Welcome to the group

[ppfuf]

Can you describe for me what makes you feel welcome in a new group? (SCA, school, work, girl scouts, church, AA, any group you had to walk into when you didn't know many people there is fine.)

I was wondering about this, because it's come up in a couple of conversations recently. I've been trying to remember why I felt welcomed and comfortable in

Comments

[ex_hrj]

For me, it's mostly a matter of having my existence acknowledged. Do any of the "regulars" notice that I'm there and they haven't met me before? Or do they behave as if I'm invisible? Do they speak to me or at least respond in an encouraging way when I speak to them? Or are they brusque or dismissive? If I wander up to someone or a group of people I don't know, do they make eye contact with me and shift their body language to "include" me in the interactional vectors? Or do they close ranks and force me to remain "outside the circle"? If I join in a discussion do people listen to what I say and respond? Or do they interrupt me as if I hadn't spoken? If I meet the same people on a second occasion, is there any recognition? (Not that I"m all that good at recognizing people I've met only once, mind you

[ppfuf]

Good ideas, all of these. I'll have to remember to say out loud that everyone's welcome to go to dinner after dance practice.
I've been trying to remember to use people's names, I'm not sure if it makes people more or less comfortable.
I'm not sure how handle hearing people speak in the chaos of dance practice.

[kareina]

The times I've felt most welcome was when there was a group activity going on, and when I walked up they smiled and indicated that I should join them. Dancing and "bardics" are the two examples that really come to mind here--if I wander up to a strange camp fire at night and people are chatting they may or may not acknowledge me, but if they are singing, they nearly always smile and gesture to a seat and encourage participation. Likewise dancers tend to encourage people to join them, sometimes in the middle of a dance if it is one that lends itself well to that (like a farendol). This is true not only at SCA events but also at Contra Dances and folk federation dances. Anywhere that there is an activity which is enhanced by more participants I've always been made to feel welcomed and encouraged to join in. (to some extent a kitchen at an event can be like that too, if you happen to wander up just as they need someone to chop carrots or something--but that is more hit or miss, because once they've reached capacity on the number of

[ppfuf]

I'm a lot more comfortable asking people into a shared activity than trying for a conversation. But I do see your point about kitchens, I find feast cooking very stressful, so asking people into the kitchen is fraught with peril.

[ppfuf]

It was your comment in the other thread that made me start thinking about this again.
Dinner companion seating is a good one. I'll try to start paying more attention to that.

'how can I make you feel welcome?'

[ppfuf]

My deep-seated fear is that I'll say this to a crazy person, G-d only knows when I might be able to get away. I think a lot of women get out of the habit of being friendly, because we've been followed about by young men who took "Hey, how've you been?" as "I'd like to date you, and am considering becoming your devoted love slave".
Maybe now that I've got some answers on the what makes you feel welcome question, I might ask the inverse, what actions have made you feel un-welcome?

[misagillian]

I'm often most comfortable when being given a job. I went to a family reunion of Leohtulf's, and though they didn't know me at all, I got to be their auction recorder (they raise money for their annual event by auctioning stuff off.) This has been true when I've gone to a new church (started working in the nursery the day I arrived at my current church until I got comfortable, and now I do music there), within the SCA (got on Court the first major event I went to), and most other environments.

[ppfuf]

Ooo! Me too! I was thinking back to my first experiences at church (I was about 14, I think) and when I first felt welcomed by the adults was when I was working in the kitchen.

[xrian]

Important for me, especially over the long term, is that people treat me as if I'm normal. I worked for 15 years in a place where I was the weird one, and I am discovering just how damaging that was now that I'm out of it.

[ppfuf]

I have a hard time thinking of you as the odd one, but knowing how some workplaces can be I understand. Even at my office, people rarely talk about anything more personal than last night's television or their children's classes.