I've Never Been More Scared to Be Alone [Chapter 1]
Title: I've Never Been More Scared to Be Alone [Chapter 1]
Author: Kat-13 PleurantNoir
Rating: PG-13 for now.
Pairing: Brendon Urie/Ryan Ross
POV: 3rd Person
Summary: Ryan is a college kid with a mall job and a high school junior for a best friend. He wants more out of life, but he just can't figure out what it is, or how to get it. He can't bring himself to leave his best friend because he just so happens to be in love with him. Will his love for the boy get in the way of his dreams? Will he ever truly be happy?
Word Count: About 1400.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the boys from Panic at the Disco, or anyone else in the world, for that matter. I do, however own the plot, because it's based on a true story. This is not meant to reflect the actual lifestyles, views, or values of the people mentioned, and is therefore FICTION.
Author Notes: I appreciate reviews, and recognize them in each chapter. I also appreciate concrit, because I believe there is always room for improvement. I wrote this a loooonnngggg time ago and have just decided that I want to post it. It's based on trufax, me and the boy I love. So most of it has happened, just not with Brendon and Ryan. Some things, like Brendon's Russian roots (we all know he's not actually Russian), were added here to better represent the true story behind this. Kthnxenjoi. ♥
Ryan took the lanyard that held his name tag off from around his neck and unlocked his car with the remote on his keychain. Once inside the vehicle, he hung the lanyard from his rear-view mirror and started the engine. He smiled as Honorable Mention by Fall Out Boy met his ears, and reminded him of his best friend, whom he was on his way to pick up. Ryan sang along loudly and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he continued on his oh-so-familiar-by-now journey. He turned down the volume by the button on the steering wheel and reached into the pocket of his too-tight jeans to get his phone. He pressed speed dial #3 and hit 'Send'.
"Hello?"
"Heya, B. We still hanging today?"
"Yeah, I just finished my art homework. Are you on your way now?"
"Yeah, I just got off of work."
"Alright, drive slowly...I need to change."
"Okay, see you soon."
Ryan hit 'End' on his phone and tossed it into the passenger seat, then continued singing along to the rest of the Fall Out Boy album. He tried to drive as slowly as possible, but Brendon's house wasn't far from the mall that Ryan worked in. Sooner than he imagined it would take Brendon to change his clothes, Ryan pulled into Brendon's driveway. Brendon's mother was outside gardening, as she usually did until the sun went down. She looked up as he put the car in park and smiled at him, then stood up to walk over to the car. Ryan turned down his music and rolled down the window.
"Hello, Mrs. Urie," Ryan said, smiling brightly and kindly up at the woman standing next to his car.
"Hello, Ryan. Where will you be taking Brendon tonight?" she asked in her thick Russian accent.
"I think we may go to a movie or the park or something, then maybe to the diner for dinner and some coffee," Ryan said as Brendon walked out of the front door. His mother turned to Brendon and said something in Russian, then turned back to Ryan.
"Ten o'clock? He has school tomorrow, Ryan," she said, patting Ryan on the shoulder and turning back to resume her gardening.
"Yes ma'am, he'll be home by ten," Ryan called after her, then rolled his window back up.
"She said that we shouldn't drink coffee, that we have enough energy because we're young." Brendon said, rolling his eyes behind his thick glasses as he fastened his seatbelt.
"Sorry, next time I'll try to remember to leave the coffee part out., Ryan said, putting the car into reverse and backing out of the narrow driveway.
"Or she could just stop treating me like a fucking baby. I already stay up until three and four in the morning without the damned coffee," Brendon said, slamming his head back into the headrest and grumbling under his breath.
"She'll stop treating you like a child soon, I hope...I mean, you'll be eighteen in a few months," Ryan said, glancing sideways at Brendon and driving in the general direction of the lake, where they usually hung out.
