Fic: Pet Santa Is A Big Gay Elf, SPN RPF or RPpre-S
Title: Pet Santa Is A Big Gay Elf
Author: Piratelf
Rating: G
Fandom: SPN
Genre: RPF or Pre-Slash, let's say just as slashy as the boys are in RL ;)
Disclaimer: Jared and Jensen are their own people and I am evil to be writing about them this way. Ditto Sadie and Harley. I am going to hell. Merry Christmas!
Xposted to: padacklesrps and supernaturalfic
Author's Notes: Pet Santa is NOT portrayed as a Big Gay Elf in this fic. The title will make sense at the end. Also, I don't know why but I tend to write much more dialog than exposition. Makes things look kinda sparse. Sorry. Finally, if some of the phrases seem reminiscent of something, it would probably be "I love my dead gay son." from Heathers
Summary: Jared asks Jensen to help him take Harley and Sadie to see Santa
They were sitting in their director’s chairs, waiting for the next set up when Jensen flicked Jared’s knee. “Hey, you wanna go for a steak tonight?”
“Oh, man, I wish I could, but I gotta take the kids to see Santa.”
“ . . . you what?”
“I gotta take the kids to see Santa,” Jared repeated flipping to the next page in the script he was skimming.
“You are not seriously telling me you’re gonna take your dogs to see Santa.”
Jared looked up at him, bewildered. “Yeah, I do every year.”
“And where do you do this, exactly?”
“At the mall, where do you think?”
Jensen shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know where I thought you would do that, Jared.”
“Hey, you wanna come help?”
“What do I get to do, carry their lists?”
“Don’t be an idiot, I already mailed their lists to Santa.”
“Seriously, dude!”
Jared grinned at him, then looked back at his script. “No, really I just mail ‘em to Momma and Daddy’s.”
“I can’t even tell if you’re joking because you WOULD do that, Jay!”
“Really though, come and help, okay? And I’ll buy the steaks after.”
“I’m not gonna stand in line for hours with your dogs to see Santa. I can’t believe they even let you do that!”
“What the hell are you talkin’ about?”
“I’m talking about those lines stretch from one end of the mall to the other just with kids, I can’t believe they let you stand there with your dogs!”
“Okay, seriously, no offense, Jensen, but you’re a moron. I don’t mean THAT Santa!” Jared laughed.
“There are other Santas?”
Jared nodded.
“At the MALL?”
Jared nodded.
“Other than the MALL SANTA?”
“Yes, there’s the Petcetera Santa.”
“They have a Santa at Petcetera? So people can go in and get their dogs’ pictures taken with Santa?”
“Cats too, and ferrets. Um, there was an iguana there last year. Ummm, oh and bunnies. No snakes though. Santa doesn’t do snakes.”
“You know that’s insane.”
“The money goes to animal rescues and shelters and stuff.”
“And the pictures go to?”
“The grandparents!”
“Uh huh.”
“Well, and me, I mean, I need one.”
“Course you do.”
“You WERE gonna get one, but now I don’t know, since you’re mocking us.”
“What mocking? I’m not mocking. There’s no mocking.”
“Shut up.”
After a few moments of silence, Jensen, looking at his own script, said, “okay.”
He was immediately forgiven. “Really? Awesome! You take care of Sadie. She always wants to get up in everybody’s face. Check ‘em out you know, like, what’s your name, who’s your daddy, can I sniff your ass? And you have to keep her from getting too far out of the line, plus you have to kinda watch the owners, see if they’re cool with it, and watch the animals, make sure nobody’s about to have a meltdown. If you do that then I can just concentrate on Harley, cause all the other animals can kinda freak him out and he gets real needy.”
“The other animals freak Harley out?” Jensen emphasized Harley’s name as if he wasn’t sure he’d heard right.
“Yeah.”
“The doggies and the kitties and the bunnies?”
“He’s just a baby, Jensen.”
“Jay, that dog is three years old! He stands five foot tall and he weighs six hundred pounds!”
“He does not weigh six hundred pounds!”
“Your dog’s a wuss, Jare.”
“Yeah? Well, I LOVE MY BIG WUSS DOG!” he announced to everyone within earshot. The Supernatural crew, all too used to non-sequiter outbursts interrupting their day, didn’t even look up.
A hand fell on each of their shoulders. “Definitely too much information, Sasquatch.”
“Aw, don’t be a hater, Kim,” Jared returned, referencing a private joke.
“Yeah, don’t you know Jared’s wuss dog is a kick-ass ass-kicking ass-kicker?” Jensen continued the joke.
