an lj post?!

[plusqueparfait]

I've actually meant for months now to write a long rambly post about how I have slowly come to terms with my love for girly femininity, but how I rejected it for years because of the associations that have been hung around it.

Then I was lazy and just told judgers chan about it, but I still wanted to open a post for discussion.

Comments

[nightangelca]

THAT WAS ME AND MAKE-UP. My break-through point was when I began to conceive of/experience gender as being performative. I often feel rather like a drag queen in a lesbian's body, but I've gotten to be comfortable with that. Just... so much internalized misogyny to sort out.

lolol am currently working on a new musical that is entirely about gender identity

[plusqueparfait]

Ahh nice what I want to see that musical. Yeah, as I am now I tend to be androgynous in the sense that I will dress in a female style one day and a male style the next .o. It's just hard to avoid putting yourself into boxes, or at least it involves a lot of conscious effort sometimes.

[nightangelca]

It (i.e. Trannequin) should be pretty swell! We're going full-out TRADITIONAL MUSICAL THEATRE: "I WANT" SONG! SECONDARY-CHARACTER COMEDY SONG! ELEVENTH-HOUR NUMBER! ROUSING FINALE! ETC. to balance out how heavy the material that we're tackling can be in real life.

It's really such a fascinating subject, and one that we live everyday. We've been reading excerpts from Kate Bornstein's Gender Outlaw during our rehearsals/meetings. Just because I have it handy, here's a quote that went into tonight's rehearsal report: "One answer to the question 'Who is a transsexual?' might well be 'Anyone who admits it.' A more political answer might be, 'Anyone whose performance of gender calls into question the construct of gender itself.'"

[plusqueparfait]

...that is a pretty badass quote 8)

ahhhh and a pretty badass musical description, since I neglected to actually read it before hitting comment :'D

[notonboard]

I'VE ALWAYS LIKED GIRLY THINGS? c-c-c-combo breaker. It was just a thing! I'm not sure if it was a cultivated thing or what, but as a child always liked stuff that are traditionally girlish (Barbies, dresses, being a princess, pink things), but I also adored stuff that were considered more boyish by kids my age (Star Wars, baseball, Yu-Gi-Oh!, etc).

Personally, I have never felt insecure about liking what I like! I've never felt like it made me weaker or supportive of a demure stereotype or anything like that, possibly because I've always been secure in my identity? I feel like a girl, but I'm not a girl because I like pink things more than star wars or something. So basically -- I don't feel defined in that sense by the stuff I like/that my personal identity is tied to that sort of thing. DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE idk.

[plusqueparfait]

I think it makes sense! Rather I think it is pretty cool if you are solid on your identity |D Personally I was just really defensive and eager to ostracize myself from the other girls when I was in middle/high school...

[notonboard]

Ha ha sob. My interests and general attitude were already pretty out there so I was already elementary school-ostracized from most of my classmates. I never fell into the idea of trying to mimic them to fit in though because that... somehow never occurred to me... But I'm think I'm better for it, anyway.

[idkmybffnirvash]

I have only recently become interested in ~girly things~ like fashion and make-up. Really, I've always been attracted to fashion, but I never thought I could take part in it. I've only really started into it recently, because I decided to give that nonsense up and do what I want! So, I wear pink shirts and skirts and all these cute little outfits all I want. And I play with make-up, because it's just fun to mix up colors and put together this look.

So, yeah, I never liked pink, because it was such a girl thing, and I didn't want to be called cute . . . But I was just a lazy girl who was more interested in books than lace for a good while there. I gained +10 Confidence with doing whatever I feel like.

[wickedturnips]

That's how it was for me too! I think a lot of girls go through that when they're younger-- my sister's 10 and I know I can see her having the same struggles sometimes. For me it wasn't so much during my high school years, because I... left to be homeschooled and spent all of those hangin' online with you guys... but while those issues lasted up until about 7th grade for me, I think around 3rd~5th grade is when I was hit hardest with them. I rejected the idea of things like Barbies/Bratz or make-up or cheerleading, and was embarrassed by the feminine things that I did like, and I know now thinking back that for me it was because of what I was taught that being girly "meant", from TV and even the people around me! At different ages, girly girls were stupid, girly girls were bitchy, girly girls were slutty-- so I felt like if I liked anything girly, I would be one of THOSE girls, or at least people would think I was one of them. And clearly that would be the worst thing, right. I WAS SUPER NEUROTIC ABOUT IT TOO I would do things like

[rinkhals]

I FEEL THE SAME WAY ACTUALLY I just like. I fucking love pink and I am coming to terms with this, the fact that even though I have always considered myself to be ~masculine~, I love . . . pink and flowers and perfumes and soaps and delicate girly things and yeah. Today I attempted to buy a pair of pink flats (THEY WERE OUT OF MY SIZE!) and I am OKAY WITH THIS whereas as a kid I was like, HALE NO, I'M NOT NO GIRL, I LIKE DINOSAURS AND SHIT! Which I still do, just, I also like this other stereotypically girly stuff.

I am still juuuuust starting to care about clothing, and I may never get into makeup, but. I AM RIGHT HERE WITH YOU