3253: Harry Potter the Clockwork Mage - Lily, James, Dumbledore, Alice, Frank

[pottersues]

I found this lin of the day for today.

TITLE: Harry Potter the Clockwork Mage
PERPETRATOR: TheRavenIS
SUE-O-METER:

Comments

[turtle_yurippe]

From Lovegood to Goodelove? What an awesome and totally unrecognizable alias!

“many of the spells he, Voldemort, had used were the exact same as the ones she had learned at Hogwarts.”
What? Isn't that the same as, I don't know, saying: This mass murderer uses English words to lure his victims into his house. I speak English. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Also, since when do they teach the Unforgivables at Hogwarts? Or is Voldemort running around killing people with Riddiculus now?

[anonymous]

For some reason Suethors seem to have a habit of making lists that have absolutely nothing to do with anything, or consist of things that should be developed and explained in-story (and I'm including character sheets - the epitome of author laziness - in that descriptor). I suppose most of them come down to cases of things that readers should be shown, not told. Why try to establish such details properly when you can just conveniently list everything for your readers?

[beacon80]

What I love about Manipulative!Dumbledore fics is that Dumbledore can fool anybody, until the fic begins. At this point, everyone will suddenly realize he's been lying to them the entire time, and all of his machinations are suddenly painfully transparent.

Case in point. Dumbledore tells them about a prophecy, and Lily immediately assumes he's been sitting on this information for a year, when more likely he only heard it a few hours ago.

Also, we have a "flashback" that takes place the next day..