"To be fair the list of people that Kait doesn't think Jack Harkness has slept with is pretty short"
(Or, Kait and Jen's Adventures on Twitter)
So, I spent pretty much all of yesterday crying or nearly crying. It's just kind of a bad time for me. I felt good after therapy and then I...came home.
Anyway.
harmonyangel is a pretty awesome friend, and she offered to take me out today, since I don't have a car. So she showed up around eleven and we decided to do something.
First we had lunch at Panera, while trying to decide what to do. Over lunch, she explained the plot of the X-Men high school AU fanfic manga and then we compared official franchise tie-in novels wherein characters switched genders. (Almost Perfect is my favorite Torchwood novel, but I think the X-Men one she told me about wins, purely because lots of people were genderswaped and also Wolverine unbuttoned Cyclops' shirt to make him sexier.) We spent some time in the car trying to figure out where to go, when I remembered having a ticket for a free round of Monster Golf in my purse. SO! Off to Monster Golf!
When we got to Monster Golf, we discovered it was closed until 2pm. We drove to the mall to kill time and... guys, I don't know. Somehow, this is when Torchwood Season 4 happened.
I don't remember how we got on the subject, but I was talking about RTD's move to Hollywood and the rumors about Torchwood in America and said something about Torchwood being set in LA.
pocky_slash: At least Torchwood LA would explain Barrowman's orange tan.
harmonyangel: He should hang out with Zac Efron. He has a horrible orange tan, too.
pocky_slash: Zac Efron can be his new boytoy on Torchwood LA!
We laughed about this for... far too long.
pocky_slash: I need to tell the internet about Zac Efron!
harmonyangel: I think the internet already knows about Zac Efron.
Somehow, this turned into an epic thing where Zac Efron (as himself) became Jack's new either boyfriend or sidekick on Torchwood LA. They went tanning together. Except Jack was the only Torchwood person in LA. Gwen was still in Cardiff, but Vanessa Hudgens was her new BFF/Nanny. BEST SEASON OF TORCHWOOD EVER.
Somehow, Christian Bale got involved? I'm not sure how he entered the conversation, but we definitely decided that Jack hired Christian Bale for some reason, and Christian Bale would only talk in the Batman voice and pretend he was Batman. Jack was expecting him to be awesome and Welsh like Ianto and Gwen, and was totally bummed when all he did was say, "I am Batman!" and hold his jacket in front of his face.
So, we wandered around the mall and talked about incest and comics and then drove back to minigolf! Monster Minigolf is the best thing ever, because it is all in blacklight and it has a monster theme and they play eighties music. Jen made a friend, there were multiple Bruce Springsteen references and more making fun of John Barrowman.
harmonyangel: Is this Olivia Newton John [on the radio]?
pocky_slash: Yes.
harmonyangel: John Barrowman should sing this.
We pretty much suck are AWESOME at mini-golf, guys. There was this one hole where you spun this wheel and it told you how to you had to swing. I had to swing behind my back! But, hey, we didn't get the worst possible score! Hilariously, on the last hole, I COULD NOT GET MY BALL TO GO IN. You had to hit your ball up this long ramp into a clown's mouth. It took me like, five tries, and then I just hit it behind the clown.
When we finished (we were the only ones there, by the way, a theme of the night), the guy running the place said, "After watching that, I don't think I need to ask who the loser was." And then he handed me another coupon for a free round, the loser's consolation prize. As you may be able to see on the above photo, I did not lose by THAT much. Just two points!
We got back in the car afterwards and decided to go see a movie. The Princess and the Frog was playing somewhere in Caldwell, to Jen programmed it into her GPS and off we went! On the way over, we talked more about Torchwood LA ("Zac Efron and Christian Bale could talk about their shared experiances with Kenny Ortega!") and then about Bruce Springsteen. Mostly about how he likes to make out with dudes and write love songs about dudes.
pocky_slash: "Oh Christian Bale. And Jack Harkness."
harmonyangel: "You know there's some fangirl out there who thinks it's the best pairing ever."
pocky_slash: "Of course!"
harmonyangel: I bet we could get second_batgirl to write it.
pocky_slash: "Oh, the hidden side of Bruce Springsteen that I never knew. The making out with dudes side."
harmonyangel: I don't even know what Torchwood does, aside from look pretty.
pocky_slash: That's pretty much it, really.
When we got to Caldwell, we were an hour early for the movie, so we hung out in a coffeeshop, where we were once again the only customers. I ordered a supercute coffee and we continued to talk about fandom. Jen explained the plot of her comicsbigbang story. I talked about the problems I'm having with the plot of Club Wales III. We discussed age differences in pairings, OT3s, and the perils of writing immortal characters. Then it all just degenerated into... spacesti.
harmonyangel: I wonder if Jack [Harkness] ever slept with Logan [aka Wolverine]?
pocky_slash: ::before Jen even finishes speaking:: Yes.
