--
‘Some place cold’ turns out to be Aisha’s uncle’s cabin in the mountains, which suits Tommy just fine. The thought of waking up and not hearing fans and autograph seekers outside the front door is welcome news. The temperature in the mountains is perfect too, and the leaves have begun changing with the onset of autumn, which they never quite manage to do in Angel Grove.
“And, this should be it.” Billy slows the car in front of a modest little cabin and double checks the address. “Sure looks cozy.”
“And empty. Look, our nearest neighbor’s way down that driveway.”
Billy grins. “Yes, I thought you’d like that.” He pulls the car into the driveway and parks. Getting out, Billy starts unloading their bags. “It will be impossible to go completely unnoticed up here, but Aisha tells me her reception from the locals has been completely different than what she gets when she’s down in the valley. I don’t mind a bit of fame, but it’d be nice if they kept it to a respectable distance.”
“No kidding.” Tommy hefts the heavier of the suitcases. “Man, I thought those two fencing guys were about to jump out of their skin when I showed up this morning.”
Billy locks the car and starts toward the front door. “Well, I failed to mention I had someone living with me. They might have thought you were a crazy fan who followed them in.”
Tommy frowns as Billy fishes the cabin key out of his pocket. “I’m sorry, man. You probably didn’t want anyone to know I’m living with you, and now those two guys are gonna go blab it all over town.” He shakes his head. “I can’t do anything right.”
“That’s not true at all.” The door opens and Billy is distracted for a moment, looking for the light switch. “I don’t care who knows. Really, I don’t. They’ve seen you with Adam and Rocky already. They’ll figure it out eventually.” He glances around the inside of the cabin. “This is really nice.”
Tommy pulls the door closed behind him before taking in the main room. “Whoa.” It’s quite big, with several plush couches facing a panoramic window, overlooking the mountain view. Pine trees slope away as far as he can see, and although there’s no snow yet, he can feel the chill in the air. “That’s beautiful.”
“Looks like the kitchen is that way, so the bedroom should be over here.” Billy traverses a small hall and opens another door. “Very nice. Come see.”
Tommy leaves the suitcase in the foyer and follows Billy. There’s just one bedroom, but it’s almost twice as big as Billy’s back home. The area with the bed is raised and there’s a sunken living room with a fireplace on one side and more windows facing the mountains on the other. Tommy blinks several times. “Wow. Aisha’s uncle sure is nice letting us use this place.” He takes a few tentative steps and then flops out on the big bed.
“I’ll be sure to send him a thank you card.” After hesitating a few moments, Billy slips off his shoes and joins Tommy on the bed. He rolls on his side, looking Tommy over. “Did you really think I was kicking you out earlier?”
It feels absolutely silly to think of now. “I’d just woken up. Everything’s confusing then.”
Reaching out, Billy puts his hand on Tommy’s chest. “I keep my promises, and that’s one I really promise. I’ll never kick you out.”
It sounds so true when Billy says it that Tommy almost believes him. He doesn’t want to ruin this vacation, but he wants to kiss Billy and is afraid to. He mulls over his words a few seconds before gathering his strength. “You’ll want sex someday and . . . and I don’t know if I can do it. Not without drugs or something.”
Billy blinks at him a few times. “I don’t expect sex to come from this.”
“That doesn’t mean you don’t want it. You did last time we . . .”
“It’s an involuntary reaction. I apologize if it upset you.” He gently removes his hand. “But I mean it when I say I don’t expect sex. Not now and not ever. I’d love for you to be healthy and not fear sex, but I’ll never, ever expect it of you. I knew that going in.” He gives Tommy a brief kiss and curls up next to him. “This is more than enough.”
Instinctively, Tommy puts an arm around Billy. “I don’t understand why. You’re the leader of the Power Rangers. You could have anybody. Why pick someone you can never really be with?”
Without moving Tommy’s arm, Billy rolls over to face him. “First of all, ‘never’ is a very long time. Second, you’re rating sex much too high. Sex does not make a relationship more, or less, legitimate. While our society may be obsessed with copulation, I find it to be a relatively trivial part of what makes a relationship. It’s like a cat lover falling for someone who has allergies. One flaw doesn’t negate the rest of you.”
