I've Never Been More Scared to Be Alone [Chapter 2]
Title: I've Never Been More Scared to Be Alone [Chapter 2]
Author: Kat-13 PleurantNoir
Rating: PG-13 for now.
Pairing: Brendon Urie/Ryan Ross
POV: 3rd Person
Summary: Ryan is a college kid with a mall job and a high school junior for a best friend. He wants more out of life, but he just can't figure out what it is, or how to get it. He can't bring himself to leave his best friend because he just so happens to be in love with him. Will his love for the boy get in the way of his dreams? Will he ever truly be happy?
Word Count: About 1350.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the boys from Panic at the Disco, or anyone else in the world, for that matter. Chances are...if you've heard of it, I don't own it. Examples: Sidekick, Lake Mead, KD's (which is a real place where I used to live), Norma Jean...I do, however own the plot, because it's based on a true story. Title belongs to a very beautiful man by the name of Brendon Urie...heard of him? This is not meant to reflect the actual lifestyles, views, or values of the people mentioned, and is therefore FICTION.
Author Notes: I appreciate reviews, and recognize them in each chapter. I also appreciate concrit, because I believe there is always room for improvement. I wrote this a loooonnngggg time ago and have just decided that I want to post it. It's based on a trufax, me and the boy I love. So most of it has happened, just not with Brendon and Ryan. Some things, like Brendon's Russian roots (we all know he's not actually Russian), were added here to better represent the true story behind this. And I know you're all waiting, some of you more patiently than others, for continuations of other stories, but I'm suffering from a major case of the Block right now and I'm sorry, I really am. Kthnxenjoi. ♥
Dedications: For all of those who reviewed the first chapter: lynniemurder, intricatexlove, poprockbomber, rydon_dirtay, loveleadstopain, lithiumreactant, and m_say_whaat. Much love and apprech. ♥
Chapter 1
Ryan sat, staring at the computer screen in the computer lab connected the the student union. He had a search up and running for cosmetology schools in Las Vegas. Of course there were a ton of them...but how did he know which one would be the right one?
Ryan wrote down the phone numbers and addresses of a few schools that sounded prestigious. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it right.
His Sidekick buzzed in his pocket and the text was from Brendon.
U pckng me ^ 4m skool 2day?
Ryan cringed, hating the text talk that Brendon used sometimes, but dimissed it and typed back a reply, smiling at the thought of seeing the younger boy for the first time in a little over a week. Mondays were their days, considering Ryan had no afternoon classes and normally didn't work on Mondays. But the Monday before, Brendon was out of school and his step-father made him work at his restaurant, so they didn't get to meet up.
You bet!
Ryan looked at the time before stuffing his phone back into his tiny pocket. Only 2 more hours until he gets to see his love. He decided to use that time wisely and visit one of the schools on his list, because he recognized the street name of one of them, and it wasn't too far from the school.
"Whoa," Ryan muttered as he slowed his car down outside of the run-down building, "this can't be it."
He checked the name and address of the place and shook his head at the fact that it was indeed the right place.
Ryan parked in the parking lot and got out, going around to the front of the building and pulling on the door. Locked. He knocked a few times and waited, but no one answered. He stepped back a little and looked at the building, now noticing the faded sign that read: 'Closed Mondays'.
"Ugh. Fuck you, Monday," he said, taking his pen and crossing out the place on his list of possibilities. There was no way, even if it still was a school, that he was going to go to it. He sighed and trekked back to the parking lot, getting in his car and picking at his hair and fixing his smudged eyeliner with his fingers before making his way over to the catholic school that Brendon attended.
"Hey! Don't you just look adorable in your uniform?" Ryan said as Brendon got into the passenger seat. Brendon's eyes rolled behind his glasses.
"Fuck you. Take me home so I can change," he said, gaze fixed out of the passenger window.
"Whoa. What's wrong with you?" Ryan asked, glancing sideways at him before pulling the vehicle from the school parking lot.
"Nothing."
"Lies."
"Nothing's fucking wrong, okay?" Brendon said, never looking toward Ryan or away from the window.