“Then we gotta get him on the show! No, I know, let’s get TWO!” Kim laughed. “Okay, seriously, let’s get this scene in the can.”
Jensen and Jared followed their director to the set.
It was their last scene of the day and they got it in three. On the way to have their make-up removed, Jared said, “you wanna go home first or just come to mine?”
“Ummmm . . .” Jensen thought. “May as well just come to yours then you can drop me off at mine after dinner. I gotta catch a shower first though.”
“That’s cool, you go first and I’ll take the dogs out. Hopefully they’ll do their thing and they won’t have to go after we get to the mall.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
They went to their trailers and shed their wardrobe, Jensen grabbing an extra set of clean clothes. They’d both started keeping extra clothes in their trailers sometime midway through the first season, for just this type of situation. Since they were transported to and from work in the same SUV, it just made sense to get out at the same house if they were going out later. By now though, they not only had clothes in their trailers but in each other’s trailer and each other’s house as well. In fact, Jared was missing a sweatshirt and one night they sat down and verbally retraced their steps since Jared last remembered having it. Now they aren’t positive, but they think it’s in Jensen’s Mom’s car.
The two met at the SUV and spent the ride to Jared’s house deciding which steak house they would eat at.
At Jared’s house they got the usual insanely enthusiastic greeting from the Padalecki pups. As soon as Jensen finished the required petting, cooing and belly rubbing, he made a beeline for the bathroom. He opened the hot water tap and let it run to warm up while he stripped, being careful to stuff his watch into his jeans pocket. Since Jared had bought him an identical watch to his own, they’d gotten them mixed up more than once. Despite Jared’s height, their wrists were about the same diameter and they wore their watchbands buckled at the same place, third notch in. So it took a bit to sort out whose was who’s. It somehow didn’t appeal to them to change the bands so that they would be less identical.
Jensen stepped out of Jared’s shower ten minutes later and changed into some old, ripped, soft jeans and a brand new “Golfers Always Get It In The Hole” t-shirt that Jared had bought for him. He went downstairs to see Jared fitting Sadie with a Santa hat, she already had a red and green bow around her neck, which she was trying to remove.
“Oh, Jay, no, come on!”
“What?”
“You are not putting little clothes on your DOGS, man, that’s disturbed.”
“Didn’t you always - Sadie no! Sit! Paws on the floor, ALL the PAWS on the FLOOR - dress up to see Santa?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t dress up stupid.”
“This isn’t stupid, it’s adorable!”
“Dogs don’t like to be dressed, Jared.”
“Yes, they do too! Harley LOVES his Christmas outfit. Harley!” Jared called. “Come show Uncle Jensen your outfit!”
Harley came trotting into the kitchen, a green Santa hat on his head and a red and green scarf around his neck. He stopped in front of Jensen, wearing a great big doggie smile.
“Aw, Harley,” Jensen reached down and petted him. “Don’t worry, buddy, I’ll get you out of this.”
“DON’T YOU DARE!” Jared smacked Jensen’s knee. “I want them to get used to the clothes so they don’t scratch and fidget in the picture.”
“Did it ever occur to you that Harley doesn’t like the other animals cause they’re making fun of him?”
“You are SO not getting a picture.”
Jared finally got the elastic band around Sadie’s head so it would stay, and the hat was sitting at the right angle. “Okay, I’mma just go wash up and change, you keep an eye on them.” Jared turned toward his bathroom. He stopped after a few steps and turned back. “And dude, if any of their clothes get ‘lost’ while I’m gone, I WILL take my retaliation for the fart spray incident.”
“They laugh and call him names and don’t let him join in any doggie games.”
“Fuck you, Jense,” Jared tossed back as he ambled to his bedroom.
“Daddy’s going on the naughty list,” Jensen told Sadie.
Jared stripped quickly, flipping his watch into his sock drawer as he took out a clean pair. He also pulled out some clean underwear. From his closet came a pair of new jeans and a light blue hoodie that made his eyes look light green. He walked naked to the bathroom, stepped into the tub and turned on the water. He’d just taken a shower that morning so he only hit the hot spots, so to speak, and gave his hair a quick sudsing. Then he rubbed himself dry with one of his enormous bath sheets, hung it neatly over his shower doors, retrieving Jensen’s used towel from the floor and doing the same with it, then went back to his bedroom and dressed. He was combing his hair as he came back into the kitchen, where, luckily for Jensen, the dogs were still dressed. He grabbed their leashes off of the hook by the door and knelt to attach them.
“Now you two be good for Santa and I’ll give you treats!”