The words catch Tommy’s breath in his throat. Billy sounds so sincere. How easy it would be to believe him, and how devastating to later discover he didn’t mean it. He has to swallow before he can speak again. “The rest of me is also pretty flawed.”
Grinning, Billy sits up enough to kiss him again. “Well, no body’s perfect.”
Tommy wants to protest, but with Billy’s mouth on his, his brain absolutely refuses to engage, so for now he closes his eyes and lets his hands and mouth do the thinking.
--
About the only thing not amazing in the cabin is the pantry, which has obviously stood empty since summer. Knowing this, Billy doesn’t let the pleasant make out session on the bed last until evening, as nice as that could be. Instead, he wraps it up in time for lunch, which they have at an amazing mom and pop café. Tommy marvels at his soda, which is made with cane sugar and comes in a glass bottle, and Billy tells him he’s certain hot chocolate this delicious means it was made with milk and real chocolate in a sauce pan.
Billy isn’t recognized until they make it to the local grocery store, or if he was, no one made a fuss. It’s not the locals who stop in their tracks to stare, but other tourists. If Tommy notices, he doesn’t say anything. He just pulls two bags of pasta noodles off the shelf and compares them. “What’s . . . ore-gan-o?”
The simple question puts Billy at ease, allowing him to focus on Tommy instead of the tourists. “It’s a type of spice.” Leaving their mostly empty cart, he goes to stand close to Tommy, reading around his shoulder. He points. “Get that one.”
“How did you decide which?”
Billy shrugs. “I liked the way you said oregano.”
Blushing slightly, Tommy glances over at him. Noticing someone approaching, he says, “Hey.”
Turning, Billy sees a kid, probably about seven, hesitantly inching his way closer. His eyes widen when he realizes he’s been spotted. Then, taking his time to draw up all of his courage, he says, “Are you a Power Ranger?”
Billy has to laugh. He can see some of the adults lingering now, surreptitiously watching him, waiting for his reply. “Yes. My name is Billy.”
“I’m Robbie.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Robbie.” Billy bends down to shake the bewildered child’s hand. “Are you here on vacation with your parents?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’m here on vacation, too. It’s a beautiful place, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Does this mean if there’s a monster attack, you won’t go stop it?”
“No.” Billy straightens up. “My friends and I will stop the monster. We can travel really fast.”
One of the adults breaks away from the rest. “Robbie, come along. We don’t want to keep him from his shopping.” Catching Billy’s eyes, she gives a flustered smile. “We’re all very big fans. Thank you.”
As she leads her son away, Billy notices several of the others nodding their heads in agreement. He keeps smiling. While he appreciates this more than the autograph-seeking mob in Angel Grove, it nevertheless makes him want to go and hide.
Returning to Tommy, he murmurs, “I’m not cut out for this celebrity stuff.”
“I thought you handled it really well.”
Billy quickly adds a vinegar based pesto to their cart. “Do you want some more bottled sodas? I saw they had some when we came in.”
Tommy follows him down the aisle, wisely changing topics with him. “I thought you didn’t want me drinking soda.”
“All rules can be a little bent when you’re on vacation.”
They’re stared at as they continue shopping, but Billy keeps the pace up enough that no one bothers them again until they’re standing in line to check out. There, he’s coerced into signing a few autographs before politely hurrying out.
There are people in the parking lot with cameras, but Billy ignores them as he heads for their car. They’re not paparazzi and he’s not in the mood to cause a fuss. Tommy, on the other hand, can’t help but smile when people wave to them.
When they’re back in the car, Billy says, “You’d be so much better at this than I am.”
“What? No way. You were polite and tactful to everyone.”
“And you’re naturally charismatic.”
“What? I haven’t even done anything.”
Billy laughs. “Just the way you smile at everyone.” He glances over. In his white turtleneck sweater and his face framed in shiny curls, Tommy’s downright gorgeous. There’s no doubt in Billy’s mind that by the time they make it back to Angel Grove, the news stations will have picked up on Tommy and begun their speculation in earnest.
The pasta takes much longer to cook than anticipated due to the altitude and the sun sets while Billy’s trying to figure everything out. Tommy gets the fireplace going in the bedroom, and they eventually bring all the food there, eating on the large fur rug.
When they’re finished, Tommy lounges back, satiated. “It came out quite good, considering.”
