(no subject)
title: mistakes and the things it triggered
genre: angst
pairing: kris/chanyeol
rating: pg
summary: kris had to go back to canada for a personal thing and left Chanyeol behind.
a/n: thx lahaela for your big help on betaing this ^^
a continuation of walk away and magic.
there are still some to come, yeah i've decided to made this a series of oneshots. not really sure how this would end up and don't kill me, thank you.
and yes i've betrayed my own promise to fill the ship with unicorns and rainbows. there are absolutely no rainbow and no Lay scattered around in this fic. yes. lay. unicorn. enjoy
The dial tone had been going on for seconds, minutes, maybe years for all he knew. He hoped desperately the person on the other line to pick up the phone. He didn’t need anything; he just wanted to hear-
“Hey, it’s Park Chanyeol.”
His heart immediately swelled with happiness. He told himself repeatedly that it wasn’t a dream; he was actually listening to the voice that had haunted his dreams for months. The voice that belonged to the person he longed to meet.
He was about to respond when suddenly another voice spoke up on the other line.
“And Kris Wu.”
His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach as he heard his own voice. Half of him rejoiced as he realized that Chanyeol hadn’t change the answering machine, but the other part wept silently because he didn’t actually answer the phone.
“We’re not able to pick up the phone right now, so you can leave us a message after the beep sound. We’ll contact you as soon as possible, promise.”
He exhaled the breath he didn’t realize he was holding.
“…Chanyeol? It’s me, Kris.”
He knew that the other person wasn’t there to answer his phone call. That it was only him and the answering machine. Even so, he couldn’t help but feel nervous over all the things he wanted to convey.
The past months had been a complete torture for him. Ever since he had left South Korea, leaving behind a large part of his life, pieces of his heart breaking off one by one, there was basically no good thing that had happened in his life.
He knew what he had sacrificed, and he assured himself that it was for the greater good. But who was he kidding? He couldn’t bear it, not anymore.
The first thing he did after landing in Vancouver International Airport was enter a limousine his mother had ordered to pick him up and taken off to the hospital to visit his father. It should be a simple thing, he thought at that time: maybe he would just sit by his side and talk about what he had done these past years and do a lot of catching up in return for those times.
But of course, the reality wasn’t that great.
He was greeted by the image of his father lying on the bed with cables and machines surrounding him, along with an oxygen mask on his face. He stepped forward to look at the elder, the figure he had looked up to ever since he was born, the figure that always looked so powerful to him even in his old age. But now, he didn’t look like his father; he felt like he was seeing a completely different guy altogether.
He looked weak; he was no longer the CEO of the empire that literally owned half of the world. No, he was only a person weak enough not to be trusted with breathing by himself.
That’s when Kris resolved his mind. For his father, for those millions of people working under the company, and even, yes, for himself: he would be the strong and responsible man from then on, no matter what he had to do.
Even if he had to exchange it with his own happiness.
He remembered the deal he made with his parents before he went to South Korea, which was for all of them not to disclose Kris’ identity before he decided to come back to Canada by his own will. The young guy had wanted to pursue his education without any pressure as ‘the heir of multinational company’; he wanted to be ‘Kris Wu’ without any other titles, going to the Far East instead of a university in Canada that wouldn’t have judged him by his value but by his inheritance.
It all paid off, though; he earned a name for himself in the university he attended. He was the head of student’s senate, a permanent member for the debate club, and considered by the general student body the best foreign student ever with his perfect scores.
Most importantly, it was there that he found happiness in the form of Park Chanyeol.
Their first meeting happened in the first week of his second year. He had just became a member of the debate club and getting ready for the first competition when he was being teamed with that smart junior who had an attitude that could rival his. As they interacted, it became clear that they wouldn’t get along well; not just because of the language barrier but mostly because of both of their attitudes.
Despite the partner issues, they could have gotten into the finals and at least second place if only they had had a better argument against ‘the government shouldn’t intervene with the free market and save failing businesses’. It actually irked Kris to no end, but he didn’t want anyone to know that.
Even after the competition, they kept meeting each other on and off due to various overlapping club activities, mostly in the library. Kris kept insisting that he really was there to study and had zero intention of stalking the younger guy; it just happened that there were no more empty seats other than the one in front of him!
