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Red: Just a vent about step-parenting
This is intended purely as a vent, because I obviously don't want to vent at the children or their Mum. It's also not intended to cast criticism on anybody else who does the things I don't like here. These are just not the decisions I'd make and it sometimes feels difficult living with that
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One of the experiences I have pretty often as a parent is the realization of how little I control. I had been treasuring up the moment when I would show my kids Star Wars, withHan shooting first and everything, and while I was waiting for the bootleg dvd, ds not only saw the move at after school care, he told his sister who Luke's father is. From time to time, I turn around, and suddenly see the shadows of the older kids, and teens, and adults my children will become. And sometimes I see my kids striving to be those people, and submitting the possibilities for approval.
When you have a child with the co-parent you choose, and no custody sharing, it will probably be the older boys who style that child's hair. And the little one will probably be thrilled and proud.
I can't stop my kids from growing into adults teenagers who make me crazy, but I can refuse to be set at a distance by their outfits, and I think you should too. You probably do want your seven year-old to feel loved and supported at 14, and to know that you see the essential him no matter what he does to his hair. Look in their eyes, and remember that they're always your children.
And tell your husband you want to be at the first day of school too. There is no reason why you shouldn't be.
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Thank you for the advice about getting over what they look like. I *hope* that when they're older I will accept their choices, I think part of my worry now is that it's not about how the kids want to dress, it's how they are dressed by others. It does put it into perspective though.
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