0710: Fallen - Draco Malfoy/Decariel

[pottersues]

Four days left for voting!

Kitty Link: Kitten Pictures! I like the one that's WTFing over the hedgehog, myself.

TITLE: Fallen
PERPETRATOR: TsuirakuMitsukai

SUE-O-METER:

Comments

[spasmodicdb]

Oh canon, where art thou?

[redmapletree]

Attempting to drown its sorrows in a seedy bar with plenty of alchohol, no doubt.

[spasmodicdb]

Shall no doubt be off to join it, if this keeps up.

*icon love*

[redmapletree]

*spelled alcohol wrong* >_<

Ditto with the icon love! *skips off with spasmodicdb to genuflect at nearest SPB shrine*

[laurelin_kit]

Wouldn't shedding crystal tears hurt?

[wings_of_dreams]

Not as much as giving birth to a baby with wings...ouch.

[spasmodicdb]

I imagine that having eyes of pure silver wouldn't be all that comfortable either.

[xothe_last_kiss]

She did this quite a lot. Of course, he couldn’t exactly blame her. She did lose a perfect creature such as himself.

Tsk, tsk, someone's a tad self-centered...

[redmapletree]

Hey, if he's getting reincarnated as Draco, at least he's in character.

[xothe_last_kiss]

True, true!

[redmapletree]

One must learn to count one's blessings when dealing with Sues. Or Stus. >_0

[marikochan]

So... They're not allowed to let mortals know that they're angels, and the punishment is that he's born to mortals as an angel? Somehow I don't think this mission is going to succeed for very long.

[marikochan]

Also, this exchange from the second chapter has to qualify for "worst-written dialogue ever":

“Did it hurt?” Malfoy looked at her in confusion.
“Did what hurt?” Hermione just let a knowing smirk linger about her lips.
“Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?” Malfoy’s face grew pale. [...]
“Granger!” Hermione turned around, an innocent look on her face.

It's pretty bad to begin with, but pairing a person doing an action with something the OTHER person is saying is an easy way to confuse the hell out of your reader. Especially the first two lines.

[spasmodicdb]

Took me awhile to make sense of it, but...

"It did hurt, as a matter of fact. Huge clunk when I hit the ground."

[handlet]

I had to read that a few times to understand who was saying what. It doesn't help that that dialogue is totally cheesy and OOC for both of them (making it even harder to figure out who's talking).

[jetamors]

Draco lives in a dormitory with several other boys. He also plays Quidditch with several people, which necessitates frequent changing of clothes. Wouldn't SOMEBODY have noticed that he has big honking wings hanging off his back?!?

[spasmodicdb]

Pff. Earth logic, who needs it?

[thesaneminority]

Puts me in mind of my friend's angel char, who pretty much has to rip off his wings and stick huge bandages over the bloody stumps to keep them from growing back. Maybe that's why Draco's always so bitchy.