Billy arches an eyebrow. “ ‘Considering’ what?”
“Uh.” Tommy sits back up. “Nothing. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Of course not.” He chuckles. “I know I’m not the most exceptional chef in the world, or even on the Ranger team. I’m just glad you liked it. Or at least pretended you did.”
“It really was great. The company was even better.”
In the firelight, Tommy’s really beautiful and Billy finds it hard to stop smiling. “Come on, I want to show you something.”
He grabs his coat and the big quilt off the foot of the bed. After making sure Tommy’s pulled on his coat as well, he slides one of the doors open, stepping out onto a patio.
“Wait up, Billy. I can hardly see anything. Maybe we should get a flashlight.”
“Your eyes will adjust. Just follow the sound of my voice, but be careful. There are a few steps here.” He takes them easily and finds himself on gently sloping ground. “Here, give me your hand.”
Once Tommy does, Billy helps him down the steps, but doesn’t let go. They pick their way through the undergrowth and trees for several minutes.
By the time they reach the clearing, Billy’s eyes have adjusted to the darkness so much that he can pick out all of the individual trees surrounding the clearing. When he turns back to look at Tommy, he can see the wonder and confusion on his face. “Just a few more seconds.”
Releasing Tommy’s hand, he spreads the blanket out on the grass and nettles and then stretches out on it. Without needed to be prompted, Tommy soon follows suit.
Despite the coats, it’s cold and Billy takes great pleasure in being able to curl up next to Tommy. The way Tommy’s arm so easily fits around him just feels right. “Well?” Billy says, pressing his ear to Tommy’s chest. “What do you think?” He gestures at the sky.
Overheard, a massive ribbon of stars stretches across the sky-the spectacular view of the Milky Way visible only from places as unpolluted by light as the mountains.
“Oh wow,” Tommy breathes. He draws a deep breath, drinking the view in. “It’s so beautiful.” When he lets his breath out, it steams in the cold air. “I’ve never seen so many stars.”
“It’s hard to believe all of this is up there every night, but we’ve filled our cities with so much light pollution we can’t even begin to glimpse it. Sad, isn’t it?”
Tommy shrugs slightly. “We wouldn’t appreciate it so much if we saw it all the time.” He gives Billy a little squeeze. “It wouldn’t be worth the trek out to the middle of the forest in the cold.”
Such a simple statement gives Billy a pause. “You’re right.” He laughs at how simply Tommy just turned his whole thought of the situation on its head. He takes a deep breath of his own, as if breathing in the starlight. “I used to want to travel through the stars.”
“Sounds awfully lonely.”
“We know we’re not alone. Statistically speaking, it’s almost guaranteed there are other intelligent life forms within our own galaxy.”
“Yeah. I just hope they’re not all like Rita and Zedd.”
Billy tilts his head, amazed that he can listen to the beating of Tommy’s heart while staring up at the slowly rotating sky. “I know they aren’t. There are some aliens out there, curled up on the ground, staring into the Milky Way and contemplating us right now.”
Tommy makes a soft noise in the back of his throat, and for a moment they lie there in silence, contemplating contemplations. “What made you change your mind?”
“About what?”
“Wanting to travel the stars. You said you used to want to.”
It’s something of a sensitive subject, and Billy finds himself shift in Tommy’s embrace. “It’s funny, really. I could have never really had the opportunity without Zordon’s help, and yet it’s becoming a Power Ranger that’s really tied me to the Earth and convinced me I could never really leave.”
“You don’t think you’ll ever retire like Jason and the others did?”
“Who’s to say? So long as there are monsters attacking the world, the Rangers need a strong leader. As fond as I am of the others, none of them are truly cut out to be fulltime leaders. Perhaps someday . . . if I found someone I really felt I could trust the Power to . . .”
“You weren’t exactly Power Ranger leader material when I first met you.” Tommy says it hesitantly, as if expecting Billy to protest.
“No, I wasn’t. I’ve come a long way and I’m good at what I do, but I’m the leader only because I have to be. If Jason came back, I would gladly and gratefully return control to him.”
“I can’t believe Jason gave it up, but not you. I would have never guessed it.”
It’s Billy turn to shrug. “Jason had a reason to give it up. Several, in fact.”
“You mean Zack.”