They eventually got closer though, despite having small fights all the time. The first big fight that also triggered them to start going out came in the form of Byun Baekhyun. He was the newest addition to the debate club and being the perfect gentleman he was, Kris helped him assimilate. This also made them close friends-way too close for Chanyeol’s liking.
It had been going on for some weeks, and Chanyeol was getting so uncomfortable he began to scurry away each time Kris and Baekhyun were in the same room as him. Kris, being the oblivious person that he was, didn’t really notice the change in the other’s behavior. When he finally noticed, he shrugged it off like it was not a big deal, even though deep in his heart he really missed their now semi-regular interactions.
It didn’t end like that; as time went by Chanyeol’s behavior got even worse. He started giving Kris silent treatment for days, and even stopped answering phone calls, texts and social network messages. Kris refused to accept the situation and confronted the younger guy, resulting in Chanyeol crying his eyes out and admitting that yes, he was jealous because Baekhyun could get closer to the Canadian more than he ever could in such a short amount of time and Kris was totally paying a lot more attention to the short guy rather than toward him.
Needless to say, the confession shocked the older like he’d been struck by lightning. Seeing that there was no response, Chanyeol started walking away from him, sniffing, when Kris hugged him out of the blue and whispered an honest confession asking him out.
Months later, they moved in together in a new apartment Kris bought just for them. Chanyeol had once asked about where the money came from -because buying an apartment in Gangnam area surely cost a fortune- just to be shushed by the older guy. “Let’s just say that I have rich parents,” he would say with a simple smile.
Their time together was simply the best thing that ever happened in Kris’ life. He was delighted by their conditions that he had forgotten about the other life he had.
He had forgotten about his own destiny.
He had thought that he could go on with that life for as long as he lives, that his father could take care of his company forever.
That was until some months ago, until his mother called him and informed that his father had collapsed and that they needed him to takeover the company.
He left Chanyeol behind, along with the life he loved and the majority of his heart.
Sometimes, he imagined how Chanyeol’s life had continued without him, Kris, by his side. It was cruel of him to leave his lover without any explanation and goodbye; only leaving a single note saying ‘I’m going home. Don’t look for me.’ behind. But it was the best thing that he could do.
He couldn’t bear to see the sadness that would overflow from the younger’s eyes and voice if he told him that he had to leave. He couldn’t even bear to explain his condition to the younger guy, seeing that in the past year they had been together, he never once mentioned about his other life. It was egoist of him, he knew, but it was for the best.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled to the phone. “I’m sorry, Chanyeol-ah, I miss you.”
‘I miss you’ seemed like an understatement for his current condition. He lived each day as though he was going to die, living without the voice and laughter from his lover draining him of all life and emotion. More than once he asked himself how he could have lived before they knew each other, before he had grown accustomed to the cheerful voice of Chanyeol.
He had wanted to contact the younger person before, but his busy life and the fact that he was afraid of rejection held him back. Each day, he had to go back and forth in between companies, looking at the progress of their projects and introducing himself to his father’s business partners. There were also a lot of business parties and press conferences to attend, ever since he signed the papers that officially made him the new CEO of his family’s so-called ‘empire’.
It wasn’t the first time for him to hold the phone receiver and dial the younger’s number; both his cellphone and their old apartment’s land phone. But it was the first time for him to actually wait until the dial tone ended and speak to the line, even though it was just the answering machine.
“I… I didn’t mean to leave you like that… it’s just that I…”
He sighed and swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, the lines he had memorized perfectly gone down the drain.
“I have some urgent things to be taken care of here in Canada, and I didn’t have enough time to inform you about it.”
He felt proud for saying it with less shaky voice than the former one. He peeked at the clock and did a mental math, it was 3 pm in Seoul and Chanyeol should’ve gotten home by then.
“I didn’t mean to leave you like that, really. I… I regret it, Chanyeol-ah.”
He frowned at the lack of response and felt like kicking himself as he remembered that he was talking to the answering machine, for fuck’s sake.
“Here, I’ll give you my phone number, please contact me. I’ll be waiting, Chanyeol-ah, I promise. I… I love you, I still and will always do…”
He recited his personal cellphone number and hung up the phone, leaning back to the comfortable couch that had substituted for bed in his busy nights. Silently hoping that the younger would contact him.
