Comments | pregnant: Need some reassurance

candyce in pregnant

Need some reassurance

Feb 03, 2011 09:04

I'm looking for some hopeful stories of daddy-to-be transformations. My fiance is a great guy and a great partner, but I don't feel like he's excited about the baby even though when I ask him I get a "yeah, sure I am" sort of response. He says he doesn't really feel connected to it yet, it doesn't really feel "real" to him yet, and even though I'm ( Read more... )

fathers, bonding

Comments 19

junebeansprout February 3 2011, 15:11:18 UTC

I wouldn't worry yourself too much, it's harder for daddy's and daddy's to be because they cant FEEL baby growing, the changes dont effect him directly, and it's still very far away for him. It took my partner until the ultrasound where we could see the heart beat and hear it to for it to become "Real" for him. Maybe hubs is stressed and so baby isn't the first thing on his list of things to do? ANd while that may seem so.. wrong to you, it's not so crazy. Once the baby comes though, it will all effect him directly, so there is no doubt there!!

Have you brought this up to him? Mentioned that it doesnt seem like he is interested and that concerns you?

Boys.. that's all I can say =P

Good luck mama, most of us have been where you are!

candyce February 3 2011, 18:02:41 UTC

I have brought it up to him, and I feel like there's something going on there, but he won't talk to me about it. He just keeps saying it's not the same for him as it is for me but he'll get there. I just hear about other women with partners being so into their belly, and it makes me really sad.

always_bawling February 3 2011, 15:23:28 UTC

I was told by my OB that it is uncommon for Dad to come to every appointment, but I do expect my husband to go when he can. Ben told me the pregnancy didn't become truly real to him until we found out we are having a girl. I think for men, there are many reasons why it is common men don't connect right away (as mentioned above) so don't worry! My husband didn't rub my belly or talk to the baby until I started to get much bigger and he found out when the baby could start to recognize voices. He also never has volunteered to do many of the things I expected him to volunteer for, but does them when asked.
Maybe for now, it would be better to give him a bit of a break and see how interested he is without your prompting. I bet he will come around soon!

keepcalmcarryon February 3 2011, 15:49:42 UTC

My husband is way more excited about my pregnancy than I am but he's never once kissed my belly or talked to it- some guys just aren't like that, it has nothing to do with how they feel about fatherhood or their baby.

I think a lot of men don't connect with the baby until it's born and there's nothing wrong with that. Hell, even some moms- myself included- have a hard time connecting during pregnancy.

http://www.belairecounseling.com/Fathersexperiencesofpregnancy.pdf

That's an interesting article on this subject.

oceanview February 3 2011, 15:52:12 UTC

I didn't feel connected with my first, until well after he was born, and with this one, I felt instantly connected, and it makes me feel horrible ):

oceanview February 3 2011, 15:51:17 UTC

My (now) fiance was pretty much the same way with my first pregnancy. He made it hell for me, on top of everything else, and I didn't even *enjoy* it, because I always felt like I was going to be a single mom in the end ( ... )

blissurrenderd February 3 2011, 16:06:50 UTC

My hubby was like that with both of my other pregnancies, and this one as well. I mean, I know he's excited to have another child, but he's just not all "OMGBABY" like I am. I was actually really surprised the day our second was born because he was acting really weird and when I asked him what was wrong with him he said he was just really excited that she was here. That was the first time he'd really shown any excitement. He's a great dad now.

bkm5191 February 3 2011, 21:50:45 UTC

This was quite a bit like my husband. With our son I was almost, okay I was REALLY, surprised by how delighted he was to be a dad and how happy he was because during the pregnancy he was so not interested.

And to the OP making your partner do things because you have some idea of how an expectant dad should act is not really going to work. Sorry, if that sounds harsh but if he isn't the touching belly type you are forcing a square peg in a round hole. If he is the more practical type he can be on setting up baby;'s room stuff. Get him painting and putting together a crib.