“Ooo, me too?” Jensen asked.
“We’ll see,” Jared told him. He handed Jensen Sadie’s leash and they walked the dogs to Jared’s Denali. All four took their usual places and settled in for the ride.
After a few minutes Jensen turned to Jared with a well-crafted sincere and concerned look. “Jare, seriously, it won’t change our friendship . . . you’re gay aren’t you?”
“Are you making a pass at me Jensen?”
“Dude, if I wanted your ass I would’ve had it months ago.”
“Okay, so YOU’RE gay. That explains some things.”
“Like my wearing a lot of pink and dressing my dogs . . . oh no wait, that’s you!”
“Dude, if I was gay I would’ve had your ass months ago and twice this morning.”
“Twice in one morning, huh?”
“I have amazing recovery time.”
“Okay, too much information.”
When they reached Petcetera, Jared turned and gave each dog a bone-shaped treat.
“I thought they couldn’t have treats unless they were good for Santa,” Jensen teased him.
“Doggie breath mints. These are more treats for Santa than them.”
“Nice.”
“Anything to get in good with Santa, dude.”
“Damn straight.”
When they entered the store, Jensen was astonished to see a line of people and pets snaking through the store. “Whoa, people really do this!”
“Yes, they do, super skeptical man.”
They joined the line somewhere over by the cat food. True to form, Sadie made a beeline for the first animal she saw, a Chihuahua wearing reindeer antlers. Then she checked out a bulldog with a full Santa outfit. A cat wearing a collar of jingle bells came over to her and they had a nosie kiss. The cat progressed to Harley, who hid behind Jared.
“It’s okay, baby boy,” Jared murmured, patting the dog.
Jensen maneuvered Sadie back into line. He nodded his head toward a small brown mutt wearing candy cane deelie-bobbers. “I can’t believe you passed those up.”
Jared looked over. “Last year.”
“No way!”
“I decided to go for more of a classy look, this year.”
Jensen snorted. “I gotta see those pictures, Jay.”
“You will. I always put ‘em out when I get the new one.”
Sadie continued to socialize, pulling Jensen here and there, and Harley stayed close to Jared and whimpered periodically. Finally they made it to Santa. Jared took their leashes off and posed them, Sadie on Santa’s lap and Harley sitting to Santa’s right, with his front paws on Santa’s knee. Santa petted them and asked Jared their names and if he’d like them with their mouths open or closed, looking at him or the camera, and, of course, if they’d been good.
“Oh absolutely, Santa, very good,” Jared answered seriously. Then he stood behind the Petcetera employee who had been designated a photographer for the day. He had a Polaroid camera set up on a high tripod. Jared called the dogs’ names to get their attention and said, “okay, smile!”
Sadie and Harley let their mouths drop open, stuck out their tongues and unleashed thousand-watt Padalecki grins. The photographer clicked the picture.
Jared handed Sadie’s leash to Jensen and went to attach Harley’s. Jensen followed him, a bit confused. “I thought you were getting more than one.”
“No, you just get one per customer.” Jared shook Santa’s hand leaving a generous tip in his palm. Then he walked back to the photographer, who handed him the picture, which was quickly developing, in a cardboard frame. Jared smiled and nodded, “great job, man.” He tipped the photographer as well. They were directed to walk to the back of the store, then back up the center aisle to exit, in order to keep the traffic flowing smoothly. In the center aisle were donation barrels for the BCSPCA, The Canadian Animal Assistance Team, Big Heart Rescue, Meow Aid! And the Vancouver Animal Shelter. The suggested donation was ten dollars. Jared dropped three fifties in every one. Jensen didn’t have the cash on him to be as generous as he’d like, obviously Jared had planned ahead, but he put twenty dollars in each.
“So, you have copies made or what?”
“No I just get the really high grade photo paper and photo ink and scan ‘em into the computer.” Jared fished some beef flavored doggie treats out of the bag in his pocket and gave them to his kids. “You were very very good!”
“And then you keep the original.”
“Well, I put it away in an album, these things fade, Jensen.” He knelt down on the floor and loved on his dogs a little.
“Ah, and you wouldn’t want your dogs’ picture with Santa to fade.”
Jared looked up at him. “You know, I can’t even believe you’re a dog person right now.”
They put the dogs in the car, where Jensen insisted on taking their hats, scarf and bow off immediately. “So what do you do with this stuff now?”
“I’ll take it home with me so they can wear it on Christmas eve, then I’ll put it away.”
“You make them wear it AGAIN?!”
“Everybody wears Christmas stuff on Christmas eve! Not all night or anything, just til I have to let them out. Maybe an hour.”
