Not really about bikinis, but about control issues

[pirateonthebay]

I've been kind of graaaAAARRrrrr lately, so it was restorative to laugh along with the person who wrote "I Wore a Bikini and Nothing Happened." The blog post discusses the author's experiences with people trying to convince her she shouldn't wear a bikini when she isn't planning on losing weight before wearing it

Comments

[may_aka_ed]

Yes. All of this. These means of control and pressure are what stopped me from being me and turned my existence into something pale and boring.
But that aside, there's one more motive a person could have had for worrying about her wearing the bikini and that is the person fearing that others would hurt her for it. I've experienced this before - "Don't wear/do that, people are mean and will make fun of you." And while it comes from a well meaning place, it still reinforces that control.

[pirateonthebay]

That's a good point, that motivation for controlling others can come from fear of them being hurt the same way the would-be controller was hurt. Thinking about it, it seems likely that a lot of (or even all of?) the need to control others is related to the feeling that we need to control ourselves, or that life is in need of being controlled. People who don't feel the need to control their own lives rigidly don't seem prone to trying to control others, and the desire to control anything is IMO pretty clearly related to fear

[may_aka_ed]

Yeah I'm finding, "just let things/people be" to be a good way of life. If someone asks for an opinion or whatever, I'll give it but they don't have to take it. It's just more data for them to think about when making their decision.

[pirateonthebay]

Right, that! Though I can get pretty intense about that decision in itself. ;) I did it at Metrocon once when I got the sense someone I was talking to thought it was okay to discourage other people from doing what they like because she (and the authorities she respects) didn't approve of the quality level of the thing.