Red: Just a vent about step-parenting

[mefn]

This is intended purely as a vent, because I obviously don't want to vent at the children or their Mum. It's also not intended to cast criticism on anybody else who does the things I don't like here. These are just not the decisions I'd make and it sometimes feels difficult living with that

Comments

[mama_quercus]

Oh, love - I'm sorry it's so hard.

I'm sure that the new baby will change the dynamics, but I'm also absolutely sure that it will mostly be in good ways. I think one of the scariest things about being a parent is how out-of-control it feels sometimes (I feel like that when my children go to school, or to play at friends' houses, and I'm not there to monitor what they hear or eat or wear or watch on TV...) and your situation must intensify that so much - but it also means you've had a lot of practice, and might find it easier to adjust with the new baby!

Lots of hugs though.

[mefn]

Thank you! I was chatting with a friend (new parent to 3mo) and he agrees the out-of-control thing is scary. I hope you're right, and it makes me feel better that I'll least I'll be practiced when I have to deal with school/friends etc. with the new baby. I guess I find it harder with the step-kids because the influences I don't like aren't one-offs, and I can't say 'don't do this again' with the other set of parents, which I'd be able to do a bit in other situations more. I'm actually quite relaxed about e.g. trying coca cola as a one off or watching a film at school with influences I disapprove of because at least I can discuss why I don't approve and aid the kids' understanding of the world and help them make their own decisions. I just don't feel I can tell them I disapprove of things their Mum does

[ricevermicelli]

One of the experiences I have pretty often as a parent is the realization of how little I control. I had been treasuring up the moment when I would show my kids Star Wars, withHan shooting first and everything, and while I was waiting for the bootleg dvd, ds not only saw the move at after school care, he told his sister who Luke's father is. From time to time, I turn around, and suddenly see the shadows of the older kids, and teens, and adults my children will become. And sometimes I see my kids striving to be those people, and submitting the possibilities for approval

[mefn]

We can echo the Star Wars thing. We managed to watch one film with them and then they saw the other 5 at their Mum and Step-Dad's during half term. I wonder how many parents have the same disappointment?!

Thank you for the advice about getting over what they look like. I *hope* that when they're older I will accept their choices, I think part of my worry now is that it's not about how the kids want to dress, it's how they are dressed by others. It does put it into perspective though.