(no subject)
I feel so bad. I just posted my pic on here and i'm getting insults. I should have noted in my post what people thought of my legs. I guess I did sound a little bit like a sl*t even though i'm only 14 fgs.
I'm kind of recovering from ana anyway, in a way. I get counselling and I yawn my way through it. They talk rubbish, they don't understand. I tried to comitt suicide the other night because I felt so depressed ugly && fat. But nobody noticed the mark on my neck or on my wrists.
My best friend is Bulimic and we tried to kill ourselves together. We planned it and were all set to do it, you know, end our lives. But then this girl found out about it and told the teachers, then they told our parents. So EXTRA counselling. Everyone's keeping a closer eye on me now, and my best friend. It is torture being watched all the time. If only we went through with it. Me and my best friend got called into a room together and a counseller talked to us. And they said it was selfish to commit suicide. But we really felt depressed. There is something we learned. There's no way to escape from Bulimia or Anorexia unless you're willing to help the counsellers. But Bulimia/Anorexia is me and my best friend's lives. We feel like we can't live without it. And I'm sorry if we sound selfish.
I may sound like i'm attention seeking. But i'm really not. I'm getting abuse from people on here I thought I could trust && get support from. I am obviously wrong. Everyone may be going through what me and my best friend are going through but everyone has their own feelings in the end. I feel angry, ugly, and a sl*g. And I don't want to be ANY of them. But nobody knows what I am feeling.
So I have made a decision. I am going to leave this community. It's making me feel worse about myself. I will take Anorexia "into my own hands". Whatever that is I don't know. But I will find out soon enough won't I.
I don't mean any of this in a bad/ or offensive way but I hope you all get help someday. I still want to be thin && beautiful && everything like that. But I hope some of you do manage to get help. Anorexia/Bulimia is not a good feeling. It's not a choice. It's a disease and GOD is it hard to get out of.
='[ xx