fic: REMister (1/2)
Title: REMister
Author: prologuesized
Beta: pinkeuphoria1
Pairing: Akame
Word count: 13,900
Rating: Light R
Genre/Warnings: AU, romance, fluff, humour, crack, angst, fantasy (incoherency ahead!)
Notes: Written for elanielyn at kizuna_exchange 2011 ( here). I'd like to thank circuside not only for introducing me to lucid dreaming, which now several years served as fuel for this fic, but also for helping me with the actual concept somewhat. ♥ And I honestly can’t thank Isa enough for betaing once again ♥
Summary: There’s only one thing Jin wishes more for than the ability to do absolutely anything in his dreams - to have the man he fell in love with within them to be real when he’s awake.
REMister
He is dreaming. Jin is. Dreaming of a colourful candy land where everything sparkles stupidly in the bright light radiating from the clear white sky. Perhaps it’s a sugar sky, he wonders as he chuckles, a strawberry and cream flavoured lollipop in his cheek. It tastes so real he has to pat himself on the head for a job well done in lucid dreaming.
The fields of candy go on forever, making Jin hum contently as he tries to move forward. What sucks about the dream is that he has failed to produce a good pathway for moving around. The candy rises all the way up to his knees, and whenever he tries to get a footing over the surface it gives way and his foot merely slides through with a rustling sound.
When he turns around the world quickly goes black before bouncing back to the bright happiness it’s previously been. Jin feels a drop of cold sweat on his forehead as he stares at the distraction that almost made him lose all control of his world - a young man with an amused smile and a fancy chocolate truffle squeezed firmly between his fingers.
“Are you my candy?” Jin asks confusedly and purses his lips when the man laughs, bringing the chocolate truffle amusedly to his lips. He munches on it and lets out a sigh that sounds a bit like from a cheap porn movie Jin recalls illegally downloading on his computer a few days back and he’s sure - yes, the man is his candy, a very lively and humane man-candy he’s somehow produced for himself without even noticing.
The man licks his lips and Jin removes the lollipop from his mouth, watching him in fascination. It’s beyond him how his projection is a man instead of a woman, but it’s not like he really minds - yes, he does prefer women a bit more than the booby-less sex but the man’s still all good in an odd manner he hasn’t acknowledged himself fancying before.
A subconscious desire, he assumes and bites his lip when he leans forward, licking the soft skin of the man’s cheek, right under the pretty crack of an eye. He withdraws grumpily and scoffs, shaking his head.
“You don’t taste sugary at all!”
“Do you want me to?” the lithe but nicely built man tilts his head and chuckles, picking up another chocolate truffle to slip in his mouth. Jin recalls eating one earlier and wincing at the icky sweet flavour but the man enjoys his truffle nonetheless, shivering in contentment.
His subconscious must have a really odd taste.
“Hey candy-man, why do you have so many clothes on?” Jin flirts through his lips pursed in discontentment. Then he realises what he’s almost forgotten amidst his thinking and gasps delightedly - it’s his dream thus he’s in control of everything and if he just really wills it hard enough, he’s going to get what he wants. Damn, he can even get boobs on the man! Except that boobs only look good on girls. He wonders if he should turn the man-candy into a smutty chick, all breasts and nice cleavage. He decides against it after a while, though. He’s already become quite fond of the projection and changing it would be a waste. A woman some other time then, perhaps.
When he focuses on making the man naked, however, the candies furiously explode all around them. Jin screams, backing off when he feels the unwelcome force that suppresses his creator powers. The candy-man straightens his fashionable chequered jacket and rolls his eyes, untouched by his previous attempt to make his clothes vanish or vaporise or something alike.
“I want you naked,” Jin frowns sadly and tries hesitantly again but a few more candies explode and when candies explode, they’re fucking scary and it’s not under his control so he hates it and the dream totally sucks. Simply put.
Hell, his own head is starting to get messy with his thoughts. The dream-thinking isn’t exactly helping.
“Naked and covered in thick caramel? I don’t think so,” the man sighs and then when Jin looks down they’re suddenly standing on a nice road made out of tiled gummy-bear shaped marble. Jin can’t quite figure out how they fit together the way they do but it looks pretty cool and the road continues all the way to the horizon… and it certainly isn’t his work.
He’s losing his control over the dream, isn’t he?
“You’re changing things,” he complains but the man shoves marshmallows in his mouth with a bossy smirk, silencing him. Then he crashes on a bright red couch (where did that come from?!) on the marble pathway and hugs the cushions with a delighted look on his face.
If thoughts ran more smoothly in dreams, Jin swears he would start pondering about many things. Now everything just flows by in odd speed and swirls and nothing makes sense.
Even lucid dreams are kind of dream-like then, he assumes as he crashes down on the couch as well, intrigued by the man-candy he thinks he really kind of wants to have sex with. Because he has to, why else would he even have made the guy up or anything?
“This is a really odd dream,” he notes in an attempt to make a brief small talk before some sweatier action. “You’re hot.”
“I figured that much,” the younger man throws him a flirtatious smirk and leans his back against the armrest. “You want to have sex, right?”
“Hell yeah,” Jin croaks hoarsely and climbs over the younger man, glad to take up his invitation. Actually, it’s kind of hotter that way. He figures the subconscious of his subconscious or something knows that and is pleasantly tempting him.
His entire body feels overwhelmed with sensations when their bodies get glued together heatedly and lips refuse to leave the other’s (there’s no need for a breath after all). The stranger’s fingers bury themselves in his hair and tug on it fiercely as Jin gets taken. It’s funny and exciting how the sounds work a bit like a home theatre’s surrounding sounds and everything gets so wet and slick he feels like he’ll explode any second-
-
Jin wakes up feeling squeamish in his dirtied underwear. His skin feels moist and hot as he brushes his fingers over his stomach. Very, very uncomfortably so.
He pants heavily as he looks at the ceiling. The room is pitch-black for a while before his eyes adjust to the colourless darkness. He buries his face in his playboy bunny shaped couch pillow and moans, feeling slightly lightheaded and dehydrated.
He laughs to himself contently and scratches his stomach as he decides that he can’t be bothered to get up before the sunrise and goes back to sleep, normally this time.
-
“So did it work?”
“Mh?” Jin moans and raises his tired gaze to his friend. Pi sits next to him on the pavement under the spring sky and starts carefully adjusting his guitar strings. After a moment of silence Pi kicks his ankle and forces him back to reality with a yelp. “Ouch!”
“You failed, didn’t you?” Pi chuckles and strums a few notes with his guitar. Jin purses his lips and drops his fedora to the ground before yanking Pi up on his feet.
“They’ll pay more attention to us if you stand, you idiot. And I didn’t fail,” he announces proudly, a smug smirk stretching out on his youthful face. “I guess I’m just a natural talent.”
“As if~” Pi teases him and puts his sunglasses on his fishy face. Jin opens a few buttons from his shirt and drops his outer jacket on the ground. “This is the only thing you’re good at, Bakanishi.”
“And you call yourself a friend…” Jin utters darkly under his breath, flicking his hair back and sending a charming smile to a small group of girls about their age checking them out from afar. “But really, I did it. You’re right, it’s kind of cool.”
“Oh yeah? What did you do?” Pi asks him and pinches his cheek. Jin slaps his hand away and flushes pink, shaking his head furiously. He hears the sound of the girls squealing.
“You’re so mean I won’t tell you!” he exclaims loudly. “Mean Pi!”
“Sex?”
“Shut the fuck up!” Jin scoffs. “…Of course not. I’m not that lame. I can get sex when I’m awake, why would I waste a dream for that…”
“You never were the logical one,” Pi smirks at him. “Or maybe you just have some really weird kinks.”
“I don’t,” Jin denies the blunt accusation and hawks to open his voice. “Let’s just do this, okay? We’re starting to get weird looks.”
“What do you want to play?” Yamapi asks him, fingers caressing the strings of his instrument, letting out a few notes again. “SMAP? Girls dig that.”
“Let’s do Beatles,” Jin suggests. “They dig that too, you know. Foreigners included.”
“You and your foreigners,” Pi rolls his eyes but complies.
That’s how their free Sunday afternoon passes by. Hour after hour, until Pi’s fingers get so numb he isn’t able to feel the strings anymore and play correctly and Jin’s voice grows so hoarse he’s unable to even speak much. They treat themselves to a few cold drinks at a nearby bar with the earned money. It’s not much, but it has always had more emotional value than financial.
“So which lucid dream technique did you try out?” Pi asks him after Jin stops coughing so much. His voice is still more of a raspy whisper than his usual loud tone, but his verbose nature is starting to raise its head again.
“Wake Induced,” Jin sniffs as he devours another gulp of his chilly mojito. Pi nods.
“WILD. I guess that would work for you the best,” he nods. “You’re so dumb you wouldn’t understand you’re dreaming in the middle of it even if pink elephants started flying around your head and Ryo was dancing naked on a stripper stage. Shaking his… junk.”
“And the pink elephants would be chiming ‘Pi! Pi! Pi! ’” Jin continues the joke, chuckling to himself. Pi gulps down a quarter of his beer and wipes the foam off the corners his mouth. “The image of Ryo isn’t all that impossible, though… Remind me to never let him drink too much.”
“Cheers for that,” Pi agrees and they raise their glasses for a friendly toast.
“It was nice,” Jin nods absently, thinking back to the night’s adventure. “I sort of get why you like it.”
“Of course I like it,” Pi laughs. “Who wouldn’t? Being able to do anything you’d ever want to in a dream. Now if only dreams came true…”
They laugh and chuckle mischievously, attracting attention from other customers. Jin sniffs and slurps down more of his lime drink. “I think I could take it up as a hobby. Lucid dreaming.”
Pi nods. He understands, probably. Their imaginations have always been too enormous to fit in the real world. Their dreams have always proved to be unachievable. It’s been so since they were young. Maybe it’s one of the reasons why they have so naturally fallen in place next to each other. How they have become best friends, and even though they don’t often do anything special, their friendship shows no signs of dying.