"Can we just go to the lake? I just want to sit and watch the sun set with you. It's been a long day," Brendon said as if reading Ryan's mind, sighing and closing his eyes as his head lolled back on the seat's headrest. Ryan was quiet and just nodded, even though Brendon couldn't see him. He drove to the park, sideways glancing at Brendon the entire time. Brendon was his best friend, and he could tell when something was bothering him. Now was one of those times, and it pulled at Ryan's heart strings to know that something was wrong in Brendon's world.
They reached the park shortly thereafter and as soon as the car stopped, Brendon got out and walked down the dock leading to the man-made lake that they had spent countless afternoons watching the sun go down by, like they were going to do now. Ryan grabbed his phone and put it in his pocket before getting out of the car and locking it up, putting his keys in his pocket as he walked the length of the dock. By the time he reached the end, Brendon was already sitting in their usual spot, his jeans rolled up and bare feet skimming the top of the water as his legs dangled. Ryan sat down next to Brendon, taking his socks and shoes off as well and setting them next to Brendon's, then dangling his feet into the water. Brendon scooted closer to Ryan and laid his head on Ryan's shoulder, sighing dejectedly.
"Bren? Talk to me..." Ryan said, absently running his fingers through Brendon's shaggy hair.
"About what?" Brendon mumbled into his shoulder, enjoying Ryan's touch.
"Something's up, I can feel it. I want to know what's wrong so I can at least try to fix it," Ryan said, pulling away a little to down look at Brendon's face.
"I just...do you ever think about leaving here? I know you said something about possibly moving in the next year..." Brendon asked, biting his lip and looking away from Ryan.
"Yeah, actually. Alot. I've been thinking of dropping out of UNLV. I just...there's something bigger out there for me, you know?...I just haven't figured out what it is, yet," Ryan said, sighing much like Brendon had a few moments before.
"Well, you're good at alot of things. You make really neat clothes, you're good at hair and makeup, you have a great voice, you play guitar...you could be like a traveling musician-slash- stylist-slash-makeup artist." Brendon said, laughing softly.
"Right. I'd have to get licensed to be able to do most of that. And that would be like another year of school," Ryan said, kicking at the water, slashing it slightly onto Brendon's shins.
"But around then, I'd be graduating and we could live together or something. I'm just tired of sitting around and watching my life go by," Brendon said, snuggling further into Ryan's side.
"I know exactly how you feel, but you shouldn't be feeling that way. You're not even out of high school yet. But, that doesn't sound like a bad idea. I guess I'm going to start thinking about what I want to do, and try to get some info on trade schools." Ryan said, moving his arm to wrap around the younger boy's side.
"Mkay...just do whatever makes you happy. Don't worry about what other people try to tell you about not making money and whatever. You just need to be happy," Brendon said, smiling up at Ryan as he looked down at his face.
"I'm happy right now," Ryan said. Brendon's face contorted into a confused expression and Ryan quickly looked away from him and blushed.
"Me, too. I just...I don't want you to leave me," Brendon said, getting gradually quiet as he whispered the last word.
"Oh, Bren. That's what this is about? You know that even if I did move, that I wouldn't just leave you. I'd be here alot to visit you...nothing's permanent..." Ryan said, turning to take Brendon into his arms.
"I know that, but...it's just...everyone else in my life has given up on me or left me somehow. You're the one good thing I have left...and I don't want to lose you, too, Ry," Brendon said into Ryan's shirt, where his face was pressed.
"As long as I'm alive, you've got me," Ryan whispered, holding Brendon's slim body tightly to him, to show him just how serious he really was. Brendon pulled back and smiled sadly at Ryan, braces glinting in the fading sunlight.
"I love you, Ry."
"I love you, too, B...I love you, too."
And they sat, closely and comfortably, in silence the rest of the evening, watching the sun's descent into the horizon as it painted the sky in rainbow colors until Ryan had to bring Brendon home for curfew. Ryan drove home with a heavy heart. He knew that he would eventually have to move away from Brendon, but now...how could he possibly do that? He loved the boy more than anything, and now that he was painfully aware of just how much he meant to the boy...he'd made up his mind: he wasn't going anywhere for a while...not if he could help it.
