Welcome to the group

[ppfuf]

Can you describe for me what makes you feel welcome in a new group? (SCA, school, work, girl scouts, church, AA, any group you had to walk into when you didn't know many people there is fine.)

I was wondering about this, because it's come up in a couple of conversations recently. I've been trying to remember why I felt welcomed and comfortable in

Comments

[despair_bear]

In my experience, treating some one new to the "group" as an equal will go a long way. As others have said, invite them in and along as if they have been at your side for years and one day you will turn around and they will have been.

[ppfuf]

Hmm, treating new comers as equals is probably easier at a baronial business meeting than dance practice. At dance, it's pretty obvious who's been dancing for a while and who's new even when we're doing a dance that's new to everyone. Although people who are "fluent" in another dance form can fool me sometimes. :)

[despair_bear]

Of course there are some limitations, particularly when skills are involved. I would not turn a green recruit loose in my shop with out guidance (lest they loose a limb or burn my house down), but I would give them the same opportunity and level of excitement on my part as I would with any member of my house. 1st day or 30th year they will get the same level of respect and attention from me.

[hunrvogt]

Inclusion in invitations is a good one. I'm also a sucker for the old sales stand-by of learn and use my name.

Most of us suck at remembering names and recognizing faces. When someone takes the time to learn my name it indicates interest in me.

[ppfuf]

I'm pretty good with names at dance practice, as long as people come back next week. It's the people who come once a month or less that I have trouble with. It helps that there's rarely more than 2-3 new people at any practice.
Do you ever feel like people are using your name too often? I know sometimes that can feel a little forced, like when the bank teller is obeying some management directive to use your name at the end of every sentence.

[hunrvogt]

They name thing can obsolutely be over done. That difference between the car salesman that's know me for 15 minutes using my name in every sentance and my favorite poultry salesman answer the phone with my name when I call and saying goodbye to me by name.

[scotica]

I'm lousy at recognizing faces out of context, and with putting names and faces together. (Yea, yea, I'm an onomastician. Ironic, isn't it?**) But I do try to make an effort, and tell people I meet that I'm lousy at it and they should just remind me I know them. Often there is some bonding conversation over the problem (which many share), and sometimes that even helps me to actually remember if I see them again (at least in the same context).

I would like to think that this serves the same function (described by hunrvogt) as actually remembering someone's name... does it?

**No, really, I am bad at this. In 5th grade I had a friend who lived up the street and with whom I played regularly. Every time before I rang her doorbell I would pause to make sure I got her name right (and it wasn't an unusual name at all)!

[callistotoni]

Agreeing with what others have said. Being invited to join in conversations and activities, even being asked directly "What do you think?" does a long way towards making people feel included.

Of course, if someone is on the crazytown express it's another story...
;-)

[ppfuf]

Hahaha. I'm only interested in the opinions of non-crazy people. If I wanted to know how crazy people felt, I'd post this query on some other message board.

[aastg]

I gave this question a lot of thought, and I think that I felt the most welcome when I showed up and people acted as if I'd been there for years already. I wonder, now, if that was because we were all on the same social/cultural wavelength already. I felt that way when I started, and again when I reactivated after a five-year absence.

[dame_cordelia]

Involving newbies in what I am doing and inviting them join the conversation are the best welcome I can think of. Making sure they know how to find the SCA is crucial. I usually give my phone number out so they don't think this is a one-time thing.