0039: American Beauty - Elizabeth Duda
Let me first make clear that this entry is not about Snape smoking pot and imagining Mena Suvari in a bathtub full of rosepetals.
Pity. That would have made a better fic.
TITLE: American Beauty
PERPETRATOR: rosemary faerie
SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)
WRITING:
SUEAGE:
WRONGNESS:
FULL NAME: Elizabeth Duda
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: "long wavy brown hair with red and gold highlights"
EYES: "dark brown eyes"
MARKINGS: none unless you count being "very pretty" and having "a sprinkling of freckles across her nose".
POSESSIONS: a laptop computer.
ORIGIN: Her mother was Dumbledore's adopted daughter (or something... it's rather unclear, really), and she lived in Washington DC until recently, when she moved to England... the move happened for no better reason than to get her into this story.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Dumbledore's (possibly adopted) niece, Fred, George, and Draco are all lusting after her by the end of the first chapter.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Making Draco act so incredibly out of character that even the other fanfic characters notice.
NOTES: This is a pretty classic Sue, if such a thing can be said to exist. Breathtakingly beautiful? Check. Pointless connections to canon? Check. Canon characters lusting after her? Check. Pepper Jacks and other warning signs of Gratuitous Self-Insert? Check.
Yup... it's as classic as Sues come.
SAMPLE:
Ch. 1
The New Girl
It was September 1st and everyone was arriving on platform 9 ¾. But this year was different. There was a new student in the fifth year, an American girl. She sat in an empty compartment in the Hogwarts Express. People would pass by the compartment for no other reason than to look at her. She was very pretty. She had dark brown eyes, long wavy brown hair with red and gold highlights. There was a sprinkling of freckles across her nose.
Just at that moment, Fred and George Weasly sat down next to her on either side.
“Halo! I’m Fred, and this is George. We’re in Gryffindor.” Fred said.
“Hi, I’m Elizabeth. I have yet to be sorted.” The new girl replied smoothly.
“Now, Elizabeth, remember that I am the more handsome of the us two and I would have spoken first if Fred hadn’t beaten me to it!” George cried.
“I’m sure George. But I’ll give Fred the benefit of the doubt, right now.” Elizabeth replied.
“You’re American.” Fred and George cried simultaneously
“Brilliant deduction boys!” Elizabeth said sarcastically. “You won a Nobel Prize for your quick deduction” Fred and George burst out laughing.
“I think I like you, Elizabeth!” Fred said.
“I second that!” said George.
“There you are, Fred George. Harry and I have been looking all for you,” Ronald Weasly said as he stuck his head through the compartment door. “Who are you talking to?”
“Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just an inanimate object. Can’t ask me who I am.” Elizabeth sarcastically said.
Ron blushed and said, “Sorry, I’m Ron Weasly, these gits’ younger brother.” Fred and George were laughing again.
“Alright, Ron, you’re forgiven,” Elizabeth smiled, “My name is Elizabeth I just move to England from DC and I will be in your grade.”
“Sorry, DC?” Ron asked rather stupidly as Fred and George roled their eyes.
“The District of Columbia.”
“Sorry, you lived in South America?”
“No you idiot,” Elizabeth said exasperated, “Washington DC, the District of Columbia. Jesus Christ!” as Ron still looked clueless, “The capital of the United States of America.”
“Oh! Sorry,” Ron blushed again and sat down. Fred, George, and Harry laughed at him.
“Oh, and this is the famous Harry Potter,” George said bowing to Harry.
“Pardon me, who?” Elizabeth asked. Everyone’s head snapped up, Harry suddenly beamed.
“Don’t worry about them, I’m just Harry,” Harry said beaming at the first person who didn’t act like he was a super star.
“All right, Just Harry,” Elizabeth said beaming.
“There you guys are!” Hermione Granger just walked in to the compartment accompanied by Ginny Weasly. “Oh! You’re the new exchange student. I’m Hermione, this is Ginny. Where are you from?”
“My name is Elizabeth, I moved here from DC, you know where DC is…right?”
“Oh course! I’d have to be a simpleton not to know it’s the capital of the US.” Hermione replied. Ron blushed and ducked his head. “So why did you move?”
“Well, Uncle Albus thought it would be a nice experience for me and he said I could choose which house I wanted to go in to.” Everyone looked shocked at her information. “What? What did I say?”
“Uncle Albus?” Ron choked out. “Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster is your uncle?”
“Well, he took care of my mother until I was one and then he thought it would be safer for us to move to the US. He isn’t really blood related, but he always writes letters to us and visits every summer, so he’s always been my Great-Uncle Albus. Is there anything wrong with that?”
“No, it’s just a little surprising,” Hermione said glaring at Ron who was staring at Elizabeth open-mouthed.
“Umm…would you like us to tell you about the houses? We all belong to Gryffindor,” Harry said politely trying to break the awkward silence.
“Sure,” Elizabeth said a uncomfortably. Harry went on describing the different houses. When he got to Slytherin, the compartment door slid open again.