Jin likes to think they’re soul mates of some sort. In a very friendly and manly way, of course. Anything else would be just eww. Not with Pi. Eww.
“Wipe that disgusted look off your face!” Pi snaps at him and whacks his head gently, lips pursed and eyes narrowed. “It makes me look like I’ve done something bad!”
“I can’t help it, I’m spending my night with a fish!” Jin bullies back and empties his mojito glass. He closes his eyes and burps, the taste of alcohol rising up his throat.
“Okay, now it’s just you who’s being disgusting,” Pi notes happily and follows Jin’s example, chugging down his own drink. “Good to go?”
“Yeah. Sure,” Jin yawns. “Pretty good to go.”
After all, he’s kind of looking forward to going to sleep.
-
He’s nervous as he sets the alarm for himself. He runs to the bathroom all the time and goes through his instruction papers over and over again. The sound of his heart pounding excitedly in his ears is evident amidst his excitement and nervousness. It’s just a little too bad the adrenaline isn’t good when he’s trying to fall asleep.
He sits on his bed and opens the golden locket that rests around his neck. He pulls out the not-so-neatly folded paper and reads it over and over again.
Is this a dream? it asks him in clear cursive and Jin pinches his nose between his thumb and index finger but isn’t able to breathe through it. No, it isn’t. He knows it isn’t. But that’s not the point.
The lights are off, but his eyes have adjusted. It takes him ages to fall asleep because he sort of wants to fall in the lucid dream right away and struggles to succeed. He manages to fall to the hypnagogic state and hears breathing in his ears. It’s pretty freaky.
The hypnagogic stage is the one he hates the most and wishes he could skip, but Pi’s words ring sort of true and he doesn’t trust himself to realise in the middle of a dream that he’s dreaming. For now it’s easier to just do things this way. Realise right away. Fight to get there.
There’s faint talking of children that creeps him out. He can’t make out the words - maybe the whole babbling doesn’t make any sense at all. Ghost images flash to his sight, pictures of sceneries, people and objects. Some are gone in only fragments of seconds, but some hover there for a longer time.
He’s tired. So, so tired and ready to fall asleep.
He does. But he fails to do the reality check in the dream and goes on obliviously, drowning in the nonsense madness of Pi hunting him down for a scary collarbone tickling attack and endless roads with no cars. It’s a fucking nightmare, and it’s all Pi’s fault.
-
Four hours later his alarm clock jolts him awake. His skin is slick with cold sweat and he frowns as he forces himself to get up. It’s crucial.
“Damn it,” he curses at his failed attempt and the dreams he’s seen whilst asleep quickly fade away from his mind like water through his fingers. Only bits and pieces remain.
He sleepily picks up his mobile phone and texts Pi angrily u motherfucker im gonna kill u 2morrow in English because for some reason his Japanese seems to be out of order and insults sound so much better in English anyway. Pi totally deserves it for the whole collarbone thing. He isn’t able to remember if Pi actually caught him in the dream, but it doesn’t matter - at least he tried. That motherfucker.
After calming down a little he checks his locket and re-reads the note before slipping it back and pinching his nose. Yes, he’s awake. It’s not a trick.
He glances at the clock. He’s been awake for ten minutes already. He’s still too sleepy for relaxing, though, so he grabs his instruction papers and starts walking in a circle, reading them over and over again and glancing at the clock.
“I can do this,” he stubbornly tells himself. He has been successful the night before, he sure as hell isn’t going to fail now. “Now the REM sleep is longer. This time I will realise I’m awake. And then I’ll be in some cool bar where I can just float around and everyone there will be hot and famous and I’ll get to make out with Angelina Jolie and Scarlett Johansson and stuff. Yeah.”
It’s going to be cool. He knows it.
When he realises he’s feeling a bit too awake he quickly turns the lights off, abandons his papers all around the floor and slips under the covers.
Relaxation.
He closes his eyes and tries to relax his body. Feel it. He’ll do a reality check in no time. Everything’s going to be cool. Just cool.
To his dismay, though, he falls asleep right away, skipping the hypnagogic stage and losing his sense of awareness.
-
He’s sitting in a train, looking out of the window to see the countryside view. It’s quiet and there’s only one other person in the same carriage as his, sitting before him and staring at him obscenely, but there’s nothing odd about that. He draws little hearts on the window with his black marker before the man leans over and taps his knee lightly, awakening his interest.
“You’re dreaming,” the man tells him with a serious face and Jin blinks, looking around hesitantly for a while. He grimaces and turns back to see the man’s face, oddly familiar even though he isn’t quite able to put his finger on it.
“This is a dream?” he asks with a tilted head and leans forward to draw a heart on the man’s forehead, but the marker doesn’t draw on his skin. Jin shrugs in annoyance and starts writing his own name on his knuckles, forgetting about the man altogether before he taps on his knee again.
“You are dreaming,” the man insists and Jin stares at him in confusion. “Can you remember me? We’ve met before.”
Jin tries to think about it. He looks around, feeling a bit giddy and odd. After a small while he starts slowly remembering bits and pieces and points at the man with his marker cockily.
“You’re my candy-man!” he exclaims joyfully and the man nods, smiling back at him. The man crosses his legs while Jin just stupidly smiles at him, not quite knowing what else to do.
“Do you remember what I said?”
“Huh?” Jin asks in confusion again and tries to think back to it. He doesn’t quite manage and shakes his head sadly, trying to motion for the man to repeat what he has apparently previously said. “What?”
“You’re dreaming.”
“Oh,” Jin nods and then it finally hits him - it’s a dream. When he thinks about it, he has no idea where he’s going or where he has been before he has gotten on the train. The scenery just flies by and Jin has no idea when he’s gotten so far away from his home-city.
Taking all of that into consideration, the man must be right. Nevertheless, he checks his locket, tries to read the oddly messy paper of nonsense and does a reality check by pinching his nose. Yes, he can breathe. The candy-man must be telling the truth then.
“Why did you tell me?” he asks curiously, smiling a little. “I really didn’t know.”
“I wanted you to know,” the man answers with a smile. “Candy-man sounds degrading, by the way. Call me Kame.”
“And that doesn’t sound degrading?” Jin chuckles. “I’m Jin.”
The man smirks at him when he gets up on his feet and offers Jin a hand. Jin stares at him in confusion as he grabs it and lets the man pull him up on his feet.
Standing next to him makes him sort of want to advance over him. It’s probably because of the previous dream involving him. It’s kind of funny having the man around twice even though he doesn’t even know him. Not in the real world.
“Follow,” the man commands and leads him out of the door to the train’s corridor but - it’s not a corridor. They’re standing on a busy street in some town he doesn’t recognize (maybe it doesn’t even exist at all) and Kame drags him to the middle of the busy road. They’re standing in the middle of a market place, he notes, as he tries to see over the heads of the people gathered. Fruits, clothes, jewellery - everything in their own small stalls, lining towards the horizon he isn’t able to see.
“You’re dreaming,” Kame reminds him and he nudges the man in annoyance, muttering a hasty “I know that!” under his breath. Because he does. Really!
Kame rolls his eyes and pats his head in a degrading manner that makes Jin purse his lips and take a few steps back. Stupid, bossy idiot. Stupid, bossy idiot of a candy-man! Why in the world had he created the man in the first place?! This wasn’t exactly what he wanted his lucid dreams to be.
“Then turn them into something else,” Kame prods him and Jin’s eyes snap at him, cheeks burning. Did the man just read his mind?!
“Stop invading my privacy, you creeper,” he mocks him and looks around. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Anything.”
Very descriptive.
Well, first of all, he does feel kind of claustrophobic. He sets his gaze on the ground and tries to re-imagine his surroundings. When he raises his head again, the amount of people around is much less than what it has previously been. He smiles contently and Kame nods at him.
“Let’s take a walk,” he suggests and starts walking along the road. Jin jogs a few steps to catch up with him and walk by his side.
He wonders when his dreams have started getting so full of details. The colours are oddly bright and vibrant in a slightly unrealistic way, but they’re there and the spectrum of shades is astonishing. The seemingly old-fashioned buildings around them are lined with engravings as they reach out towards the end of earth’s atmosphere. There’s a shrine a few hundred metres away on the right and a couple of dark birds fly over their heads.
They approach a creek and Jin bites his lip, trying to create a wooden bridge for them, but to his dismay it keeps losing pieces and crumbles down to the river, getting flushed away. Kame laughs next to him and Jin impulsively punches him in the arm.
“Stop laughing! I’m new at this!”
“You suck,” Kame chuckles in all honesty and tilts his head. “You lack focus. You’re too all over the place.”
Sounds like him. Jin frowns and turns towards the creek again, drawing in a deep breath and trying again.
Little by little he forms the bridge. He doesn’t try to create it all at once but systematically starts from their side of the creek and continues until the edge rests firmly on the other end.
“See? I can do it,” he notes smugly as he starts walking over it, head proudly tilted back. Kame follows him to the sandy road on the other side. There’s a field of tall, emerald grass next to them and the people get left behind on the other side of the creek.
“Experiment,” Kame suggests again. “You can do anything.”
“Except if it has something to do with you,” Jin sighs. “You’ll interfere, right?”
“Yes,” Kame nods. “And on several other occasions.”
Jin looks at the sky and opens his arms wide. The sun sets down and bright stars light up on the sky. They look nothing like they do in his hometown, but it’s a countryside now and he can do anything he wants to with his surroundings. Not to mention he’s always had a thing for lights.
“You’re slow~” Kame teases him. Within a blink of an eye the sun is up again and Jin wails weakly, his hard work down the drain.
“Why would you do that?!” he complains loudly, crossing his arms with a hurt expression on his face. “You’re giving me a headache!”
“Do it again,” Kame smirks. “Do it so much it becomes natural, almost like a sixth sense. Done in a blink, a mere fleeting thought.”