Jensen stared at him.
“What? Jensen, they’re adorable!”
“I fear for your children.”
“Whatever.”
“So why do you keep it after that?”
“ . . . I don’t know, memories, I guess. Their little puppy ones are so cute! It’s hard to believe they were that small once.”
Jensen could hear the wistful nostalgia in Jared’s voice that only comes from real love, the love he hears in his parents’ voices when they talk about their kids’ childhood.
“I mean, they’re already three and four. Before I know it they’ll be ten and eleven and then . . . well, they won’t be with me forever, Jense.”
The heartbreaking thought of that made Jensen quit teasing him. “Sorry, Jare, I was just yanking your chain.”
“Nah, it’s okay. You can’t help it you’re an ass.”
“I’m starting to think you have a thing for my ass.”
“What?!”
“Well you won’t stop talkin’ about it!”
“Shut up.”
“I mean, I understand, it is a magnificent ass,” Jensen turned in his seat as if he was admiring his rear. “But you know, there are other subjects, Jay.”
“Why are we friends when I don’t even like you?”
“Well, apparently cause you’re obsessed with my ass.”
“Dude, YOU’RE obsessed with your ass.”
“It’s a fine ass, if I do say so myself.”
“Oh God!” Jared rolled his eyes.
“I mean, you get people swan diving fifty feet off stairwells and shit-”
“It was not no fifty feet!” Jared broke in.
“-THAT is one fine ass.”
“Well if you can lift your fat ass - I mean FINE ass - outta my car and help me take my dogs in, I’d appreciate it.”
Once they got the dogs in and settled, Jared took the fully developed photo out of his inside coat pocket. “I’mma just scan this real quick, then we can go eat.”
“Can I see it?”
“No, you’ll look all the pretty off of it.”
Jensen followed Jared to his computer. “Come on, man, just let me look.”
Jared positioned the picture on the scanner. “Nope, if I scan it after it’s been ridiculed, I’ll be able to tell. I need to scan it in it’s pristine, fully appreciated, unmocked condition,” he pressed the button.
Jensen sat down in the computer chair. “Fine, I’ll see it on the monitor then.”
“No you won’t!” Jared laughed, giving the chair a shove that sent Jensen rolling halfway across the room.
“Yes, I will!” Jensen pushed off with his feet and rolled right back into Jared. Jared then wrestled him off the chair and they rolled around on his floor trying to pin each other. The noise attracted Harley and Sadie who thought it looked like a great game and joined right in. Several minutes later Jared and Jensen lay on the floor, laughing and panting, pinned by the dogs.
“See!” Jared said. “My dogs are fierce!” He lifted Sadie up and menaced Jensen with her. “They could bite you in half!”
“Which would kill me, yet leave behind a minty freshness.” Jensen rolled Harley over onto his back and rubbed his belly.
Jared put Sadie down on the computer chair and rolled her over to the computer which was showing the picture full screen. “Look at that! Who’s that pretty girl? Huh? Who’s that pretty puppy right there?”
Sadie gave him one sharp bark.
“That’s right that’s you!” He kissed her between her ears. The bark had brought Harley to his feet and he hurried over and put his front paws on the computer desk. “Lookie Harley! You are so handsome in your scarf! All worth it, huh?” Jared leaned down and touched noses with him. Harley licked his face.
Jensen poked his head in between Jared and the dogs.
Jared sighed, “now you’re gonna say it looks stupid, right?”
Jensen looked at Jared with a soft smile. “No, it’s cool. They’re adorable, Jay.”
Jared’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, “yeah?”
“Yeah, seriously, I love it.”
Jared took a deep breath and let out a long-suffering sigh. “Ooookaaaay, you can have a copy.”
Jensen smile widened into a grin. “Thanks Jare.”
“Uncle Jensen’s back in the family!” Jared announced to his dogs, who predictably jumped around and barked and made it generally known that they were happy.
Jensen went over to the closet and put on his coat. “So, let’s go eat some meat.”
“Dude, that’s the gayest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” Jared shrugged into his coat.
“Shut up.”
“But it’s cool cause, I LOVE MY BIG GAY JENSEN!” Jared shouted out the open door.
“AND I LOVE MY BIG GAY JARHEAD! LET’S GO EAT SOME BIG GAY MEAT!” Jensen pulled the door shut behind him.
Jared opened the driver’s side door and announced, “HAVE A BIG GAY MERRY CHRISTMAS!”
“AND TO ALL A BIG GAY NIGHT!” Jensen finished, pulling his car door shut like an exclamation point.