“Don’t go giving us bad name, Potter. I see you’re trying to poison the new girl’s mind against us.” Draco Malfoy walked into the compartment flanked by Crabbe and Goyle. “She won’t want to choose Syltherin after what you’ve said. So I will tell her about Slytherin. We are the best house, but because Golden Boy Potter, over here, we haven’t gotten the credit we deserve.”
“Oh, shut up Malfoy!” Ron said hotly.
Draco walked up to Elizabeth, he said, “My name is Draco Malfoy. This is Crabbe and this Goyle. I hope you choose our house,” he took her hand and lifted it to his lips, “My lady.” Elizabeth blushed. He dropped her hand and left the compartment. Every else looked with open mouths at Malfoy’s retreating back. Elizabeth suddenly giggled.
“My goodness, British boys sure know how to welcome a girl!” Elizabeth said a little flustered.
“Has anyone seen or heard Malfoy call someone ‘my lady’?” Harry asked uncertain. Everyone shook their heads as Elizabeth blushed again.
“Oh, well, I’d better e-mail Stephanie,” Elizabeth said sighing. She pulled out her laptop and again everyone’s eyes got round as they looked at her. “What did I do now?” Elizabeth asked exasperated.
“Dudley never had a computer like that!” Harry exclaimed.
“Mine’s portable and it has a wireless modem,” Elizabeth said tiredly.
“But Elizabeth,” Hermione said worriedly, “It won’t work on school grounds. The magic interferes with electricity.”
“I know, normally it wouldn’t work, but last time Uncle Al came to visit he helped me to rig it so that it works on magical residue. The magic that is just lying around after a spell has been done. And I know that I will never run out of power. He helped me with my CD player and cell phone. So now I can keep in touch with all my friends at home.”
“Oh…now she’s done it,” Ron groaned. “Hermione won’t shut up until she knows exactly how the spell was done.”
“Oh I don’t mind.” Elizabeth smiled. “But Hermione, could you show me to the bathroom?”
“Sure,” Hermione said.
“I’ll come too!” Ginny cried.
“Why do girls always go to the bathroom in packs?” Fred asked watching them go. “But can you believe it? Malfoy bowing and calling her my lady!!!”
“Yeah, that was really odd for Malfoy. He wouldn’t even give Crabbe the time of day, yet he kissing the new girl’s hand!” George said. Harry sat thinking and looking at Elizabeth’s laptop. The background was a picture of Degas’ ballerinas. Harry couldn’t even begin to guess why Malfoy was so gallant.
Pity. That would have made a better fic.
TITLE: American Beauty
PERPETRATOR: rosemary faerie
SUE-O-METER: (how bad is it?)
WRITING:
SUEAGE:
WRONGNESS:
FULL NAME: Elizabeth Duda
SPECIES: Human/Witch
HAIR: "long wavy brown hair with red and gold highlights"
EYES: "dark brown eyes"
MARKINGS: none unless you count being "very pretty" and having "a sprinkling of freckles across her nose".
POSESSIONS: a laptop computer.
ORIGIN: Her mother was Dumbledore's adopted daughter (or something... it's rather unclear, really), and she lived in Washington DC until recently, when she moved to England... the move happened for no better reason than to get her into this story.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Dumbledore's (possibly adopted) niece, Fred, George, and Draco are all lusting after her by the end of the first chapter.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Making Draco act so incredibly out of character that even the other fanfic characters notice.
NOTES: This is a pretty classic Sue, if such a thing can be said to exist. Breathtakingly beautiful? Check. Pointless connections to canon? Check. Canon characters lusting after her? Check. Pepper Jacks and other warning signs of Gratuitous Self-Insert? Check.
Yup... it's as classic as Sues come.
SAMPLE:
Ch. 1
The New Girl
It was September 1st and everyone was arriving on platform 9 ¾. But this year was different. There was a new student in the fifth year, an American girl. She sat in an empty compartment in the Hogwarts Express. People would pass by the compartment for no other reason than to look at her. She was very pretty. She had dark brown eyes, long wavy brown hair with red and gold highlights. There was a sprinkling of freckles across her nose.
Just at that moment, Fred and George Weasly sat down next to her on either side.
“Halo! I’m Fred, and this is George. We’re in Gryffindor.” Fred said.
“Hi, I’m Elizabeth. I have yet to be sorted.” The new girl replied smoothly.
“Now, Elizabeth, remember that I am the more handsome of the us two and I would have spoken first if Fred hadn’t beaten me to it!” George cried.
“I’m sure George. But I’ll give Fred the benefit of the doubt, right now.” Elizabeth replied.
“You’re American.” Fred and George cried simultaneously
“Brilliant deduction boys!” Elizabeth said sarcastically. “You won a Nobel Prize for your quick deduction” Fred and George burst out laughing.
“I think I like you, Elizabeth!” Fred said.
“I second that!” said George.