Billy takes another breath. “I used to lie out in my backyard with my father when I was a boy. He was an astronomer, you know. He taught me the names of all the stars and most of the constellations. After he died, I often wondered what the point of being a Power Ranger was if I couldn’t protect the people important to me. Funny how that works, isn’t it? I had no one to retire for and yet I still lost probably the most important person to me.” It feels like the thin air is getting to him; his chest hurts. “He never even knew I was a Power Ranger.”
“Billy . . . Man, I’m sorry.”
Shaking his head, Billy curls up closer. “It’s all right. I cut myself off from a lot of human interaction after the war and bottled all of my emotions up. I had to, in order to function. It’s good to finally air them.” He smiles and presses his cheek to Tommy’s chest. “It’s good to have someone to air them to.”
Tommy softly strokes Billy’s hair.
Moments later, a brilliant meteorite cuts across the sky. “Look, a shooting star!” Tommy gasps. It’s impossible to miss, but he points with his free hand anyway. When even the green tail has faded, he drops his hand with a contended sigh. “Make a wish.”
Billy doesn’t believe in the magic of shooting stars, but while Tommy’s staring into the sky, Billy looks up at his profile and, smiling, makes a wish.
--
Billy sleeps better than he has in weeks and it isn’t until he wakes up to Tommy wafting a mug of freshly brewed coffee near his nose that he realizes why. There’s no stress in the mountains; not even the distant roar of traffic on the street. The solitude is an escape from the pressures of the world, and Billy’s body has relaxed in a way it never does in Angel Grove.
And there’s Tommy, smiling at him from behind his sexy eyeglasses, holding out a mug of coffee for him. After pulling on his own glasses, Billy sits up and takes the mug gratefully, knowing he’ll never forget how perfect this moment is. “Thanks.” He takes a sip without moving his eyes off Tommy’s face. He’s the other key to the deep rest Billy experienced. Despite sharing the bed together, Billy didn’t wake once to one of Tommy’s nightmares. There was no thrashing in the bed or tortured whimpers. “Slept well?”
“Oh yeah.” Tommy crawls over Billy to get back in bed, burrowing under the covers beside him for warmth.
“You’re freezing.” Billy takes another sip of his coffee-it’s too strong, but not bad-and sets it aside so he can rub Tommy’s hands between his.
“Haha, yeah. Good thing you’re still warm.” He nuzzles Billy’s bare shoulder with his nose. “It snowed a little last night. Not much, but enough to dust over everything. It’s really beautiful.” He looks up at Billy. Behind his glasses, his eyes shine. “It’s so perfect up here.”
A deep sense of yearning opens in Billy’s heart and he kisses Tommy, a little frightened by just how deep and intense the feeling is.
After a few minutes of kissing, Tommy’s properly warmed up again and Billy returns to his coffee, which has cooled considerably. They stay snuggled up in the bed, watching the snow flurries as the wind blows it off the trees.
“Almost wish we didn’t have to get out of bed at all,” Billy says, once the coffee is gone.
Tommy nuzzles him again. “Why do we?”
“Well, for one, my bladder is reaching critical mass. As for the other, I told Aisha we’d meet her for lunch today.” He stretches and holds back a yawn. “And tomorrow we’ll probably want to head home before dark.”
“Mmm.” Tommy buries his face in his pillow for several seconds. “Do we really have to go back tomorrow?”
“I’ve got things I should be doing. You’ve got therapy.”
“Can’t we cancel them?” He sits up slightly. “I haven’t felt this good in . . . ever.”
Billy stares at him in wonder. “You want to cancel your Monday therapy?”
“That’s all right, isn’t it? I’m allowed to skip sometimes, aren’t I?”
“Yes, if you’re comfortable with doing so.” It occurs to him only then it just might be that being up in the peaceful tranquility of the mountains is better therapy than seeing Brian twice in one week. “Well, I don’t see why we have to rush home. We’ll ask Aisha at lunch if we can extend our stay. I’ll give Brian a call afterward to let him know you won’t be in on Monday.”
The way Tommy’s face lights up is worth it even if he wasn’t already looking forward to extending the trip. He stretches up and kisses Billy. “You’re the best boyfriend ever.”
Billy’s not sure that he is, but he’s too busy grinning over the use of the word boyfriend to protest.