0039: American Beauty - Elizabeth Duda

[pottersues]

Let me first make clear that this entry is not about Snape smoking pot and imagining Mena Suvari in a bathtub full of rosepetals.

Pity. That would have made a better fic.

TITLE: American Beauty
PERPETRATOR: rosemary faerie

SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)

WRITING:

Comments

[theeternalmind]

Snape: (*smokin' a doobie*)
Malfoy: (*eyeing Snape with a less than impressed sneer*) Uh, Professor? Why are you smoking that noxious thing...?
Snape: (*coughs*) Fuck you, brat, I gotta deal with the Sues somehow...
Malfoy: (*considers this*) ...Got any extras?
Snape: (*pulls out an entire boxful, offers Malfoy one*)
Malfoy: Thanks. I need this. (*lights up, puffs*) Ahhhh...

[donna_c_punk]

“I’m sure George. But I’ll give Fred the benefit of the doubt, right now.” Elizabeth replied.

“You’re American.” Fred and George cried simultaneously.

They didn't figure that out the first time she spoke? Whatever.

“Brilliant deduction boys!” Elizabeth said sarcastically. “You won a Nobel Prize for your quick deduction” Fred and George burst out laughing.

They don't give out Nobel Prizes for quick deduction. They stopped doing that back in the 80s, I think.

“Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just an inanimate object. Can’t ask me who I am.” Elizabeth sarcastically said.

Ron blushed and said, “Sorry, I’m Ron Weasly, these gits’ younger brother.” Fred and George were laughing again.

Yeah, classic Sue. She can be a bitch right off and still be loved. The real Ron would've probably told her to bloody well fuck off. But that's just my opinion.

“Alright, Ron, you’re forgiven,” Elizabeth smiled, “My name is Elizabeth I just move to England from DC and I will be in your grade.”Grade? GRADE? Please, learn about the school system you're

[donna_c_punk]

Ai yi yi. I suggest you all check out Chapter Two as well. There, you'll find this doozy from Sue:

“I don’t mind. Actually, it’s my mother’s maiden name. I never met my father. Every time I ask my mother who he was, she always shudders. So I’ve stopped asking. I’m guessing that I’m the product of a rape, but I don’t care. My mother loves me and I know she would never give me up. So I’ve never met my father,” Elizabeth seemed sad as she said this. Hermione and Ginny were a little thunderstruck as they listened. Suddenly Elizabeth smiled brightly and said, “So tell me about your families!” Hermione looked a little worried but Ginny started immediately about all her brothers and how wonderful they are. Ginny just went on and on in her brother’s praise.

"I'm guessing that I'm the product of a rape, but I don't care." Oh ... that ... I can't type anymore because my vision has hazed over with red.

[childofatlantis]

... you made me snort lemonade up my nose. o.O;;

**gapes**

[evil_overlord]

uhhh....uhhh....she doesn't *care* that she's a product of rape? Is her head filled with Drain-O??? If nothing else, she *should* care, because it would impact on her mother's feelings! "Oh mommy, you may or may not have been raped, but I don't care."

From the sound of things it's not worth it to give the author another hit just to deride the story more.....I'm sorry that you subjected yourself to it.

That is just beyond ridiculous, and beyond crass, to have made a statement like that....>_

guh

[evil_overlord]

First thing I thought was, "Gosh, everyone is just dropping by to see the new Sue!" err....LOL

And I thought that Dumbledore said that *all* the wizarding world would know Harry's name......unless "all" should be translated to "British", this chick should have at least heard the name. CERTAINLY IF "UNCLE ALBUS" VISITS HER EVERY SUMMER!!!

**shakes her head** And I'm sorry, Ron has never seemed to want to actively seek the twins out...why would he now, and with Harry to boot? Certainly with no given reason...>_< To top it all off, she doesn't make it clear that Harry is actually *with* Ron, as Harry could have just as easily been looking elsewhere for the twins. And I don't think that Harry would have let Elizabeth be nasty to Ron as she was for him not knowing D.C., not without defending Ron.

And one final thing...if Dumbledore *could* do a spell such as Elizabeth mentioned, why the *hell* hasn't he done so by now?

Saving it for the Sue! blarf.

Re: AGH!

[gj_fate]

"Hi, my name is Elizabeth. I work in the Department of Redundancy Department!"

"This fanfic brought to you by the repetition committee, support your local repetition and give us your support by showing us your support of your local repetition with your support."

*Waits to see if anyone can Name That Riff.*

Muggle...electronics...do...not...work...in...wizarding...world...*combusts*

Man, why can't Sues understand something so simple? Maybe we need Hermione to beat every Sue with a copy of Hogwarts: A History. Then maybe they'll understand.