0004: Trinity Snape - Trinity Snape
From the girl who brought us Lynx Potter?... this one is actually much worse.
TITLE: Trinity Snape
PERPETRATOR: Lady Knight Nick
SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)
WRITING: **
SUEAGE: *****
WRONGNESS: ****
FULL NAME: Trinity Snape
SPECIES: Human - possibly a witch, but I don't think any mention is ever made of her using any magic.
HAIR: Never described.
EYES: One gold one, one blue one.
MARKINGS: Other than bi-coloured eyes, nothing.
POSESSIONS: All kinds of nifty swords and stuff.
ORIGIN: Snape's daughter (natch), who hasn't seen her father in five years. *sniffle* Oh, the tragedy. She's only fourteen years old, but is coming to Hogwarts to teach - get this - 'warrior arts.' Yuh-huh.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Snape's daughter. Hagrid appears to have taken her under his wing, and Draco is, of course, attracted to her (I suppose this is preferable to his being attracted to his own half-sister in this author's other fic).
SPECIAL ABILITIES: The ability to hold the attention of a class she's teaching when all the kids are older than her. l337 ski11z with every weapon ever invented. Turning Ron Weasley's brain into week-old oatmeal.
NOTES: Somebody on
(I'll stop referring to them soon! I promise!) expressed a hope that perhaps 'Lynx Potter?' was Miss Lady Knight Nick's first fanfic. Perhaps she had grown and matured since then. It was a beautiful fantasy that gave everybody hope.
Then, stupid me, I just had to go and look.
Not only is 'Lynx Potter?' not a first fic, it's not even a worst fic! In fact, it's actually half-decent compared to this steaming pile. 'Lynx Potter' stretched credulity. 'Trinity Snape' pulls it out like silly putty until the microscopically thin ends don't actually snap, but just kind of lose hold of each other and drift away.
Let's go down things point by point, shall we? Ridiculous name of main character? - check. I dunno about anyone else, but hearing 'Trinity Snape' gives me weird mental images of cyberpunk Hogwarts. Ridiculous appearance of main character? - check. Love them bi-coloured eyes. Sorry, but the only character who can get away with bi-coloured eyes is Kopii Rezo. Ridiculous reason for character to be present? - Woah, boy.
Hufflepuff help us, this girl, young enough to be a student (since she's not, I suspect she's a squib, in which case it's at least somewhat realistic that Snape wouldn't be too interested in her... what do wizards do with squib children, anyway? Does anyone know?), is at Hogwarts to teach. And she's not teaching magic, she's teaching fighting. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I would have though wizards defended themselves with spells and hexes, not swords and bows. And where did this fourteen-year-old learn how to use all these various weapons anyway? I'll bet Snape didn't teach her.
Regardless, I'm pretty sure that in any universe it's unacceptable for teachers to get romantically involved with their students. Even when the students are older than they are.
Excuse me, I have to go throw up now. New Sue tomorrow.
SAMPLE:
The next day Trinity and Hagrid waited outside as their class assembled. "Welcome to the first day of fighting class. You may call me Trin or Trinity. I have one rule if your late or don't do as I say you run that track or you do exercises of my choice." Trinity said pointing at the track as she mentioned it. "Now has anyone ever fought using weapons of war?" A boy raised his hand. "Yes and your name?" She asked. A boy walked up.
"Sorry I..." He started.
"What's your name?" She asked him.
"Harry Potter." The boy who was late responded.
"Mr. Potter I don't want to hear your excuses. Now as I said before you came punishments will be dealt out for those who are late. Mr. Potter give me two laps around that track." Trinity said pointing to it. "At a run Mr. Potter." She added. Harry ran the track. "Now sr. your name and question?" She asked.
"Ronald Weasley. I would like to know what a weapon of war is." Ron said.
"A weapon of war is swords, knifes, daggers, staffs, bow and arrow, axe, war hammer, or a lance. Of course you'd have to ride a horse for the last one but I'm teaching that also." Trinity answered.
"I have." Draco said.
Trinity looked at him. "Mr. Malfoy correct?" She asked he nodded. "What is it that you know how to use?"
"My father made me learn to use swords when I was little." Draco answered.
"Can you still heft a sword?" Trinity asked.
"I think I can. To be honest Trin I haven't tried to in a long time." Draco said.
"Well Mr. Malfoy let us see if your body remembers the lessons. It should even with one lesson a body could remember how you ask it to work even after years." Trinity said. "Choose your sword wisely Mr. Malfoy." Trinity said. She removed her robes reveling her loose black cotton pants and a loose black tank top. A sword was strapped to her waist.
Draco picked up a sword testing the weight he put it down and tested another. Trinity removed her sword belt that hung on her hip. She removed the sword from its sheath. Draco removed his robes and stepped into the fighting ring with Trinity.
"Class before all work is done you will stretch. So everyone remove your robes and lets stretch." Trinity told them. They all stretched and when they were done trinity turned to Draco. "Hagrid call it."
"Cross your weapons." He said they brought up their weapons and crossed them. "By the code of fighting you may now GAURD." Hagrid called. Both swords pointed to the ground. Trinity feinted making Draco attack her. She lifted her sword to block swiftly. Draco brought his sword into a reverse butterfly sweep. Trinity blocked it. Draco turned away from the attack. Trinity quickly pulled he sword up to kiss his neck. Draco raised his hands.