They giggled all the way to the steak house.
The End
Author: Piratelf
Rating: G
Fandom: SPN
Genre: RPF or Pre-Slash, let's say just as slashy as the boys are in RL ;)
Disclaimer: Jared and Jensen are their own people and I am evil to be writing about them this way. Ditto Sadie and Harley. I am going to hell. Merry Christmas!
Xposted to: padacklesrps and supernaturalfic
Author's Notes: Pet Santa is NOT portrayed as a Big Gay Elf in this fic. The title will make sense at the end. Also, I don't know why but I tend to write much more dialog than exposition. Makes things look kinda sparse. Sorry. Finally, if some of the phrases seem reminiscent of something, it would probably be "I love my dead gay son." from Heathers
Summary: Jared asks Jensen to help him take Harley and Sadie to see Santa
They were sitting in their director’s chairs, waiting for the next set up when Jensen flicked Jared’s knee. “Hey, you wanna go for a steak tonight?”
“Oh, man, I wish I could, but I gotta take the kids to see Santa.”
“ . . . you what?”
“I gotta take the kids to see Santa,” Jared repeated flipping to the next page in the script he was skimming.
“You are not seriously telling me you’re gonna take your dogs to see Santa.”
Jared looked up at him, bewildered. “Yeah, I do every year.”
“And where do you do this, exactly?”
“At the mall, where do you think?”
Jensen shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know where I thought you would do that, Jared.”
“Hey, you wanna come help?”
“What do I get to do, carry their lists?”
“Don’t be an idiot, I already mailed their lists to Santa.”
“Seriously, dude!”
Jared grinned at him, then looked back at his script. “No, really I just mail ‘em to Momma and Daddy’s.”
“I can’t even tell if you’re joking because you WOULD do that, Jay!”
“Really though, come and help, okay? And I’ll buy the steaks after.”
“I’m not gonna stand in line for hours with your dogs to see Santa. I can’t believe they even let you do that!”
“What the hell are you talkin’ about?”
“I’m talking about those lines stretch from one end of the mall to the other just with kids, I can’t believe they let you stand there with your dogs!”
“Okay, seriously, no offense, Jensen, but you’re a moron. I don’t mean THAT Santa!” Jared laughed.
“There are other Santas?”
Jared nodded.
“At the MALL?”
Jared nodded.
“Other than the MALL SANTA?”
“Yes, there’s the Petcetera Santa.”
“They have a Santa at Petcetera? So people can go in and get their dogs’ pictures taken with Santa?”
“Cats too, and ferrets. Um, there was an iguana there last year. Ummm, oh and bunnies. No snakes though. Santa doesn’t do snakes.”
“You know that’s insane.”
“The money goes to animal rescues and shelters and stuff.”
“And the pictures go to?”
“The grandparents!”
“Uh huh.”
“Well, and me, I mean, I need one.”
“Course you do.”
“You WERE gonna get one, but now I don’t know, since you’re mocking us.”
“What mocking? I’m not mocking. There’s no mocking.”
“Shut up.”
After a few moments of silence, Jensen, looking at his own script, said, “okay.”
He was immediately forgiven. “Really? Awesome! You take care of Sadie. She always wants to get up in everybody’s face. Check ‘em out you know, like, what’s your name, who’s your daddy, can I sniff your ass? And you have to keep her from getting too far out of the line, plus you have to kinda watch the owners, see if they’re cool with it, and watch the animals, make sure nobody’s about to have a meltdown. If you do that then I can just concentrate on Harley, cause all the other animals can kinda freak him out and he gets real needy.”
“The other animals freak Harley out?” Jensen emphasized Harley’s name as if he wasn’t sure he’d heard right.
“Yeah.”
“The doggies and the kitties and the bunnies?”
“He’s just a baby, Jensen.”
“Jay, that dog is three years old! He stands five foot tall and he weighs six hundred pounds!”
“He does not weigh six hundred pounds!”
“Your dog’s a wuss, Jare.”
“Yeah? Well, I LOVE MY BIG WUSS DOG!” he announced to everyone within earshot. The Supernatural crew, all too used to non-sequiter outbursts interrupting their day, didn’t even look up.
A hand fell on each of their shoulders. “Definitely too much information, Sasquatch.”
“Aw, don’t be a hater, Kim,” Jared returned, referencing a private joke.
“Yeah, don’t you know Jared’s wuss dog is a kick-ass ass-kicking ass-kicker?” Jensen continued the joke.
