Not really about bikinis, but about control issues
I've been kind of graaaAAARRrrrr lately, so it was restorative to laugh along with the person who wrote "I Wore a Bikini and Nothing Happened." The blog post discusses the author's experiences with people trying to convince her she shouldn't wear a bikini when she isn't planning on losing weight before wearing it:
"The most common concern was my health. Presumably I, as a fat woman, would not know how to properly operate the complicated piece of equipment known as a bikini. What if I strangled in all the straps and ties? What if I became distracted by the complexity of spandex, a substance heretofore unknown to me, and wandered blindly into traffic? What if I ate it?"
The post delves into serious issues, though, ones I think about often but haven't (publicly) written much about:
"As a society, we need to be more honest in our discussions of other's bodies. If we can't avoid those totally unnecessary conversations, then we should at least admit the truth to ourselves: That this has nothing to do with health, and everything to do with the control we believe is our right to exert over others."
And body image issues aren't the only area in which people think they have a right to control others. Possibly I'm oversensitive to control - I've had others try to control me, I went through a long period where I thought certain (non-life-or-death) circumstances made it OK to control others, and I've also been very controlling of myself, and still am in many ways - but whatever my reasons, many of the everyday, mainstream-acceptable behaviors I take issue with have to do with people's attitude that they are entitled to control others.
Now, when I talk about controlling others, I'm not talking about behaviors that set boundaries or otherwise prevent others from causing harm. I'm talking about the controlling behaviors that cause harm in others, psychological or otherwise. Even witnessing attempts at control that cause seemingly minor damage aggravates me, probably partly because it's so easy to ignore those behaviors, and because left ignored for too long, all those tiny judgements, all those feather-light touches of negative pressure, can add up to reinforce subtle but influential negative attitudes about the self and about others. That's true within my own life, at least, and I doubt I'm the only one.
So it bugs me when people use language elitism, or any form of elitism, to drive wedges between people. It bugs me when I see people acting like self-expression is mere self-indulgence - and also when I see people act like choosing not to express one's feelings is dishonest. It bugs me when people project any idealized image of a single valid set of behaviors or experiences onto the people around them, and act on that projection. People are people; they feel what they feel, like what they like, dream their own dreams, love who they love, live in the cultures they live in, and make choices for their own reasons. When people's choices aren't likely to hurt anyone in a permanent, unhealthy way, trying to control them is what seems like pure self-indulgence to me.
"The most common concern was my health. Presumably I, as a fat woman, would not know how to properly operate the complicated piece of equipment known as a bikini. What if I strangled in all the straps and ties? What if I became distracted by the complexity of spandex, a substance heretofore unknown to me, and wandered blindly into traffic? What if I ate it?"
The post delves into serious issues, though, ones I think about often but haven't (publicly) written much about:
"As a society, we need to be more honest in our discussions of other's bodies. If we can't avoid those totally unnecessary conversations, then we should at least admit the truth to ourselves: That this has nothing to do with health, and everything to do with the control we believe is our right to exert over others."
And body image issues aren't the only area in which people think they have a right to control others. Possibly I'm oversensitive to control - I've had others try to control me, I went through a long period where I thought certain (non-life-or-death) circumstances made it OK to control others, and I've also been very controlling of myself, and still am in many ways - but whatever my reasons, many of the everyday, mainstream-acceptable behaviors I take issue with have to do with people's attitude that they are entitled to control others.
Now, when I talk about controlling others, I'm not talking about behaviors that set boundaries or otherwise prevent others from causing harm. I'm talking about the controlling behaviors that cause harm in others, psychological or otherwise. Even witnessing attempts at control that cause seemingly minor damage aggravates me, probably partly because it's so easy to ignore those behaviors, and because left ignored for too long, all those tiny judgements, all those feather-light touches of negative pressure, can add up to reinforce subtle but influential negative attitudes about the self and about others. That's true within my own life, at least, and I doubt I'm the only one.
So it bugs me when people use language elitism, or any form of elitism, to drive wedges between people. It bugs me when I see people acting like self-expression is mere self-indulgence - and also when I see people act like choosing not to express one's feelings is dishonest. It bugs me when people project any idealized image of a single valid set of behaviors or experiences onto the people around them, and act on that projection. People are people; they feel what they feel, like what they like, dream their own dreams, love who they love, live in the cultures they live in, and make choices for their own reasons. When people's choices aren't likely to hurt anyone in a permanent, unhealthy way, trying to control them is what seems like pure self-indulgence to me.