Not The Time
Fandom: NewS
Pairing: Shige-centric
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Introspection? Angst?
Summary: Shige rationalizes not telling his friends.
Author's Note: I've sort of been starting fics and not finishing them, but I felt the need to post something. So this fic is completely different than I planned but it works, I suppose. And I'm addicted to first person.
There’s really no reason to tell anyone.
Yamashita and Masuda would just accept it but I’m sure they’d be more conscious of how they act around me. Tegoshi, well, I’m pretty sure he’d be fine with it. I’d just rather not think about the possibility of blackmail. No, he wouldn’t do that, it would be graymail; unintentionally forcing me to go around waiting on him so he’ll keep quiet.
Koyama, I hope he can deal with it. He’ll either get all warm and fuzzy about it or be completely freaked out for a while. I’m most worried about Nishikido, if would even get near me the jokes and snide comments would be unbearable.
But it not as if they need to know. Johnnies keep their private lives private anyway and it’s not like I’m in love with any of them. There’s nothing weird about throwing an arm around Keii, taking Massu or Tego to lunch, or even thinking Yamapi is cool (everyone, guy or girl, has to admit that). As for Nishikido, we aren’t even all that close as friends so anything else would really be out of the question.
I’m not ashamed; I just don’t feel the need to “come out”. At least, not anytime soon.
It’s not obvious. Figuring out I’m gay doesn’t make me a different person. Everything is a bit of a minefield though. I over-think things to begin with but when you’re trying figure out if something you’re doing is because you’re a friend, or for slightly less pure motives, you hesitate.
I hate it but I like the feeling I get whenever Koyama sits down next to me and we’re close enough that our knees touch. I like when Massu shares his food with me, when Tegoshi acts completely spoiled, or when Yamapi puts on a cute face. Nishikido, well, his smile is nice I suppose. It’s the same feeling as when a cute sales clerk smiles at you, there’s no meaning to it but you’re giddy for the rest of the day.
Good excuses are hard to run by, I have to be careful not to seem unnatural about refusing to go out for drinks or wanting to be alone when we’re at an onsen. College gives me an easy excuse but that won’t last forever
The importance I place on being careful is because when it’s obvious that a guy is avoiding things like alcohol, or environments where you wear a lot less than you’d wear on the beach, people assume one of two things. They assume that you are gay or you’re, well, small in stature and that you’re trying to hide it. That’s true in my case (but only on one account).
Maybe the lengths I go to lie about it are a bit much, but now is just not the time.
Pairing: Shige-centric
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Introspection? Angst?
Summary: Shige rationalizes not telling his friends.
Author's Note: I've sort of been starting fics and not finishing them, but I felt the need to post something. So this fic is completely different than I planned but it works, I suppose. And I'm addicted to first person.
There’s really no reason to tell anyone.
Yamashita and Masuda would just accept it but I’m sure they’d be more conscious of how they act around me. Tegoshi, well, I’m pretty sure he’d be fine with it. I’d just rather not think about the possibility of blackmail. No, he wouldn’t do that, it would be graymail; unintentionally forcing me to go around waiting on him so he’ll keep quiet.
Koyama, I hope he can deal with it. He’ll either get all warm and fuzzy about it or be completely freaked out for a while. I’m most worried about Nishikido, if would even get near me the jokes and snide comments would be unbearable.
But it not as if they need to know. Johnnies keep their private lives private anyway and it’s not like I’m in love with any of them. There’s nothing weird about throwing an arm around Keii, taking Massu or Tego to lunch, or even thinking Yamapi is cool (everyone, guy or girl, has to admit that). As for Nishikido, we aren’t even all that close as friends so anything else would really be out of the question.
I’m not ashamed; I just don’t feel the need to “come out”. At least, not anytime soon.
It’s not obvious. Figuring out I’m gay doesn’t make me a different person. Everything is a bit of a minefield though. I over-think things to begin with but when you’re trying figure out if something you’re doing is because you’re a friend, or for slightly less pure motives, you hesitate.
I hate it but I like the feeling I get whenever Koyama sits down next to me and we’re close enough that our knees touch. I like when Massu shares his food with me, when Tegoshi acts completely spoiled, or when Yamapi puts on a cute face. Nishikido, well, his smile is nice I suppose. It’s the same feeling as when a cute sales clerk smiles at you, there’s no meaning to it but you’re giddy for the rest of the day.
Good excuses are hard to run by, I have to be careful not to seem unnatural about refusing to go out for drinks or wanting to be alone when we’re at an onsen. College gives me an easy excuse but that won’t last forever
The importance I place on being careful is because when it’s obvious that a guy is avoiding things like alcohol, or environments where you wear a lot less than you’d wear on the beach, people assume one of two things. They assume that you are gay or you’re, well, small in stature and that you’re trying to hide it. That’s true in my case (but only on one account).
Maybe the lengths I go to lie about it are a bit much, but now is just not the time.