Jin sighs heavily and starts meddling with the sky again, deciding to leave it in a violet sunset setting. Then he turns the grass field into a meadow of blue roses proudly reaching towards the sky. Kame smiles as he walks beside him, picking up one of the roses and starting to pluck its petals. The rose never runs out of them or starts looking bald, though.
Then realisation hits Jin and his smile spreads wide as he points at Kame. “You’re not just a candy-man! You’re my dream guide!” he exclaims enthusiastically, cheeks burning rosy and eyes wide in wonder. He recalls knowing about these things - he had sort of been hoping his own would look like Angelina Jolie or something he could really, really like getting restricted by, but for some reason it just seems to be this ordinary nothing-so-special but still gorgeous-looking nameless guy he can’t even recall ever seeing anywhere. “At least you’re still kinda hot even if you’re boring.”
“Geez, thanks,” Kame groans with a displeased glare and resets the scenery around them. Jin swears he does it just to piss him off, because he still keeps the one lone blue rose in his hand as he walks. “Whatever you want to call me. I’d still prefer Kame, though.”
“So what are you going to do?” Jin teases him with an exhilarated smirk on his face, grabbing a hold of Kame’s hand happily. “Are you training me?”
“Maybe,” Kame smirks at him and tries to remove his hand from Jin’s enthusiastic hold. “Too tight, Jin.”
“Ah, sorry,” Jin apologizes with a small bow. “It’s just cool. I mean, I’ve heard of you. Dream guides. Good and bad stuff. …You aren’t going to hunt me down and force me awake, are you?” he asks sadly, furrowing his brow unsurely. “I sort of like dreaming like this, you know.”
“I’ll try to avoid doing that, then,” Kame nods sympathetically and ruffles his hair. It feels kind of nice. Like Kame cares about him or something. He’s kind of fond of the projection. “Don’t do bad stuff and I’ll be nice.”
“I’m a good boy,” Jin answers quickly. When Kame raises his eyebrows Jin’s cheeks flush scarlet and he slaps the man’s arm agitatedly. “Don’t look so disbelieving!”
“Do I absolutely have to remind you about your attitude on our first encounter?”
“Shut up! Shut uuup!”
Kame laughs and ruffles his hair again. His eyes shine as he comes closer and breathes against Jin’s lips. Their mouths barely graze over each other’s.
“But then again, in a way, maybe I was worse,” he whispers and Jin feels his blood rushing hot inside his veins. The direction is down. It’s all Kame’s fault.
It’s kind of fun to fall backwards and feel soft mattress under him as Kame’s lips attach themselves to his neck, sucking and biting and marking, even if it’s only in the dream world. Jin’s fingers shakily fumble their belts open and he caresses Kame’s lower abdomen with his bare palm, looking up at him in the eyes as their lips find each other again, needy, aroused and delightfully sinful.
He also kind of likes when the small, empty room with white walls gets filled with colourful and hot fireworks as Kame helps him reach the kinds of ecstasy that can’t possibly exist in the awake-state. Most definitely cannot.
It might be a bit cliché, but he likes falling for his dream projection.
-
Jin talks about Kame. A lot. It’s nice to talk about him, sigh after him and tell his friends about all kinds of things concerning him. Kame is nice and very, very interesting of course, so he can’t understand why the majority of his friends start avoiding him and the rest always have a six-pack of beer along them, first can opening once the man’s name passes his lips.
It’s kind of unfair. And stupid. Totally and undeniably stupid. Kame’s interesting. And cool.
Pi is the only one who keeps handing him long drinks and ciders as he chugs down his own beer. He keeps nodding and humming in an agreeing manner even though he probably isn’t listening much to his monologues anyway. Once Jin found a long recording of his speech in facebook, complete with a video of his friends acting like they were about to commit suicide and trying to cover up their ears or something. It kind of hurt his feelings, but Pi took the video down after a while. Friends joke around every now and then. It’s not like he wouldn’t ever have done anything alike to Pi.
“Jin, maybe you should get yourself a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend, whichever you fancy,” Pi notes after thirty minutes of his on-going monologue about his latest dream featuring Kame. They had been hunting dragons. It had been a cool dream, okay.
He frowns and hides behind his can of grape long drink.
“I don’t know. I mean, I don’t feel like getting one, you know?” Jin tries to explain his feelings to him. “I kind of like being single and free.”
“You’re crushing on a guy in your dreams,” Pi slurs with a knowing look. Jin gets a tingling sense he’s about to get scolded and whimpers, raising his drink on his lips again. He’s definitely going to need more of it, just in case. “Jin, he isn’t real.”
“HE FEELS REAL, OKAY?” Jin tries to defend himself. His feelings are sacred! Friends shouldn’t play around with delicate subjects like this one! “He’s cool.”
Pi sighs and tilts his head drunkenly. He takes Jin’s can from his hand and puts the drinks on the couch table before he aims a shot at Jin’s head and Jin feels the fabric of a couch pillow colliding with his face.
Pi’s one mean friend sometimes.
“Jin-chan. Kame is only in your dreams,” Pi tries to talk some sense into his head. It probably would’ve sounded more convincing had he not spoken so slowly and drunkenly. Then again, when Jin’s drunk, Pi’s speeches sound very, very understandable and convincing. Pi often sounds super smart when they’ve had a few drinks too much.
Jin breaks into tears and buries his face in his hands to hide his disgusting face. Pi sighs and leans forward to pat him comfortingly on his knee. In the end he almost falls asleep there, drooling over his jeans.
“I wish Kame was real,” Jin wails miserably, head thrown back. “You’d love him, I’m so sure you’d love him, but you SHOULDN’T love him because if you would I’d get so mad at you and beat the crap out of you because he’s MINE but it doesn’t matter because he’s not real and it hurts so much because I’m so badly in love with him”, he ends his outburst with a teary whimper. “Pi, why are they always out of my reach..!”
“Because you made this one up, you know,” Pi mumbles and rolls his eyes. “Of course he’s perfect and everything.”
“He isn’t perfect,” Jin objects right away. “He’s annoying and boring but he’s so cool, you know. And hot. He’s hotter than Angelina Jolie.”
“You watch too much TV,” Pi mutters and climbs over him, pulling him in a comforting hug. Jin wraps his arms around him and sniffs heartbrokenly in his shoulder.
He’s so happy Pi exists. Pi’s the best friend ever.
“By the way, did you know that in dreams you only see faces you’ve already seen before?” Pi asks him thoughtfully and Jin’s heart skips a beat. He withdraws and stares at Pi with a bemused expression.
“Don’t get my hopes up, you bastard!”
“I’m just saying!” Pi argues back. “I mean, it’s just a face, he’s probably nothing like what he’s in your dreams in real life but you must’ve seen him somewhere.”
“I don’t recognize him!” Jin objects in panic. “What if he’s some salary man with a wife and six kids?!”
“Was he that old?” Pi asks him amusedly. “Jin, you kinky man~”
“NO! NO! HE’S YOUNG AND HOT! AND HE’S TOTALLY GAY FOR ME!”
“In your dreams,” Pi reminds him again and Jin lets out a loud and frustrated wail.
“I’m going to find him, Pi,” he finally answers determinately and stands up on his wobbly feet. The world spins before he suddenly tastes the carpet, all limbs attached to the surface that keeps bending him forward. “I’M GOING TO FIND HIM, PI! I’m going now! To find him!”
“No you aren’t, you idiot!” Pi cries and yanks him up on his feet again. Even when Jin tries to struggle out of his hold, Pi keeps him firmly still and yanks him back on the couch like best friends do. “You’ll just get hit by a car or the police will pick you up, I know you…”
“Pi~”
“No! ” Pi objects and sighs, slapping him. “Get reasonable, Bakanishi! Stop being so love-struck!”
“I’m love-struck~”
It’s a long night. In the morning Jin doesn’t remember much of it, but considering the fact that he wakes up from the bathroom floor with his hair tied back, mouth tasting disgustingly like vomit and Pi snuggling his feet, it hasn’t been a very good one.
Sometimes he pities his friend, but he knows that they’re lucky to have each other. Nothing tastes sweeter than loyalty.
-
“You’re touchy,” Kame sighs as Jin snuggles him on the beach. The cold waves play with their toes but the sunlight makes the day warm enough to spend in their swimming trunks. The sand is almost white and it feels silky to the touch.
Jin presses a soft kiss on the back of Kame’s neck and massages his back, even though there are no strained muscles or tightness. Kame hums in appreciation and builds a tiny sand castle with his hands between their legs. Honestly speaking he’s really awful at it and it looks more like a brown pile with some holes poked in, but Jin doesn’t dare to comment. Kame gets hot-headed easily.
Even dreams can’t fix everything if you do things by hand, Jin assumes silently, and rubs Kame’s biceps roughly with his sandy thumbs.
The strand is abandoned, never mind the gorgeous blue water and perfect weather for a beach day. Jin likes it that way, likes how he can have his privacy with Kame in his dream land. It gives them opportunities they can’t really obtain in the real world.
If they even know each other in the real world, that is.
“Who are you?” Jin asks Kame and turns his head to catch his lips for a slow kiss. Kame chuckles in it and pinches his cheek.
“I’m your dream,” Kame answers matter-of-factly. There’s a lonely sparkle in his eyes that makes Jin want to kiss him more and deeper. Gentler too. “Jin…”
He wonders a lot. About things. Even in his dreams. He wonders about going to look for Kame, finding him and uniting with him. Falling in love for good and not being able to run away from each other. Because he would never let Kame go. Ever.
He’s a sucker when he’s in love, after all.
“What would you say if I found you?” he breathes in Kame’s ear and feels him shiver to his touch and tense slightly.
“I’d say ‘go away’,” Kame mumbles and closes his eyes. It kind of stings. Jin isn’t sure if he’s joking or not. Then again, he’s a projection (one he has no control over whatsoever), so does it really matter?