"I yield." He said.
"Not bad. I can work with this." Trinity said.
TITLE: Trinity Snape
PERPETRATOR: Lady Knight Nick
SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)
WRITING: **
SUEAGE: *****
WRONGNESS: ****
FULL NAME: Trinity Snape
SPECIES: Human - possibly a witch, but I don't think any mention is ever made of her using any magic.
HAIR: Never described.
EYES: One gold one, one blue one.
MARKINGS: Other than bi-coloured eyes, nothing.
POSESSIONS: All kinds of nifty swords and stuff.
ORIGIN: Snape's daughter (natch), who hasn't seen her father in five years. *sniffle* Oh, the tragedy. She's only fourteen years old, but is coming to Hogwarts to teach - get this - 'warrior arts.' Yuh-huh.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Snape's daughter. Hagrid appears to have taken her under his wing, and Draco is, of course, attracted to her (I suppose this is preferable to his being attracted to his own half-sister in this author's other fic).
SPECIAL ABILITIES: The ability to hold the attention of a class she's teaching when all the kids are older than her. l337 ski11z with every weapon ever invented. Turning Ron Weasley's brain into week-old oatmeal.
NOTES: Somebody on
(I'll stop referring to them soon! I promise!) expressed a hope that perhaps 'Lynx Potter?' was Miss Lady Knight Nick's first fanfic. Perhaps she had grown and matured since then. It was a beautiful fantasy that gave everybody hope.
Then, stupid me, I just had to go and look.
Not only is 'Lynx Potter?' not a first fic, it's not even a worst fic! In fact, it's actually half-decent compared to this steaming pile. 'Lynx Potter' stretched credulity. 'Trinity Snape' pulls it out like silly putty until the microscopically thin ends don't actually snap, but just kind of lose hold of each other and drift away.
Let's go down things point by point, shall we? Ridiculous name of main character? - check. I dunno about anyone else, but hearing 'Trinity Snape' gives me weird mental images of cyberpunk Hogwarts. Ridiculous appearance of main character? - check. Love them bi-coloured eyes. Sorry, but the only character who can get away with bi-coloured eyes is Kopii Rezo. Ridiculous reason for character to be present? - Woah, boy.
Hufflepuff help us, this girl, young enough to be a student (since she's not, I suspect she's a squib, in which case it's at least somewhat realistic that Snape wouldn't be too interested in her... what do wizards do with squib children, anyway? Does anyone know?), is at Hogwarts to teach. And she's not teaching magic, she's teaching fighting. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I would have though wizards defended themselves with spells and hexes, not swords and bows. And where did this fourteen-year-old learn how to use all these various weapons anyway? I'll bet Snape didn't teach her.
Regardless, I'm pretty sure that in any universe it's unacceptable for teachers to get romantically involved with their students. Even when the students are older than they are.
Excuse me, I have to go throw up now. New Sue tomorrow.
SAMPLE:
The next day Trinity and Hagrid waited outside as their class assembled. "Welcome to the first day of fighting class. You may call me Trin or Trinity. I have one rule if your late or don't do as I say you run that track or you do exercises of my choice." Trinity said pointing at the track as she mentioned it. "Now has anyone ever fought using weapons of war?" A boy raised his hand. "Yes and your name?" She asked. A boy walked up.
"Sorry I..." He started.
"What's your name?" She asked him.
"Harry Potter." The boy who was late responded.
"Mr. Potter I don't want to hear your excuses. Now as I said before you came punishments will be dealt out for those who are late. Mr. Potter give me two laps around that track." Trinity said pointing to it. "At a run Mr. Potter." She added. Harry ran the track. "Now sr. your name and question?" She asked.
"Ronald Weasley. I would like to know what a weapon of war is." Ron said.
"A weapon of war is swords, knifes, daggers, staffs, bow and arrow, axe, war hammer, or a lance. Of course you'd have to ride a horse for the last one but I'm teaching that also." Trinity answered.
"I have." Draco said.
Trinity looked at him. "Mr. Malfoy correct?" She asked he nodded. "What is it that you know how to use?"
"My father made me learn to use swords when I was little." Draco answered.
"Can you still heft a sword?" Trinity asked.
"I think I can. To be honest Trin I haven't tried to in a long time." Draco said.
"Well Mr. Malfoy let us see if your body remembers the lessons. It should even with one lesson a body could remember how you ask it to work even after years." Trinity said. "Choose your sword wisely Mr. Malfoy." Trinity said. She removed her robes reveling her loose black cotton pants and a loose black tank top. A sword was strapped to her waist.
Draco picked up a sword testing the weight he put it down and tested another. Trinity removed her sword belt that hung on her hip. She removed the sword from its sheath. Draco removed his robes and stepped into the fighting ring with Trinity.
"Class before all work is done you will stretch. So everyone remove your robes and lets stretch." Trinity told them. They all stretched and when they were done trinity turned to Draco. "Hagrid call it."
"Cross your weapons." He said they brought up their weapons and crossed them. "By the code of fighting you may now GAURD." Hagrid called. Both swords pointed to the ground. Trinity feinted making Draco attack her. She lifted her sword to block swiftly. Draco brought his sword into a reverse butterfly sweep. Trinity blocked it. Draco turned away from the attack. Trinity quickly pulled he sword up to kiss his neck. Draco raised his hands.
"I yield." He said.
"Not bad. I can work with this." Trinity said.