Comments | plan_survive: Four-year-old with Issues

cheshire23 in plan_survive

Four-year-old with Issues - now what??

Feb 26, 2013 21:45

Argh. Let me explain. No is too much, let me sum up:

Last year, due to our local public school's epic unconcern for my older daughter's personal safety let alone her education (she was being targeted by a very persistent and aggressive bully and the school just would NOT deal with the situation properly at all), we looked into alternatives for ( Read more... )

nursery and school, advice - discipline, 4-year-old, advice - speech

Comments 11

tesslouise February 27 2013, 05:12:51 UTC

Kind thoughts are about all I have to offer, I'm afraid. That and the reminder that speech issues often (I might even say usually) lead to behavior issues because children get so very *frustrated* when they can't make themselves understood. But, yes, uncooperative/aggressive behavior is not okay at any age.

You can get speech services wherever she goes to school, right? Can you get behavior intervention kind of services, too? Are you going to get an IFSP set up? Can it address both her behavior and her speech?

tesslouise February 27 2013, 05:13:26 UTC

Wait...hmm...IFSP is before school-age...so if she's past 3 it would be an IEP. Sorry.

dexypunk February 27 2013, 10:14:25 UTC

She sounds similar to my son, who is almost 4. He was normal until last year when he had his tonsils out. Since then, he seems to have selective hearing, he's very aggressive and he's emotionally at a much younger level. He's not had a hearing test yet, though I expect it to be normal since sometimes he can hear just fine. He's better behaved when he's not tired, but sleeps dreadfully. And it's annoying because he's such a lovely, intelligent little boy and I don't want him labelled as naughty or disruptive, with the connotations of unintelligence.
No advice, but lots of empathy.

hsb February 27 2013, 22:24:05 UTC

Have the aftercare and daytime teachers sat down, possibly with you and discussed what the differences in the environment/demands on her/relationships/something are? Maybe that could help you track it down?

It's a bit vague, as advice goes, sorry.

Phobia thing: I can't think how you would treat that. Probably the only way is desensitisation, since you can hardly avoid wind. But I'm not sure now is the time to start that, and she is a bit young for learning about weather systems (though my friend apparently got out some ice cubes in pursuit of explaining weather systems to a 9 year old and now I want him to explain it to me that way).

I'm guessing she got attention for being naughty at the place last year, and ignored otherwise and so all you can do is be as consistent as you can be about playing with her when she is not being silly, and not playing when she is being silly. I have a 4 year old and I fail at practicing what I preach, but it's probably the way to solve it.

Hugs. I'm better at kind thoughts...

H

julietk February 28 2013, 11:28:47 UTC

How is she at home with you? Are you able to find out from her what *she* sees as the things that lead to her acting aggressively? Could you offer her ways to handle those emotions outside of school (I'm thinking that if school itself is frustrating then it might help her to offload those emotions at home, possibly through play or roleplay or something?), and/or help her to develop strategies for dealing with them in the moment? e.g. you talk about your own difficulty with certain forms of noise, might that be an issue? and if so could you help her with a "script" for telling a teacher "I need to be somewhere quiet" and speak to the teachers about providing her with that space? (That's just an example, I obviously have no idea if that's an issue or indeed what would be her best way for dealing with it if it is ( ... )

cheshire23 March 1 2013, 14:44:29 UTC

The worst episodes seem to surround transitions in general and going outside in particular. She has told me the wind is scary and NOT NICE and will blow Tori away! That seems to be the most consistent issue, along with some other smaller ones. Noise has been a big deal and she will also complain that she is HUNGRY and then refuse the food that is offered to her (or eat a few bites and then wander off).

She has had some issues at home as well, though less often - in particular there was one really horrible meltdown a couple of weeks ago. I don't remember what set her off but it ended with her screaming and hitting and kicking and biting me. Her grandparents reported no such behavior when she went out there for a week.

julietk March 1 2013, 16:53:45 UTC

I've seen it suggested that children will act worse with people they trust more -- so will behave better for (eg) grandparents and then let it all out back with mum &/or dad. I guess it's also possible that that's why she behaves better at aftercare than during the day? Alternatively, are there just fewer transitions in her aftercare sessions, or is it quieter or otherwise different?

Also wondering if 'hungry' is standing in for something else -- does she carry on acting hungry once she refuses the food, or does just being offered it seem to satisfy her? Is it attention or interaction she's after instead, maybe? Or just control, which is I think pretty standard for kids :)

Are the teachers able to work with her to help her with the fear of going outside, if that's what's triggering problems? Is it possible for her just to stay inside for a while? Or could you read lots of stories about windy days (that aren't dangerous :) ) or something? Clutching at straws a bit now so just throwing some ideas out there...

lucyaliceann82 March 1 2013, 11:02:24 UTC

It sounds like she has some kind of sensory overload issue to me. This is often something autistic kids suffer with (although I am not suggesting this in any way type or form, that's just where I have come across it in the class) I have kids who can't cope with group work because of noise - I send them and their group somewhere a bit quieter to do it. I have a kid who can't bear a wobbly chair - all the kids in the class will swap with her if they have a sturdy one. Personally I hate background noise, I usually keep my classes (maybe too) quiet so I can hear questions and talk to my kids. I think it's just a part of my hearing. Also it sounds like they need to do some different tests with your child to be honest. When my nephew was little they told my sister they were shocked he couldn't read his flash cards. Really he was just saying the opposite word - black for white, red for blue etc. I think he was definitely reading, no? Is there anyway you can take her out and give her lots of one to one time for a bit and then gradually put ( ... )