(second_batgirl immediately Twittered back at us, "I do not have time to write 'Five Times Jack Harkness slept with Wolverine and one time he didn't!'"
I said, "But I really want to know what the one time they didn't was!"
Jen said, "YOU TOTALLY NEED TO."
She said, "I FEEL THAT YOU AND KAIT SHOULD WRITE IT TOGETHER.")
pocky_slash: Remember when Jack had space!Herpes the last time we hung out?
harmonyangel: I think Jack always has space!herpes.
pocky_slash: Was it space!herpes or space!syphilis?
harmonyangel: I think it was space!herpes. It sounds better.
pocky_slash: Yeah.
harmonyangel: Space!gonorrhea just sounds terrible. If it was just "space STI" he could call it spacesti [SPA 'cesti].
pocky_slash: "Why are you taking those pills?" "Oh, just my spacesti. Nothing to worry about. Let's have sex!"
harmonyangel: It sounds like some kind of futuristic Italian pastry.
pocky_slash: ::hysterical laughter::
harmonyangel: ...what?
pocky_slash: The last thing the world needs is Jack Harkness going around referring to his dick as a futuristic Italian pastry!
harmonyangel: Well, I've only seen that one episode, with the--I can't even really say that. There's not really a marching band in that episode! If I say, "The one with the marching band" no one will know what I'm talking about!
pocky_slash: Unless they were awesome enough to be at my party!
harmonyangel: I really want someone to do a vid of Torchwood to "American Pie," just so that they can show Spike on that line "The marching band refused to yield."
So, yes, it's possible we spent a ridiculous amount of time talking about this. Then we walked over to the movie theatre and bought tickets. Our trend of being the only people in the room continued, which was AWESOME because our conversation during the movie was definitely not appropriate for kids.
harmonyangel: WHOA. He was a little too quick to follow a strange man down a dark alley for a "surprise."
pocky_slash: Jack totes slept with him.
Later on...
harmonyangel: Wow, Prince Naveen is kind of a slut.
pocky-slash: Jack totally slept with him, too.
harmonyangel: ::Twitters this.::
second_batgirl: ::via Twitter:: To be fair, the list of people that Kait doesn't think Jack Harkness has slept with is pretty short.
harmonyangel: ::referring to Tiana:: She wouldn't sleep with Jack, though.
pocky_slash: Yeah.
harmonyangel: She doesn't have time for his bullshit.
pocky_slash: Or his spacesti.
pocky_slash: Oh my god, they're frogs, but I totally want them to make out.
harmonyangel: As soon as the wedding is over, they immediately start having sex.
pocky_slash: I WANT PORN ABOUT THEM SO BADLY. The old woman is blind, she doesn't even need to turn around.
harmonyangel: And who cares about the animals? Animals do it in public all the time. Her dress is beautiful, but I'm sure he just rips it right off. No, wait, he wants to be all careful with it, but she just tears it off.
pocky_slash: For. Serious.
(The movie, by the way, was adorable and excellent and I loved it. ♥)
pocky_slash: They should have a threesome with Charlotte!
harmonyangel: You're right! That would solve all their problems!
pocky_slash: I mean, Charlotte's got some time to kill.
harmonyangel: Yeah, it'll be awhile until Naveen's brother is of age. And Naveen would be totally okay with it.
pocky_slash: Hey, he wanted a blonde on one arm and a brunette on the other. Tiana would be okay with it, too. She'll be like, "Oh, it's just like when we used to practice kissing when we were kids."
harmonyangel: Naveen's like, "Oh really? Tell me more about this. In detail. In fact, why don't you demonstrate right now?"
We drove back to Parsippany for dinner and had Thai food in Lake Hiawatha. It was pretty excellent! Once again, we were basically the only people in the restaurant, which worked out well when we wanted to talk about porn some more. And various other things.
pocky_slash: I love that Jack and Gwen are Jack and Gwen in Torchwood LA, but Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens and Christian Bale are themselves.
harmonyangel: Well, Christian Bale is himself as Batman. Oh, Torchwood LA. I would watch Torchwood LA.
pocky_slash: I would watch it too!
harmonyangel: But you watch regular Torchwood. Your standards are already low.
