lol, it may not be a conventional recipe for a good fic, but it sure is wonderfully done!
Wow, that's neat! :D I've got a friend who can just practically pull stories out of thin air like that - lol, I really don't see how either of you do it.
I wondered on that! :D And lol, he does rather cry a lot. ;)
I'm speechless. I absolutely love the fairy tale aspect you bring to this fic; so dreamy and abstract and yet so applicable to canon. omg. *______*
Then the time came for them to lay together and he penetrated her. This is the only one thing that jarred me a little. "Penetrated" sounds like a very impersonal word to me, and it sort of pulled me out of the narrative... Maybe you could say, "Then the time came for them to lay together. This was the first time a god bled." But that's just a little thing and of course you don't have to change it if you like it this way more. :)
“If a snake ever bit the people closest to you, you would take it home, thinking it was more reliable than them.” The sound of her steps is sharp and muffled on the dusty floor. “If a snake ever bit the people closest to me, I would save those people and crush that snake under my heel.” So true! You've captured the difference between Orochimaru and Kushina with such a great example. :D
The words echo in the hollow of his spinal column and come to rest
( ... )
I personally think it would be okay if you took it out. Truth be told, after some time, most people in fandom find it easy to read into the implicit sex. (I am one of them. >_> ^^;) :P And--well, I hope I'm not sounding too pushy. But saying "penetrate" sort of reminds me of... like, a sex manual or something. *sheepish*
Haha, I love repetition. XDD That line made me squee so much. :D
I'm glad it pleases you. :) This fic is eminently please-worthy. <3
The mysterious quality you give Kushina is lovely, and the myths you wove around the story are magnificent. I admit there were lapses in the story-telling voice of it, but overall, it's nothing short of superior.
At first, I was a little diffident, but now I'm glad I read this. Hopefully, there will be more?
AMAZING?! 4 REALZ? Jeez, all the good feedback I'm getting on this is really surprising.
I'm glad you liked the myths. Yeah, this was basically thrown together and the writing wasn't linear for me at all. @.@ When it was over I was actually a little confused as to what was happening. Now that it's been a little while it's clearer to me now. And BEJEEZUS!! There is so much flattery in these reviews.. (Xp I enjoy it!!
I'm really happy you like it, and I do have more planned. It'll happen eventually? I hope? The myths won't be as dense in the rest of the Shinigami series, but there will definitely more!
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I can't really say anything else to give the story proper justice, lol.
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I'm not surprised you're the only one who's commented so far. Kushina + Orochimaru + Fake!myths is not typically a recipe for good fic. :P
I actually love making up fairy tales: I do it for my friends all the time.
Also, I tried to make that young man very Yonaime-ish. I hope I succeeded. He sure does cry alot though!!
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Wow, that's neat! :D I've got a friend who can just practically pull stories out of thin air like that - lol, I really don't see how either of you do it.
I wondered on that! :D And lol, he does rather cry a lot. ;)
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Your friend and I are a lot alike then. It's sad though, cause when you just pull one out of the air it's hard to remember it later.D8
AND THE CRYING!! @.@ Either he has a hard life or he really needs to get it together. Or maybe it's both.
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I'm speechless. I absolutely love the fairy tale aspect you bring to this fic; so dreamy and abstract and yet so applicable to canon. omg. *______*
Then the time came for them to lay together and he penetrated her.
This is the only one thing that jarred me a little. "Penetrated" sounds like a very impersonal word to me, and it sort of pulled me out of the narrative... Maybe you could say, "Then the time came for them to lay together. This was the first time a god bled." But that's just a little thing and of course you don't have to change it if you like it this way more. :)
“If a snake ever bit the people closest to you, you would take it home, thinking it was more reliable than them.” The sound of her steps is sharp and muffled on the dusty floor. “If a snake ever bit the people closest to me, I would save those people and crush that snake under my heel.”
So true! You've captured the difference between Orochimaru and Kushina with such a great example. :D
The words echo in the hollow of his spinal column and come to rest ( ... )
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Haha, I love repetition. XDD That line made me squee so much. :D
I'm glad it pleases you. :) This fic is eminently please-worthy. <3
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Good job here :)
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Thanks!!
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The mysterious quality you give Kushina is lovely, and the myths you wove around the story are magnificent. I admit there were lapses in the story-telling voice of it, but overall, it's nothing short of superior.
At first, I was a little diffident, but now I'm glad I read this. Hopefully, there will be more?
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I'm glad you liked the myths. Yeah, this was basically thrown together and the writing wasn't linear for me at all. @.@ When it was over I was actually a little confused as to what was happening. Now that it's been a little while it's clearer to me now. And BEJEEZUS!! There is so much flattery in these reviews.. (Xp I enjoy it!!
I'm really happy you like it, and I do have more planned. It'll happen eventually? I hope? The myths won't be as dense in the rest of the Shinigami series, but there will definitely more!
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And enjoy it, you should. x3 You deserve shovelfuls of praise.
*claps* Can't wait! ♥
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