Super Junior; Journal; Eeteuk
Title: Journal
Fandom: Super Junior
Pairing: Eeteuk!central
Word Count: 504
Rating: PG
Summary: Eeteuk started his own club, recently, you know.
Genre: Angst
A/N: I haven't posted in so long I can't remember what order I put the header info in. Ummm this sounds like a really depressing post but it's really just me throwing words onto the paper and seeing how they fall. I wrote it literally in 15 minutes (no really, fifteen. literally.), so we'll see how it turns out. Somewhat inspired by the trailer for Lovely Bones and the song Possibility. Originally from Heechul's POV until halfway through. I'm not sure if I like it or not yet, or if it says everything I want it to. Test-run fic, haha.
I spend…most of my time invisible.
Sometimes it’s like everything is moving around me, slowly, and I stand here, ground solid under my sneakers, and everything blurs in a rush of color and little breezes brushing by. People move faster and slower, all at once, and I watch them pass by me, the colors lifting and wafting off of them and their clothes like smoke. I guess this is what it feels like to see clearly.
I have two halves of myself, split straight down the center. Sometimes, it’s like the cut has never been made, and the threads holding me in one piece tighten and pull me all together again, like shoelaces. Other times, I feel like I’m going to fall apart in the street when walking. It would shock people, I’m sure. They don’t know I’m in two. I’m a good actor, so they don’t know.
They look at me funny sometimes, like they have an idea. My friends, that is. They’ll sit next to me and they think I can’t see the way their eyes slide over to look at me. I do, but I let it go. I would stare too. There’s a little voice in my head that tries to get me to reach out to them, but they have their own problems. Besides, I’m not even sure how to explain. And then there are the times that I feel like more than just halves, like there are little facets and fragments splintering off everywhere, each a different part of me. Slowly lifting and spinning away, like in slow motion. There’s too many of them sometimes, and I don't think they would really understand if I said there was a piece of me in their hair, and I would like it back, please.
I’d like to love someone some day. I think we all do. It would seem so easy, but it’s the most painful thing, to drag someone through the mud with us. Still, we can’t help but want it. I can’t help but want it.
I spend most of my time invisible.
It helps, you know. When everyone criticizes you, attacks you, stares at you in fascination. There are those parts of you you don't want them to see. Not that they care, they always want more. So I made two parts of myself, one that they can have all of. I don’t want it, anymore. It’s for them now. A present.
I’d like to love, you know. I think I said that already.
It’s harder, when you have two parts of yourself. I get so used to talking out of my other mouth, sometimes I forget which one I mean to speak through. What words go into which. I need to be more careful, I don’t want to say something stupid to the wrong eyes.
I spend most of my time invisible.
But I think people are starting to notice. I don’t think I’m as invisible, anymore.
I should really stop writing journal entries.
-- Eeteuk
***
I really love this song. I honestly think you should listen to it.
Fandom: Super Junior
Pairing: Eeteuk!central
Word Count: 504
Rating: PG
Summary: Eeteuk started his own club, recently, you know.
Genre: Angst
A/N: I haven't posted in so long I can't remember what order I put the header info in. Ummm this sounds like a really depressing post but it's really just me throwing words onto the paper and seeing how they fall. I wrote it literally in 15 minutes (no really, fifteen. literally.), so we'll see how it turns out. Somewhat inspired by the trailer for Lovely Bones and the song Possibility. Originally from Heechul's POV until halfway through. I'm not sure if I like it or not yet, or if it says everything I want it to. Test-run fic, haha.
I spend…most of my time invisible.
Sometimes it’s like everything is moving around me, slowly, and I stand here, ground solid under my sneakers, and everything blurs in a rush of color and little breezes brushing by. People move faster and slower, all at once, and I watch them pass by me, the colors lifting and wafting off of them and their clothes like smoke. I guess this is what it feels like to see clearly.
I have two halves of myself, split straight down the center. Sometimes, it’s like the cut has never been made, and the threads holding me in one piece tighten and pull me all together again, like shoelaces. Other times, I feel like I’m going to fall apart in the street when walking. It would shock people, I’m sure. They don’t know I’m in two. I’m a good actor, so they don’t know.
They look at me funny sometimes, like they have an idea. My friends, that is. They’ll sit next to me and they think I can’t see the way their eyes slide over to look at me. I do, but I let it go. I would stare too. There’s a little voice in my head that tries to get me to reach out to them, but they have their own problems. Besides, I’m not even sure how to explain. And then there are the times that I feel like more than just halves, like there are little facets and fragments splintering off everywhere, each a different part of me. Slowly lifting and spinning away, like in slow motion. There’s too many of them sometimes, and I don't think they would really understand if I said there was a piece of me in their hair, and I would like it back, please.
I’d like to love someone some day. I think we all do. It would seem so easy, but it’s the most painful thing, to drag someone through the mud with us. Still, we can’t help but want it. I can’t help but want it.
I spend most of my time invisible.
It helps, you know. When everyone criticizes you, attacks you, stares at you in fascination. There are those parts of you you don't want them to see. Not that they care, they always want more. So I made two parts of myself, one that they can have all of. I don’t want it, anymore. It’s for them now. A present.
I’d like to love, you know. I think I said that already.
It’s harder, when you have two parts of yourself. I get so used to talking out of my other mouth, sometimes I forget which one I mean to speak through. What words go into which. I need to be more careful, I don’t want to say something stupid to the wrong eyes.
I spend most of my time invisible.
But I think people are starting to notice. I don’t think I’m as invisible, anymore.
I should really stop writing journal entries.
-- Eeteuk
***
I really love this song. I honestly think you should listen to it.