Comments | pocky_slash: Not My Fandom Fest!

pocky_slash

Not My Fandom Fest!

Oct 14, 2010 18:33

( Read more... )

not my fandom fest

Leave a comment

Back to all threads

Contains: Graphic C-section and unpleasantness bobthemole October 16 2010, 06:50:42 UTC

In a world without surgical implements (or cast-iron bellies, I can't tell which) a vampire becomes pregnant. Then her due date arrives.

"Huh," said Bella, "my fetus is stuck. Could someone chew it out?"

Her fellow-vampires obliged. Alice stood back to offer running commentary.

"Great!" said Alice, "we're through the skin."

"Ow!" said Bella.

"That squishy brown and white stuff is fat. I won't comment on how much of it there is because I'm the nice one."

"Aaargh!" said Bella.

"Fascinating!" said Alice, craning her neck.

"Mmmphmmbbmrrphmm," admonished Edward through a mouthful of connective tissue.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, brother," said Alice. "Finally, the uterine wall!"

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" said Bella.

"And oooh lookie in't that a wee li'l hand reaching out?!!" cooed Alice.

"MY BABY!" said Bella, because all women say this after giving birth.

Edward pulled the rest of the baby out of the mauled abdomen and passed it to Bella. Then he probably did stuff with the placenta.

Bella cried and forgot all the pain, because new mothers do that.

"Look at her little fingernails!" said Bella.

"Look at those teeth!" said Alice. "Breast-feeding is gonna be a bitch."

Then they named her Renesme, because her grandmothers were Renee and Esme and people probably ship them.

Re: Contains: Graphic C-section and unpleasantness ladyofthelog October 16 2010, 06:53:38 UTC

THIS IS SO GROSS AND STRANGELY ACCURATE.

Re: Contains: Graphic C-section and unpleasantness bobthemole October 16 2010, 06:55:35 UTC

I DID RESEARCH FOR IT!

Re: Contains: Graphic C-section and unpleasantness pocky_slash October 16 2010, 16:06:31 UTC

Ahahahahah WOW this is AMAZING XD

Re: Contains: Graphic C-section and unpleasantness queenfanfiction October 16 2010, 22:02:14 UTC

OMG BRB LAUGHING SO HARD CAN'T BREATHE I'M SOBBING OMFG

Re: Contains: Graphic C-section and unpleasantness bessiemaemucho October 17 2010, 00:41:52 UTC

That... that's plagiarism.

And awesome.

Re: Contains: Graphic C-section and unpleasantness snickfic October 17 2010, 02:02:51 UTC

her grandmothers were Renee and Esme and people probably ship them

Clearly, clearly this is the best part.

Also, like ladyofthelog said: the details are different, but Bella's reactions are pretty much spot-on. Sorry to say.

Re: Contains: Graphic C-section and unpleasantness bobthemole October 17 2010, 04:22:04 UTC

Now I can't wait to actually read that chapter :D

Re: Contains: Graphic C-section and unpleasantness snickfic October 17 2010, 04:29:05 UTC

Are you actually reading the series? Oh, gosh. Honestly, the whole pregnancy segment - it takes up about a third of the last book - reads like really unfortunate, cracky babyfic.

Re: Contains: Graphic C-section and unpleasantness bobthemole October 17 2010, 04:44:05 UTC

I'm trying to read them, but my attention wanders every time Bella and Edward have a conversation. Which makes things difficult.

I wish I knew the interesting bits to read so I wouldn't have to wade through so much pointless TALKING.

Re: Contains: Graphic C-section and unpleasantness snickfic October 17 2010, 04:45:44 UTC

I... am not sure there are any interesting bits. Um. Jacob is interesting! He is what makes books 2-4 bearable. But we don't really see him much in book 1.

It's like I tell people: my second favorite character in the first book is Bella's truck. (My first favorite is her dad, but that's less funny.)

Back to all threads