Four-year-old with Issues - now what??

[cheshire23]

Argh. Let me explain. No is too much, let me sum up:

Last year, due to our local public school's epic unconcern for my older daughter's personal safety let alone her education (she was being targeted by a very persistent and aggressive bully and the school just would NOT deal with the situation properly at all), we looked into alternatives for

Comments

[julietk]

How is she at home with you? Are you able to find out from her what *she* sees as the things that lead to her acting aggressively? Could you offer her ways to handle those emotions outside of school (I'm thinking that if school itself is frustrating then it might help her to offload those emotions at home, possibly through play or roleplay or something?), and/or help her to develop strategies for dealing with them in the moment? e.g. you talk about your own difficulty with certain forms of noise, might that be an issue? and if so could you help her with a "script" for telling a teacher "I need to be somewhere quiet" and speak to the teachers about providing her with that space? (That's just an example, I obviously have no idea if that's an issue or indeed what would be her best way for dealing with it if it is!)

The book "Playful Parenting" has some suggestions about using play to connect with children and find out their feelings about things, which might help?

(NB all this is theory on my part at the moment as my kid is much younger, but I've been doing a lot of reading lately in the hope of developing at least theoretical ideas ahead of time! sorry if I'm way off-base as a result :) )

[cheshire23]

The worst episodes seem to surround transitions in general and going outside in particular. She has told me the wind is scary and NOT NICE and will blow Tori away! That seems to be the most consistent issue, along with some other smaller ones. Noise has been a big deal and she will also complain that she is HUNGRY and then refuse the food that is offered to her (or eat a few bites and then wander off).

She has had some issues at home as well, though less often - in particular there was one really horrible meltdown a couple of weeks ago. I don't remember what set her off but it ended with her screaming and hitting and kicking and biting me. Her grandparents reported no such behavior when she went out there for a week.

[julietk]

I've seen it suggested that children will act worse with people they trust more -- so will behave better for (eg) grandparents and then let it all out back with mum &/or dad. I guess it's also possible that that's why she behaves better at aftercare than during the day? Alternatively, are there just fewer transitions in her aftercare sessions, or is it quieter or otherwise different?

Also wondering if 'hungry' is standing in for something else -- does she carry on acting hungry once she refuses the food, or does just being offered it seem to satisfy her? Is it attention or interaction she's after instead, maybe? Or just control, which is I think pretty standard for kids :)

Are the teachers able to work with her to help her with the fear of going outside, if that's what's triggering problems? Is it possible for her just to stay inside for a while? Or could you read lots of stories about windy days (that aren't dangerous :) ) or something? Clutching at straws a bit now so just throwing some ideas out there...