1. Tell him that, because JK Rowling created him, he is muggle-born.
2. Ask him whether his Dark Mark is a permanent tattoo or one of those stickers.
3. Sing the “Avada Kedavra song’ every time he raises his wand
4. Ask him whether he bought you any souvenirs while he was abroad hunting for Gregorovitch.
5. Recommend Visine for his eyes 6. Send
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