Unsent
Title: Unsent
Pairing: Adam/Others
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: I do not own
the boys. This story is purely fictional
and for entertainment purposes only.
Summary: Adam writes five
letters to get some things off his chest.
Author’s Notes: This story
was inspired by Alanis Morissette’s song Unsent. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reading. Feedback is always welcome.
Adam was sitting on
his couch. He was thinking back on
everything that had lead him to this moment. He had had some rough times recently. He had broken up with his boyfriend of almost two years. The critics hated his first movie. He was hoping that the fans would be more
open to it. He was struggling with his
third album. His label wanted it
finished within the next two months. He
didn’t even have one decent song finished. He felt a lot of stress. He had
decided that he should see a therapist to work through some of the things he
was feeling. He didn’t want his stress
to lead him down a bad path.
The therapist was
really helping. He talked to her about
everything. After their session earlier,
she had suggested that Adam write letters to some of the guys that he had been
talking about. These were people that he
felt had helped to shape his life in some way. He wasn’t sure if he really wanted to do that. The therapist assured him that it was just a
tool to get his emotions out…like song writing, but no one else would see the
letters.
Adam looked at the
blank page in front of him. He barely
knew where to start. Suddenly, his phone
vibrated. It was an alert that he had
just gotten an e-mail from Kris
Allen. It was to congratulate Adam on
the movie. He and Katy had just seen it
and loved it. Adam smiled. At least someone liked the movie.
Dear Kris,
I like you a lot. I know that you're in a relationship and I
respect
that. I would like you to know that your
support has meant a lot to me. If you’re
ever free and in California, I would love to spend time with you. I
would love to work on some music with you. How old were you when you wrote your first song?
From the first day that I met you, I knew
that we were going to be friends. You
were so understanding and supportive of me. I am eternally grateful to have shared the American Idol experience with
you. The times in the mansion and on the
tour were some of the best of my life. Thank you for everything you have done for me. Kradam rules! J
Once the first letter was done, Adam felt a
little more confident about this exercise. It really was helping him get some things off his chest. He began to write his next letter to his
first love.
Dear Brad,
I think I loved you
too much. I was attracted to boys who
lied to me and thought solely of themselves. You were plenty self-destructive for my taste at the time. I used to think the more drama and tragedy
the better. When I think of the new
millennium, I always see your face just like it was yesterday.
I’m glad that we
discovered we were better friends than lovers because not having you in my life
would have been tragic. We’ve both grown
up a lot in the last several years. Even
though I still think you’re crazy sometimes, I respect your opinions. Thank you for always keeping it real.
Adam put Brad’s letter to the side. He took another sheet of paper.
Dear Drake,
You rocked my world. You were charismatic with all the men. You got me to think about spirituality. You never let me get away with kicking my own
ass. I never felt relaxed and looked out
for around you. I think that stopped us
from going any further then we did. That’s really too bad because we could have had a lot more fun.
Fun is all we would have ever had
though. We were never meant for anything
serious. I am glad for the time we had
together. It was exactly what I needed
at the time. Thank you for letting me
into your world.
Adam smiled as he
read through Drake’s letter again. He
knew that if the circumstances of their relationship had been different, they
would have been better for each other. When he set Drake’s letter aside, he knew that his next letter would be
to his most recent boyfriend, Sauli.
Dear Sauli,
We learned so much from each
other. I know we won’t be able to talk
for awhile. I understand that just as I
always understood you. The distance in
our relationship was the hardest. We did
as well as we could. We were together
during a crazy time in our lives. I will
always have your back. I’ll always be
curious about you and your career.
We were good together
in the beginning. If you ever thought
that you were second best, I want you to know that is not true. I was not settling for you. I loved you. Thank you for loving me back.
Adam stared for a long time at the last piece
of paper in front of him. He had one
more letter to write for tonight. It was
going to be the hardest one to compose.
Dear Tommy,
I love you so much. You have been open-hearted, emotionally
available, supportive, nurturing, and always there for me. I don’t know why I keep drawing you in just
to push you away. It was so beautiful to
fall asleep in your arms and cry in front of you for the first time. You’ve been the best platform for me to jump
beyond myself. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I except what is right in front of
me?
From the second that we met, there has
been something between us. In the years
that we have known each other, we have been through so much. You are truly my best friend in the whole
world. I can’t picture being on this
journey without you. I think that is
what stops me from going any further with you. I don’t want to lose you. If we
were to become something more and it didn’t work out, I don’t think that I
could handle just being friends again.
Thank your for being my best
friend. Thank you for loving me more
than I love myself sometimes. Thank you
for pushing the boundaries with me.
Adam held Tommy’s
letter for a long time. He kept
rereading it and asking himself the same question: What is wrong with me? Tommy was everything he wanted. He was everything that none of the other men
had been or were ever going to be. Why
couldn’t he just let himself fall in love with Tommy?
Adam sighed as he
set Tommy’s letter down on the table with the others. He did feel a little better now that he had
gotten some of his feelings out.
A few days later
when Adam returned to the therapist, he showed her the letters. She was very pleased with his progress.
“Do you feel better
now that you’ve written these letters?” She asked.
“Yeah.” Adam replied with a sigh.
“Are there any of
the letters that you think you actually want to send to these men?” She inquired.
“What? I thought that no one else was going to see
them?” Adam questioned her almost
hysterical.
“No one else has to
see them. It is up to you. I just want to know if you think that any of
these men should hear the things that you wrote about. Do they know the things that you said?” She inquired.
“Well, Kris knows
the things that I put in his letter. I am pretty sure that Brad knows all the
stuff I put in his too. I mean we’ve
known each other for so long. He’s
really the one that first came to terms with the fact that he thought of
himself before me and that he is very dramatic. I don’t think that Drake knows that we could have had more fun if the
circumstances were different, but I don’t think that I want him to know
that. We could have fun together, but it
could never be anything more than that. I don’t think that Sauli or Tommy have any clue about the things that I
wrote in their letters. Sauli and I just
broke up a few months ago and we haven’t talked since. I don’t know if he’s ready to hear those
things. As for Tommy, we’ve always just
pretended that we were friends and nothing more. That letter could change everything between
us.” Adam explained.
“Do you think that
maybe it’s time for things to change?” She asked.
“I don’t
know…maybe.” Adam answered truthfully.
“Ok…Just think
about it. You don’t have to make any
decisions right now. We can talk about
it more next time.” She told him.
Adam nodded his
head in agreement. He knew that he was
going to spend the next several days trying to decide what he should do about
the letters, especially Tommy’s letter. It was the only letter that had the potential to change his life
forever.