“Then we gotta get him on the show! No, I know, let’s get TWO!” Kim laughed. “Okay, seriously, let’s get this scene in the can.”
Jensen and Jared followed their director to the set.
It was their last scene of the day and they got it in three. On the way to have their make-up removed, Jared said, “you wanna go home first or just come to mine?”
“Ummmm . . .” Jensen thought. “May as well just come to yours then you can drop me off at mine after dinner. I gotta catch a shower first though.”
“That’s cool, you go first and I’ll take the dogs out. Hopefully they’ll do their thing and they won’t have to go after we get to the mall.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
They went to their trailers and shed their wardrobe, Jensen grabbing an extra set of clean clothes. They’d both started keeping extra clothes in their trailers sometime midway through the first season, for just this type of situation. Since they were transported to and from work in the same SUV, it just made sense to get out at the same house if they were going out later. By now though, they not only had clothes in their trailers but in each other’s trailer and each other’s house as well. In fact, Jared was missing a sweatshirt and one night they sat down and verbally retraced their steps since Jared last remembered having it. Now they aren’t positive, but they think it’s in Jensen’s Mom’s car.
The two met at the SUV and spent the ride to Jared’s house deciding which steak house they would eat at.
At Jared’s house they got the usual insanely enthusiastic greeting from the Padalecki pups. As soon as Jensen finished the required petting, cooing and belly rubbing, he made a beeline for the bathroom. He opened the hot water tap and let it run to warm up while he stripped, being careful to stuff his watch into his jeans pocket. Since Jared had bought him an identical watch to his own, they’d gotten them mixed up more than once. Despite Jared’s height, their wrists were about the same diameter and they wore their watchbands buckled at the same place, third notch in. So it took a bit to sort out whose was who’s. It somehow didn’t appeal to them to change the bands so that they would be less identical.
Jensen stepped out of Jared’s shower ten minutes later and changed into some old, ripped, soft jeans and a brand new “Golfers Always Get It In The Hole” t-shirt that Jared had bought for him. He went downstairs to see Jared fitting Sadie with a Santa hat, she already had a red and green bow around her neck, which she was trying to remove.
“Oh, Jay, no, come on!”
“What?”
“You are not putting little clothes on your DOGS, man, that’s disturbed.”
“Didn’t you always - Sadie no! Sit! Paws on the floor, ALL the PAWS on the FLOOR - dress up to see Santa?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t dress up stupid.”
“This isn’t stupid, it’s adorable!”
“Dogs don’t like to be dressed, Jared.”
“Yes, they do too! Harley LOVES his Christmas outfit. Harley!” Jared called. “Come show Uncle Jensen your outfit!”
Harley came trotting into the kitchen, a green Santa hat on his head and a red and green scarf around his neck. He stopped in front of Jensen, wearing a great big doggie smile.
“Aw, Harley,” Jensen reached down and petted him. “Don’t worry, buddy, I’ll get you out of this.”
“DON’T YOU DARE!” Jared smacked Jensen’s knee. “I want them to get used to the clothes so they don’t scratch and fidget in the picture.”
“Did it ever occur to you that Harley doesn’t like the other animals cause they’re making fun of him?”
“You are SO not getting a picture.”
Jared finally got the elastic band around Sadie’s head so it would stay, and the hat was sitting at the right angle. “Okay, I’mma just go wash up and change, you keep an eye on them.” Jared turned toward his bathroom. He stopped after a few steps and turned back. “And dude, if any of their clothes get ‘lost’ while I’m gone, I WILL take my retaliation for the fart spray incident.”
“They laugh and call him names and don’t let him join in any doggie games.”
“Fuck you, Jense,” Jared tossed back as he ambled to his bedroom.
“Daddy’s going on the naughty list,” Jensen told Sadie.
Jared stripped quickly, flipping his watch into his sock drawer as he took out a clean pair. He also pulled out some clean underwear. From his closet came a pair of new jeans and a light blue hoodie that made his eyes look light green. He walked naked to the bathroom, stepped into the tub and turned on the water. He’d just taken a shower that morning so he only hit the hot spots, so to speak, and gave his hair a quick sudsing. Then he rubbed himself dry with one of his enormous bath sheets, hung it neatly over his shower doors, retrieving Jensen’s used towel from the floor and doing the same with it, then went back to his bedroom and dressed. He was combing his hair as he came back into the kitchen, where, luckily for Jensen, the dogs were still dressed. He grabbed their leashes off of the hook by the door and knelt to attach them.
“Now you two be good for Santa and I’ll give you treats!”
“Ooo, me too?” Jensen asked.