"Um...okay," Ryan said, his heart sinking as he tried to remember the route from Brendon's school to his house. The only thing that Brendon did the whole ride beside look out of the window was turn up the volume on the stereo.
"What did you want to do today?" Ryan asked from where he was seated on Brendon's four poster, watching Brendon dig through piles of clothes.
"I don't fucking care. I just don't want to be in this house," Brendon says, pulling a Norma Jean shirt from the pile he was digging through on his chair.
"I...okay...so the lake then?"
"We always fucking go to the lake. The lake is lame," Brendon said, taking off his school shirt to replace it with the black garment. Ryan swallowed and looked away before sighing slightly.
"Well, then what else do you want to do?" he asked, glancing to make sure the boy was covered up now.
"I don't know. Eat. Go to the movies. There's nothing to fucking do around here," Brendon said, running his fingers through his hair to fix it back how it was before the shirt messed it up.
"Yeah...okay. We could go to KD's," Ryan suggested with hopeful eyes. He liked going to KD's with Brendon. They'd get coffee and sometimes breakfast food. Breakfast food was always better at night, Ryan thought.
"Yeah, cool, whatever," Brendon said before pulling on a pair of skinny jeans. He finished getting ready and then left Brendon's house, but not before he left a note for his parents to let them know where he was.
"So what did you do today?" Ryan asked, trying to make small talk with Brendon over their cups of coffee and plates of breakfast for dinner.
"Went to school," Brendon said, shoveling another mouthful in. Ryan nodded gingerly, already knowing that piece of information.
"How is school?" Ryan asked, taking a sip of his hot coffee.
"Dude, it's fucking school. It sucks balls," Brendon says, and a middle aged couple looks over at their table with unpleasant faces.
"Yeah...I know that feeling. I found some cosmetology schools in the area today," Ryan said, looking down at the eggs he was pushing around on his plate with his fork.
"Really? Is that what you want to do?"
"I don't know...I think so," Ryan said, shrugging and Brendon rolled his eyes.
"You think so? You can't just quit college on 'I think so'," Brendon says, and Ryan goes from hopeful to crestfallen.
"Well, I know for sure that I don't want to continue on with being an art major or anything else the stupid college offers. I don't want to do any of that shit for the rest of my life...I think I'd be happy with being a stylist," Ryan says, nodding as if to convince himself.
"Well, then, do it. Don't let anything stand in your way," Brendon says, smiling at Ryan, and Ryan can't help but return it because it was the first time he'd seen him smile since he picked him up from school.
"So, what are you going to do with a cosmetology license?" Brendon asked as he loaded the dvd into the player. After the diner, Brendon suggested going back to his house to watch a movie, and Ryan couldn't think of anything better.
"I, uh...I'm not entirely sure yet. I might work in a salon for a bit to build up a portfolio. The company I work for might be able to hire me on for the models' hair and makeup. Or maybe I could work for Rolling Stone or something awesome like that."
"Right," Brendon said, dropping down onto the opposite end of the couch from Ryan. Ryan looked at the side of Brendon's head sadly. He was his best friend...he wouldn't tell him what was wrong in his life, he treated him like crap all day, and now he was making fun of his dreams, his goals...
The movie ended around 5, shortly after Brendon's parents and little sister got home.
"Well, I'm going to go...you have school tomorrow and I have homework, and yeah," Ryan said, standing up. Brendon stood up, too. They awkwardly hugged one another, then Brendon went back in the house, closing the door and leaving Ryan out on the porch.
Ryan got in his car and started it up. He smacked his forehead on the steering wheel, cursing, and willing himself not to cry as the sounds of Motion City Soundtrack flooded his ears.
"Fuck, Ryan...why do you do this to yourself?" he says out loud, pinching the bridge of his nose for a second and turning the music down some before backing out of Brendon's driveway.
Ryan slammed his notebook and pen down on the coffee table in his apartment, fed up with his homework. Fuck this...he would quit school the next day. He didn't have time for useless shit in his life, like homework.
Or Brendon.
He cringed at the sound of his thoughts, and he felt bad for even thinking them. Brendon wasn't useless...he was just going through a hard time in his life.
