Throwing wrenches gave a false sense of power
Title: Throwing wrenches gave a false sense of power
Author: please_replace
Rating: PG-13
Length: 1,218
Spoilers: Up to 2x16
Summary: Unrequited love from Quinns POV.
A/N: I don't even know where this came from. A bad day at work yesterday I guess. So I wrote this instead of drop kicking my supervisor in the vagina.
She never used to be like this. She never used to say no to people, giving them what they wanted while her smile never slipped. She was liked and not feared. She was not concerned about being top of the hierarchy but only concerned about being happy and healthy. But something changed the day she laid eyes on her. She felt her heart rate speed up, her breathe caught in the back of her throat and her palms became sweaty. She knew exactly what she was feeling. And then the panic set in. It was wrong. She had been taught her whole life that it was wrong to feel this way.
And then the insults came tumbling out of her mouth. Names she didn’t mean. It wasn’t long after that that the slushies’ started and soon everyone else followed suit. Quinn Fabray had turned Rachel Berry into the school pariah. She had become cruel, vindictive and heartless.
Except she wasn’t heartless, that was all a façade. It was just part of the mask that she had to wear. She didn’t want to keep doing this to Rachel but what other option did she have? Befriend her? Tell her she’s beautiful and she wants to run away with her? None of these were routes Quinn could take, she could only carry on. She was not about to throw away all her hard work to get back on top after a night full of mistakes. A night full of mistakes that had been partly fuelled by Rachel. She had seen the way she had been looking at Finn, her big brown eyes looking at him with such open adoration, and it had made her jealous. Not because she didn’t want her near her then boyfriend, or whatever excuse she was hiding behind, but because the thought of Finns fumbling hands anywhere near Rachel drove her crazy.
And then with a little help from Rachel the truth came out and Finn had what she desired the most. She had to see her looking up at him with unmasked love in her eyes.
Finn had shown what a fool he really is by letting her go. Even though he repeatedly rejects her, Rachel is still trying to win him back. It seems like only Quinn can see that he’s no good for her. Rachel’s ambition had always drawn Quinn to her. Finn could break that; destroy it with one single request.
Stay here with me.
Quinn didn’t doubt that he would do it without hesitation, without thinking about the implications for Rachel. Rachel’s a star and she can’t shine in Lima. Quinn was willing to make sacrifices to ensure that Rachel got her dream. Sure, there had been some casualties along the way but they were only minor.
She offered her assistance in writing a song and it was sad, in a way, at how readily Rachel accepted the slightest chance of friendship from a girl who had never been all that nice to her. It had made Quinn feel slightly guilty but she kept reminding herself that it was for the best, it would all work out.
She made sure she arrived early so she could go over her plan, school her breathing, and prepare to try not to lose control around her.
“You’re late.” She wasn’t but she didn’t argue with her.
“We’re friends, right?” It caught her off guard. She was expecting her to question her about ulterior motives not this.
“Yeah, I guess so.” She can’t even look at her when she says this, fearing that she’ll crumble and say they aren’t and she doesn’t want to be friends, she wants to be so much more. She wants to be what makes her smile throughout the day. However, Quinn has learnt that she does not get what she really wants. She can only settle.
“I mean like, everything happened last year. You gave your baby to my Mom- we kind of bonded over it, right?
“What’s your point?” Quinn needed to move things along. Being alone with Rachel was harder than she had anticipated.
Rachel took a breath and held her head a little higher. “My point is- is that I know we haven’t spent a lot of time together this year but I thought that we were close enough to be honest with each other.”
“Go ahead. Ask me.”
“Are you and Finn together?” This wasn’t part of Quinn’s plan. She felt the panic set in straight away.
“Yes. It’s been a couple of weeks.” She can’t help but be angered by the sadness that flashes across Rachel’s face. “It’s like groundhogs day with you, Rachel. How many times do you have to make the same mistake to realise it’s not going to work out?”
Rachel looked away and then down, refusing to meet the blondes intense gaze. “Well, thank you for being honest with me, Quinn. A-a-and I’m happy for you and Finn but don’t go and try to rewrite history, okay, it was real between us. He chose me over you.”
“And how long did that last for?”
Rachel shook her head in disbelief. “Why are you being so mean?” She said it as if Quinn hadn’t said worse things to her, done worse to her.
Her defences came up and she went into bitch mode, moved closer to Rachel, watching her squeeze her arms tightly round her almost trying to shield herself from what she said. “Do you wanna know how this story plays out? I get Finn. You get heartbroken. And then Finn and I stay here and start a family.” This had definitely not been part of her plan. “I’ll become a successful real estate agent a-and Finn will take over Kurt’s Dad’s tire shop.” Her voice cracked and she hadn’t been able to stop the tears. “You don’t belong here, Rachel. And you can’t hate me for helping to send you on your way.”
“No. I-I’m not giving up on Finn” Rachel’s natural determination shining through. “It’s not over between us.”
She had really put a crack in Quinn’s armour. “YES IT IS! You’re so frustrating. And that is why you can’t write a good song because you live in this little school girl fantasy of life. Rachel, if you keep looking for that happy ending then you are never gonna get it right.” She had said too much and she knew it. If Rachel had kept pushing she would have said more. “So we’re done with that and why don’t we just return to our work, okay?” A frustrated sigh had escaped from her lips, irritated with herself.
“No, I think I’m going to right this song on my own.”
And she left, leaving her by herself in this moment. Leaving her to think about what she had said and what could have been. But Quinn tried not to entertain too many ‘what ifs’ because time had shown that it only lead to hurt. It would hopefully be the push Rachel needed not only to write a good song but to forget about Finn. She would thank her one day when she’s away from here and getting standing ovations every night. One day when she’s away from here and away from Quinn.