3336: The Golden Age - SilvermistFox

[pottersues]

Don't forget about the fanfic contest.
Of course... some random link of the day.

The Flashback Sue is from Halloween 2013. The story is a crossover that isn't marked as a crossover. Nor does the writer let the readers know that she didn't come up with the name for the “other” school.

TITLE: The Golden Age
PERPETRATOR: SilvermistFox
SUE-O-METER:

Comments

[beacon80]

Yeah, an important thing to learn as a writer is that while you can see the entire scene as you intend it, your readers can only see the words on the page. So while what a sentence means might seem perfectly obvious to you, that's only because you already know what it means.

This line in particular:
Their destiny had ended soon after they were married, and was found by Kagome on one of the nights of his longing.
My first thought was that Inuyasha had gotten Kagome pregnant, and they were passing their "destiny" on to their child. Upon looking at the context around it, I'm pretty sure Inuyasha cheated on Kagome and this ended the relationship. I shouldn't need to infer something like this.
For that matter, it should get more than a single line, especially since Inuyasha would never cheat on Kagome like that. The thing with Kikyo was complicated, and even that nearly ripped him apart. Summing it up as "one of the nights of his longing" implies that it's just his sex drive leading him to cheat, and that he does it regularly.

[yemi_hikari]

That line can also be taken as Inuyasha committing suicide for some random reason.

[yemi_hikari]

The plot really makes no sense and the story feels like it is thrown together.