“I’ve decided,” he continues and bumps their noses together. “That I’ll come and get you, you know. I hope we’ll click.”
“Jin, do you really want to ruin this dream?” Kame asks him seriously and the look in his eyes is grave-heavy in a way that makes Jin feel dark and hollow inside. The sun burns his eyes and his mouth is full of dry sand all of sudden. He starts coughing and trying to spit it out.
“Don’t ruin this dream,” Kame commands him strongly. “Let’s keep this as a dream.”
Jin shakes his head. No. No, he won’t. He can’t.
“Too late,” he answers truthfully. He’s never been good with lies. “I’m already in love with you, and I’d do anything to get to you. I’m ready for pain. I’m ready to find out you’re just some straight guy, nothing like what you’re in here. I’m prepared.”
“I don’t want heartbreak,” Kame snarls and removes himself of Jin’s hold as he stands up. “Don’t come looking for me.”
“I won’t break your heart,” Jin insists but gets taken aback by a lone tear that shines like a diamond at the corner of Kame’s eye. Kame shakes his head slowly and starts walking to the waves.
Something clutches at Jin’s insides.
“I WON’T BREAK YOUR HEART!” he yells after Kame as he makes his way after him, splashing the salty water around. It gets so deep he’s forced to swim to keep up. The sea turns dark and black and gets really heavy and muddy as he struggles to remain on the surface. It makes Jin fear it wants to swallow him. Maybe there’s a monster he just isn’t able to see. “I promise!”
Kame splashes water at him furiously, still standing. Kame has a good control of the dream world. To him, changing it is a sixth sense. Second nature. Jin is still a dreamer in the making.
“Oh come on, Kame..!”
“If you try, you already break it,” Kame answers furiously and stops. He lays his palm over Jin’s forehead and Jin fears he’ll try to drown him by pushing him into the thick nothingness of slime. It doesn’t matter that he can’t die in a dream. He’s learned that the pain is still very real.
“Go back to a normal dream,” Kame states icily.
Then Jin is dreaming of a carnival with his brother Reio. Everyone keeps talking about mistakes and the fortune teller hovers over him, demanding for him to stop whatever he’s doing. He doesn’t know what he’s doing - for all he knows, he isn’t doing anything. It’s scary.
He has no idea he’s dreaming for the rest of the night.
-
Jin doesn’t go out with his friends that weekend. He skims through the dream diary he’s been writing since he had started out with his hobby. He reads about Kame and him, the two of them, page after page written with a groggy and messy handwriting. It’s sometimes hard to find the will to write after he wakes up. It can’t wait for longer, though, or else he’ll forget.
He lies in his bed miserably, surrounded by pillows and stuffed animals. Lately he’s been buying a lot of turtles. His friends have been getting them for him too.
He almost considers throwing them away, but knows he doesn’t have the heart.
“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings,” he talks to one of the big pillows he has. He stares at it and imagines Kame’s face, hurt and sad but tired of fighting. Imagines a Kame who’s just as desperate to make up as he is. “But we have to be together, you know. Don’t you want to be together with me?”
Yes, Jin, but we can’t be, the Kame pillow talks to him, yearning lacing his beautiful voice. You’re my assignment, Jin, it’s forbidden.
“It’s alright, baby,” Jin talks back and caresses Kame’s face. He pulls him closer and kisses him gently, slowly, lovingly. He really just wants to convince him it’s all going to be alright. “We’ll run away and then we’ll be together forever, just you and me, babe.”
I’m scared.
“I’m scared too, babe,” Jin whispers hoarsely and pulls Kame over him in a tight hug. It feels as if his chest is about to burst. The yearning is too great. Their love is beyond him. It dances in the air and makes him lose the last bits of rationality he has in him. “But I’ll keep you safe. I’ll keep us safe. And we’ll be happy,” he presses, smiling tiredly as he stares into the beautiful brown eyes. They’re gorgeously narrow, not round and pretty like most of the girls’. He likes that. “I love you, Kame.”
I love you too, Jin… I love you so much..!
“Me too, baby, don’t cry,” Jin whimpers and crushes their lips together for a desperate kiss. “It’s alright, baby, they’ll never be able to keep us apart..!”
Jin..!
Jin rolls them over and can almost imagine Kame’s hands wrapping themselves around him, keeping him close. They’re glued to each other and every bit of skin not being pressed against the other one’s feels like a loss, a failure. They don’t want to separate. Ever.
It’s love. It’s love and lust all mixed together like it should be. A result of a very strong biochemical cocktail and an open connection through minds, one that manages to reach them even in their dreams.
He pulls his shirt off and devours Kame, presses his face against his neck and rocks them together intimately. Kame wails and whimpers and begs for more. Begs for him to go and find him. Kame loves him too, loves him so, so much.
“…Jin, what the hell are you doing?”
Jin screams and falls to the floor in panic. His heart is pounding like crazy as he crawls to hide under his bed. Pi. PI, GODDAMMIT.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!” he roars from the shadows under his cover. “CAN’T YOU HEAR THIS IS A PRIVATE MOMENT?!”
“Well, I can definitely see that,” Pi snickers from the doorframe. Jin peeks his head from under the bed and glares at his friend murderously, cheeks flushed the deepest red they’ve probably ever had on before.
“Pi, I’m going to slaughter you.”
Pi shakes his head with his arms crossed and sits down on the floor. Still, he keeps his distance, just in case. “Nice fantasy you have. That pillow sure is damn sexy. Gets me all bothered and hot.”
“SHUT UP!”
“Oh, and remind me to never snuggle with your pillows again. After that it’s just… wrong,” he coughs to his fist and hawks to change the subject. “I take that you’re still after your sweet little Kame.”
Jin crawls away from under his bed and pulls his shirt back on. He goes to fetch a robe from the cupboard and glares at his friend silently, speaking through his actions rather than words. Pi nods smugly and sits on his bed.
“You know, that key is for emergencies.”
“You never complain if I use it just to come over,” Pi shrugs, eyes burning mischievously. “I was bored and thought I’d stop by. I have to say I’m not bored anymore.”
“Fuck you.”
“Like that pillow? Do you want me to play Kame-chan?” Pi teases him and purses his lips, eyes wide like some innocent school girl’s in a perverted manga. “JinJin, please take me away, I love you so much~”
“I hate you,” he wails but snuggles up against his friend nonetheless, only to get pushed away.
“I won’t cuddle you when that’s still… you know…” Pi mumbles, giving him an awkward look. His hand hovers over Jin’s lap for a while before he just decides to pat his thigh meaningfully a few times. Jin feels blood rushing back to his face. He hates Pi. He fucking hates Pi. Stupid friend. Stupid, stupid and sadistic friend!
“Obviously this is becoming a problem,” Pi sighs and ruffles his hair. Jin melts and forgives him immediately, resting his head miserably on Pi’s shoulder. Pi’s a great friend. Really. And he doesn’t suffer from mood swings. It’s a reasonable change in opinion. That’s an entirely different thing. “Jin, let’s talk seriously.”
He doesn’t want to. Not really.
But he’s never been good at keeping things for himself either, so after a couple of seconds he bursts out in a heated rant, spitting words out of his mouth.
“He said I shouldn’t look for him! It’s so stupid! He’s guilt-tripping me! For wanting to find him! It’s so wrong! If he loves me too, he should be happy I’m trying to find him!” he grumbles, hands curling into tights fists. “Don’t you think he’s being unfair, Pi?!”
Pi raises his eyebrows. “Jin… he’s your projection. Maybe it’s just your inner opinion.”
“FUCK YOU, NO IT ISN’T!” Jin roars furiously, sitting up straight. “I’m going to find him! I really am! And then we’ll be happy together! I’m going to prove it to him!”
“Sure, Jin, sure,” Pi nods enthusiastically and pats his back. “Let it out.”
“YOU DON’T THINK I CAN?! I’LL PROVE YOU WRONG!” Jin bellows at his friend, making Pi cover his ears with a toothy grimace. “I’LL PROVE YOU ALL WRONG! WELCOME TO MY WEDDING!”
“Gay marriage is illegal -”
“FUCK YOU, PI!” Jin wails again, grasping a tight hold of his friend’s hands. Pi nods with a pained look. He’s probably crushing the man’s fingers. “Pi, you’re a friend. You’re my best friend. Help me find him. You’ve got to help me find him!”
“How?!” Pi snaps at him. “Jin, he could be anyone. Anywhere. The world is big! Maybe you saw him years ago or something and he’s dead now! Or maybe you saw him like that as a kid and now he’s some wrinkly old granddad!”
“Don’t beat me down,” Jin cries miserably and Pi quickly takes his words back and hugs his friend comfortingly. “Help me, Pi!”
“We should put a time limit to this. So that you’ll agree to give up at some point if you can’t find him.”
“NO!”
“…Jin, it might be that when you find him he isn’t even anything like you’ve imagined,” Pi reminds him. “You have to be reasonable about this.”
He doesn’t want to be reasonable. Love isn’t reasonable. It’s a good counter argument, but he’s kind of sure Pi isn’t going to think so. Pi isn’t as emotion-driven as he is.
“Do you know his name?” Pi prods him helpfully. “I don’t think ‘Kame’ will do much help in finding him.”
Jin opens his mouth and to his own horror realises that he doesn’t know Kame’s real name. It’s never occurred to him to ask. He isn’t sure if Kame would’ve answered, but it would’ve been worth a shot.
“Oh god, I don’t even know his name,” he mumbles numbly in horror. Pi grimaces and tries to shake him back to reality.
“Then you go and get the name! But… maybe your projection doesn’t even know his name…”
In the end they sketch ugly drawings of Kame and put the flyers all around Tokyo. They say Kame’s missing and Jin is looking for him. Jin is certain Kame will see them and call him out of curiosity or something. Kame has to be in Tokyo. He rarely leaves Tokyo. Kame just… has to be there.
Or else he’s screwed.