We reminisced about the time we stayed up all night listening to Barrowman's hilarious album, and started talking about the meshing of our two fandoms.
harmonyangel: ::something about the constant rumors about Barrowman as Captain America::
pocky_slash: I'm of two minds about it. I mean, on one hand, I don't want him to touch it because I want an awesome, kickass Captain America movie and I want the franchise to succeed.
harmonyangel: And you don't want me to die.
pocky_slash: Exactly. But, you have to admit, on the otherhand, if he WAS Captain America, it would probably the most fucking hilarious thing I've ever seen in my life.
harmonyangel: You need to keep in mind my personal canon of Steve, but John Barrowman is just too gay to be Captain America. And I think Steve Rogers is SUPER GAY, so that's... really saying something.
pocky_slash: The thing of it is, it's not that Barrowman's gay, it's that Steve is just so wholesome. And Barrowman would fuck a pumpkin.
harmonyangel: John Barrowman cannot be Steve Rogers because Steve Rogers would not fuck a pumpkin.
pocky_slash: ::hysterical laughter:: I don't even know where that pumpkin thing came from.
harmonyangel: How would that even work? Step one: Cut a hole in the pumpkin. Step two: put your dick in the pumpkin.
pocky_slash: Steve's not super repressed, but Barrowman is better suited for a character who would stick it in anything with a hole.
harmonyangel: It doesn't even have to have a hole. He could just cut a hole in it! It's kind of funny, though, because it goes with Zac Efron being my mental Bucky.
pocky_slash: Oh my god, you just cracked the secret to Torchwood: LA! That's why Jack is in town! He goes undercover as actor John Barrowman on the set of Captain America and meets Zac Efron!
harmonyangel: And Vanessa Hudgens is there because she's being a supportive girlfriend!
pocky_slash: But how does he meet Christian Bale?
harmonyangel: Because he's Batman?
pocky_slash: AHAHAH YES. He thinks he's Batman, so he sneaks in like, everyday to spy. As Batman. And the security guys are used to it, so they just escort him out. "Come on, Mr. Bale, you know the rules." "I am Batman!" "Right, Mr. Batman. You need to go." And Zac Efron is like, "Oh, those crazy Welsh!" and Jack is like, "....Welsh? AWESOME. You can leave him here, security guys, he's with me."
Anyway, then Jen dropped me off at home and I immediately typed all of this up before I forgot it, because it was amazing. TORCHWOOD SEASON FOUR IS GOING TO BE OFF THE HOOK, INTERNET. JUST YOU WAIT.
***
We now return to our regularly scheduled LJ.
So, I spent pretty much all of yesterday crying or nearly crying. It's just kind of a bad time for me. I felt good after therapy and then I...came home.
Anyway.
harmonyangel is a pretty awesome friend, and she offered to take me out today, since I don't have a car. So she showed up around eleven and we decided to do something.
First we had lunch at Panera, while trying to decide what to do. Over lunch, she explained the plot of the X-Men high school AU fanfic manga and then we compared official franchise tie-in novels wherein characters switched genders. (Almost Perfect is my favorite Torchwood novel, but I think the X-Men one she told me about wins, purely because lots of people were genderswaped and also Wolverine unbuttoned Cyclops' shirt to make him sexier.) We spent some time in the car trying to figure out where to go, when I remembered having a ticket for a free round of Monster Golf in my purse. SO! Off to Monster Golf!
When we got to Monster Golf, we discovered it was closed until 2pm. We drove to the mall to kill time and... guys, I don't know. Somehow, this is when Torchwood Season 4 happened.
I don't remember how we got on the subject, but I was talking about RTD's move to Hollywood and the rumors about Torchwood in America and said something about Torchwood being set in LA.
pocky_slash: At least Torchwood LA would explain Barrowman's orange tan.
harmonyangel: He should hang out with Zac Efron. He has a horrible orange tan, too.
pocky_slash: Zac Efron can be his new boytoy on Torchwood LA!
We laughed about this for... far too long.
pocky_slash: I need to tell the internet about Zac Efron!
harmonyangel: I think the internet already knows about Zac Efron.
Somehow, this turned into an epic thing where Zac Efron (as himself) became Jack's new either boyfriend or sidekick on Torchwood LA. They went tanning together. Except Jack was the only Torchwood person in LA. Gwen was still in Cardiff, but Vanessa Hudgens was her new BFF/Nanny. BEST SEASON OF TORCHWOOD EVER.
Somehow, Christian Bale got involved? I'm not sure how he entered the conversation, but we definitely decided that Jack hired Christian Bale for some reason, and Christian Bale would only talk in the Batman voice and pretend he was Batman. Jack was expecting him to be awesome and Welsh like Ianto and Gwen, and was totally bummed when all he did was say, "I am Batman!" and hold his jacket in front of his face.