When his cellphone rang, he took it without missing a beat. “Chanyeol?!”
The only thing he could hear was a familiar ‘eh?’ that came from, unmistakably, his own mother. “Who is Chanyeol, son?”
He sighed lightly and ran a hand through his hair. “Just a friend,” he felt weird saying that about his lover, “What’s wrong, Ma?”
He could hear his mother shift slightly and imagined her forcing a smile onto her weary face, a gesture she made each time they were talking about his ‘other life’ as they put it. “You really miss South Korea, don’t you?”
He hadn’t got the chance to reply before his mother started to speak again.
“I’m really sorry, son, I didn’t mean to take you away from your life. It was just that I panicked when your father suddenly collapsed like that.”
He knew the lines by heart, they had already had this conversation one too many times and it always hurt.
“If,” she sighed, “if you want to, you can go back to South Korea. It’s okay, really. Your father’s condition is getting better gradually and I think that it will be just fine.”
He scoffed inwardly and bit back his tongue to stop him from replying, “Really now? After all this? It might be too late to go back now. He might never be in a condition to participate in the company, ever again.”
“It’s okay, Ma,” he replied instead. “I chose to be here, right? It’s my destiny after all. Sooner or later, this is my place to be. It’s what I’m supposed to do, right?”
He could hear his mother smile and shake her head at his words. “If you say so,” she breathed out. “It’s late, son, you better go to sleep now. You have a meeting first thing in the morning, right?”
They proceeded to talk for a while long, about his work and other things; Kris didn’t even realize that there had been an incoming call to his cellphone.
Right after he hung up, he looked at the phone and blinked as he saw that he had gotten a new voice mail from an international number. He put the phone to his ear and listened to the operator telling him to push some numbers in order to listen to the message.
“Kris-hyung?” his heart jumped as he heard the voice. He pinched his arm to make sure that he, in fact, wasn’t dreaming. Chanyeol was calling him back and left him a voice mail. There was nothing that could make him happier.
“I… uh, it’s fine,” the voice said, then a sigh could be heard. “I’m fine, hyung,” Kris noticed that his voice cracked a little.
“I know that it must be an important thing, really, hyung, and I’m fine… I understand.”
A pause.
“I… I heard about it on the news, and honestly… I was shocked. You, you never told me about it, haha. I was really shocked to find out that Kris Wu, the head of student’s senate, the permanent delegate of the debate club…”
Kris bit his lower lip as he listened to the younger’s words. It hurt somehow. He could hear the hurt in Chanyeol’s voice despite him trying to cover it.
“the person I loved and lived with for the past year was actually an heir of a multinational company? It was…surprising. How could I have never known about it?”
He closed his eyes. He knew it, the younger must hate him now. He was tempted to forget the message and call Chanyeol again to apologize, but instead he continued to hang on to the other’s voice. It didn’t matter how many times he had to apologize if it meant he could get him back again. Everything didn’t matter.
“I… I thought that you dumped me. I thought that… maybe, just maybe, you wanted to get rid of me and go back to your beautiful life. How is it there, hyung? It must be nice, you can get tasty meals instead of my horrible cooking, you don’t have to sleep with me hogging all the blankets, and I bet you don’t want to come back here anymore.”
He could hear a dry laugh and he wanted to kill himself. What had he done to deserve this? What had he done to make someone so pure, so cheerful, hate him like this?
“I’m moving out, hyung,” then all the trains of his thought snapped. What?
“I… living here suffocates me. I think I need a new environment, hyung. I can’t sell it, though, because the papers are under your name. So, I’ll be leaving the key in the mailbox as usual. Okay?”
He wanted to scream at the younger, but then he remembered that it was only a recording.
“Goodbye, hyung.”
Kris wasn’t sure about what just happened, all he knew was that his heart felt like it was being stabbed by thousands of knifes. It was hard for him to even breathe with all the pain in his chest.
He picked up the phone and called the number he last dialed again and again, just to be greeted with a cold voice of the operator machine.
“The number you’re calling is out of service.”
He could see his tears falling onto the floor.
It had all been a big mistake and there was nothing he could do to fix it.
There was nothing he wouldn’t do if that meant he could go back to the past and correct his decisions.
Absolutely nothing.
