Ordinary girl moves to new town, gains human admirers, and ends up in a love triangle between a Friendly Neighborhood Vampire and a furry. Gratuitous Purple Prose ensues. Actually is about as bad as it sounds.
Re: Twilightpocky_slashOctober 15 2010, 17:07:15 UTC
Bella moped, because she had undiagnosed clinical depression and fixated on her vampire boyfriend as a way to get closer to death. He'd left her, and now life was not worth living unless it was as a soulless monster.
She moped, moped, moped some more... and then fell over, because she was clumsy.
If trashy urban fantasy romance novels were written for girls like me...ember_reignitedOctober 15 2010, 20:15:48 UTC
"Oh my goodness, Bella, you are just so cute in that!" squealed Alice, who was dazzling and fae-like and I guess looked like Helen of Troy because even in this universe Meyer likes Greeky mythology-based similes that were tired and cliche several thousand years ago. But unlike Helen she had agency. "I love dressing you up! I love you! We have so much fun together!"
"You know," Bella said thoughtfully, "we really do! It suddenly occurs to me that whenever I'm with Edward I am abjectly miserable. Also I can't think of a single interest he and I have in common." A beat. "Let's run away together!"
"I foresaw you saying that!" Alice exclaimed. "But it sounds even better this time! Let's!"
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She moped, moped, moped some more... and then fell over, because she was clumsy.
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"You know," Bella said thoughtfully, "we really do! It suddenly occurs to me that whenever I'm with Edward I am abjectly miserable. Also I can't think of a single interest he and I have in common." A beat. "Let's run away together!"
"I foresaw you saying that!" Alice exclaimed. "But it sounds even better this time! Let's!"
And then they made out.
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Nanowrimo is coming up. You should totally do it.
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"Huh," said Bella, "my fetus is stuck. Could someone chew it out?"
Her fellow-vampires obliged. Alice stood back to offer running commentary.
"Great!" said Alice, "we're through the skin."
"Ow!" said Bella.
"That squishy brown and white stuff is fat. I won't comment on how much of it there is because I'm the nice one."
"Aaargh!" said Bella.
"Fascinating!" said Alice, craning her neck.
"Mmmphmmbbmrrphmm," admonished Edward through a mouthful of connective tissue.
"Don't talk with your mouth full, brother," said Alice. "Finally, the uterine wall!"
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" said Bella.
"And oooh lookie in't that a wee li'l hand reaching out?!!" cooed Alice ( ... )
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And awesome.
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