Some of my patients have not yet realized that they're in a hospital and not a country club. I accompanied the hospital nutritionist today on her rounds -- my resident told me to learn something -- and I tried, really. I had my palm pilot at the ready in preparation -- soft diet, diabetic diet, cardiac diet, I knew them all -- but nothing could ( Read more... )

My father once told me that I could do anything I put my mind to. I could save the world.

He lied.

Mr. J, a 55-year-old retired Vietnam veteran, presented to the ED two weeks ago with bone pain. Three days later, he was diagnosed with metastatic multiple myeloma.

Today he died holding my hand.

I've started my internal medicine rotation. It's very educational, and by that I mean I've learned how to dress so it doesn't matter if a patient bleeds, vomits or urinates all over my shoes. The latter two have already happened; it's only a matter of time before the third and other, more ridiculous things happen. As a precaution, I went ( Read more... )

Even though I insisted to Pighead that I couldn't afford a vacation, she forced me on to a plane to Orlando and made me have fun for a week at Disney. For someone so petite, she is strong like a freak. MY GOD. WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE EAT ( Read more... )

I did try to relax on Wednesday, as is recommended, but I was thwarted by my mother and father, who, at various intervals, would come into my room holding up a pharmacology flash card. Where did they even get those? Have they been holding onto them since medical school? My parents are even more ridiculous than I am ( Read more... )

( I have more important things to worry about than ICHIGO, GOD )

Beware, my witty and good-looking roommate, I AM GOING TO BE HOME IN TWO WEEKS.

AND I AM BRINGING MY SCALPELS.

( Private: Ichigo )

Now what was that I was saying about hiatus? Look--when you live at home with some crazy ass parents who try to brainwash you at every given opportunity (I MUST NOT RELENT TO THE KNOWING GLARES), text books start looking pretty hot. Diagrams are sexy. Sometimes I check out the endoplasmic reticulum and I can't help but...but touch myself. I KNOW! I ( Read more... )

A 72-year-old married man who is being treated for elevated cholesterol asks his physician about normal sexual function in the elderly. At this point, the physician should inform the patient that ( Read more... )

A 24-year old woman comes to see her male physician complaining of pain and stiffness in the right lower quadrant of her back. During the physical exam to locate the extent and severity of her pain, she says, "Wow, you've got great hands, Doc. Just having you touch me helps me feel better." As the patient is getting dressed, she asks the ( Read more... )