If only it meant he could get Chanyeol back in his life again.
genre: angst
pairing: kris/chanyeol
rating: pg
summary: kris had to go back to canada for a personal thing and left Chanyeol behind.
a/n: thx lahaela for your big help on betaing this ^^
a continuation of walk away and magic.
there are still some to come, yeah i've decided to made this a series of oneshots. not really sure how this would end up and don't kill me, thank you.
and yes i've betrayed my own promise to fill the ship with unicorns and rainbows. there are absolutely no rainbow and no Lay scattered around in this fic. yes. lay. unicorn. enjoy
The dial tone had been going on for seconds, minutes, maybe years for all he knew. He hoped desperately the person on the other line to pick up the phone. He didn’t need anything; he just wanted to hear-
“Hey, it’s Park Chanyeol.”
His heart immediately swelled with happiness. He told himself repeatedly that it wasn’t a dream; he was actually listening to the voice that had haunted his dreams for months. The voice that belonged to the person he longed to meet.
He was about to respond when suddenly another voice spoke up on the other line.
“And Kris Wu.”
His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach as he heard his own voice. Half of him rejoiced as he realized that Chanyeol hadn’t change the answering machine, but the other part wept silently because he didn’t actually answer the phone.
“We’re not able to pick up the phone right now, so you can leave us a message after the beep sound. We’ll contact you as soon as possible, promise.”
He exhaled the breath he didn’t realize he was holding.
“…Chanyeol? It’s me, Kris.”
He knew that the other person wasn’t there to answer his phone call. That it was only him and the answering machine. Even so, he couldn’t help but feel nervous over all the things he wanted to convey.
The past months had been a complete torture for him. Ever since he had left South Korea, leaving behind a large part of his life, pieces of his heart breaking off one by one, there was basically no good thing that had happened in his life.
He knew what he had sacrificed, and he assured himself that it was for the greater good. But who was he kidding? He couldn’t bear it, not anymore.
The first thing he did after landing in Vancouver International Airport was enter a limousine his mother had ordered to pick him up and taken off to the hospital to visit his father. It should be a simple thing, he thought at that time: maybe he would just sit by his side and talk about what he had done these past years and do a lot of catching up in return for those times.
But of course, the reality wasn’t that great.
He was greeted by the image of his father lying on the bed with cables and machines surrounding him, along with an oxygen mask on his face. He stepped forward to look at the elder, the figure he had looked up to ever since he was born, the figure that always looked so powerful to him even in his old age. But now, he didn’t look like his father; he felt like he was seeing a completely different guy altogether.
He looked weak; he was no longer the CEO of the empire that literally owned half of the world. No, he was only a person weak enough not to be trusted with breathing by himself.
That’s when Kris resolved his mind. For his father, for those millions of people working under the company, and even, yes, for himself: he would be the strong and responsible man from then on, no matter what he had to do.
Even if he had to exchange it with his own happiness.
He remembered the deal he made with his parents before he went to South Korea, which was for all of them not to disclose Kris’ identity before he decided to come back to Canada by his own will. The young guy had wanted to pursue his education without any pressure as ‘the heir of multinational company’; he wanted to be ‘Kris Wu’ without any other titles, going to the Far East instead of a university in Canada that wouldn’t have judged him by his value but by his inheritance.
It all paid off, though; he earned a name for himself in the university he attended. He was the head of student’s senate, a permanent member for the debate club, and considered by the general student body the best foreign student ever with his perfect scores.
Most importantly, it was there that he found happiness in the form of Park Chanyeol.
Their first meeting happened in the first week of his second year. He had just became a member of the debate club and getting ready for the first competition when he was being teamed with that smart junior who had an attitude that could rival his. As they interacted, it became clear that they wouldn’t get along well; not just because of the language barrier but mostly because of both of their attitudes.
Despite the partner issues, they could have gotten into the finals and at least second place if only they had had a better argument against ‘the government shouldn’t intervene with the free market and save failing businesses’. It actually irked Kris to no end, but he didn’t want anyone to know that.
Even after the competition, they kept meeting each other on and off due to various overlapping club activities, mostly in the library. Kris kept insisting that he really was there to study and had zero intention of stalking the younger guy; it just happened that there were no more empty seats other than the one in front of him!