And that's when Ryan made the vow to never give up on the boy, no matter how much he would piss him off...and little did he know then...it would be alot.
Author: Kat-13 PleurantNoir
Rating: PG-13 for now.
Pairing: Brendon Urie/Ryan Ross
POV: 3rd Person
Summary: Ryan is a college kid with a mall job and a high school junior for a best friend. He wants more out of life, but he just can't figure out what it is, or how to get it. He can't bring himself to leave his best friend because he just so happens to be in love with him. Will his love for the boy get in the way of his dreams? Will he ever truly be happy?
Word Count: About 1350.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the boys from Panic at the Disco, or anyone else in the world, for that matter. Chances are...if you've heard of it, I don't own it. Examples: Sidekick, Lake Mead, KD's (which is a real place where I used to live), Norma Jean...I do, however own the plot, because it's based on a true story. Title belongs to a very beautiful man by the name of Brendon Urie...heard of him? This is not meant to reflect the actual lifestyles, views, or values of the people mentioned, and is therefore FICTION.
Author Notes: I appreciate reviews, and recognize them in each chapter. I also appreciate concrit, because I believe there is always room for improvement. I wrote this a loooonnngggg time ago and have just decided that I want to post it. It's based on a trufax, me and the boy I love. So most of it has happened, just not with Brendon and Ryan. Some things, like Brendon's Russian roots (we all know he's not actually Russian), were added here to better represent the true story behind this. And I know you're all waiting, some of you more patiently than others, for continuations of other stories, but I'm suffering from a major case of the Block right now and I'm sorry, I really am. Kthnxenjoi. ♥
Dedications: For all of those who reviewed the first chapter: lynniemurder, intricatexlove, poprockbomber, rydon_dirtay, loveleadstopain, lithiumreactant, and m_say_whaat. Much love and apprech. ♥
Chapter 1
Ryan sat, staring at the computer screen in the computer lab connected the the student union. He had a search up and running for cosmetology schools in Las Vegas. Of course there were a ton of them...but how did he know which one would be the right one?
Ryan wrote down the phone numbers and addresses of a few schools that sounded prestigious. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it right.
His Sidekick buzzed in his pocket and the text was from Brendon.
U pckng me ^ 4m skool 2day?
Ryan cringed, hating the text talk that Brendon used sometimes, but dimissed it and typed back a reply, smiling at the thought of seeing the younger boy for the first time in a little over a week. Mondays were their days, considering Ryan had no afternoon classes and normally didn't work on Mondays. But the Monday before, Brendon was out of school and his step-father made him work at his restaurant, so they didn't get to meet up.
You bet!
Ryan looked at the time before stuffing his phone back into his tiny pocket. Only 2 more hours until he gets to see his love. He decided to use that time wisely and visit one of the schools on his list, because he recognized the street name of one of them, and it wasn't too far from the school.
"Whoa," Ryan muttered as he slowed his car down outside of the run-down building, "this can't be it."
He checked the name and address of the place and shook his head at the fact that it was indeed the right place.
Ryan parked in the parking lot and got out, going around to the front of the building and pulling on the door. Locked. He knocked a few times and waited, but no one answered. He stepped back a little and looked at the building, now noticing the faded sign that read: 'Closed Mondays'.
"Ugh. Fuck you, Monday," he said, taking his pen and crossing out the place on his list of possibilities. There was no way, even if it still was a school, that he was going to go to it. He sighed and trekked back to the parking lot, getting in his car and picking at his hair and fixing his smudged eyeliner with his fingers before making his way over to the catholic school that Brendon attended.
"Hey! Don't you just look adorable in your uniform?" Ryan said as Brendon got into the passenger seat. Brendon's eyes rolled behind his glasses.
"Fuck you. Take me home so I can change," he said, gaze fixed out of the passenger window.
"Whoa. What's wrong with you?" Ryan asked, glancing sideways at him before pulling the vehicle from the school parking lot.
"Nothing."
"Lies."
"Nothing's fucking wrong, okay?" Brendon said, never looking toward Ryan or away from the window.
"Um...okay," Ryan said, his heart sinking as he tried to remember the route from Brendon's school to his house. The only thing that Brendon did the whole ride beside look out of the window was turn up the volume on the stereo.