So, we wandered around the mall and talked about incest and comics and then drove back to minigolf! Monster Minigolf is the best thing ever, because it is all in blacklight and it has a monster theme and they play eighties music. Jen made a friend, there were multiple Bruce Springsteen references and more making fun of John Barrowman.
harmonyangel: Is this Olivia Newton John [on the radio]?
pocky_slash: Yes.
harmonyangel: John Barrowman should sing this.
We pretty much suck are AWESOME at mini-golf, guys. There was this one hole where you spun this wheel and it told you how to you had to swing. I had to swing behind my back! But, hey, we didn't get the worst possible score! Hilariously, on the last hole, I COULD NOT GET MY BALL TO GO IN. You had to hit your ball up this long ramp into a clown's mouth. It took me like, five tries, and then I just hit it behind the clown.
When we finished (we were the only ones there, by the way, a theme of the night), the guy running the place said, "After watching that, I don't think I need to ask who the loser was." And then he handed me another coupon for a free round, the loser's consolation prize. As you may be able to see on the above photo, I did not lose by THAT much. Just two points!
We got back in the car afterwards and decided to go see a movie. The Princess and the Frog was playing somewhere in Caldwell, to Jen programmed it into her GPS and off we went! On the way over, we talked more about Torchwood LA ("Zac Efron and Christian Bale could talk about their shared experiances with Kenny Ortega!") and then about Bruce Springsteen. Mostly about how he likes to make out with dudes and write love songs about dudes.
pocky_slash: "Oh Christian Bale. And Jack Harkness."
harmonyangel: "You know there's some fangirl out there who thinks it's the best pairing ever."
pocky_slash: "Of course!"
harmonyangel: I bet we could get second_batgirl to write it.
pocky_slash: "Oh, the hidden side of Bruce Springsteen that I never knew. The making out with dudes side."
harmonyangel: I don't even know what Torchwood does, aside from look pretty.
pocky_slash: That's pretty much it, really.
When we got to Caldwell, we were an hour early for the movie, so we hung out in a coffeeshop, where we were once again the only customers. I ordered a supercute coffee and we continued to talk about fandom. Jen explained the plot of her comicsbigbang story. I talked about the problems I'm having with the plot of Club Wales III. We discussed age differences in pairings, OT3s, and the perils of writing immortal characters. Then it all just degenerated into... spacesti.
harmonyangel: I wonder if Jack [Harkness] ever slept with Logan [aka Wolverine]?
pocky_slash: ::before Jen even finishes speaking:: Yes.
(second_batgirl immediately Twittered back at us, "I do not have time to write 'Five Times Jack Harkness slept with Wolverine and one time he didn't!'"
I said, "But I really want to know what the one time they didn't was!"
Jen said, "YOU TOTALLY NEED TO."
She said, "I FEEL THAT YOU AND KAIT SHOULD WRITE IT TOGETHER.")
pocky_slash: Remember when Jack had space!Herpes the last time we hung out?
harmonyangel: I think Jack always has space!herpes.
pocky_slash: Was it space!herpes or space!syphilis?
harmonyangel: I think it was space!herpes. It sounds better.
pocky_slash: Yeah.
harmonyangel: Space!gonorrhea just sounds terrible. If it was just "space STI" he could call it spacesti [SPA 'cesti].
pocky_slash: "Why are you taking those pills?" "Oh, just my spacesti. Nothing to worry about. Let's have sex!"
harmonyangel: It sounds like some kind of futuristic Italian pastry.
pocky_slash: ::hysterical laughter::
harmonyangel: ...what?
pocky_slash: The last thing the world needs is Jack Harkness going around referring to his dick as a futuristic Italian pastry!
harmonyangel: Well, I've only seen that one episode, with the--I can't even really say that. There's not really a marching band in that episode! If I say, "The one with the marching band" no one will know what I'm talking about!
pocky_slash: Unless they were awesome enough to be at my party!
harmonyangel: I really want someone to do a vid of Torchwood to "American Pie," just so that they can show Spike on that line "The marching band refused to yield."
So, yes, it's possible we spent a ridiculous amount of time talking about this. Then we walked over to the movie theatre and bought tickets. Our trend of being the only people in the room continued, which was AWESOME because our conversation during the movie was definitely not appropriate for kids.
harmonyangel: WHOA. He was a little too quick to follow a strange man down a dark alley for a "surprise."
pocky_slash: Jack totes slept with him.