-
PART 2
Author: prologuesized
Beta: pinkeuphoria1
Pairing: Akame
Word count: 13,900
Rating: Light R
Genre/Warnings: AU, romance, fluff, humour, crack, angst, fantasy (incoherency ahead!)
Notes: Written for elanielyn at kizuna_exchange 2011 ( here). I'd like to thank circuside not only for introducing me to lucid dreaming, which now several years served as fuel for this fic, but also for helping me with the actual concept somewhat. ♥ And I honestly can’t thank Isa enough for betaing once again ♥
Summary: There’s only one thing Jin wishes more for than the ability to do absolutely anything in his dreams - to have the man he fell in love with within them to be real when he’s awake.
REMister
He is dreaming. Jin is. Dreaming of a colourful candy land where everything sparkles stupidly in the bright light radiating from the clear white sky. Perhaps it’s a sugar sky, he wonders as he chuckles, a strawberry and cream flavoured lollipop in his cheek. It tastes so real he has to pat himself on the head for a job well done in lucid dreaming.
The fields of candy go on forever, making Jin hum contently as he tries to move forward. What sucks about the dream is that he has failed to produce a good pathway for moving around. The candy rises all the way up to his knees, and whenever he tries to get a footing over the surface it gives way and his foot merely slides through with a rustling sound.
When he turns around the world quickly goes black before bouncing back to the bright happiness it’s previously been. Jin feels a drop of cold sweat on his forehead as he stares at the distraction that almost made him lose all control of his world - a young man with an amused smile and a fancy chocolate truffle squeezed firmly between his fingers.
“Are you my candy?” Jin asks confusedly and purses his lips when the man laughs, bringing the chocolate truffle amusedly to his lips. He munches on it and lets out a sigh that sounds a bit like from a cheap porn movie Jin recalls illegally downloading on his computer a few days back and he’s sure - yes, the man is his candy, a very lively and humane man-candy he’s somehow produced for himself without even noticing.
The man licks his lips and Jin removes the lollipop from his mouth, watching him in fascination. It’s beyond him how his projection is a man instead of a woman, but it’s not like he really minds - yes, he does prefer women a bit more than the booby-less sex but the man’s still all good in an odd manner he hasn’t acknowledged himself fancying before.
A subconscious desire, he assumes and bites his lip when he leans forward, licking the soft skin of the man’s cheek, right under the pretty crack of an eye. He withdraws grumpily and scoffs, shaking his head.
“You don’t taste sugary at all!”
“Do you want me to?” the lithe but nicely built man tilts his head and chuckles, picking up another chocolate truffle to slip in his mouth. Jin recalls eating one earlier and wincing at the icky sweet flavour but the man enjoys his truffle nonetheless, shivering in contentment.
His subconscious must have a really odd taste.
“Hey candy-man, why do you have so many clothes on?” Jin flirts through his lips pursed in discontentment. Then he realises what he’s almost forgotten amidst his thinking and gasps delightedly - it’s his dream thus he’s in control of everything and if he just really wills it hard enough, he’s going to get what he wants. Damn, he can even get boobs on the man! Except that boobs only look good on girls. He wonders if he should turn the man-candy into a smutty chick, all breasts and nice cleavage. He decides against it after a while, though. He’s already become quite fond of the projection and changing it would be a waste. A woman some other time then, perhaps.
When he focuses on making the man naked, however, the candies furiously explode all around them. Jin screams, backing off when he feels the unwelcome force that suppresses his creator powers. The candy-man straightens his fashionable chequered jacket and rolls his eyes, untouched by his previous attempt to make his clothes vanish or vaporise or something alike.
“I want you naked,” Jin frowns sadly and tries hesitantly again but a few more candies explode and when candies explode, they’re fucking scary and it’s not under his control so he hates it and the dream totally sucks. Simply put.
Hell, his own head is starting to get messy with his thoughts. The dream-thinking isn’t exactly helping.
“Naked and covered in thick caramel? I don’t think so,” the man sighs and then when Jin looks down they’re suddenly standing on a nice road made out of tiled gummy-bear shaped marble. Jin can’t quite figure out how they fit together the way they do but it looks pretty cool and the road continues all the way to the horizon… and it certainly isn’t his work.
He’s losing his control over the dream, isn’t he?
“You’re changing things,” he complains but the man shoves marshmallows in his mouth with a bossy smirk, silencing him. Then he crashes on a bright red couch (where did that come from?!) on the marble pathway and hugs the cushions with a delighted look on his face.
If thoughts ran more smoothly in dreams, Jin swears he would start pondering about many things. Now everything just flows by in odd speed and swirls and nothing makes sense.
Even lucid dreams are kind of dream-like then, he assumes as he crashes down on the couch as well, intrigued by the man-candy he thinks he really kind of wants to have sex with. Because he has to, why else would he even have made the guy up or anything?
“This is a really odd dream,” he notes in an attempt to make a brief small talk before some sweatier action. “You’re hot.”
“I figured that much,” the younger man throws him a flirtatious smirk and leans his back against the armrest. “You want to have sex, right?”
“Hell yeah,” Jin croaks hoarsely and climbs over the younger man, glad to take up his invitation. Actually, it’s kind of hotter that way. He figures the subconscious of his subconscious or something knows that and is pleasantly tempting him.
His entire body feels overwhelmed with sensations when their bodies get glued together heatedly and lips refuse to leave the other’s (there’s no need for a breath after all). The stranger’s fingers bury themselves in his hair and tug on it fiercely as Jin gets taken. It’s funny and exciting how the sounds work a bit like a home theatre’s surrounding sounds and everything gets so wet and slick he feels like he’ll explode any second-
-
Jin wakes up feeling squeamish in his dirtied underwear. His skin feels moist and hot as he brushes his fingers over his stomach. Very, very uncomfortably so.
He pants heavily as he looks at the ceiling. The room is pitch-black for a while before his eyes adjust to the colourless darkness. He buries his face in his playboy bunny shaped couch pillow and moans, feeling slightly lightheaded and dehydrated.
He laughs to himself contently and scratches his stomach as he decides that he can’t be bothered to get up before the sunrise and goes back to sleep, normally this time.
-
“So did it work?”
“Mh?” Jin moans and raises his tired gaze to his friend. Pi sits next to him on the pavement under the spring sky and starts carefully adjusting his guitar strings. After a moment of silence Pi kicks his ankle and forces him back to reality with a yelp. “Ouch!”
“You failed, didn’t you?” Pi chuckles and strums a few notes with his guitar. Jin purses his lips and drops his fedora to the ground before yanking Pi up on his feet.
“They’ll pay more attention to us if you stand, you idiot. And I didn’t fail,” he announces proudly, a smug smirk stretching out on his youthful face. “I guess I’m just a natural talent.”
“As if~” Pi teases him and puts his sunglasses on his fishy face. Jin opens a few buttons from his shirt and drops his outer jacket on the ground. “This is the only thing you’re good at, Bakanishi.”
“And you call yourself a friend…” Jin utters darkly under his breath, flicking his hair back and sending a charming smile to a small group of girls about their age checking them out from afar. “But really, I did it. You’re right, it’s kind of cool.”
“Oh yeah? What did you do?” Pi asks him and pinches his cheek. Jin slaps his hand away and flushes pink, shaking his head furiously. He hears the sound of the girls squealing.
“You’re so mean I won’t tell you!” he exclaims loudly. “Mean Pi!”
“Sex?”
“Shut the fuck up!” Jin scoffs. “…Of course not. I’m not that lame. I can get sex when I’m awake, why would I waste a dream for that…”
“You never were the logical one,” Pi smirks at him. “Or maybe you just have some really weird kinks.”
“I don’t,” Jin denies the blunt accusation and hawks to open his voice. “Let’s just do this, okay? We’re starting to get weird looks.”
“What do you want to play?” Yamapi asks him, fingers caressing the strings of his instrument, letting out a few notes again. “SMAP? Girls dig that.”
“Let’s do Beatles,” Jin suggests. “They dig that too, you know. Foreigners included.”
“You and your foreigners,” Pi rolls his eyes but complies.
That’s how their free Sunday afternoon passes by. Hour after hour, until Pi’s fingers get so numb he isn’t able to feel the strings anymore and play correctly and Jin’s voice grows so hoarse he’s unable to even speak much. They treat themselves to a few cold drinks at a nearby bar with the earned money. It’s not much, but it has always had more emotional value than financial.
“So which lucid dream technique did you try out?” Pi asks him after Jin stops coughing so much. His voice is still more of a raspy whisper than his usual loud tone, but his verbose nature is starting to raise its head again.
“Wake Induced,” Jin sniffs as he devours another gulp of his chilly mojito. Pi nods.
“WILD. I guess that would work for you the best,” he nods. “You’re so dumb you wouldn’t understand you’re dreaming in the middle of it even if pink elephants started flying around your head and Ryo was dancing naked on a stripper stage. Shaking his… junk.”
“And the pink elephants would be chiming ‘Pi! Pi! Pi! ’” Jin continues the joke, chuckling to himself. Pi gulps down a quarter of his beer and wipes the foam off the corners his mouth. “The image of Ryo isn’t all that impossible, though… Remind me to never let him drink too much.”
“Cheers for that,” Pi agrees and they raise their glasses for a friendly toast.
“It was nice,” Jin nods absently, thinking back to the night’s adventure. “I sort of get why you like it.”
“Of course I like it,” Pi laughs. “Who wouldn’t? Being able to do anything you’d ever want to in a dream. Now if only dreams came true…”
They laugh and chuckle mischievously, attracting attention from other customers. Jin sniffs and slurps down more of his lime drink. “I think I could take it up as a hobby. Lucid dreaming.”
Pi nods. He understands, probably. Their imaginations have always been too enormous to fit in the real world. Their dreams have always proved to be unachievable. It’s been so since they were young. Maybe it’s one of the reasons why they have so naturally fallen in place next to each other. How they have become best friends, and even though they don’t often do anything special, their friendship shows no signs of dying.
