brains :(

[pocky_slash]

Hi there, internet.

It's a drag, internet. It's just...a drag, lately. I spent way too much of Halloween crying (though we did get a ton of trick-or-treaters which basically saved the day) and I've spent way too much time the last week crying, period. And that's not counting all the crying I did at The Book Thief.

(Quick aside--The Book Thief was

Comments

[pearl_o]

ilu. jsyk. (i also love acronyms, apparently. but you more.)

[pocky_slash]

I do know ♥ ♥ ♥

[synekdokee]

"I'm feeling the need for another tumblr break again too, which sucks now that DoFP stuff keeps coming out. Like, I def want to see it, but there's also def a community vibe on there that I don't feel a part of and I just get stupidly upset over dumb things that I'm too embarrassed to even really talk about. Half of which, I know, is depression and hormones and shit like that, but it's rough going and just...exhausting."

It's eerie how this could've been written by me. I wish I could be part of the fandom hype and feel the way the fandom used to make me feel, but I just... Don't. I feel like the people have lately gotten a lot more judgemental there, and it makes me awkward when I see my kinks or whatnot being put down in long back-patting rants. And I feel like everyone has established their friend groups and I'm not really part of any of them.

My GTA V side blog is reminding me how much fun fandom *can* be. It's still very small, so it's easier to be in, and it has a more positive attitude towards any fanwork that's out there.

[pocky_slash]

I mean, for me, I don't really feel judged so much as...not really a part of anything, you know? Like I was invited to the party, but I don't really know anyone at the party and every time I start a conversation it just sort of trails off so that people can go talk to their friends. Like, I still love X-Men and want to talk about it as much as I used to, I just feel like most people are off having their own conversations.

(And, of course, I always feel like people secretly don't like me, but I feel that nearly all the time in nearly all situations including face to face. On tumblr, it's just exacerbated by the memory of the fact that at least two people DID secretly not like me enough to send anon hate, so it's like it's justified.)

I'm sure a lot of it is because every single conversation is public. You can see everyone talking and interacting and joking in real time across your dash, as opposed to having to click in for threaded comments. idk. It sucks, is what I'm saying.

[synekdokee]

I know what you mean. I do feel the same way. Sometimes it's a bit like watching people have interesting conversations and you *want* to take part but you feel like you'd be... idk. Interrupting if you said something :( And I have this massive fear that I like everyone more than they like me. It doesn't help that due to time zones I almost never get to talk to the people I'm the closest with these days on Skype or anything, while they're busy chatting to each other. I feel pushed to the side, unintentionally

[pocky_slash]

Yeah, I mean, I left tumblr for a good eight months because it felt so toxic to me. And I tried to curate my list when I decided to come back, but there's still this overwhelming feeling of, "Well, they're all friends and always chatting and knowing things about each other, so I guess I'll just sit over here and not bother them" that makes it hard to interact. I never know when I'm stepping on toes and I can't shake the "everyone secretly doesn't like me" feeling that drove me off tumblr in the first place

[bessiemaemucho]

Man, Tumblr is fuckin' weird though

[fengirl88]

Tumblr is strange. I know I keep saying this but it's true. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time, especially with the writing, and I hope it lifts for you soon. I sympathize with you about the story other people are talking about and/or writing - it is so easy to say you shouldn't let that get in the way, and so hard (in my experience anyway) to push on through and write the story you want to write.