Later on...
harmonyangel: Wow, Prince Naveen is kind of a slut.
pocky-slash: Jack totally slept with him, too.
harmonyangel: ::Twitters this.::
second_batgirl: ::via Twitter:: To be fair, the list of people that Kait doesn't think Jack Harkness has slept with is pretty short.
harmonyangel: ::referring to Tiana:: She wouldn't sleep with Jack, though.
pocky_slash: Yeah.
harmonyangel: She doesn't have time for his bullshit.
pocky_slash: Or his spacesti.
pocky_slash: Oh my god, they're frogs, but I totally want them to make out.
harmonyangel: As soon as the wedding is over, they immediately start having sex.
pocky_slash: I WANT PORN ABOUT THEM SO BADLY. The old woman is blind, she doesn't even need to turn around.
harmonyangel: And who cares about the animals? Animals do it in public all the time. Her dress is beautiful, but I'm sure he just rips it right off. No, wait, he wants to be all careful with it, but she just tears it off.
pocky_slash: For. Serious.
(The movie, by the way, was adorable and excellent and I loved it. ♥)
pocky_slash: They should have a threesome with Charlotte!
harmonyangel: You're right! That would solve all their problems!
pocky_slash: I mean, Charlotte's got some time to kill.
harmonyangel: Yeah, it'll be awhile until Naveen's brother is of age. And Naveen would be totally okay with it.
pocky_slash: Hey, he wanted a blonde on one arm and a brunette on the other. Tiana would be okay with it, too. She'll be like, "Oh, it's just like when we used to practice kissing when we were kids."
harmonyangel: Naveen's like, "Oh really? Tell me more about this. In detail. In fact, why don't you demonstrate right now?"
We drove back to Parsippany for dinner and had Thai food in Lake Hiawatha. It was pretty excellent! Once again, we were basically the only people in the restaurant, which worked out well when we wanted to talk about porn some more. And various other things.
pocky_slash: I love that Jack and Gwen are Jack and Gwen in Torchwood LA, but Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens and Christian Bale are themselves.
harmonyangel: Well, Christian Bale is himself as Batman. Oh, Torchwood LA. I would watch Torchwood LA.
pocky_slash: I would watch it too!
harmonyangel: But you watch regular Torchwood. Your standards are already low.
We reminisced about the time we stayed up all night listening to Barrowman's hilarious album, and started talking about the meshing of our two fandoms.
harmonyangel: ::something about the constant rumors about Barrowman as Captain America::
pocky_slash: I'm of two minds about it. I mean, on one hand, I don't want him to touch it because I want an awesome, kickass Captain America movie and I want the franchise to succeed.
harmonyangel: And you don't want me to die.
pocky_slash: Exactly. But, you have to admit, on the otherhand, if he WAS Captain America, it would probably the most fucking hilarious thing I've ever seen in my life.
harmonyangel: You need to keep in mind my personal canon of Steve, but John Barrowman is just too gay to be Captain America. And I think Steve Rogers is SUPER GAY, so that's... really saying something.
pocky_slash: The thing of it is, it's not that Barrowman's gay, it's that Steve is just so wholesome. And Barrowman would fuck a pumpkin.
harmonyangel: John Barrowman cannot be Steve Rogers because Steve Rogers would not fuck a pumpkin.
pocky_slash: ::hysterical laughter:: I don't even know where that pumpkin thing came from.
harmonyangel: How would that even work? Step one: Cut a hole in the pumpkin. Step two: put your dick in the pumpkin.
pocky_slash: Steve's not super repressed, but Barrowman is better suited for a character who would stick it in anything with a hole.
harmonyangel: It doesn't even have to have a hole. He could just cut a hole in it! It's kind of funny, though, because it goes with Zac Efron being my mental Bucky.
pocky_slash: Oh my god, you just cracked the secret to Torchwood: LA! That's why Jack is in town! He goes undercover as actor John Barrowman on the set of Captain America and meets Zac Efron!
harmonyangel: And Vanessa Hudgens is there because she's being a supportive girlfriend!
pocky_slash: But how does he meet Christian Bale?
harmonyangel: Because he's Batman?
pocky_slash: AHAHAH YES. He thinks he's Batman, so he sneaks in like, everyday to spy. As Batman. And the security guys are used to it, so they just escort him out. "Come on, Mr. Bale, you know the rules." "I am Batman!" "Right, Mr. Batman. You need to go." And Zac Efron is like, "Oh, those crazy Welsh!" and Jack is like, "....Welsh? AWESOME. You can leave him here, security guys, he's with me."
Anyway, then Jen dropped me off at home and I immediately typed all of this up before I forgot it, because it was amazing. TORCHWOOD SEASON FOUR IS GOING TO BE OFF THE HOOK, INTERNET. JUST YOU WAIT.
***
We now return to our regularly scheduled LJ.