Jin likes to think they’re soul mates of some sort. In a very friendly and manly way, of course. Anything else would be just eww. Not with Pi. Eww.
“Wipe that disgusted look off your face!” Pi snaps at him and whacks his head gently, lips pursed and eyes narrowed. “It makes me look like I’ve done something bad!”
“I can’t help it, I’m spending my night with a fish!” Jin bullies back and empties his mojito glass. He closes his eyes and burps, the taste of alcohol rising up his throat.
“Okay, now it’s just you who’s being disgusting,” Pi notes happily and follows Jin’s example, chugging down his own drink. “Good to go?”
“Yeah. Sure,” Jin yawns. “Pretty good to go.”
After all, he’s kind of looking forward to going to sleep.
-
He’s nervous as he sets the alarm for himself. He runs to the bathroom all the time and goes through his instruction papers over and over again. The sound of his heart pounding excitedly in his ears is evident amidst his excitement and nervousness. It’s just a little too bad the adrenaline isn’t good when he’s trying to fall asleep.
He sits on his bed and opens the golden locket that rests around his neck. He pulls out the not-so-neatly folded paper and reads it over and over again.
Is this a dream? it asks him in clear cursive and Jin pinches his nose between his thumb and index finger but isn’t able to breathe through it. No, it isn’t. He knows it isn’t. But that’s not the point.
The lights are off, but his eyes have adjusted. It takes him ages to fall asleep because he sort of wants to fall in the lucid dream right away and struggles to succeed. He manages to fall to the hypnagogic state and hears breathing in his ears. It’s pretty freaky.
The hypnagogic stage is the one he hates the most and wishes he could skip, but Pi’s words ring sort of true and he doesn’t trust himself to realise in the middle of a dream that he’s dreaming. For now it’s easier to just do things this way. Realise right away. Fight to get there.
There’s faint talking of children that creeps him out. He can’t make out the words - maybe the whole babbling doesn’t make any sense at all. Ghost images flash to his sight, pictures of sceneries, people and objects. Some are gone in only fragments of seconds, but some hover there for a longer time.
He’s tired. So, so tired and ready to fall asleep.
He does. But he fails to do the reality check in the dream and goes on obliviously, drowning in the nonsense madness of Pi hunting him down for a scary collarbone tickling attack and endless roads with no cars. It’s a fucking nightmare, and it’s all Pi’s fault.
-
Four hours later his alarm clock jolts him awake. His skin is slick with cold sweat and he frowns as he forces himself to get up. It’s crucial.
“Damn it,” he curses at his failed attempt and the dreams he’s seen whilst asleep quickly fade away from his mind like water through his fingers. Only bits and pieces remain.
He sleepily picks up his mobile phone and texts Pi angrily u motherfucker im gonna kill u 2morrow in English because for some reason his Japanese seems to be out of order and insults sound so much better in English anyway. Pi totally deserves it for the whole collarbone thing. He isn’t able to remember if Pi actually caught him in the dream, but it doesn’t matter - at least he tried. That motherfucker.
After calming down a little he checks his locket and re-reads the note before slipping it back and pinching his nose. Yes, he’s awake. It’s not a trick.
He glances at the clock. He’s been awake for ten minutes already. He’s still too sleepy for relaxing, though, so he grabs his instruction papers and starts walking in a circle, reading them over and over again and glancing at the clock.
“I can do this,” he stubbornly tells himself. He has been successful the night before, he sure as hell isn’t going to fail now. “Now the REM sleep is longer. This time I will realise I’m awake. And then I’ll be in some cool bar where I can just float around and everyone there will be hot and famous and I’ll get to make out with Angelina Jolie and Scarlett Johansson and stuff. Yeah.”
It’s going to be cool. He knows it.
When he realises he’s feeling a bit too awake he quickly turns the lights off, abandons his papers all around the floor and slips under the covers.
Relaxation.
He closes his eyes and tries to relax his body. Feel it. He’ll do a reality check in no time. Everything’s going to be cool. Just cool.
To his dismay, though, he falls asleep right away, skipping the hypnagogic stage and losing his sense of awareness.
-
He’s sitting in a train, looking out of the window to see the countryside view. It’s quiet and there’s only one other person in the same carriage as his, sitting before him and staring at him obscenely, but there’s nothing odd about that. He draws little hearts on the window with his black marker before the man leans over and taps his knee lightly, awakening his interest.
“You’re dreaming,” the man tells him with a serious face and Jin blinks, looking around hesitantly for a while. He grimaces and turns back to see the man’s face, oddly familiar even though he isn’t quite able to put his finger on it.
“This is a dream?” he asks with a tilted head and leans forward to draw a heart on the man’s forehead, but the marker doesn’t draw on his skin. Jin shrugs in annoyance and starts writing his own name on his knuckles, forgetting about the man altogether before he taps on his knee again.
“You are dreaming,” the man insists and Jin stares at him in confusion. “Can you remember me? We’ve met before.”
Jin tries to think about it. He looks around, feeling a bit giddy and odd. After a small while he starts slowly remembering bits and pieces and points at the man with his marker cockily.
“You’re my candy-man!” he exclaims joyfully and the man nods, smiling back at him. The man crosses his legs while Jin just stupidly smiles at him, not quite knowing what else to do.
“Do you remember what I said?”
“Huh?” Jin asks in confusion again and tries to think back to it. He doesn’t quite manage and shakes his head sadly, trying to motion for the man to repeat what he has apparently previously said. “What?”
“You’re dreaming.”
“Oh,” Jin nods and then it finally hits him - it’s a dream. When he thinks about it, he has no idea where he’s going or where he has been before he has gotten on the train. The scenery just flies by and Jin has no idea when he’s gotten so far away from his home-city.
Taking all of that into consideration, the man must be right. Nevertheless, he checks his locket, tries to read the oddly messy paper of nonsense and does a reality check by pinching his nose. Yes, he can breathe. The candy-man must be telling the truth then.
“Why did you tell me?” he asks curiously, smiling a little. “I really didn’t know.”
“I wanted you to know,” the man answers with a smile. “Candy-man sounds degrading, by the way. Call me Kame.”
“And that doesn’t sound degrading?” Jin chuckles. “I’m Jin.”
The man smirks at him when he gets up on his feet and offers Jin a hand. Jin stares at him in confusion as he grabs it and lets the man pull him up on his feet.
Standing next to him makes him sort of want to advance over him. It’s probably because of the previous dream involving him. It’s kind of funny having the man around twice even though he doesn’t even know him. Not in the real world.
“Follow,” the man commands and leads him out of the door to the train’s corridor but - it’s not a corridor. They’re standing on a busy street in some town he doesn’t recognize (maybe it doesn’t even exist at all) and Kame drags him to the middle of the busy road. They’re standing in the middle of a market place, he notes, as he tries to see over the heads of the people gathered. Fruits, clothes, jewellery - everything in their own small stalls, lining towards the horizon he isn’t able to see.
“You’re dreaming,” Kame reminds him and he nudges the man in annoyance, muttering a hasty “I know that!” under his breath. Because he does. Really!
Kame rolls his eyes and pats his head in a degrading manner that makes Jin purse his lips and take a few steps back. Stupid, bossy idiot. Stupid, bossy idiot of a candy-man! Why in the world had he created the man in the first place?! This wasn’t exactly what he wanted his lucid dreams to be.
“Then turn them into something else,” Kame prods him and Jin’s eyes snap at him, cheeks burning. Did the man just read his mind?!
“Stop invading my privacy, you creeper,” he mocks him and looks around. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Anything.”
Very descriptive.
Well, first of all, he does feel kind of claustrophobic. He sets his gaze on the ground and tries to re-imagine his surroundings. When he raises his head again, the amount of people around is much less than what it has previously been. He smiles contently and Kame nods at him.
“Let’s take a walk,” he suggests and starts walking along the road. Jin jogs a few steps to catch up with him and walk by his side.
He wonders when his dreams have started getting so full of details. The colours are oddly bright and vibrant in a slightly unrealistic way, but they’re there and the spectrum of shades is astonishing. The seemingly old-fashioned buildings around them are lined with engravings as they reach out towards the end of earth’s atmosphere. There’s a shrine a few hundred metres away on the right and a couple of dark birds fly over their heads.
They approach a creek and Jin bites his lip, trying to create a wooden bridge for them, but to his dismay it keeps losing pieces and crumbles down to the river, getting flushed away. Kame laughs next to him and Jin impulsively punches him in the arm.
“Stop laughing! I’m new at this!”
“You suck,” Kame chuckles in all honesty and tilts his head. “You lack focus. You’re too all over the place.”
Sounds like him. Jin frowns and turns towards the creek again, drawing in a deep breath and trying again.
Little by little he forms the bridge. He doesn’t try to create it all at once but systematically starts from their side of the creek and continues until the edge rests firmly on the other end.
“See? I can do it,” he notes smugly as he starts walking over it, head proudly tilted back. Kame follows him to the sandy road on the other side. There’s a field of tall, emerald grass next to them and the people get left behind on the other side of the creek.
“Experiment,” Kame suggests again. “You can do anything.”
“Except if it has something to do with you,” Jin sighs. “You’ll interfere, right?”
“Yes,” Kame nods. “And on several other occasions.”
Jin looks at the sky and opens his arms wide. The sun sets down and bright stars light up on the sky. They look nothing like they do in his hometown, but it’s a countryside now and he can do anything he wants to with his surroundings. Not to mention he’s always had a thing for lights.
“You’re slow~” Kame teases him. Within a blink of an eye the sun is up again and Jin wails weakly, his hard work down the drain.
“Why would you do that?!” he complains loudly, crossing his arms with a hurt expression on his face. “You’re giving me a headache!”
“Do it again,” Kame smirks. “Do it so much it becomes natural, almost like a sixth sense. Done in a blink, a mere fleeting thought.”