They eventually got closer though, despite having small fights all the time. The first big fight that also triggered them to start going out came in the form of Byun Baekhyun. He was the newest addition to the debate club and being the perfect gentleman he was, Kris helped him assimilate. This also made them close friends-way too close for Chanyeol’s liking.
It had been going on for some weeks, and Chanyeol was getting so uncomfortable he began to scurry away each time Kris and Baekhyun were in the same room as him. Kris, being the oblivious person that he was, didn’t really notice the change in the other’s behavior. When he finally noticed, he shrugged it off like it was not a big deal, even though deep in his heart he really missed their now semi-regular interactions.
It didn’t end like that; as time went by Chanyeol’s behavior got even worse. He started giving Kris silent treatment for days, and even stopped answering phone calls, texts and social network messages. Kris refused to accept the situation and confronted the younger guy, resulting in Chanyeol crying his eyes out and admitting that yes, he was jealous because Baekhyun could get closer to the Canadian more than he ever could in such a short amount of time and Kris was totally paying a lot more attention to the short guy rather than toward him.
Needless to say, the confession shocked the older like he’d been struck by lightning. Seeing that there was no response, Chanyeol started walking away from him, sniffing, when Kris hugged him out of the blue and whispered an honest confession asking him out.
Months later, they moved in together in a new apartment Kris bought just for them. Chanyeol had once asked about where the money came from -because buying an apartment in Gangnam area surely cost a fortune- just to be shushed by the older guy. “Let’s just say that I have rich parents,” he would say with a simple smile.
Their time together was simply the best thing that ever happened in Kris’ life. He was delighted by their conditions that he had forgotten about the other life he had.
He had forgotten about his own destiny.
He had thought that he could go on with that life for as long as he lives, that his father could take care of his company forever.
That was until some months ago, until his mother called him and informed that his father had collapsed and that they needed him to takeover the company.
He left Chanyeol behind, along with the life he loved and the majority of his heart.
Sometimes, he imagined how Chanyeol’s life had continued without him, Kris, by his side. It was cruel of him to leave his lover without any explanation and goodbye; only leaving a single note saying ‘I’m going home. Don’t look for me.’ behind. But it was the best thing that he could do.
He couldn’t bear to see the sadness that would overflow from the younger’s eyes and voice if he told him that he had to leave. He couldn’t even bear to explain his condition to the younger guy, seeing that in the past year they had been together, he never once mentioned about his other life. It was egoist of him, he knew, but it was for the best.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled to the phone. “I’m sorry, Chanyeol-ah, I miss you.”
‘I miss you’ seemed like an understatement for his current condition. He lived each day as though he was going to die, living without the voice and laughter from his lover draining him of all life and emotion. More than once he asked himself how he could have lived before they knew each other, before he had grown accustomed to the cheerful voice of Chanyeol.
He had wanted to contact the younger person before, but his busy life and the fact that he was afraid of rejection held him back. Each day, he had to go back and forth in between companies, looking at the progress of their projects and introducing himself to his father’s business partners. There were also a lot of business parties and press conferences to attend, ever since he signed the papers that officially made him the new CEO of his family’s so-called ‘empire’.
It wasn’t the first time for him to hold the phone receiver and dial the younger’s number; both his cellphone and their old apartment’s land phone. But it was the first time for him to actually wait until the dial tone ended and speak to the line, even though it was just the answering machine.
“I… I didn’t mean to leave you like that… it’s just that I…”
He sighed and swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, the lines he had memorized perfectly gone down the drain.
“I have some urgent things to be taken care of here in Canada, and I didn’t have enough time to inform you about it.”
He felt proud for saying it with less shaky voice than the former one. He peeked at the clock and did a mental math, it was 3 pm in Seoul and Chanyeol should’ve gotten home by then.
“I didn’t mean to leave you like that, really. I… I regret it, Chanyeol-ah.”
He frowned at the lack of response and felt like kicking himself as he remembered that he was talking to the answering machine, for fuck’s sake.
“Here, I’ll give you my phone number, please contact me. I’ll be waiting, Chanyeol-ah, I promise. I… I love you, I still and will always do…”
He recited his personal cellphone number and hung up the phone, leaning back to the comfortable couch that had substituted for bed in his busy nights. Silently hoping that the younger would contact him.