“There you are, Fred George. Harry and I have been looking all for you,” Ronald Weasly said as he stuck his head through the compartment door. “Who are you talking to?”
“Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just an inanimate object. Can’t ask me who I am.” Elizabeth sarcastically said.
Ron blushed and said, “Sorry, I’m Ron Weasly, these gits’ younger brother.” Fred and George were laughing again.
“Alright, Ron, you’re forgiven,” Elizabeth smiled, “My name is Elizabeth I just move to England from DC and I will be in your grade.”
“Sorry, DC?” Ron asked rather stupidly as Fred and George roled their eyes.
“The District of Columbia.”
“Sorry, you lived in South America?”
“No you idiot,” Elizabeth said exasperated, “Washington DC, the District of Columbia. Jesus Christ!” as Ron still looked clueless, “The capital of the United States of America.”
“Oh! Sorry,” Ron blushed again and sat down. Fred, George, and Harry laughed at him.
“Oh, and this is the famous Harry Potter,” George said bowing to Harry.
“Pardon me, who?” Elizabeth asked. Everyone’s head snapped up, Harry suddenly beamed.
“Don’t worry about them, I’m just Harry,” Harry said beaming at the first person who didn’t act like he was a super star.
“All right, Just Harry,” Elizabeth said beaming.
“There you guys are!” Hermione Granger just walked in to the compartment accompanied by Ginny Weasly. “Oh! You’re the new exchange student. I’m Hermione, this is Ginny. Where are you from?”
“My name is Elizabeth, I moved here from DC, you know where DC is…right?”
“Oh course! I’d have to be a simpleton not to know it’s the capital of the US.” Hermione replied. Ron blushed and ducked his head. “So why did you move?”
“Well, Uncle Albus thought it would be a nice experience for me and he said I could choose which house I wanted to go in to.” Everyone looked shocked at her information. “What? What did I say?”
“Uncle Albus?” Ron choked out. “Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster is your uncle?”
“Well, he took care of my mother until I was one and then he thought it would be safer for us to move to the US. He isn’t really blood related, but he always writes letters to us and visits every summer, so he’s always been my Great-Uncle Albus. Is there anything wrong with that?”
“No, it’s just a little surprising,” Hermione said glaring at Ron who was staring at Elizabeth open-mouthed.
“Umm…would you like us to tell you about the houses? We all belong to Gryffindor,” Harry said politely trying to break the awkward silence.
“Sure,” Elizabeth said a uncomfortably. Harry went on describing the different houses. When he got to Slytherin, the compartment door slid open again.
“Don’t go giving us bad name, Potter. I see you’re trying to poison the new girl’s mind against us.” Draco Malfoy walked into the compartment flanked by Crabbe and Goyle. “She won’t want to choose Syltherin after what you’ve said. So I will tell her about Slytherin. We are the best house, but because Golden Boy Potter, over here, we haven’t gotten the credit we deserve.”
“Oh, shut up Malfoy!” Ron said hotly.
Draco walked up to Elizabeth, he said, “My name is Draco Malfoy. This is Crabbe and this Goyle. I hope you choose our house,” he took her hand and lifted it to his lips, “My lady.” Elizabeth blushed. He dropped her hand and left the compartment. Every else looked with open mouths at Malfoy’s retreating back. Elizabeth suddenly giggled.
“My goodness, British boys sure know how to welcome a girl!” Elizabeth said a little flustered.
“Has anyone seen or heard Malfoy call someone ‘my lady’?” Harry asked uncertain. Everyone shook their heads as Elizabeth blushed again.
“Oh, well, I’d better e-mail Stephanie,” Elizabeth said sighing. She pulled out her laptop and again everyone’s eyes got round as they looked at her. “What did I do now?” Elizabeth asked exasperated.
“Dudley never had a computer like that!” Harry exclaimed.
“Mine’s portable and it has a wireless modem,” Elizabeth said tiredly.
“But Elizabeth,” Hermione said worriedly, “It won’t work on school grounds. The magic interferes with electricity.”
“I know, normally it wouldn’t work, but last time Uncle Al came to visit he helped me to rig it so that it works on magical residue. The magic that is just lying around after a spell has been done. And I know that I will never run out of power. He helped me with my CD player and cell phone. So now I can keep in touch with all my friends at home.”
“Oh…now she’s done it,” Ron groaned. “Hermione won’t shut up until she knows exactly how the spell was done.”
“Oh I don’t mind.” Elizabeth smiled. “But Hermione, could you show me to the bathroom?”
“Sure,” Hermione said.
“I’ll come too!” Ginny cried.
“Why do girls always go to the bathroom in packs?” Fred asked watching them go. “But can you believe it? Malfoy bowing and calling her my lady!!!”
“Yeah, that was really odd for Malfoy. He wouldn’t even give Crabbe the time of day, yet he kissing the new girl’s hand!” George said. Harry sat thinking and looking at Elizabeth’s laptop. The background was a picture of Degas’ ballerinas. Harry couldn’t even begin to guess why Malfoy was so gallant.