“We’ll see,” Jared told him. He handed Jensen Sadie’s leash and they walked the dogs to Jared’s Denali. All four took their usual places and settled in for the ride.
After a few minutes Jensen turned to Jared with a well-crafted sincere and concerned look. “Jare, seriously, it won’t change our friendship . . . you’re gay aren’t you?”
“Are you making a pass at me Jensen?”
“Dude, if I wanted your ass I would’ve had it months ago.”
“Okay, so YOU’RE gay. That explains some things.”
“Like my wearing a lot of pink and dressing my dogs . . . oh no wait, that’s you!”
“Dude, if I was gay I would’ve had your ass months ago and twice this morning.”
“Twice in one morning, huh?”
“I have amazing recovery time.”
“Okay, too much information.”
When they reached Petcetera, Jared turned and gave each dog a bone-shaped treat.
“I thought they couldn’t have treats unless they were good for Santa,” Jensen teased him.
“Doggie breath mints. These are more treats for Santa than them.”
“Nice.”
“Anything to get in good with Santa, dude.”
“Damn straight.”
When they entered the store, Jensen was astonished to see a line of people and pets snaking through the store. “Whoa, people really do this!”
“Yes, they do, super skeptical man.”
They joined the line somewhere over by the cat food. True to form, Sadie made a beeline for the first animal she saw, a Chihuahua wearing reindeer antlers. Then she checked out a bulldog with a full Santa outfit. A cat wearing a collar of jingle bells came over to her and they had a nosie kiss. The cat progressed to Harley, who hid behind Jared.
“It’s okay, baby boy,” Jared murmured, patting the dog.
Jensen maneuvered Sadie back into line. He nodded his head toward a small brown mutt wearing candy cane deelie-bobbers. “I can’t believe you passed those up.”
Jared looked over. “Last year.”
“No way!”
“I decided to go for more of a classy look, this year.”
Jensen snorted. “I gotta see those pictures, Jay.”
“You will. I always put ‘em out when I get the new one.”
Sadie continued to socialize, pulling Jensen here and there, and Harley stayed close to Jared and whimpered periodically. Finally they made it to Santa. Jared took their leashes off and posed them, Sadie on Santa’s lap and Harley sitting to Santa’s right, with his front paws on Santa’s knee. Santa petted them and asked Jared their names and if he’d like them with their mouths open or closed, looking at him or the camera, and, of course, if they’d been good.
“Oh absolutely, Santa, very good,” Jared answered seriously. Then he stood behind the Petcetera employee who had been designated a photographer for the day. He had a Polaroid camera set up on a high tripod. Jared called the dogs’ names to get their attention and said, “okay, smile!”
Sadie and Harley let their mouths drop open, stuck out their tongues and unleashed thousand-watt Padalecki grins. The photographer clicked the picture.
Jared handed Sadie’s leash to Jensen and went to attach Harley’s. Jensen followed him, a bit confused. “I thought you were getting more than one.”
“No, you just get one per customer.” Jared shook Santa’s hand leaving a generous tip in his palm. Then he walked back to the photographer, who handed him the picture, which was quickly developing, in a cardboard frame. Jared smiled and nodded, “great job, man.” He tipped the photographer as well. They were directed to walk to the back of the store, then back up the center aisle to exit, in order to keep the traffic flowing smoothly. In the center aisle were donation barrels for the BCSPCA, The Canadian Animal Assistance Team, Big Heart Rescue, Meow Aid! And the Vancouver Animal Shelter. The suggested donation was ten dollars. Jared dropped three fifties in every one. Jensen didn’t have the cash on him to be as generous as he’d like, obviously Jared had planned ahead, but he put twenty dollars in each.
“So, you have copies made or what?”
“No I just get the really high grade photo paper and photo ink and scan ‘em into the computer.” Jared fished some beef flavored doggie treats out of the bag in his pocket and gave them to his kids. “You were very very good!”
“And then you keep the original.”
“Well, I put it away in an album, these things fade, Jensen.” He knelt down on the floor and loved on his dogs a little.
“Ah, and you wouldn’t want your dogs’ picture with Santa to fade.”
Jared looked up at him. “You know, I can’t even believe you’re a dog person right now.”
They put the dogs in the car, where Jensen insisted on taking their hats, scarf and bow off immediately. “So what do you do with this stuff now?”
“I’ll take it home with me so they can wear it on Christmas eve, then I’ll put it away.”
“You make them wear it AGAIN?!”
“Everybody wears Christmas stuff on Christmas eve! Not all night or anything, just til I have to let them out. Maybe an hour.”
Jensen stared at him.