Author: Kat-13 PleurantNoir
Rating: PG-13 for now.
Pairing: Brendon Urie/Ryan Ross
POV: 3rd Person
Summary: Ryan is a college kid with a mall job and a high school junior for a best friend. He wants more out of life, but he just can't figure out what it is, or how to get it. He can't bring himself to leave his best friend because he just so happens to be in love with him. Will his love for the boy get in the way of his dreams? Will he ever truly be happy?
Word Count: About 1400.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the boys from Panic at the Disco, or anyone else in the world, for that matter. I do, however own the plot, because it's based on a true story. This is not meant to reflect the actual lifestyles, views, or values of the people mentioned, and is therefore FICTION.
Author Notes: I appreciate reviews, and recognize them in each chapter. I also appreciate concrit, because I believe there is always room for improvement. I wrote this a loooonnngggg time ago and have just decided that I want to post it. It's based on trufax, me and the boy I love. So most of it has happened, just not with Brendon and Ryan. Some things, like Brendon's Russian roots (we all know he's not actually Russian), were added here to better represent the true story behind this. Kthnxenjoi. ♥
Ryan took the lanyard that held his name tag off from around his neck and unlocked his car with the remote on his keychain. Once inside the vehicle, he hung the lanyard from his rear-view mirror and started the engine. He smiled as Honorable Mention by Fall Out Boy met his ears, and reminded him of his best friend, whom he was on his way to pick up. Ryan sang along loudly and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he continued on his oh-so-familiar-by-now journey. He turned down the volume by the button on the steering wheel and reached into the pocket of his too-tight jeans to get his phone. He pressed speed dial #3 and hit 'Send'.
"Hello?"
"Heya, B. We still hanging today?"
"Yeah, I just finished my art homework. Are you on your way now?"
"Yeah, I just got off of work."
"Alright, drive slowly...I need to change."
"Okay, see you soon."
Ryan hit 'End' on his phone and tossed it into the passenger seat, then continued singing along to the rest of the Fall Out Boy album. He tried to drive as slowly as possible, but Brendon's house wasn't far from the mall that Ryan worked in. Sooner than he imagined it would take Brendon to change his clothes, Ryan pulled into Brendon's driveway. Brendon's mother was outside gardening, as she usually did until the sun went down. She looked up as he put the car in park and smiled at him, then stood up to walk over to the car. Ryan turned down his music and rolled down the window.
"Hello, Mrs. Urie," Ryan said, smiling brightly and kindly up at the woman standing next to his car.
"Hello, Ryan. Where will you be taking Brendon tonight?" she asked in her thick Russian accent.
"I think we may go to a movie or the park or something, then maybe to the diner for dinner and some coffee," Ryan said as Brendon walked out of the front door. His mother turned to Brendon and said something in Russian, then turned back to Ryan.
"Ten o'clock? He has school tomorrow, Ryan," she said, patting Ryan on the shoulder and turning back to resume her gardening.
"Yes ma'am, he'll be home by ten," Ryan called after her, then rolled his window back up.
"She said that we shouldn't drink coffee, that we have enough energy because we're young." Brendon said, rolling his eyes behind his thick glasses as he fastened his seatbelt.
"Sorry, next time I'll try to remember to leave the coffee part out., Ryan said, putting the car into reverse and backing out of the narrow driveway.
"Or she could just stop treating me like a fucking baby. I already stay up until three and four in the morning without the damned coffee," Brendon said, slamming his head back into the headrest and grumbling under his breath.
"She'll stop treating you like a child soon, I hope...I mean, you'll be eighteen in a few months," Ryan said, glancing sideways at Brendon and driving in the general direction of the lake, where they usually hung out.