Jin sighs heavily and starts meddling with the sky again, deciding to leave it in a violet sunset setting. Then he turns the grass field into a meadow of blue roses proudly reaching towards the sky. Kame smiles as he walks beside him, picking up one of the roses and starting to pluck its petals. The rose never runs out of them or starts looking bald, though.
Then realisation hits Jin and his smile spreads wide as he points at Kame. “You’re not just a candy-man! You’re my dream guide!” he exclaims enthusiastically, cheeks burning rosy and eyes wide in wonder. He recalls knowing about these things - he had sort of been hoping his own would look like Angelina Jolie or something he could really, really like getting restricted by, but for some reason it just seems to be this ordinary nothing-so-special but still gorgeous-looking nameless guy he can’t even recall ever seeing anywhere. “At least you’re still kinda hot even if you’re boring.”
“Geez, thanks,” Kame groans with a displeased glare and resets the scenery around them. Jin swears he does it just to piss him off, because he still keeps the one lone blue rose in his hand as he walks. “Whatever you want to call me. I’d still prefer Kame, though.”
“So what are you going to do?” Jin teases him with an exhilarated smirk on his face, grabbing a hold of Kame’s hand happily. “Are you training me?”
“Maybe,” Kame smirks at him and tries to remove his hand from Jin’s enthusiastic hold. “Too tight, Jin.”
“Ah, sorry,” Jin apologizes with a small bow. “It’s just cool. I mean, I’ve heard of you. Dream guides. Good and bad stuff. …You aren’t going to hunt me down and force me awake, are you?” he asks sadly, furrowing his brow unsurely. “I sort of like dreaming like this, you know.”
“I’ll try to avoid doing that, then,” Kame nods sympathetically and ruffles his hair. It feels kind of nice. Like Kame cares about him or something. He’s kind of fond of the projection. “Don’t do bad stuff and I’ll be nice.”
“I’m a good boy,” Jin answers quickly. When Kame raises his eyebrows Jin’s cheeks flush scarlet and he slaps the man’s arm agitatedly. “Don’t look so disbelieving!”
“Do I absolutely have to remind you about your attitude on our first encounter?”
“Shut up! Shut uuup!”
Kame laughs and ruffles his hair again. His eyes shine as he comes closer and breathes against Jin’s lips. Their mouths barely graze over each other’s.
“But then again, in a way, maybe I was worse,” he whispers and Jin feels his blood rushing hot inside his veins. The direction is down. It’s all Kame’s fault.
It’s kind of fun to fall backwards and feel soft mattress under him as Kame’s lips attach themselves to his neck, sucking and biting and marking, even if it’s only in the dream world. Jin’s fingers shakily fumble their belts open and he caresses Kame’s lower abdomen with his bare palm, looking up at him in the eyes as their lips find each other again, needy, aroused and delightfully sinful.
He also kind of likes when the small, empty room with white walls gets filled with colourful and hot fireworks as Kame helps him reach the kinds of ecstasy that can’t possibly exist in the awake-state. Most definitely cannot.
It might be a bit cliché, but he likes falling for his dream projection.
-
Jin talks about Kame. A lot. It’s nice to talk about him, sigh after him and tell his friends about all kinds of things concerning him. Kame is nice and very, very interesting of course, so he can’t understand why the majority of his friends start avoiding him and the rest always have a six-pack of beer along them, first can opening once the man’s name passes his lips.
It’s kind of unfair. And stupid. Totally and undeniably stupid. Kame’s interesting. And cool.
Pi is the only one who keeps handing him long drinks and ciders as he chugs down his own beer. He keeps nodding and humming in an agreeing manner even though he probably isn’t listening much to his monologues anyway. Once Jin found a long recording of his speech in facebook, complete with a video of his friends acting like they were about to commit suicide and trying to cover up their ears or something. It kind of hurt his feelings, but Pi took the video down after a while. Friends joke around every now and then. It’s not like he wouldn’t ever have done anything alike to Pi.
“Jin, maybe you should get yourself a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend, whichever you fancy,” Pi notes after thirty minutes of his on-going monologue about his latest dream featuring Kame. They had been hunting dragons. It had been a cool dream, okay.
He frowns and hides behind his can of grape long drink.
“I don’t know. I mean, I don’t feel like getting one, you know?” Jin tries to explain his feelings to him. “I kind of like being single and free.”
“You’re crushing on a guy in your dreams,” Pi slurs with a knowing look. Jin gets a tingling sense he’s about to get scolded and whimpers, raising his drink on his lips again. He’s definitely going to need more of it, just in case. “Jin, he isn’t real.”
“HE FEELS REAL, OKAY?” Jin tries to defend himself. His feelings are sacred! Friends shouldn’t play around with delicate subjects like this one! “He’s cool.”
Pi sighs and tilts his head drunkenly. He takes Jin’s can from his hand and puts the drinks on the couch table before he aims a shot at Jin’s head and Jin feels the fabric of a couch pillow colliding with his face.
Pi’s one mean friend sometimes.
“Jin-chan. Kame is only in your dreams,” Pi tries to talk some sense into his head. It probably would’ve sounded more convincing had he not spoken so slowly and drunkenly. Then again, when Jin’s drunk, Pi’s speeches sound very, very understandable and convincing. Pi often sounds super smart when they’ve had a few drinks too much.
Jin breaks into tears and buries his face in his hands to hide his disgusting face. Pi sighs and leans forward to pat him comfortingly on his knee. In the end he almost falls asleep there, drooling over his jeans.
“I wish Kame was real,” Jin wails miserably, head thrown back. “You’d love him, I’m so sure you’d love him, but you SHOULDN’T love him because if you would I’d get so mad at you and beat the crap out of you because he’s MINE but it doesn’t matter because he’s not real and it hurts so much because I’m so badly in love with him”, he ends his outburst with a teary whimper. “Pi, why are they always out of my reach..!”
“Because you made this one up, you know,” Pi mumbles and rolls his eyes. “Of course he’s perfect and everything.”
“He isn’t perfect,” Jin objects right away. “He’s annoying and boring but he’s so cool, you know. And hot. He’s hotter than Angelina Jolie.”
“You watch too much TV,” Pi mutters and climbs over him, pulling him in a comforting hug. Jin wraps his arms around him and sniffs heartbrokenly in his shoulder.
He’s so happy Pi exists. Pi’s the best friend ever.
“By the way, did you know that in dreams you only see faces you’ve already seen before?” Pi asks him thoughtfully and Jin’s heart skips a beat. He withdraws and stares at Pi with a bemused expression.
“Don’t get my hopes up, you bastard!”
“I’m just saying!” Pi argues back. “I mean, it’s just a face, he’s probably nothing like what he’s in your dreams in real life but you must’ve seen him somewhere.”
“I don’t recognize him!” Jin objects in panic. “What if he’s some salary man with a wife and six kids?!”
“Was he that old?” Pi asks him amusedly. “Jin, you kinky man~”
“NO! NO! HE’S YOUNG AND HOT! AND HE’S TOTALLY GAY FOR ME!”
“In your dreams,” Pi reminds him again and Jin lets out a loud and frustrated wail.
“I’m going to find him, Pi,” he finally answers determinately and stands up on his wobbly feet. The world spins before he suddenly tastes the carpet, all limbs attached to the surface that keeps bending him forward. “I’M GOING TO FIND HIM, PI! I’m going now! To find him!”
“No you aren’t, you idiot!” Pi cries and yanks him up on his feet again. Even when Jin tries to struggle out of his hold, Pi keeps him firmly still and yanks him back on the couch like best friends do. “You’ll just get hit by a car or the police will pick you up, I know you…”
“Pi~”
“No! ” Pi objects and sighs, slapping him. “Get reasonable, Bakanishi! Stop being so love-struck!”
“I’m love-struck~”
It’s a long night. In the morning Jin doesn’t remember much of it, but considering the fact that he wakes up from the bathroom floor with his hair tied back, mouth tasting disgustingly like vomit and Pi snuggling his feet, it hasn’t been a very good one.
Sometimes he pities his friend, but he knows that they’re lucky to have each other. Nothing tastes sweeter than loyalty.
-
“You’re touchy,” Kame sighs as Jin snuggles him on the beach. The cold waves play with their toes but the sunlight makes the day warm enough to spend in their swimming trunks. The sand is almost white and it feels silky to the touch.
Jin presses a soft kiss on the back of Kame’s neck and massages his back, even though there are no strained muscles or tightness. Kame hums in appreciation and builds a tiny sand castle with his hands between their legs. Honestly speaking he’s really awful at it and it looks more like a brown pile with some holes poked in, but Jin doesn’t dare to comment. Kame gets hot-headed easily.
Even dreams can’t fix everything if you do things by hand, Jin assumes silently, and rubs Kame’s biceps roughly with his sandy thumbs.
The strand is abandoned, never mind the gorgeous blue water and perfect weather for a beach day. Jin likes it that way, likes how he can have his privacy with Kame in his dream land. It gives them opportunities they can’t really obtain in the real world.
If they even know each other in the real world, that is.
“Who are you?” Jin asks Kame and turns his head to catch his lips for a slow kiss. Kame chuckles in it and pinches his cheek.
“I’m your dream,” Kame answers matter-of-factly. There’s a lonely sparkle in his eyes that makes Jin want to kiss him more and deeper. Gentler too. “Jin…”
He wonders a lot. About things. Even in his dreams. He wonders about going to look for Kame, finding him and uniting with him. Falling in love for good and not being able to run away from each other. Because he would never let Kame go. Ever.
He’s a sucker when he’s in love, after all.
“What would you say if I found you?” he breathes in Kame’s ear and feels him shiver to his touch and tense slightly.
“I’d say ‘go away’,” Kame mumbles and closes his eyes. It kind of stings. Jin isn’t sure if he’s joking or not. Then again, he’s a projection (one he has no control over whatsoever), so does it really matter?