“What? Jensen, they’re adorable!”
“I fear for your children.”
“Whatever.”
“So why do you keep it after that?”
“ . . . I don’t know, memories, I guess. Their little puppy ones are so cute! It’s hard to believe they were that small once.”
Jensen could hear the wistful nostalgia in Jared’s voice that only comes from real love, the love he hears in his parents’ voices when they talk about their kids’ childhood.
“I mean, they’re already three and four. Before I know it they’ll be ten and eleven and then . . . well, they won’t be with me forever, Jense.”
The heartbreaking thought of that made Jensen quit teasing him. “Sorry, Jare, I was just yanking your chain.”
“Nah, it’s okay. You can’t help it you’re an ass.”
“I’m starting to think you have a thing for my ass.”
“What?!”
“Well you won’t stop talkin’ about it!”
“Shut up.”
“I mean, I understand, it is a magnificent ass,” Jensen turned in his seat as if he was admiring his rear. “But you know, there are other subjects, Jay.”
“Why are we friends when I don’t even like you?”
“Well, apparently cause you’re obsessed with my ass.”
“Dude, YOU’RE obsessed with your ass.”
“It’s a fine ass, if I do say so myself.”
“Oh God!” Jared rolled his eyes.
“I mean, you get people swan diving fifty feet off stairwells and shit-”
“It was not no fifty feet!” Jared broke in.
“-THAT is one fine ass.”
“Well if you can lift your fat ass - I mean FINE ass - outta my car and help me take my dogs in, I’d appreciate it.”
Once they got the dogs in and settled, Jared took the fully developed photo out of his inside coat pocket. “I’mma just scan this real quick, then we can go eat.”
“Can I see it?”
“No, you’ll look all the pretty off of it.”
Jensen followed Jared to his computer. “Come on, man, just let me look.”
Jared positioned the picture on the scanner. “Nope, if I scan it after it’s been ridiculed, I’ll be able to tell. I need to scan it in it’s pristine, fully appreciated, unmocked condition,” he pressed the button.
Jensen sat down in the computer chair. “Fine, I’ll see it on the monitor then.”
“No you won’t!” Jared laughed, giving the chair a shove that sent Jensen rolling halfway across the room.
“Yes, I will!” Jensen pushed off with his feet and rolled right back into Jared. Jared then wrestled him off the chair and they rolled around on his floor trying to pin each other. The noise attracted Harley and Sadie who thought it looked like a great game and joined right in. Several minutes later Jared and Jensen lay on the floor, laughing and panting, pinned by the dogs.
“See!” Jared said. “My dogs are fierce!” He lifted Sadie up and menaced Jensen with her. “They could bite you in half!”
“Which would kill me, yet leave behind a minty freshness.” Jensen rolled Harley over onto his back and rubbed his belly.
Jared put Sadie down on the computer chair and rolled her over to the computer which was showing the picture full screen. “Look at that! Who’s that pretty girl? Huh? Who’s that pretty puppy right there?”
Sadie gave him one sharp bark.
“That’s right that’s you!” He kissed her between her ears. The bark had brought Harley to his feet and he hurried over and put his front paws on the computer desk. “Lookie Harley! You are so handsome in your scarf! All worth it, huh?” Jared leaned down and touched noses with him. Harley licked his face.
Jensen poked his head in between Jared and the dogs.
Jared sighed, “now you’re gonna say it looks stupid, right?”
Jensen looked at Jared with a soft smile. “No, it’s cool. They’re adorable, Jay.”
Jared’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, “yeah?”
“Yeah, seriously, I love it.”
Jared took a deep breath and let out a long-suffering sigh. “Ooookaaaay, you can have a copy.”
Jensen smile widened into a grin. “Thanks Jare.”
“Uncle Jensen’s back in the family!” Jared announced to his dogs, who predictably jumped around and barked and made it generally known that they were happy.
Jensen went over to the closet and put on his coat. “So, let’s go eat some meat.”
“Dude, that’s the gayest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” Jared shrugged into his coat.
“Shut up.”
“But it’s cool cause, I LOVE MY BIG GAY JENSEN!” Jared shouted out the open door.
“AND I LOVE MY BIG GAY JARHEAD! LET’S GO EAT SOME BIG GAY MEAT!” Jensen pulled the door shut behind him.
Jared opened the driver’s side door and announced, “HAVE A BIG GAY MERRY CHRISTMAS!”
“AND TO ALL A BIG GAY NIGHT!” Jensen finished, pulling his car door shut like an exclamation point.
They giggled all the way to the steak house.
The End