"Can we just go to the lake? I just want to sit and watch the sun set with you. It's been a long day," Brendon said as if reading Ryan's mind, sighing and closing his eyes as his head lolled back on the seat's headrest. Ryan was quiet and just nodded, even though Brendon couldn't see him. He drove to the park, sideways glancing at Brendon the entire time. Brendon was his best friend, and he could tell when something was bothering him. Now was one of those times, and it pulled at Ryan's heart strings to know that something was wrong in Brendon's world.
They reached the park shortly thereafter and as soon as the car stopped, Brendon got out and walked down the dock leading to the man-made lake that they had spent countless afternoons watching the sun go down by, like they were going to do now. Ryan grabbed his phone and put it in his pocket before getting out of the car and locking it up, putting his keys in his pocket as he walked the length of the dock. By the time he reached the end, Brendon was already sitting in their usual spot, his jeans rolled up and bare feet skimming the top of the water as his legs dangled. Ryan sat down next to Brendon, taking his socks and shoes off as well and setting them next to Brendon's, then dangling his feet into the water. Brendon scooted closer to Ryan and laid his head on Ryan's shoulder, sighing dejectedly.
"Bren? Talk to me..." Ryan said, absently running his fingers through Brendon's shaggy hair.
"About what?" Brendon mumbled into his shoulder, enjoying Ryan's touch.
"Something's up, I can feel it. I want to know what's wrong so I can at least try to fix it," Ryan said, pulling away a little to down look at Brendon's face.
"I just...do you ever think about leaving here? I know you said something about possibly moving in the next year..." Brendon asked, biting his lip and looking away from Ryan.
"Yeah, actually. Alot. I've been thinking of dropping out of UNLV. I just...there's something bigger out there for me, you know?...I just haven't figured out what it is, yet," Ryan said, sighing much like Brendon had a few moments before.
"Well, you're good at alot of things. You make really neat clothes, you're good at hair and makeup, you have a great voice, you play guitar...you could be like a traveling musician-slash- stylist-slash-makeup artist." Brendon said, laughing softly.
"Right. I'd have to get licensed to be able to do most of that. And that would be like another year of school," Ryan said, kicking at the water, slashing it slightly onto Brendon's shins.
"But around then, I'd be graduating and we could live together or something. I'm just tired of sitting around and watching my life go by," Brendon said, snuggling further into Ryan's side.
"I know exactly how you feel, but you shouldn't be feeling that way. You're not even out of high school yet. But, that doesn't sound like a bad idea. I guess I'm going to start thinking about what I want to do, and try to get some info on trade schools." Ryan said, moving his arm to wrap around the younger boy's side.
"Mkay...just do whatever makes you happy. Don't worry about what other people try to tell you about not making money and whatever. You just need to be happy," Brendon said, smiling up at Ryan as he looked down at his face.
"I'm happy right now," Ryan said. Brendon's face contorted into a confused expression and Ryan quickly looked away from him and blushed.
"Me, too. I just...I don't want you to leave me," Brendon said, getting gradually quiet as he whispered the last word.
"Oh, Bren. That's what this is about? You know that even if I did move, that I wouldn't just leave you. I'd be here alot to visit you...nothing's permanent..." Ryan said, turning to take Brendon into his arms.
"I know that, but...it's just...everyone else in my life has given up on me or left me somehow. You're the one good thing I have left...and I don't want to lose you, too, Ry," Brendon said into Ryan's shirt, where his face was pressed.
"As long as I'm alive, you've got me," Ryan whispered, holding Brendon's slim body tightly to him, to show him just how serious he really was. Brendon pulled back and smiled sadly at Ryan, braces glinting in the fading sunlight.
"I love you, Ry."
"I love you, too, B...I love you, too."
And they sat, closely and comfortably, in silence the rest of the evening, watching the sun's descent into the horizon as it painted the sky in rainbow colors until Ryan had to bring Brendon home for curfew. Ryan drove home with a heavy heart. He knew that he would eventually have to move away from Brendon, but now...how could he possibly do that? He loved the boy more than anything, and now that he was painfully aware of just how much he meant to the boy...he'd made up his mind: he wasn't going anywhere for a while...not if he could help it.