"What did you want to do today?" Ryan asked from where he was seated on Brendon's four poster, watching Brendon dig through piles of clothes.
"I don't fucking care. I just don't want to be in this house," Brendon says, pulling a Norma Jean shirt from the pile he was digging through on his chair.
"I...okay...so the lake then?"
"We always fucking go to the lake. The lake is lame," Brendon said, taking off his school shirt to replace it with the black garment. Ryan swallowed and looked away before sighing slightly.
"Well, then what else do you want to do?" he asked, glancing to make sure the boy was covered up now.
"I don't know. Eat. Go to the movies. There's nothing to fucking do around here," Brendon said, running his fingers through his hair to fix it back how it was before the shirt messed it up.
"Yeah...okay. We could go to KD's," Ryan suggested with hopeful eyes. He liked going to KD's with Brendon. They'd get coffee and sometimes breakfast food. Breakfast food was always better at night, Ryan thought.
"Yeah, cool, whatever," Brendon said before pulling on a pair of skinny jeans. He finished getting ready and then left Brendon's house, but not before he left a note for his parents to let them know where he was.
"So what did you do today?" Ryan asked, trying to make small talk with Brendon over their cups of coffee and plates of breakfast for dinner.
"Went to school," Brendon said, shoveling another mouthful in. Ryan nodded gingerly, already knowing that piece of information.
"How is school?" Ryan asked, taking a sip of his hot coffee.
"Dude, it's fucking school. It sucks balls," Brendon says, and a middle aged couple looks over at their table with unpleasant faces.
"Yeah...I know that feeling. I found some cosmetology schools in the area today," Ryan said, looking down at the eggs he was pushing around on his plate with his fork.
"Really? Is that what you want to do?"
"I don't know...I think so," Ryan said, shrugging and Brendon rolled his eyes.
"You think so? You can't just quit college on 'I think so'," Brendon says, and Ryan goes from hopeful to crestfallen.
"Well, I know for sure that I don't want to continue on with being an art major or anything else the stupid college offers. I don't want to do any of that shit for the rest of my life...I think I'd be happy with being a stylist," Ryan says, nodding as if to convince himself.
"Well, then, do it. Don't let anything stand in your way," Brendon says, smiling at Ryan, and Ryan can't help but return it because it was the first time he'd seen him smile since he picked him up from school.
"So, what are you going to do with a cosmetology license?" Brendon asked as he loaded the dvd into the player. After the diner, Brendon suggested going back to his house to watch a movie, and Ryan couldn't think of anything better.
"I, uh...I'm not entirely sure yet. I might work in a salon for a bit to build up a portfolio. The company I work for might be able to hire me on for the models' hair and makeup. Or maybe I could work for Rolling Stone or something awesome like that."
"Right," Brendon said, dropping down onto the opposite end of the couch from Ryan. Ryan looked at the side of Brendon's head sadly. He was his best friend...he wouldn't tell him what was wrong in his life, he treated him like crap all day, and now he was making fun of his dreams, his goals...
The movie ended around 5, shortly after Brendon's parents and little sister got home.
"Well, I'm going to go...you have school tomorrow and I have homework, and yeah," Ryan said, standing up. Brendon stood up, too. They awkwardly hugged one another, then Brendon went back in the house, closing the door and leaving Ryan out on the porch.
Ryan got in his car and started it up. He smacked his forehead on the steering wheel, cursing, and willing himself not to cry as the sounds of Motion City Soundtrack flooded his ears.
"Fuck, Ryan...why do you do this to yourself?" he says out loud, pinching the bridge of his nose for a second and turning the music down some before backing out of Brendon's driveway.
Ryan slammed his notebook and pen down on the coffee table in his apartment, fed up with his homework. Fuck this...he would quit school the next day. He didn't have time for useless shit in his life, like homework.
Or Brendon.
He cringed at the sound of his thoughts, and he felt bad for even thinking them. Brendon wasn't useless...he was just going through a hard time in his life.
And that's when Ryan made the vow to never give up on the boy, no matter how much he would piss him off...and little did he know then...it would be alot.