an lj post?!

[plusqueparfait]

I've actually meant for months now to write a long rambly post about how I have slowly come to terms with my love for girly femininity, but how I rejected it for years because of the associations that have been hung around it.

Then I was lazy and just told judgers chan about it, but I still wanted to open a post for discussion.

Comments

[wickedturnips]

That's how it was for me too! I think a lot of girls go through that when they're younger-- my sister's 10 and I know I can see her having the same struggles sometimes. For me it wasn't so much during my high school years, because I... left to be homeschooled and spent all of those hangin' online with you guys... but while those issues lasted up until about 7th grade for me, I think around 3rd~5th grade is when I was hit hardest with them. I rejected the idea of things like Barbies/Bratz or make-up or cheerleading, and was embarrassed by the feminine things that I did like, and I know now thinking back that for me it was because of what I was taught that being girly "meant", from TV and even the people around me! At different ages, girly girls were stupid, girly girls were bitchy, girly girls were slutty-- so I felt like if I liked anything girly, I would be one of THOSE girls, or at least people would think I was one of them. And clearly that would be the worst thing, right. I WAS SUPER NEUROTIC ABOUT IT TOO I would do things like wait until everyone was asleep and lock myself in my closet to play with make-up because what if someone saw me and teased me for being interested in girly things finally omg!!!!

BUT YEAH towards the end of my stint in public school I was already developing an increasingly HATERS TO THE LEFT-type mentality and growing out of my hide in the closet (haha) days a bit, and hilariously as much as people talk about how homeschooling and online contact will STUNT CHILDREN SOCIALLY OMG, I actually think that's what gave me that final push into being comfortable in my own skin. It's so much easier to ~be yourself~ online and around your family, without that constant outside social pressure making you doubt yourself. And since those were the only avenues I had to express myself for a while, eventually being myself just became what I did naturally, and I'm able to do it a lot easier in public as well nowadays. I can talk about how cute skirts and shoes and dresses are, and try on make-up in the bathroom with the door open, and look at Modcloth without dewindowing, and not be ashamed of loving sparkles and hearts and ruffles and pleats and shoujo and Disney movies. I may still be too LAZY to wear dresses or put on make-up often, but I am now a-okay with liking them! ~*~*~MAN I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN~*~*~

...WHOOPS I WROTE AN ESSAY, SORRY ABOUT THAT