Yay! I wrote something!

[liadlaith]

Title: Blank Spaces
Topic: Catch
Word Count: 700 and something
A/N: A little too angsty, a little too melodramatic, a little too autobiographical. A little too well-trodden. But I hope you like it, nevertheless.

Comments

[hecticred]

I like it. I think you capture that post-break-up emotional state very well. I think it's interesting that the breakdown of the relationship inspires writing because that's exactly what happened to me *stops thinly disguising the source inspiration for the novel*

I am always a bit uncomfortable with the second person. I dont' think it puts the reader in the place fo the character because it they know that the person beign described is nto them, but at the same time, because it is described as a 'you', they can't read it as a fully formed other character.

But that's just me.

Also, I loved the image of words "running up the sides of building and colouring in the sky" (btw, that typo on 'buildings' is yours not mine)

[liadlaith]

(btw, that typo on 'buildings' is yours not mine)

Ooh thanks!

I think it's interesting that the breakdown of the relationship inspires writing because that's exactly what happened to me

Join the club ; )

I think I chose the second person because I didn't want it so close to home, so obviously semi-autobiographical. I don't think I succeeded much!

[kabeyk]

My first thought was 'Uhhh, stationery porn, uhhh...' And I love the word 'besmirch' but can never find enough occasions to use it.

It's beautiful, but it's dead, isn't it? It's worthless without writing on it You rock, I love that. I have a million pretty notebooks.

Found a typo: You wish you could slough of your past as easily. Get me - I'm useful!

And writing as therapy, ahh. I never could concrit your short stories.

kxx
PS. Mine will be v. late again (though hopefully not non-existent this time) because of stupid Bank Holiday weekend.

[liadlaith]

Found a typo

Eek! I really should have re-read this before I posted ; )

Haha, stationery porn is a great phrase : ) Don't worry about it being late - time delays and all that. I don't much mind as long as you write and post!

[siffa]

The whole thing has a nice feeling of emptiness to it. Your notebook description certainly sunk in, because this line really shocked me when it came along. You soil and despoil the virgin page. "No!" I thought. "Not the pretty creamy pages!"

This line is lovely - You wish for a lot of things. All you get is misery and sleep.

And I can't see any spelling mistakes - I think they've all been spotted :)

[liadlaith]

Yes the pretty creamy pages! Kill the pretty creamy pages!

I'm glad you liked it! Although, re-reading it there are few lines I really wanna change *resists urge to hit edit button*

[kadooshka]

I enjoyed that too! :D

[liadlaith]

I'm glad you started this community, because even if it hasn't quite inspired me to write anything yet, it does give me a chance to read others' works, which I enjoy! :)

I'm happy to oblige! Thanks so much for commenting, I really appreciate it. I think I agree with all your comments, especially the "Y'have" bit. Not sure what I could do about the trouble with the change from she to he . . . oh well : )

[hecticred]

I agree about the confusion over the identities of the various characters. I assume it was all from the point of view of one person, but that was difficult to b e sure of at first.

[liadlaith]

Oh yes, it's all from the point of view of one person. The she is Ellie's friend, the he is Ellie's (ex)boy.

[kadooshka]

And I forgot to mention, huzzah for "besmirch" and "squander". Two most excellent words. ;)