“I’ve decided,” he continues and bumps their noses together. “That I’ll come and get you, you know. I hope we’ll click.”
“Jin, do you really want to ruin this dream?” Kame asks him seriously and the look in his eyes is grave-heavy in a way that makes Jin feel dark and hollow inside. The sun burns his eyes and his mouth is full of dry sand all of sudden. He starts coughing and trying to spit it out.
“Don’t ruin this dream,” Kame commands him strongly. “Let’s keep this as a dream.”
Jin shakes his head. No. No, he won’t. He can’t.
“Too late,” he answers truthfully. He’s never been good with lies. “I’m already in love with you, and I’d do anything to get to you. I’m ready for pain. I’m ready to find out you’re just some straight guy, nothing like what you’re in here. I’m prepared.”
“I don’t want heartbreak,” Kame snarls and removes himself of Jin’s hold as he stands up. “Don’t come looking for me.”
“I won’t break your heart,” Jin insists but gets taken aback by a lone tear that shines like a diamond at the corner of Kame’s eye. Kame shakes his head slowly and starts walking to the waves.
Something clutches at Jin’s insides.
“I WON’T BREAK YOUR HEART!” he yells after Kame as he makes his way after him, splashing the salty water around. It gets so deep he’s forced to swim to keep up. The sea turns dark and black and gets really heavy and muddy as he struggles to remain on the surface. It makes Jin fear it wants to swallow him. Maybe there’s a monster he just isn’t able to see. “I promise!”
Kame splashes water at him furiously, still standing. Kame has a good control of the dream world. To him, changing it is a sixth sense. Second nature. Jin is still a dreamer in the making.
“Oh come on, Kame..!”
“If you try, you already break it,” Kame answers furiously and stops. He lays his palm over Jin’s forehead and Jin fears he’ll try to drown him by pushing him into the thick nothingness of slime. It doesn’t matter that he can’t die in a dream. He’s learned that the pain is still very real.
“Go back to a normal dream,” Kame states icily.
Then Jin is dreaming of a carnival with his brother Reio. Everyone keeps talking about mistakes and the fortune teller hovers over him, demanding for him to stop whatever he’s doing. He doesn’t know what he’s doing - for all he knows, he isn’t doing anything. It’s scary.
He has no idea he’s dreaming for the rest of the night.
-
Jin doesn’t go out with his friends that weekend. He skims through the dream diary he’s been writing since he had started out with his hobby. He reads about Kame and him, the two of them, page after page written with a groggy and messy handwriting. It’s sometimes hard to find the will to write after he wakes up. It can’t wait for longer, though, or else he’ll forget.
He lies in his bed miserably, surrounded by pillows and stuffed animals. Lately he’s been buying a lot of turtles. His friends have been getting them for him too.
He almost considers throwing them away, but knows he doesn’t have the heart.
“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings,” he talks to one of the big pillows he has. He stares at it and imagines Kame’s face, hurt and sad but tired of fighting. Imagines a Kame who’s just as desperate to make up as he is. “But we have to be together, you know. Don’t you want to be together with me?”
Yes, Jin, but we can’t be, the Kame pillow talks to him, yearning lacing his beautiful voice. You’re my assignment, Jin, it’s forbidden.
“It’s alright, baby,” Jin talks back and caresses Kame’s face. He pulls him closer and kisses him gently, slowly, lovingly. He really just wants to convince him it’s all going to be alright. “We’ll run away and then we’ll be together forever, just you and me, babe.”
I’m scared.
“I’m scared too, babe,” Jin whispers hoarsely and pulls Kame over him in a tight hug. It feels as if his chest is about to burst. The yearning is too great. Their love is beyond him. It dances in the air and makes him lose the last bits of rationality he has in him. “But I’ll keep you safe. I’ll keep us safe. And we’ll be happy,” he presses, smiling tiredly as he stares into the beautiful brown eyes. They’re gorgeously narrow, not round and pretty like most of the girls’. He likes that. “I love you, Kame.”
I love you too, Jin… I love you so much..!
“Me too, baby, don’t cry,” Jin whimpers and crushes their lips together for a desperate kiss. “It’s alright, baby, they’ll never be able to keep us apart..!”
Jin..!
Jin rolls them over and can almost imagine Kame’s hands wrapping themselves around him, keeping him close. They’re glued to each other and every bit of skin not being pressed against the other one’s feels like a loss, a failure. They don’t want to separate. Ever.
It’s love. It’s love and lust all mixed together like it should be. A result of a very strong biochemical cocktail and an open connection through minds, one that manages to reach them even in their dreams.
He pulls his shirt off and devours Kame, presses his face against his neck and rocks them together intimately. Kame wails and whimpers and begs for more. Begs for him to go and find him. Kame loves him too, loves him so, so much.
“…Jin, what the hell are you doing?”
Jin screams and falls to the floor in panic. His heart is pounding like crazy as he crawls to hide under his bed. Pi. PI, GODDAMMIT.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!” he roars from the shadows under his cover. “CAN’T YOU HEAR THIS IS A PRIVATE MOMENT?!”
“Well, I can definitely see that,” Pi snickers from the doorframe. Jin peeks his head from under the bed and glares at his friend murderously, cheeks flushed the deepest red they’ve probably ever had on before.
“Pi, I’m going to slaughter you.”
Pi shakes his head with his arms crossed and sits down on the floor. Still, he keeps his distance, just in case. “Nice fantasy you have. That pillow sure is damn sexy. Gets me all bothered and hot.”
“SHUT UP!”
“Oh, and remind me to never snuggle with your pillows again. After that it’s just… wrong,” he coughs to his fist and hawks to change the subject. “I take that you’re still after your sweet little Kame.”
Jin crawls away from under his bed and pulls his shirt back on. He goes to fetch a robe from the cupboard and glares at his friend silently, speaking through his actions rather than words. Pi nods smugly and sits on his bed.
“You know, that key is for emergencies.”
“You never complain if I use it just to come over,” Pi shrugs, eyes burning mischievously. “I was bored and thought I’d stop by. I have to say I’m not bored anymore.”
“Fuck you.”
“Like that pillow? Do you want me to play Kame-chan?” Pi teases him and purses his lips, eyes wide like some innocent school girl’s in a perverted manga. “JinJin, please take me away, I love you so much~”
“I hate you,” he wails but snuggles up against his friend nonetheless, only to get pushed away.
“I won’t cuddle you when that’s still… you know…” Pi mumbles, giving him an awkward look. His hand hovers over Jin’s lap for a while before he just decides to pat his thigh meaningfully a few times. Jin feels blood rushing back to his face. He hates Pi. He fucking hates Pi. Stupid friend. Stupid, stupid and sadistic friend!
“Obviously this is becoming a problem,” Pi sighs and ruffles his hair. Jin melts and forgives him immediately, resting his head miserably on Pi’s shoulder. Pi’s a great friend. Really. And he doesn’t suffer from mood swings. It’s a reasonable change in opinion. That’s an entirely different thing. “Jin, let’s talk seriously.”
He doesn’t want to. Not really.
But he’s never been good at keeping things for himself either, so after a couple of seconds he bursts out in a heated rant, spitting words out of his mouth.
“He said I shouldn’t look for him! It’s so stupid! He’s guilt-tripping me! For wanting to find him! It’s so wrong! If he loves me too, he should be happy I’m trying to find him!” he grumbles, hands curling into tights fists. “Don’t you think he’s being unfair, Pi?!”
Pi raises his eyebrows. “Jin… he’s your projection. Maybe it’s just your inner opinion.”
“FUCK YOU, NO IT ISN’T!” Jin roars furiously, sitting up straight. “I’m going to find him! I really am! And then we’ll be happy together! I’m going to prove it to him!”
“Sure, Jin, sure,” Pi nods enthusiastically and pats his back. “Let it out.”
“YOU DON’T THINK I CAN?! I’LL PROVE YOU WRONG!” Jin bellows at his friend, making Pi cover his ears with a toothy grimace. “I’LL PROVE YOU ALL WRONG! WELCOME TO MY WEDDING!”
“Gay marriage is illegal -”
“FUCK YOU, PI!” Jin wails again, grasping a tight hold of his friend’s hands. Pi nods with a pained look. He’s probably crushing the man’s fingers. “Pi, you’re a friend. You’re my best friend. Help me find him. You’ve got to help me find him!”
“How?!” Pi snaps at him. “Jin, he could be anyone. Anywhere. The world is big! Maybe you saw him years ago or something and he’s dead now! Or maybe you saw him like that as a kid and now he’s some wrinkly old granddad!”
“Don’t beat me down,” Jin cries miserably and Pi quickly takes his words back and hugs his friend comfortingly. “Help me, Pi!”
“We should put a time limit to this. So that you’ll agree to give up at some point if you can’t find him.”
“NO!”
“…Jin, it might be that when you find him he isn’t even anything like you’ve imagined,” Pi reminds him. “You have to be reasonable about this.”
He doesn’t want to be reasonable. Love isn’t reasonable. It’s a good counter argument, but he’s kind of sure Pi isn’t going to think so. Pi isn’t as emotion-driven as he is.
“Do you know his name?” Pi prods him helpfully. “I don’t think ‘Kame’ will do much help in finding him.”
Jin opens his mouth and to his own horror realises that he doesn’t know Kame’s real name. It’s never occurred to him to ask. He isn’t sure if Kame would’ve answered, but it would’ve been worth a shot.
“Oh god, I don’t even know his name,” he mumbles numbly in horror. Pi grimaces and tries to shake him back to reality.
“Then you go and get the name! But… maybe your projection doesn’t even know his name…”
In the end they sketch ugly drawings of Kame and put the flyers all around Tokyo. They say Kame’s missing and Jin is looking for him. Jin is certain Kame will see them and call him out of curiosity or something. Kame has to be in Tokyo. He rarely leaves Tokyo. Kame just… has to be there.
Or else he’s screwed.
-
PART 2