When his cellphone rang, he took it without missing a beat. “Chanyeol?!”
The only thing he could hear was a familiar ‘eh?’ that came from, unmistakably, his own mother. “Who is Chanyeol, son?”
He sighed lightly and ran a hand through his hair. “Just a friend,” he felt weird saying that about his lover, “What’s wrong, Ma?”
He could hear his mother shift slightly and imagined her forcing a smile onto her weary face, a gesture she made each time they were talking about his ‘other life’ as they put it. “You really miss South Korea, don’t you?”
He hadn’t got the chance to reply before his mother started to speak again.
“I’m really sorry, son, I didn’t mean to take you away from your life. It was just that I panicked when your father suddenly collapsed like that.”
He knew the lines by heart, they had already had this conversation one too many times and it always hurt.
“If,” she sighed, “if you want to, you can go back to South Korea. It’s okay, really. Your father’s condition is getting better gradually and I think that it will be just fine.”
He scoffed inwardly and bit back his tongue to stop him from replying, “Really now? After all this? It might be too late to go back now. He might never be in a condition to participate in the company, ever again.”
“It’s okay, Ma,” he replied instead. “I chose to be here, right? It’s my destiny after all. Sooner or later, this is my place to be. It’s what I’m supposed to do, right?”
He could hear his mother smile and shake her head at his words. “If you say so,” she breathed out. “It’s late, son, you better go to sleep now. You have a meeting first thing in the morning, right?”
They proceeded to talk for a while long, about his work and other things; Kris didn’t even realize that there had been an incoming call to his cellphone.
Right after he hung up, he looked at the phone and blinked as he saw that he had gotten a new voice mail from an international number. He put the phone to his ear and listened to the operator telling him to push some numbers in order to listen to the message.
“Kris-hyung?” his heart jumped as he heard the voice. He pinched his arm to make sure that he, in fact, wasn’t dreaming. Chanyeol was calling him back and left him a voice mail. There was nothing that could make him happier.
“I… uh, it’s fine,” the voice said, then a sigh could be heard. “I’m fine, hyung,” Kris noticed that his voice cracked a little.
“I know that it must be an important thing, really, hyung, and I’m fine… I understand.”
A pause.
“I… I heard about it on the news, and honestly… I was shocked. You, you never told me about it, haha. I was really shocked to find out that Kris Wu, the head of student’s senate, the permanent delegate of the debate club…”
Kris bit his lower lip as he listened to the younger’s words. It hurt somehow. He could hear the hurt in Chanyeol’s voice despite him trying to cover it.
“the person I loved and lived with for the past year was actually an heir of a multinational company? It was…surprising. How could I have never known about it?”
He closed his eyes. He knew it, the younger must hate him now. He was tempted to forget the message and call Chanyeol again to apologize, but instead he continued to hang on to the other’s voice. It didn’t matter how many times he had to apologize if it meant he could get him back again. Everything didn’t matter.
“I… I thought that you dumped me. I thought that… maybe, just maybe, you wanted to get rid of me and go back to your beautiful life. How is it there, hyung? It must be nice, you can get tasty meals instead of my horrible cooking, you don’t have to sleep with me hogging all the blankets, and I bet you don’t want to come back here anymore.”
He could hear a dry laugh and he wanted to kill himself. What had he done to deserve this? What had he done to make someone so pure, so cheerful, hate him like this?
“I’m moving out, hyung,” then all the trains of his thought snapped. What?
“I… living here suffocates me. I think I need a new environment, hyung. I can’t sell it, though, because the papers are under your name. So, I’ll be leaving the key in the mailbox as usual. Okay?”
He wanted to scream at the younger, but then he remembered that it was only a recording.
“Goodbye, hyung.”
Kris wasn’t sure about what just happened, all he knew was that his heart felt like it was being stabbed by thousands of knifes. It was hard for him to even breathe with all the pain in his chest.
He picked up the phone and called the number he last dialed again and again, just to be greeted with a cold voice of the operator machine.
“The number you’re calling is out of service.”
He could see his tears falling onto the floor.
It had all been a big mistake and there was nothing he could do to fix it.
There was nothing he wouldn’t do if that meant he could go back to the past and correct his decisions.
Absolutely nothing.
If only it meant he could get Chanyeol back in his life again.